Joy@Work Podcast

I watched a movie recently about a Michelin Star chef, it's called Burnt and the movie is quite good and somewhat realistic, certainly in the way the chefs behave under pressure. It reminded me of my early career in the kitchens and some of the Chef's I had worked with. Superstar Chefs are renowned for screaming vulgarities, throwing tantrums and punishing staff for any wrong-doing, perceived or real. And with sharp knives and live flames around, you learn to quickly obey. As the saying goes, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. In my own experience, chefs use coercive power to achieve what they require, with the excuse that any other form of leadership simply takes too long. So what other sources of power can a leader utilise when they want to motivate others and get them to do things that matter? This week I want to help you understand five different sources of power in the workplace and how you can build a more sustainable source of long-term leadership power and gain influence. People follow powerful people Leadership and power are closely linked even though leadership is NOT about power or position. People follow people who are powerful. And because others follow, the person with power leads. [player] You can Download the Report and Template here   But leaders have power for different reasons. Some are powerful because they alone have the ability to hire or fire, others may give you a bonus or a raise. Some are powerful because they can assign you tasks you don't like. Yet, while leaders of this type have formal, official power, their teams are unlikely to be enthusiastic about their approach to leadership, if these are all they rely on. More positively, leaders may have power because they're experts in their fields, or because their team members admire them. People with these types of power don't necessarily have formal leadership roles, but they influence others effectively because of their skills and personal qualities. And when a leadership position opens up, they'll probably be the first to be considered for promotion. Do you recognize these types of power in those around you – or in yourself? And how does power influence the way you work and live your life? Five sources of Power One of the most notable studies on power was conducted by social psychologists John French and Bertram Raven in 1959. They identified five bases of power: Legitimate – Power that comes from the belief that a person has the right to make demands, and expect compliance and obedience from others. Reward – Resulting from one person's ability to compensate another for compliance. Expert – Power that is based on a person's superior skill and knowledge. Referent – The result of a person's perceived attractiveness, worthiness, and right to respect from others. Coercive – Comes from the belief that a person can punish others for noncompliance. When you are aware of these sources of power, you can better understand why you're influenced by someone, and decide whether you want to accept the base of power being used. Recognize your own sources of power. Build your leadership skills by using and developing your own, appropriate sources of power, and for greatest efficacy. The most effective leaders develop and use referent and expert power mainly. To develop your leadership abilities, learn how to build these types of power, so that you can have a positive influence on your colleagues, your team, and your organization. The Five Bases of Power Let's explore French and Raven's bases of power according to these sources. Positional Power Sources Legitimate Power A president, prime minister, or monarch has legitimate power. As does a CEO, a pastor, a policeman or a fire chief. People holding these formal, official positions – or job titles – typically have legitimate power or auhtority. Social hierarchies, cultural norms, and organizational structure all provide the basis for this type of power. But it can be unpredictable and unstable. If yo

Carol Dweck’s excellent book on Mindset shows us that there are two dominant mindsets that people choose to believe of themselves and about learning and growth. Anyone, who is involved in any learning and growth, will recognise these two mindsets. The diagram here represents the two types of mindsets, and I’ll sure you’ll recognise the attitudes of many people you know. Download the Learning to Learn Workbook here Growth Mindset Let’s first take a look at the Growth Mindset: Individuals who hold the Growth Mindset believe that intelligence can be and is developed that the brain is like a muscle that can be trained. With this belief is the desire to improve. To improve, firstly you embrace challenges, because you know that overcoming challenges makes you stronger. No matter what you decide to do, there will be obstacles. For the growth mindset believer, external setbacks do not discourage you. Your self-esteem and self-image are not tied to how you look to others or your success. You see failure as the best opportunity to learn. Thus, either way, you win. You don't see the effort as something useless to be avoided but as necessary to grow and master useful skills. No-one truly enjoys criticism or negative feedback, but the Growth Mindset individual integrates feedback that has genuine worth as an opportunity to change and learn. Negative feedback is not seen as a personal attack, but for what it is; feedback. The success of others is seen as a source of inspiration and information. To Growth Mindset individuals, success is not seen as a zero-sum game. Growth Mindset individuals will improve because of this, and this creates positive feedback loops that encourage them to keep learning, growing and improving. Fixed Mindset Let’s have a look at the Fixed Mindset side: Those, who hold these beliefs, think “they are the way they are”. This doesn't mean that they have any less desire for a positive self-image than anyone else, and they do want to perform well and look smart. But, to achieve these goals... Challenge is hard, and success is not assured, so rather than risk failing and negatively impacting their self-image, they will often avoid challenges and stick to what they know they can do well. Obstacles face everyone but the difference with the Fixed Mindset individual is that obstacles are seen as external forces that get in the way and are either avoided (leading to sub-optimal results and usually, blaming others) or are the 'excuse' for giving up. When effort is required, and your view is that effort is unpleasant and rarely pays dividends... what's the point in exerting that effort? The smart thing, to do then, is avoid as much effort as possible. Negative feedback tends to be ignored because the Fixed Mindset leads you to believe that any criticism of your capabilities is criticism of you. This is discouraging to the people who are giving you feedback and after a while, they stop giving any negative feedback, further isolating the person from external influences that could generate some change. Other's success is used as a benchmark to beat yourself with. Success, in this worldview, is put down to luck or unprincipled actions. Some will go further and deride another person's success finding juicy gossip to attach to them when their success is being lauded by anyone else.   The result is that they don't reach their full potential, and their beliefs feed on themselves: They don't change or improve much with time, if at all, and so to them this confirms “they are as they are”. Download the Learning to Learn Workbook here

FEAR is the number one reason that people never
achieve their breakthrough to success. Yes, we can blame other
people for not giving us the chance. We can lament that we took the
wrong course. We can express concern about the uncertainty of
obtaining that success, and maybe, just maybe I'll look stupid.
In short, our fear comes down to two enemies. Our
uncertain future and our excuses from the past. Or. More simply:
"what if" and "If only".
 
What if/If only
When you have a goal worth achieving, you will need
to achieve breakthroughs.
Breakthroughs that take you outside of your comfort
zone and going outside your comfort zone is fearful.
 
So what can you do to ensure that you create the
necessary breakthroughs that will lead to your dramatic
transformation?
And we have to conquer two enemies: “What if” and “If
Only”
And each requires you to do two things:
Take courage
Get off your ‘but’
 
Take courage
Let me share a brief personal story:
Known as the Swiss Wall, La Chavanette at Avoriaz is
one of the most dangerous ski slopes in the world.
It is a disturbingly steep, mogul run and the slope
gets icy quickly, turning the area between moguls into ice sheets.
Not making a turn in these situations means that you miss the next
mogul, and pick up too much speed to make the next one after that,
starting off a tumble that ends a couple of hundred metres down the
slope, while hitting a few dozen icy bumps in the course.
 
A number of years ago, as a reasonable, but by no
means good skier, I decided that I just had to conquer this
slope.
Why? Well, I can only now think that it was a moment
of sheer madness. At the time, however, I just wanted to prove to
myself that I could do it.
 
Standing at the top of the slope, I looked down the
40 degree slope with considerable fear mixed with trepidation,
mixed with determination and a whole lot of cortisol and adrenaline
pumping through my body.
I took about 5 minutes to muster up the courage. To
launch myself off the edge.
 
It was exhausting, knee jangling, hard concentrated
deliberate movements. Desperately remembering to keep my weight
down the hill and my edges as loose as I dared. Turn after turn
after turn after turn. Around one mogul, push off, turn, shift
weight, edge, again and again and again. Endorphins took over from
the adrenaline to mask the pain in my legs and screaming lungs.
 
Finally, after what seemed an eternity, I arrived at
the bottom of the slope. My legs like jelly, my heart racing tears
from the icy wind streaming down my face. Every fibre of my body
was pulsing with electricity and sheer, unbounded joy as dopamine
filled my entire being. I was alive, I had done it. I hadn’t
fallen. I had conquered the wall.
 
I hadn’t been fast. It hadn’t been elegant. But it
had been me.
 
 
FEAR is the #1 issue when it comes to making a
personal breakthrough.
 
FEAR is what you FEEL when your Amygdala (the
emotional centre of your brain) considers that there is a threat to
you and signals the production of Cortisol.
Cortisol floods your blood stream and informs your
heart to beat faster, your lungs to pump faster, your legs and arms
to prepare to run or to fight and since all this demands energy,
your digestive system is shut down. What you FEEL is warmer, you’ll
perspire more due to the energy in your muscles and faster heart
beat. You have “butterflies” in your stomach as the digestive tract
is closed for business (heck who needs to digest food if you are
about to be eaten…
 
Only, you are not about to be eaten. It’s highly
likely that you are not about to die, nor about to get injured.
The amygdala response is a primitive and essential
trigger for survival. But it is very poor at distinguishing between
a real threat to life and limb, and one that might possibly hurt
your pride. It’s the same cortisol induced response.
Your amygdala is essentially like a sentry guard
checking the external environment and your own thinking process for
the slightest sign of a threat to you. It is a

Let me start by telling you that I have found the secret to
success is not a 20 step process. It's not even a ten-step journey.
No, not even seven steps to success. It's three steps.
Seriously. After all this time and experience I've stumbled upon
the secret to success, and it is a three step process! That's it,
just three. And it's not going to be a secret for long. But before
you get overly excited it's not a shortcut, nor is it a silver
bullet. But it is a simple three step process.
Why are there No Shortcuts?
As I look back on my life, I finally begin to see a
pattern emerging.
You see, if you looked at my CV (resume for those of you
preferring American English), it's rather difficult to make sense
of all the, rather odd, directions my career appears to have
taken.

The term "chef" is a little grand for my
first real job. More chief pot washer and floor scrubber than chef
exactly.

If you already know me, then you almost certainly know that my
first career was as a chef. Well, perhaps the term 'chef' is a
little grand for my first real job that was frying eggs and bacon,
peeling potatoes, washing pots and scrubbing floors.
I did, later train as a commis chef, became a sous chef and
became a head chef. I also did my stints behind the bar and waiting
in the restaurant.
You see, while I had some abilities in cooking, no one was going
to allow me to run a kitchen until I understood what was happening
in all parts of the kitchen, and to know my diners.
I went to University to study hotel management because now I
wanted more than a kitchen. I loved being front of house as well. I
enjoyed running back of house too. My industrial placement, which
today would be Americanised into an internship, exposed me to the
delights of housekeeping and cleaning rooms after an Irish stag
weekend. And many other delightful and disgusting moments.
I presided over a disastrous lunch for 3500 militant unionists
at their conference that, due to my lack of leadership, was served
lukewarm and two hours late. Used the wrong extinguisher on a fryer
fire to the amusement of everyone who did not lose their eyebrows.
I even managed to spill soup on the lap of a kindly Royal
personage.
If you speak to anyone in the hotel business, they too can
regale you with stories of exhaustion, disasters, drunkards and
learning. Yes, learning.
But there are those who insist that it
has to be easier than this.
Then I'll meet a young manager in another industry. They got
themselves a degree in business, for example, and they get an
Associate Director title or a Vice President title. It's an entry
level position but with a fancy name and a pretty fancy salary.
They expect to be in a managerial role within a year or two and
want to know what they need to know to get there as fast as
possible.
The expensive shortcut that isn’t

The MBA is regarded as an instant success
secret to megabuck salaries. Another myth.

Many have embarked on an MBA, and having spent a small fortune
on their education, want to know why they haven’t gotten to be a
senior manager yet.
People are signing up for courses that promise instant results
even though they've been burnt more than once already.
I've fallen victim to this thinking myself on many more
occasions that I like to admit.
I cast an envious eye on someone else's success and think that
if only I can emulate them, I too will have that instant
success.
Of course, it's nonsense.
You know that it is nonsense. You too have found out that there
are no shortcuts. Or at least, according to Maya Angelou,

there are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

So now, I look back and think, if only I had cut across the
meandering path of my career. There are some useful diversions but
many useless ones.
And ultimately, had I known that I was coming this way, I could
easily have cut across.
The trouble is, of course, that we don’t know which direction is
the real shortcut.
If I had known that I would essentially end up teaching, writing
and recording

It was 4.30 on a cold and wet morning and I was choking on the
stench of thick layers of years old grease behind the deep fat
fryer and I was ecstatically happy as I scrubbed and cleaned the
once white tiles back to their original gleaming brightness.
It was my first day on my first proper job and I would soon be
delegating this filthy work to some other poor sap who similarly
wanted to become a chef de cuisine. In the meantime, my job was to
scrub, peel, haul, carry, chop, clear and clean it all up
again.
The head cook (for in the mid 1970's we had few "Chef's" as that
was far too French and suggestive of "haute cuisine") had agreed to
take me under her wing and teach me how to prepare the only famous
dish to come from England and clogged the arteries of its working
classes: The Great British Breakfast.
Putting talent in perspective

Talent is often misunderstood. Business
leaders are obsessed with finding it, keeping it and banking their
succession on it. They recruit the top students from the best
universities, promote them quickly, reward them lavishly and label
them as talent.

Talent is often misunderstood. Business leaders are obsessed
with finding it, keeping it and banking their succession on it.
They recruit the top students from the best universities, promote
them quickly, reward them lavishly and label them as talent. Then
there is surprise at the realisation that:
More than half the CEO's of Fortune 500 companies averaged a C
or C-
And more than 50% of the world's millionaire entrepreneurs
never finished college
Let me clarify, I am not anti-talent. I believe that we should
seek our talent and we should put it to work. But talent alone, is
not the answer to leadership succession, productivity and a growing
economy.
Everyone has talent
I was 15 years old as I crouched behind that deep fat fryer and
about to discover my talent but first I had to serve my time and
observe Mrs Brown at her work as closely as possible whilst
simultaneously keeping out of the way of her sharp knives and even
sharper tongue.
Once allowed, I soon mastered the fry-up served with tea and
slices of Hovis with thick butter. I was cocky with my demonstrated
obvious talent, but was soon cut by Mrs Brown's sharp tongue as she
remarked:

"Anyone can cook. It's just that not everyone should."

Her simple wisdom is true in all walks of life: Today, watch any
"talent" show on TV and you'll find plenty of contestants who would
do well to follow Mrs Brown's advice in their own dream pursuit.
Anyone can sing, but not everyone should.
So how do you know if you should?
It's not simply a case of doing something, it's doing something
exceptionally well and enjoying doing it. That's an "and" not an
"or". I knew that I thoroughly enjoyed cooking but it takes others
to tell you if you do it exceptionally well. When you find out what
that is, then you've found your talent. And everyone has something
that they do exceptionally well and thoroughly enjoying doing.
Develop the talent you have, not the one you want
When I ask if you know what your talent is, you may struggle to
identify it. You may not be an exceptional musician or artist,
actor or even a sports person. These are the types of things we
traditionally associate with the word "talent". You may think I'm
referring to your job. It could be and I hope that your job does
enable you to use your talent, but the chances are that you are
unsure, and probably too humble to realise that you really do have
talent. But I can assure you that you do.
The 10,000 hour rule

The 10000-hour rule is the idea that we
have to deliberately practice any activity for at least 10000 hours
before we are great at it

Malcolm Gladwell based his 10000 hour rule in his book Outliers
on a study by Anders Ericson that it takes 10000 hours of
deliberate practice to become great at something. Such 'greatness'
is often confused with the "talent" that enables it. For your
talent is rarely manifest as something great, usually, your t

Motivation is chemistry.
That feeling you call motivation is to do with the dopamine in
your brain, specifically the increase in dopamine in your “nucleus
accumbens” is the brain’s feedback for predicting rewards. Dopamine
is known as a neurochemical of pleasure, and sure, dopamine makes
you feel good, so why can we also get a spike of motivation in
times of great stress? Indeed, why are some people motivated to
jump off suspension bridges?

Dopamine is the neurochemical associated with pleasure but its
real role is in motivation[/caption] The role of dopamine goes
beyond our feelings of pleasure; it performs its task before we obtain the rewards. Dopamine’s actual job is
to encourage us to act to achieve or avoid something. 

To act or to avoid?

Motivation can be encouragement to
act or to run away
Many successful golf players (and business leaders) are
motivated by their dissatisfaction with their performance. It can
be a very powerful motivator. You would expect someone who is thus
motivated to improve their game to be similarly motivated in other
aspects of their life. Do you see a golf course as a series of
obstacles to be avoided, or do you see the fairways and greens as
the thing to hit.
There are a few people who aim for the obstacles because they
excel at the tricky shots – most, however, find themselves in the
obstacles due to misfortune… or were they actually responsible?
For most people, the
self-directed anger resulting from dissatisfaction is not a positive state
to be in. If you condemn yourself for playing poorly and use
self-talk phrase such as “I should have…” Or yelling (at yourself
or outwardly) your self-disgust such as “useless idiot” and perhaps
more colourful phrasing – you are doomed to repeat it. Not only
will you repeat the ‘error’, but you are also physically hurting
yourself – self-condemnation causes self-directed anger causes
stress causes physical distress causes physical sickness and, for
many, heart
failure. It’s a little as if your heart
decides that’s it’s had enough of your inward abuse and is
desperately trying to communicate your need to stop doing it. If
you’ve had a heart attack or stroke you’ve probably completely
reassessed how you live your life – and sought more tranquility,
less stressful behaviours – in some cases avoiding the major
contributors to your previously high-stress levels – work
and/or golf.

Driving a car often brings out the worst in our character.
Some people don’t realise that this is what they are like. The
way you drive your car is often a good indicator of your style. How
angry do you get when someone cuts into the queue in front of you?
When you pull up to the red traffic light, do you swerve over to
the other lane to be at the front of the queue? When motoring along
are you more concerned about getting somewhere quickly, or more
concerned with the traffic around you? Back to
golf. When you stand at the tee, what do you focus
your attention on? Your target?
Avoiding the trees/bunkers/water/rough? I hope
the former by now if you’ve been with me all this time. What you
focus on is what you’ll get. Motivation is
a multi-faceted phenomenon. In large part, motivation is about the
satisfaction of values held. It is the result of using particular
personal resources towards a specific goal that satisfies
a value or value held by that individual. Connecting any of
these three in any order, resources, values and outcome creates the
feeling of motivation as the nucleus accumbens anticipates the
reward for the price you are prepared to pay. In smaller part,
though often the critical component, is encouragement to
achieve a goal.
Encouragement to act or avoid

Encouragement is the eager
anticipation of doing something fearful
 It is worth spending some time here on
what we mean by encouragement. The word has ‘courage’
at its root. Thus, to encourage is to develop, enhance or
build courage. Courage, you’ll remember, is not the absence of fear
but the continuation to do

He who stays latest is working hardest.

It's 10 O Clock as you turn the lights out that you switched on
that morning as you leave after a 16 hour slog of a day. Grabbing a
quick bite as you run for the train home knowing that the kids will
be fast asleep by the time you get there. Another day in
paradise.
At least you can relax easily at home knowing what a hard worker
you are. Thinking of all you have accomplished today in the
mistaken belief that effort equals results.
You could be suffering the busyness
delusion.

Being too good at your job might reduce
the perception of the value you are giving!

I worked for a French company for a while some years back. In
spite of their reputation for taking incredibly long lunch breaks,
French companies often display what I call a very macho culture.
It's essentially based on being seen to be busy and actively
involved.
There was essentially, a competition to be first into the office
and last out of the door at night. And, at a minimum, arrive
earlier than the boss, and leave after he had left the
building.
The staff would turn up early in the day and place their coat or
jacket on the back of their chair and on into the computer. Then go
for coffee.
Whenever any of the bosses were around, there was a flurry of
activity and people rushed.
I never really figured out whether people were busy because they
were so focussed on being seen to be busy, or whether they were
busy because they wasted so much time appearing to be busy.
Sweating my assets

When we put in a lot of effort, we sweat.
And in financial terms, we want our assets sweating to show that
they are productive

Businesses have long been aware that assets, once bought, need
to be used as productively as possible. 24/7/365 ideally, else
there is some productivity left unused. The financial term for this
is to 'sweat your assets'. It's based on the same idea that when we
are working hard, we sweat. The harder we work, the more we sweat.
And the harder we work, the more productive we are. Or at least,
that's the theory.
As I live in Singapore, it's pretty easy to get a sweat on. All
I have to do is turn off the AC. Doesn’t make me any more
productive, just hot and a little pungent.
If you were any good at the job, you’d do it in half the
time
Dan Ariely's meeting with a locksmith http://danariely.com/2010/12/15/locksmiths/
No one really cares how hard or long you work http://99u.com/articles/51908/nobody-cares-how-hard-you-work
Whilst you worry about what everyone else is thinking about you,
they're worrying about what you're thinking about them. So you
should be worried about what you are thinking about them but you're
not, because you’re too consumed with what they're thinking about
you, but they're not because they're spending all this neurological
effort thinking about you thinking about what they're thinking
about.
No balance

Striving for work life balance because we
allow work to take over our lives

Levels of stress that cause your body's cells to age prematurely

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/10/give-up/410485/

Hard work doesn’t lead to rewards

Show leadership - what your boss really want is help to get
things done. Not analysed, not talked about, not paraded, done!
Share and carry the load.
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/work/real-reason-get-promoted.html
Being seen to be busy
Perceived value. People prefer to watch how busy and hard
working a website is when searching for results. They actually like
to watch the illusion that the website is working hard!
http://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Pages/item.aspx?num=40158

It's not enough to jump through the
hoops. You've got to be SEEN jumping through the hoops

This increase PERCEIVED value.
So why do we need to be seen to be busy?
Remember that website being SEEN to be working hard as it
searched for the results?
That seems to be true in most offices as well.
The people who get promoted are those who are seen to be
actively busy and producing results.
It

"Change is the only constant" goes the refrain. There would be little need for change if people were happy to stay the same as they are now. You know that change is uncomfortable. It doesn't matter how big or small the change is; it's how uncomfortable that change makes you feel. For some, difference is something to be avoided. If they appear to go along with the required change, it is because they (perceive that they) have no choice, For others, they'll actively seek change. Staying the same is boring, they need change, they need to learn. They are incomplete if they are not learning to be better. Some people initially resist transformation but accept it after time or practice. For these individuals the transformation has to be proven to be valuable. And there are those who initiate change, sometimes just for the sake of change. And change often fails because of your discomfort with change. How can I change an organisation if I don’t like change myself?
Try a little experiment with me. Fold your arms in front of you and settle for a moment.
Cross your arms the opposite way round. How long would it take you to be comfortable with this change?
Now, switch the way you fold your arms. Instead of right over left, change it to left over right for example.
How comfortable are you? A few people who do this feel fine, most will soon revert to their preferred, and far more comfortable, old way of folding their arms.
How long would it take you to force yourself to switch your arm folding, before you became comfortable? A day, a week, a month, a year? Never?
However long it would take you, there would be many times when you "slipped back into your old ways". Especially under pressure. Perhaps you would eventually switch forever, perhaps you would revert to your original way of doing things. It all depends on how motivated you are to change and if there was a purpose of changing.
Most transformation programmes fail to deliver because most people neglect the key elements that facilitate change to take place. To help transform anyone they need to be encouraged, enabled and empowered. Fall short on one, and the transformation project will not achieve the desired change.
Why is change so difficult?
Going on a journey with people through change can be challenging and exhausting. Bringing sustainable change is even harder. Most people resist change even when they see the need and believe it can occur. [caption id="attachment_12850" align="alignright" width="244"] Resistors - who may not even notice the change, deliberately ignore it, or be so overwhelmed that they push it out of their awareness.[/caption] The owner of the first hotel I managed was just 40 when he suffered a heart attack. His lifestyle, booze, food and a lack of regular exercise were contributory factors but prior to the heart attack, there were no significant symptoms. Life was good, and then BAM! He was on the floor in agony. He survived. His doctor told him bluntly that he had to change his diet, give up alcohol, smoking and take up regular exercise. Change or die! A stark choice. And one that many people face. Initially, my boss came out of hospital ready and eager to take this advice seriously and changed everything that was harming his health. It wasn't easy for him, but he stuck with it and now enjoys a slim, healthy life retired and sailing around the Mediterranean. Yet, in the US alone, some 90% of heart bypass patients can't change their lifestyles, even at the risk of dying. It's not surprising then that changing people's behaviour in business is a challenge. And you would think that I, as a reasonably intelligent human being would have learned from that particular experience, or at least learned from life. But no. I maintained my personal biases and beliefs that such a thing would never happen to me. I wouldn’t be someone who suffered a heart attack because of bad choices. We rarely learn from observing what happens around us, to others or from what others do, unles

Jeff sat on a bar stool at the front of the room. He had no slides, no props, just sat and talked. Within minutes, he had everybody in the room on the edge of their seats eagerly nodding and ready to follow him wherever he went.
None of us in the room had met Jeff before. In fact, none of us had a clue who he was. This quiet, unassuming man simply walked to the front and sitting on the bar stool began to speak and captivated everyone.
Jeff shared why some adverts worked, and some fell flat. How some adverts tapped universal appeal, and others neglected to do so.
The good news is that you don’t need to spend millions of dollars on creating a fantastic TV advert to influence people. The great news is that you can easily tap into the four universal appeals.
And I'll come to those four universal appeals in a moment.
You'll remember in the triangle of influence that the motivation to change is the result of the evaluation of the personal benefits gained and the personal cost in the resources required to achieve a specific outcome.
Whether that outcome is buying a new toothpaste or a new car, giving our time to serve in a soup kitchen or sharing our wisdom with a stranger. We weigh up what we get from the action and what it costs us. We will then be motivated to act when our perceived benefits outweigh our perceived cost.

Influence is maths. When the perceived value is greater than the perceived cost, we are motivated to act on the change.

If you know what I am likely to perceive as beneficial and what I perceive as costly, then you should find it easier to influence me.
Influencing someone you know well
When we know someone very well, we can influence them more easily. For example, if I want to go to a particular holiday destination with my wife, and she wants to go elsewhere, I might emphasise all the aspects of the type of holiday she desires (honestly) regarding my preferred destination. I might lay on some evidence to add credence to my interpretation such as photos, TripAdvisor recommendations and so on.
If I want to buy a particular car model, and she would prefer another, I might focus on specific qualities of my chosen car that I know will appeal to her.
It's not manipulation; it's just a conversation. It's something we all do, every day. We will sway or steer others towards our preference.
We are in a position of influence every time someone allows us to communicate with them. Most of the time, we are unconsciously influencing entirely based on our personal bias.
But that's selfish!
Yes, you’re right. I am. So are you. So is the person beside you.
I am, and you are. Even when someone is apparently altruistic, the reality is that they get something valuable personally from being so.
What if I don’t know the other person well, how do I influence them?
People are more easily influenced by people who show empathy for their situation and can be trusted. But more than that: people will do anything for those who encourage their dreams, allay fears, justify their failings, or help them throw rocks at their enemies.
Some of the most effective and powerful ways of influencing appeal to these four universal motivators:
Encourage their dreams, allay their fears, Justify their failings and helping them throw rocks at an enemy.
1. Encourage their dreams

If a genie gave you 3 wishes, what would you ask for?

Every single person I have ever met has dreams. They want to achieve something in their life, they may not know exactly what that is, but it is better than whatever they have achieved thus far in life.
To influence someone, you could encourage their dreams. That the benefit, they will attain moves them towards their dreams.
You might be encouraging the dreams of your child to get into a great university if they study hard, or more relevant perhaps, the new iPad you will buy them if they get an A.
You could be encouraging someone to diet or exercise by communicating how good they will look and feel (and hence be more attractive.)

Have you set yourself a SMART goal and still not achieved it? Goal setting, we know is a powerful tool in helping us focus on a specific objective and put our energy and resources towards achieving it. But did you know that human beings align themselves to achieving their goal in one of four ways? And that the way you align your energy and resources to achieving your goal can be the determinant as to whether you achieve success or not? What is it about those people who set big, stretching goals for themselves and get there without the fight that the rest of us seem to face? Even something as simple as making sure everything is properly organised and filed and those minutiae are dealt with. All, effortlessly… or at least that's what it looks like. I recall my Godfather shared a story about swans gliding along the river, elegant and poised. No trace of the furious effort beneath the water as they paddled furiously against the current in search of a morsel of bread I had thrown. Is this the secret of those who seem to glide through life to and endless stream of successes? I tried to master this idea of appearing poised whilst furiously beavering away and, of course, failed miserably. It was exhausting. I was expending huge effort in my work and huge effort in trying to appear that I wasn't working. 
Perhaps, I should just let the current take me wherever it would. But then, I would find myself drifting towards the weir of life and the turmoil of burbling rapids and somewhere downstream in the opposite direction. And, it's not just our long term goals where this matters. We live in a world of busy-ness. There's a constant demand for our attention from work, from colleagues, bosses, clients, family, friends, and beeps from devices, and emails and more all clamouring for immediate attention. In part, this modern life itself distracts us from our plans, so it becomes increasingly important that we keep on top of everything and not drown in a sea of todo lists under a cacophony of beeps. So let us explore the four different ways we can choose to align our effort, energy and resources towards achieving our chosen goals. I call them, Push mode, Pull mode, Drift mode and the fourth is really a combination, the PushMePullYou mode.
Push Mode
Multi-tasking, endless todo lists and long hours in the office are all indicators that you are in Push Mode[/caption] If you have to drive others towards an objective, even drive yourself towards it, I call this being in push mode. Push mode is typified by focusing your attention on problems that need to be resolved, or things that need fixing. Many people use a ‘todo’ list or a GTD (getting things done) system. Are you one of them? Take a look at yours now and see if it is a list of problems. The fun, creative or enjoyable things rarely make it onto a ‘todo’ list – rather there is a tendency to say that once the list is done and I have time, then I’ll do the fun stuff. What’s more, you will already know that the things we pay attention to are the things that grow and the things we don’t pay attention to tend to fade away. So if we focus on problems (call them challenges or issues if you must but they are still the same thing), we will find that the problems grow. So here’s a radical thought, if we focus our attention on interesting, exciting, fun things, they will grow. And our problems, won’t they fade away? “But you don’t understand. I have to get this report done, I have a ton of emails to clear, I have to attend this meeting, I have calls to make to angry customers, and if I don’t I’ll get fired. I simply don’t have time to talk to people, take it easy, smell the flowers…” And when your stress levels have made you so sick that you can’t work, let alone afford the hospital bills you’ll feel what exactly? Accomplished? Valued? Important? Nothing more satisfying than lying in bed recovering from a heart attack knowing how much your contribution is missed. I’m not saying that these things (some of th