When you’re in pain, do you feel like no one cares? If you didn’t receive emotional support as a kid, you probably grew up believing your feelings didn’t matter, yet you desperately wanted them acknowledged. On the flip side, you probably go to great lengths to cater to other people’s feelings because you have learned theirs matter more than yours. Being caught in this cycle of validating other people’s pain while talking yourself out of your own is a sucky place to live.

Let’s say your mom never calls, yet expects you to call, visit, etc. You’re hurt because her feelings and desires always take priority over yours. And if you bring it up, she gets defensive, putting it back on you. You learn to keep quiet and may actually feel guilt around expressing your feelings. Putting the responsibility on someone else to validate how you feel is a powerless position to be in. YOU have to decide your feelings matter, and that they aren’t any less important than someone else’s. Your pain is real and having it doesn’t make you wrong or weak, even if no one else acknowledges it.