If you’re constantly looking back at what didn’t work in past relationships as a current issue, you’re holding your own noose. Using the past to create stories like “there are no good men/women out there” or “everyone else is able to have a healthy relationship except me,” keeps you from having healthy relationships because even though these stories are not true, you make them true. Each new relationship is colored by what you tell yourself, so you repeat the same patterns and stay stuck. If you think you only attract narcissists, you will unconsciously go to great lengths to prove yourself right. Or if you think everyone you date starts out wonderful in the beginning, but eventually turns into a demon, you will recreate that in each relationship. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yes, your beliefs are that powerful! When you’re stuck in your story, you are closed to love. You’re too busy living that story to see outside of it. There is no emotional openness to allow for something different.

There is no positive power in victimhood or thinking the universe is against you. It is YOU who creates your reality. Once you are aware of what’s going on in your head, you can choose to perpetuate your stories, believing they are true, or you can challenge your perception. What if what you believe isn’t true? What if you are just as capable and worthy of finding a healthy relationship as anyone else? There are many ways to stand in your way of having what you want, and clinging to those stories where you bring the past forth is one of them. Become aware of what your stories are, and let go of what is working against you.