When I started talking more openly about my Insecure Attachment issues, people would ask how I dealt with the fear that comes from being so vulnerable. Opening your heart is not a mental task, and it can’t be approached that way. It comes from seeing yourself as you truly are—flawed, loveable and desiring of love. With an open heart, you’ll also become more aware of your walls, and actually feel them, which is essential if you want to tear them down.

If you’re a smarty pants like me, you can talk yourself in and out of things very quickly. It’s your brain taking over because emotions are scary. But if you do tune into your feelings, they always provide a clue to where and when you shut down. Learn how to quiet your mind and feel empowered even when you’re scared shitless. It’s how you’ll stop feeling helpless toward changing your situation.