Journey to Change

I typically try to do what I say. So here I am on this beautiful Tuesday here in Oklahoma adding to yesterday‘s road thoughts.

I get to have surgery, so I get to be at home for a little bit afterwards. Definitely can’t complain about that. And you know I’m believing that I’m going to be able to eat halfway normal well OK on the recording I said I was going to do better so let me say better than normal ha ha.

I’m gonna go back to fear says what if and faith says even if.. with this I’m going to go with the latter.

On the road to this hospital, and of course, as usual, this brain of mine gets to working . I’ll probably come back and add to this.. for sure. I’m going to have to add another episode after I leave which if you’re praying person say a prayer for me that it turns out to be a quick easy fix and that in two weeks I’ll be able to have a cheeseburger and some fries ha ha!

The title comes at the end of the episode..

in this moment I’m just thinking about life, things I’ve been seeing, hearing..

wanting to help others, yet they don’t help themselves. And I know that’s not how it always works, but there’s a lot of repetition in the way that they do things.

Mercy, do we give it? Grace, do we give it? Forgiveness?

We want that for ourselves yet struggle to give it to others. Well, I want it, if a situation arises that I need it.

I definitely have to ask God for it throughout the day when it comes to certain things.

Will the family drama please stop?

Good lawt!

Who are you in your family? Peacekeeper? Drama queen?

Can’t do anything for someone who won’t even do anything for themselves. They call you, you listen, you provide feedback, but it doesn’t make any difference. So what’s the point in them calling you if they will remain in what they are?

I’ve been that person, the one who remains even if it’s not good for me.

I learnt the hard way, and pray to God that I never get into a similar situation again!

How come we let ourselves say later that hindsight is 20/20? Why not do it in the moment that you KNOW you need to do something differently??

Hey hey.. driving home and thinking as per usual. Friends, how many of us have them? Death, does it scare you?

As it pertains to chemo, were I to have to have it I would not do it. You?

The journey to change has to start somewhere. If change is what you really want in your life. No one will do it for you, however, a situation may cause you to HAVE to do it. Better to choose it than be forced into it.

Edit March 2025:

Did not mean to make this so long! I’m so thankful to the Most High that I’m not where I used to be! That’s why journaling can be so beneficial for you because you can go back and read or listen to hopefully see how much you have grown.. but may also see where you still could use more growth.

It’s been a long road, and every day I’m still working on my life to be where I want to be.

On my way to group and of course my thoughts are flowing.

Life is good, but even when it isn’t, I know that my creator is still good.

Mental health issues are a big problem in this world. Most of the time we’re able to hide it well. I saw a video earlier that had a woman laughing, dancing and having a good time, with a caption that read “this is what depression looks like.”

I made a comment that we are good actors/actresses; we could win a golden globe award or something like it for the way that we perform.

People who have never experienced it will not be able to understand it. Many times I’ve seen it said that people are seeking attention.

Maybe some are..

but once gone you’ll know the wasn’t the case.