Many insecurely attached people are anxious and/or avoidant. If they sense someone is emotionally available, they will create excuses to run because it is scary and unfamiliar. Instead of being open and vulnerable, which would be completely unfamiliar to them, they look for perfect. Focusing on finding flaws and supposed deal breakers with potential partners serve as an excuse for staying distant. Until the anxious/avoidant begins to love him or herself enough to withstand the “feared engulfment” of intimacy, there will be no true connection and their relationships will never evolve. We do this unconsciously, which is why I created this podcast.

Insecurely attached folks tend to be tied up in drama and struggle. It may not be consciously apparent to them, as they do not believe they are the source of it, but it takes two to tango. And until they recognize responsibility for their part, they will continue searching for the elusive perfect partner who never shows up. Finding yourself stuck in this circle of hell is something I know very well. When you are ready to start feeling your feelings and having a loving relationship with yourself, you will consciously stop looking for deal breakers and have enough awareness to start opening yourself up to the possibility of a healthy relationship with another perfectly flawed human.