When insecurely attached to someone, you probably react to them in one of three ways (depending on your mood or day of the week): wanting to run away screaming, clinging like a piece of moss or numbing yourself so you don’t feel much of anything. This back-and-forth can make you feel crazy and out of control, like you are trying to cut an invisible cord between you and the other person. But you can’t cut it and you are stuck in struggle. Perhaps your partner says he/she will commit, but never does, so you keep looking externally for answers. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work and just perpetuates the struggle.

Instead of fighting the anxiety and frustration of your current situation, stop. Struggle is a choice, so give yourself permission to be right where you are. You can continue going in circles or you can surrender to where you are right now and accept all of your feelings around it. It’s ok to feel stuck, it’s ok to feel frustrated, it’s ok to feel crazy. Allow all of it, then be curious about what you can learn. When you are able to say, “Ok, I am tied to this person right now but I’m going to dig deeper into what I am attracted to and why,” you will move away from struggle and eventually outgrow the situation.