Kagro in the Morning

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to box up today's chaos. ICE has announced a temporary reduction in streetside executions. Federal hitmen do not take out exactly the correct people but at least meet quotas. Susan Collins might be a little concerned that this would happen to her, but Trump could not be more delighted that someone handles this for him before he takes the Lugar over later in this term. This Thursday night, Donald K. Trump plans to make this Friday morning more stupid than any on record. IQs might remain at record lows for weeks. John Ossoff knows why Trump is doing this. In Michigan, the Senate race is wide open, although falling into maybe familiar patterns. Minnesota governor's race is falling into a psychedelic pattern. Democrats lead by 26 points among "double haters" because voters just can't find as much to hate them about. $5.6 million goes to E. Jean Carroll. Meh, Trump can clear that in three medium bribes. Too bad for Donald that a unitary executive can't sue themselves or he'd have the USA deposited in the Caymen Islands by now. The art of dealing with Trump is to never make a deal with Trump. It shouldn't take AI to tell you that DOGE used AI to create federal policy. New York becomes the first state to impose a data center moratorium. RIP, Pat Oliphant, IMO, the reason that several generations got into politics.

David Waldman, the guy who brought us "pervert glasses" (Well, not the glasses per se, but the concept of, you know…) brings us the Tuesday KITM: RIP to who again? Congresspeople are dropping like very old flies. Mitch is that one on the windowsill who started buzzing again. Lindsey had done that a few times himself before disappearing into the carpet somewhere. Donald K. Trump noted how much they all were attracted to him, but what's another fly gone, more or less? Graham had no wife and kids, but did have a sister, which is close enough for government work. RIP to the State Department, laying off 1,300 employees in order to create the deep state of their dreams. When all is handled from the top down, there need not be a bottom. The National Guard will remain activated in DC as long as Trump is there, give or take. Who else is there to guard the Lincoln Reflecting Pool/Tractor Pull Arena, the gash of which might soon extend beyond the Washington Monument? Boosie Badazz is still working on his art of the deal after paying Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman for a pardon. E Jean Carroll finally received the $5.6m Trump owed her, sadly not as a giant novelty check in front of Trump Tower. She can do that for her upcoming big check. Corey Lewandowski, who has never once been suspected of propriety, is once again being suspected of impropriety. A federal judge finally said what federal judges should have been saying, probably since there's been Trumps in the US. Do you think that could be a bump in Todd Blanche'spath to confirmation tomorrow? Nah.

Greg Dworkin helped us round up the chaos of this R -1 weekend. Did you have Lindsey Graham buying the farm before Mitch McConnell? What's the process in South Carolina for replacing Graham? Will Republicans just dip into the loser bench from their most recent statewide primary? Too soon to start thinking about how the Republican Infirmity Crisis will impact the balance of power in the next Congress? Ha ha! Trick question! There's no such concept as "too soon" anymore! Texas may yet escape Republican clutches, with the Deporter-in-Chief always on the ballot. But don't let Democratic successes get you optimistic! It's time to bite your nails about [dramatic music]… Democratic Socialists! In random news: One of those "looksmaxxing" dumbasses is dead now, too. Even though he didn't die, there's a bit of procedural drama surrounding the replacement process for Rigor Tortoise. Remember the time we spent last week on the NATO countries working on making their escape from the US umbrella? Well, it's not just NATO anymore. And speaking of craptacular foreign entanglements, Jared Kushner may have just stepped in it, in Albania. Which borders on the Adriatic.

David Waldman invites you to donate today, before we are forced to call it Donald Kagro Trump in the Morning. It's the weekend, and Donald is… where? Hiding in an Iran-proof bunker? Hitting the links with Mitch? Lying in wait for the Reflecting Pool Antifa? Supervising the White House column restoration to more resemble palm trees as the Mar-a-Lago founding fathers intended? Trump has fired all Democrats with the Election Assistance Commission so that he can relax and get more shuteye during midterm election rigging meetings. The Commie Gas franchise is expanding with 3 new stores in the tristate area. Sign up for their new 5-year plan! If it wasn't for the tedious committee hearings, Kash Patel would be living the dream, brother.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin! Here! Today! Graham Platner has dropped out of the Maine Senate race. Well, pretty much, it's hard to tell. Platner doesn't seem to be much into introspection… which is the mark of a real blue-collar man, amirite guys? Donald K. Trump knew that Graham was a pig, and kindred spirit, the moment that he saw him. Democrats, however, haven't been quite sure which one of themselves that they should blame for this, but do agree it will put them at a perfect advantage once they replace Platner with the perfect candidate that they all can become arrayed behind. Gops wouldn't get in a mess like this, because they don't. Maine has fewer gubernatorial vexations. Mallory McMorrow doesn't have Nazi tats or screw around, but she's out anyhow. Meanwhile, Mike Rogers is a strong candidate. He's the STRONGEST candidate RARR! Trump flew his phony baloney Air Force Oneto Turkey and flew the real one back. After all, what's the point of being safe if you don't look cool? Trump had reasons, which were not believed, to which our Master Prevaricator shouted in retort, "That's simple, I was only LYING!" Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear wants Mitch McConnell to update him on his health… Ha, the joke's on Andy! At NATO, Turkish President Erdogan handed out guns like party favors. What will Mark Carney and Keir Starmer do? Trump should have no problem, as long as he has enough suit pockets empty of silverware and signing pens. A judge has ordered that E. Jean Carroll's $5 million be released to her. Maybe, she got it today. Federal Judge Emil Bove's verdict is that he luvs Donald. Zohran Mamdani is a "football" fan who will call it "soccer", no problem. He does not like VAR, however. Trump doesn't know what a red card is for, after all, his favorite sport is "ruining things".

David Waldman spoke to Mitch McConnell for about 20 minutes this morning, as he often does to prepare for shows. Mitch would like us all to remember that anyone can be a supporter of KITM on Patreon for the incredibly low price of only $5 per month! Noted anglophile Greg Dworkin reports that noted twat Nigel Farage has been appointed Crown Steward and Bailiff of Three of the Chiltern Hundreds, which sure is one way to attempt to keep out of jail for laundering crypto-pounds. Unfortunately for Nige, this puts him directly in the path of trash statesman Count Binface, Vermin Supreme of the Albion. Texas Gop Ken Paxton is hiding out in England or perhaps has found a new place to vote in the midterms. Either way, someone should quickly appoint him to something. Everything that dotard Donald K. Trump touches dies, except algae, and the Islamic Republic of Iran. There is no going back to our relationship with Europe. Greenland could use a restraining order, although that might encourage stalker violence without proper enforcement. Gops desperately hoping to save the Senate get a breather in Maine. Gops in Congress can enjoy the scenery on their way down. Zohran Mamdani is more popular than Benjamin Netanyahu, therefore, Rahm Emanuel will be Zohran Mamdani, or at least not Benjamin Netanyahu. Trump's kids all wanted an airplane ride… Ok, not his "kids", but his cabinet, but Donald doesn't like to play favorites... Ok, he loves to play favorites. It turns out that rich guys who have run out of things to spend money on, can buy airplanes.

David Waldman returns to KITM up this Tuesday. Party Rock Anthem singer Lauren Bennett, RIP. Republican Senator Mitch McConnell…. well, that drum is still rolling as of press time. Democratic Senate candidate Graham Platner… his political career seems in worse shape than Mitch's this morning. Platner's making some of his supporters look worse than most Republicans, and that's saying something. Capturing the Senate was always a toughie, but capturing the House might become tough if Dems don't get rid of him soon. As always, ranked choice voting is the answer. Does Donald K. Trump steal everything he can get his hands on because he's demented, or because he's a thief? Evidence supports that Trump is a dim-witted bastard, and a vile, contemptible, deceitful, kleptomaniac. Trump Accounts for Kids is, of course, a heist. Everything Trump touches dies, sometimes before Trump can suck the life out of it. The US national men's soccer team now looks like cheaters and losers because of Trump. Gop Anna Paulina Luna wants the Patriot Front white nationalist group investigated for being secret Democrats. MAGA Laura Loomer, I guess, is a different person?

Well, we made it through July 4th weekend! The "Great American State Fair" continued to frustrate and disappoint the weird few who insisted on attending. Or trying to, anyway. Fake "pavilions" filled with half-assed "exhibits" that lots of states wanted nothing to do with. Even so, some were made to look like they were participating, even when they weren't. And the look was not good! All-in-all, we should just be glad they didn't burn anything down. Greg Dworkin was here to remind us that there was plenty of other stuff happening this weekend, anyway. Bribery, marching Nazis, FIFA corruption. You know, the usual. Speaking of those marching Nazis, know why it was so easy to get so many of them into DC on July 4th? Probably because they were already there. Interesting developments in the Michigan Senate race, where state senator Mallory McMorrow ended her campaign, leaving just two main Dem contenders in the race. Where will her voters go? Not easy to tell. They'll probably all turn socialist! But not for the reason you might think: i.e., that they're socialists now. They probably just want someone who'll kick a little ass. And there are a lot that need kicking. Meanwhile, the regular onslaught of corruption stories continued unabated. Along with a bunch of people Trump claimed were jailed for "fixing their cars," he also pardoned (by strange coincidence) yet another Perv-A-Lago fraudster, this time one maybe tied to a wee bit of murder. And just for a bit of semiquincentennial fun, what movies best capture America? Well, hold onto your Uncle Sam hats, because America's Poet Laureate might just be the creator of Beavis and Butt-Head.

David Waldman has got his holiday planned out, but what are you doing for the Fourth of July? Traditionally, you might choose to rebel against a tyrant. Some also may reflect upon God's providence, as the ultimate source of liberty, this year more than ever. After all, He is not just pro-freedom, but very much against rampant corruption amongst a nation's leaders. The Great American State Fair's main exhibit Is Trump corruption, There are however billions of other examples. So many, that Donald K. Trump's handing out souvenirs to his friends and relatives. It's not real corruption unless you can cruise around in a pimped out 747, though. Karoline Leavitt got to ride back in the "library" with all of the "books" that Trump plans to "read" when he "retires". The Trump DOJ waited until only hours remained in their deadline to announce that they would not release any more Epstein files, because it's more fun to do it that way. The Trump DOJ experienced "a rapid unexpected disassembly", accidently releasing volume II of Jack Smith's Mar-a-Lago report to the person they are suing for stealing volume I. A Venezuelan man was accused of attempting to choke an ICE officer to death. As usual, authorities did not anticipate the truth tripping them up, almost as if lying is routine procedure… The National Park Service is no longer required to post truthful signage at National Park sites. Olympian canoeist David Hearn has been indicted for vandalizing the DC reflecting pool because directly contradicting Trump lies is a federal crime.

David Waldman won't be attending the Freedom 850,000 Fireworks this Saturday. He can sweat in the dark in his own living room, thank you very much. To help celebrate our nation's 250th birthday, Donald K. Trump will add one more layer of realism to his World War III cosplay in DC, with Saturday's 15 hours of shock and awe, emphasis on the shocking and awfulness. You can't bring food or water but do pack a gas mask and plenty of spare oxygen. Trump might do a flyover in the new Air Force One, which came in on time and only double the budget, by saving on those gaudy missile detection, countermeasure, security, and communication systems. It would seem that Donald does not put a lot of thought into the safety and wellbeing of others, but how would you explain Trump's executive order on pesticides… other than he just does what the last guy told him? It would seem that Trump is constantly losing, but he'd be gone in a second if that really was the case. No matter how much everyone else loses, Trump and his family are having the best time every minute of every day. You know when Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia feels swindled, it's bad. You can't prosecute Trump's Board of Peace because they have decided that you can't. Greg Dworkin has the latest on the midterms, which Senate Gops still don't have to worry about, because of "math". Then again, that math could change. For instance, a close Senate contest is brewing in Iowa, and Jon Ossoff holds a double-digit lead in Georgia. Phil Weiser defeated Michael Bennet in the Colorado governor primary and who doesn't hope that he goes against Victor Marx? Victor will not say how many people he's killed, nor predict how many he will in the future, and yet he still comes off better than Jared Polis. The Vatican excommunicated bishops of a breakaway traditionalist sect. Now do JD Vance!