Not literally! I was raised by parents who through no fault of their own possessed no self-awareness and lived by very dogmatic rules. This resulted in creating insecure feelings, but of course I didn’t know that’s where the seeds were sown. If you were also raised by wolves (used facetiously, of course) your emotional needs were probably not met, although you sure did work hard to try. This may have led to believing something was wrong with you, as if you had some fatal flaw. But guess what? NOTHING is wrong with you. You were influenced by emotionally unavailable caregivers, growing up with an inconsistent example of what love is and how to get it. As a kid you weren’t able to see your parents as flawed human beings, but now you can see things from a different perspective.

If one of your parents used to say, “We don’t like you, even though we love you,” that is absolutely going to affect your relationships. Those words play over and over in your subconscious so you do everything you can to be liked and loved… jumping through hoops, people-pleasing, over-performing, etc. If love and attention weren’t given without strings attached when you were young, you’re up against an old belief as an adult that says you aren’t deserving.

Holding onto anger and blame toward your parents will keep you stuck in the same pattern with an attachment to receiving validation by all the hoops you jump through. Understand this—their behavior had nothing to do with you. It was a product of how they were raised. You can’t change your past but you CAN reframe it, leading to healthier relationships. You have a choice: be a prisoner of your childhood beliefs or take your power back and learn to give yourself what you weren’t given as a kid.