The subconscious can be a sneaky sucker when it comes to insecure attachment. It may lead us to chase disappointment, which is incredibly painful, but also part of the draw because it’s what we know. Is there someone you’re seeking validation from? It may not even be someone currently in your life; it could be a new relationship that looks a lot like an old one. Your subconscious leads you to pick someone with many similar qualities in the hope that your feelings will be validated. You’re looking for a “do over” with this new person to satisfy the validation you didn’t get from the old one. So how does this tie in to disappointment? Well, the disappointment you felt with the old relationship is something your subconscious seeks to repeat because it’s familiar. But the way you stop the pattern is by jumping on the rollercoaster to finally feel your emotions and face the disappointment.

It’s important to note, however, this rollercoaster is not “just how relationships are.” Once you start to accept disappointment as inevitable, the ride starts to slow down and you realize the ups and downs are not essential to a healthy, intimate relationship. Learn how to jump on the disappointment rollercoaster to face your fears, then let it slow down and come to a complete stop.