How often do you ignore red flags? Most of us believe they are outside of us, but they actually represent something we are having a visceral reaction to; something painful inside. You know, that person in front of you who reminds you of so many negative situations from your past. They dominate our choices and the lessons we need to learn about ourselves. We have plenty of excuses for turning a blind eye, especially when we keep attracting people where we recreate the same situations over and over. With insecure attachment, you may feel powerless and either ignore the signs or justify them as being ok. It comes from a scarcity mindset: this is all there is so you better make it work. You hope the warnings are wrong, and keep trying to make something beautiful out of something painful.

These signs may be outside of you, but you can’t start to understand them until you look inside because it’s NOT about other people. It’s about how you allow these cautionary relationships to rule your life. What are you REALLY trying to avoid and/or fix? Many people with attachment issues are trying to avoid intimacy and being close to someone consistently. When you justify the dysfunctional fairy tale and try to fix the other person’s perceived “problems,” it’s time to recognize you’ve got red flag blinders on!

The only way out is to deal with your feelings. Sit down and get clear on the red flags. What is it triggering in you? If you’re not sure what to look for, I’ll give you clues. Does he/she say one thing and do another? Where do you do that in your own life? Does he/she deflect questions? Where do you avoid giving a straight answer? Look for the tightness in your body as you go through them, acknowledging them. Red flags are there for a reason. Start paying attention and bring the journey inward.