Patience and waiting are two different things, and many of us in attached relationships are in the business of waiting. We wait for someone else to make a move so we feel safe; we wait for signs from the universe to tell us what to do. Waiting is a mental strategy with winners and losers, and it has nothing to do with authenticity. When your goal is to win, you allow the other person to make a move first so you have the illusion of control. You don’t want to do the wrong thing and risk losing.

Staring at your phone instead of just contacting the other person creates anxiety, overthinking and focusing on them instead of yourself. You want reassurance you won’t be rejected or abandoned, but waiting and hoping won’t prevent that. You seek validation that you are ok because deep down you don’t feel ok. All of these feelings confirm the negative beliefs we have about ourselves, and we prove them over and over again.

To stop the waiting game, you first need to be aware you’re playing. Are you holding back from engaging with others? And when you do engage, is it authentic or are you trying to strategize your way into a winner’s position? Speaking your truth is hard because it’s the opposite of waiting. No one is going to make it safe for you to proceed so you have to step into the discomfort and do it anyway. If you’re waiting to hear from someone, reach out and say whatever is true for you. Maybe it’s simply, “I enjoy our conversations and was just thinking about you.” It’s not about manipulation or trying to get something from them. It’s about taking your power back, saying what’s true and refusing to play the waiting game.