Keeping It Young

In the final part of the mini-series Overcoming a Struggling Marriage, Dave and Bethlie bring the five-step series to a close. They show how to stop dividing and start doing life together. That means family dinners at the table instead of in front of the TV, walks after supper, date traditions, and even peeling potatoes side by side.

Dave and Bethlie discuss the last two steps in this last mini-series episode. Affirm your commitment through words, vows, and simple texts that say "I'm here for you." And forgive, both by asking for forgiveness and by offering it before you're asked.

Overcoming a Struggling Marriage (Part 3): Do Life Together, Affirm, and Forgive

Help for marriages is everywhere: books, podcasts, and resources right on your phone. But as Dave and Bethlie warn, it's easy to heap up knowledge and never take it to heart. In Episode 336, the Youngs wrap up their mini-series with practical steps to put into practice this week, whether your marriage is truly struggling, a little stale, or just too busy.

Episode Overview

The five steps for overcoming a struggling marriage are Speak, Seek, Abandon, Affirm, and Forgive.

Quick Review: Speak, Seek, Abandon

• Speak words of affection, affirmation, gratitude, and prayer.
• Seek to do things together, serve each other, solve problems, and seek God together.
• Abandon criticism, negative statements, and division. That does not mean abandoning your spouse.

Abandon Division: Do Life Together

Eat Together

Aim for at least one meal a day together, ideally supper. For the Youngs, family table time was one of the most looked-forward-to parts of the day. Even with children at the table, husband and wife connect by hearing the same stories and caring for the kids as a team. Eating side by side in front of the TV isn't the same as eating together.

Exercise Together

Most of us live sedentary lives, so take a walk after dinner or work out together. Dave set up a small garage gym that the family still uses.

Enjoy Entertainment Together, Wisely

Ball games, plays, musicals, and traditions all count. For years, the Youngs' annual tradition was seeing A Christmas Carol at the Ohio Theatre. It was entertaining, and it was an investment in their marriage.

Do the Extra Things Together

• Bethlie connected with each of their children in the kitchen, where light conversations often turned into teaching moments (what the kids call "mom mode").
• As newly empty nesters, they found new connection when Dave asked, "What can I do?" and started peeling potatoes and carrots for Sunday dinner.
• Is your spouse a golfer? Ride along. One couple at their church turned his golf outings into time together, with her serving as the cart chauffeur.

Step 4: Affirm

Reaffirm your commitment and your vows, especially when things are hard: "I meant it when I said for better, for worse."

Affirmation can be lighthearted, too:

• "I'd marry you all over again."
• "You're still my favorite person in the world."
• "You're still the most attractive person I've ever seen."

Affirm With a Simple Text

Bethlie suggests a quick message on a hard day, such as "I'm praying for you" or "You're going to do great."

Step 5: Forgive

Ask for Forgiveness and Give It Freely

Ask: "I know this was wrong. Will you forgive me?" But you can also forgive without being asked, simply because you love your spouse and the offense isn't worth holding on to.

When a Hidden Hurt Turns Into Bitterness

Dave shares a recent counseling session with a couple who had already seen several counselors. The wife listed everything her husband wouldn't change. Then the husband quietly said that during the hardest time of his life, she wasn't there for him. She didn't seem to even hear it. Whether or not his hurt was justified, it had turned to bitterness, and that bitterness was dividing them.

Satan uses held-on hurts to undo every other step. He silences our speaking, makes us stop seeking, and encourages division.

Forgive in God's Power, Not Your Own

Bethlie reminds believers that Scripture commands us to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving, just as Christ forgave us. If you feel you can't forgive, get alone with God and ask for His forgiving power. Remembering how much He has forgiven you can be overwhelming. And ask the Lord whether the thing you're holding on to is really a big deal at all. Deal with unforgiveness quickly, before it grows.

Coming Up Next Week

Overcoming the Lies of Our Culture

Overcoming a Struggling Marriage (Part 2): Abandon Criticism, Negativity, and Division

Ask most couples if their marriage is struggling and they'll say, "No… but we're really busy." Jobs, church, and a calendar full of the kids' sports, music lessons, and fine arts can leave husbands and wives passing in the hallway. Some couples simply land in a stagnant season.

In Episode 335, Dave and Bethlie Young continue their mini-series within the Overcoming series. They remind couples that it takes two to overcome a struggling marriage, and that the Christian's victory over the world comes through faith.

Episode Overview

After a quick review of last week's first two steps, the Youngs introduce the third step for overcoming a struggling marriage: Abandon. They're quick to clarify that this does not mean abandoning your spouse. It means letting go of three habits that quietly erode a Christian marriage.

A Struggling Marriage Takes Two

In counseling, the Youngs often find that each spouse wants to be closer but sees the fault only in the other person. Dave points to the Lord's message to the lukewarm church of Laodicea. Things weren't well, though they thought they were, yet the Lord loved them and promised to help them overcome.

Review: Step 1 — Speak

• Husbands speak words of affection, and wives speak words of affirmation.
• Both spouses speak gratitude, praise, and prayer.
• Dave recalls the Youngs' interview with Dr. Gary Thomas about making good marriages great.
• In a recent counseling session, a wife immediately attacked her husband's account instead of sharing her own. Dave's response: Stop that.
• Check-in question: What words of affection or affirmation did you speak on purpose this week?

Review: Step 2 — Seek

• Seek to serve each other. Ask "What can I do for you?" instead of "What will my spouse do for me?"
• Seek to solve problems together. Be swift to hear and slow to speak, and learn to identify the real problem.
• Seek God together. Go to church, small groups, and Bible studies together, and above all, pray together to reconnect when you feel distant.

Step 3 — Abandon Abandon All Criticism

Scripture teaches that as a person thinks in their heart, so are they. When a husband constantly criticizes his wife, she begins to see herself that way and live that way. The same is true when a wife criticizes her husband. The Youngs note they see this same pattern in children raised by negative parents.

Bethlie adds that a husband who is constantly corrected for how he bathes or diapers the baby or shops for groceries will often just stop trying. That leaves the wife even more frustrated.

How to Address Real Issues Without Criticism

• Ask a favor. Try "Would you do this for me?" instead of sarcasm or eye-rolling.
• Accept that different isn't wrong. If the baby gets changed, go with it.
• Talk with curiosity. Ask, "Is that how your family did it?"
• Save corrections for things that truly matter, and let the rest go.
• Wives, watch the perfectionism. As Bethlie puts it, get off your "control girl high horse."

Abandon All Negative Statements

Sitcom-style sarcasm, like "You're such an idiot, ha ha," trained a generation to laugh at put-downs. In a real marriage, those words weaken and demolish.

Abandon Division

Anything that pulls you apart has to go. Dave points to Peter's call to "add to your faith." God works through addition and multiplication. Add to your marriage, and multiply your efforts: if your kind words didn't land last week, say them ten times more. Text them, email them, write them on the calendar, or tuck them in a lunchbox.

How Technology and Busyness Divide the Christian Family

Picking up from the Overcoming Technology series, the Youngs warn that couples can sit on the same couch or lie in the same bed on separate devices and still be divided. Children's activities can divide families too.

Try this: Take your family out to eat, leave every phone in the car, and notice how hard conversation feels at first.

This Week's Homework

Sit down together and ask:

1. Do you feel like we are divided in any way?
2. What do you think we could do to improve that?

Part 3 continues next week with more on doing life together.

A struggling marriage doesn't have to become a doomed marriage. In Part 1 of Overcoming a Struggling Marriage, Dave and Bethlie share the first two of five biblical steps for turning a Christian marriage around, even in the busy years of raising children.

Step one is SPEAK. Husbands give words of affection, wives give words of affirmation, and both spouses offer gratitude, praise, and prayer. Step two is SEEK. That means seeking each other out, serving each other, solving problems together, and seeking God together, including a simple church-pew habit that protects your marriage.

The episode is practical, and a little funny (yes, the bedroom pillows come up). It's for every Christian family that wants more than "just hanging on."

Why a Struggling Marriage Isn't a Doomed Marriage

Marriages struggle for many reasons:

• Busy seasons of work and raising young children
• Empty-nest adjustments after years centered on the kids
• Phones and screens pulling spouses into separate corners
• Deeper hurts, such as dishonesty or feeling uncared for

The first move is refusing the lie that struggle means the end.

Step 1: Speak

Speech is one of God's greatest gifts to people. In a struggling marriage, couples tend to go silent, or they let loose unkind and unhelpful words. Dave points to Scripture's call to avoid corrupt communication and to build each other up. He also cites Solomon's warning in Proverbs that careless words can pierce like a sword.

Husbands: Speak Words of Affection

A wife needs to hear "I love you," and Dave suggests adding the word because: "I love you because…" That meets her heart's question: Am I loved enough?

Wives: Speak Words of Affirmation

A husband's heart asks: Do you respect me? Am I good enough? Bethlie challenges wives to resist the cultural habit of picking men apart, both at home, among friends, and on social media. She shares a testimony from the Seeking Him Bible study by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and Tim Grissom. In it, a wife repented of being controlling and critical, and her husband said her new encouragement let him thrive.

Both Spouses: Speak Gratitude, Praise, and Prayer

• Gratitude: Don't take a hardworking husband or a devoted wife for granted. Say thank you often.
• Praise: The praise you need should come from inside your home, not from strangers at the grocery store.
• Prayer: Pray for your spouse instead of growing bitter. Send a text that says, "I prayed for you today."

Bethlie shares a helpful principle attributed to Mrs. Graham: Take your praise to your husband, and take your complaints to the Lord.

Step 2: Seek Seek Each Other Out and Do Things Together

Put the phones down. Don't settle into separate rooms. Play board or card games, watch a movie, and laugh together. Don't let the world separate you.

Seek to Serve Each Other

Get the snack. Run the errand. Wipe down the sink. Learn how your spouse likes things done, even the order of the bed pillows, and turn small irritations into acts of service.

Seek to Solve Problems Together

Listen well, identify the real problem, give grace, and learn to let things go. (The Youngs' earlier conflict resolution series goes deeper on this.)

Seek God Together

Worship together, sit together in church, attend small groups and Sunday school together, and pray together. Bethlie shares advice from Pat and Susie Del Porto: don't let your children sit between you in church. Sitting shoulder to shoulder under the Word of God softens hearts and sweetens a marriage.

In part 3 of the Overcoming Technology mini-series, Dave and Bethlie quickly recap the first three steps (determine if you need to change, educate yourself, recognize the damage) before landing on the three that close out the series: find alternative activities, create tech-free zones, and discuss the changes needed — together, as a family. Technology itself isn't evil — it's a gift from God (1 Timothy 6:17) — but Christians are called to walk circumspectly (Ephesians 5) and redeem the time, which is hard to do when technology is running the show instead of being run by us.

Quick recap of steps 1–4 (from Parts 1 & 2):

1. Determine if you need to overcome technology
2. Educate yourself (books, podcasts, research)
3. Recognize the damage it can cause (sleep disruption, social isolation, eye strain, shorter attention spans, addiction, loss of privacy, cyberbullying)
4. Determine the changes needed (individual — time limits, habit changes, removing non-essential apps, silencing notifications)

The final three steps:

1. Find alternative activities — Step away on purpose through physical activity, hobbies, and face-to-face interaction. Suggestions: walks after dinner, biking, mountain biking, golf, tennis, painting, crafting, cooking. The point: if parents don't proactively offer alternatives, kids won't find them on their own.
2. Create tech-free zones — Specific zones discussed:
   • Mealtime — TV off, phones away, actual conversation
   • The bedroom — phones stay out, use an analog/digital alarm clock instead; protects sleep and removes late-night temptation
   • Ballgames and kids' activities — be present, not on your phone
   • Family movie night — phone-free even during streaming ad breaks (use the break for a bathroom run, popcorn, or "a kissing break")
   • Alternative approach: designate the family room (or one area) as the only place tech is allowed, making the rest of the house tech-free by default
3. Discuss the changes needed — with your kids, not just for them — Ask questions rather than issue mandates: "Do you think you're on the internet too much?" "What would you do with your time if you weren't on TikTok?" Getting kids to buy in (rather than just enforcing rules) leads to better results. Consider one tech-free day a month as a family, agreed on together.

In part two of the Overcoming Technology series, Dave and Bethlie continue unpacking how smartphones and social media quietly reshape our habits, relationships, and spiritual life — and what to do about it. Building on Tony Reinke's 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You, they walk through the specific ways technology damages attention, relationships, and reflection, then move into practical, doable changes.

Recap the 12 ways phones change us (from Tony Reinke's book), continued from Part 1:

- Phones constantly pull our attention away from the present moment (and the "seven-minute foundation" needed for meaningful conversation)

- Digital interaction often replaces physical presence with people around us

- Online metrics drive an unhealthy desire for affirmation (likes, followers, influencer culture)

- Skimming digital feeds reduces deep reading comprehension

- Endless entertainment is available at any second (the disappearance of boredom)

- Online personas mask true self-understanding

- Digital connectivity frequently leads to isolated lifestyles rather than true community

- Screens provide private access to harmful or distracting imagery

- An overload of trivia crowds out deep reflection

- Constant checking stems from anxiety over being disconnected

- Impersonal digital spaces lower our patience and kindness in communication

- Constant notifications eliminate the silent spaces needed for prayer and calm thought

The four-step framework for overcoming technology:

1. Determine if you need to overcome technology (are you controlled by it? better because of it? how is it affecting your kids?)
2. Educate yourself (read books, research — they recommend The Tech-Wise Family and 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You)
3. Recognize the damage it can cause (the list above)
4. Determine the changes needed — practical steps discussed:

- Set time limits (using phone settings or a timer/Alexa)

- Change habits (phones out of the bedroom, off the table at meals, a charging basket)

- Replace with something better (a regular watch instead of a smart watch)

- Silence notifications and check at scheduled times

- Remove non-essential apps (or access certain platforms only on a computer)

- Turn off notifications and keep the phone on silent

Overcoming Technology Part 1

Is your phone running your house or are you running it? What about other forms of technology? Dave and Bethlie are back from their August break and kicking off a new stretch of the Overcoming series: Overcoming Technology.

How do you overcome technology?

We've listed a few suggestions:

1. Determine if you need to do so
   1. Are you controlled by it?
   2. Are you better becausse of it?
   3. Where are you being negatively impacted by it?
   4. Are your children being negatively impacted by it?
   5. 68% of us admit that electronic devices keep us from having real conversations
   6. 50% of us see phones as a significant disruption to our family meals.
2. Educate yourself
   1. Read and research
   2. 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You
   3. My Tech Wise Family
   4. The Tech Wise Family
3. Recognize the damage it can cause
   1. Sleep disruption
   2. Reduced physical activity
   3. Social isolation
   4. Mental health issues
   5. Digital eye strain
   6. Shorter attention span
   7. Cyberbullying
   8. Loss of privacy
   9. Technology addiction
   10. Environmental damage

Episode 330: 7 Steps to Building a Christian Family — Part 5

Text: Deuteronomy 6:6–12 (review of 6–9, new focus on 10–12)

Recap of Steps So Far

Underlying foundation: knowing God — building a real, living relationship with Him (not just a salvation moment).

1. Fear God — reverent awe + healthy fear of consequences.
2. Keep God First — requires ongoing self-examination ("Lord, am I keeping you first?"). This is similiar to the purpose of a revival: intentional, recurring evaluation of the heart.
3. Love God with heart, soul, might/mind/strength — loving God with total, unguarded enthusiasm.
4. Teach God's Word Diligently — not just memorization but application, so Scripture "pops up" in the heart in the moment of decision or conviction (Proverbs 6).

Step 5 (this episode): Enjoy God's Blessings Wisely (Don't Forget God in Abundance)

Deut. 6:10–12 — warns Israel that once they live in houses they didn't build, drink from wells they didn't dig, and eat from vineyards they didn't plant, and are "full," the danger is forgetting the Lord.

• This step "nails us as Americans" — most people live in homes they didn't build, eat food they didn't grow, and eat out of fullness/abundance rather than hunger.
• God is not against blessing/prosperity — the text itself promises houses, food, and abundance as gifts from God. Nice homes, cars, and possessions aren't inherently wrong or "spoiled."
• Caution: don't confuse God's blessing with the American Dream. Someone can have the bigger house, nicer car, or yacht and be completely unblessed if their family and relationship with God are falling apart. True blessing shows up as peace, joy, love, and gentleness in the home — not material markers.
• Scripture ties blessing to obedience/pursuit of righteousness (referenced the Deuteronomy blessings/curses passage and the pattern seen across Joshua vs. Judges) — but this isn't a strict formula; God remains gracious even amid failure.

Practical Application: Enjoying Blessings "With Care" / Frugality

• Money has two purposes: to live, and to give — live more frugally (smaller home, older-but-nice car, lower payments) to free up margin for giving and to avoid overwork that outsources parenting to daycare/babysitters.
• Have a grateful heart as a discipline — actively resisting complaint over aging cars, food choices, etc., which the hosts frame as a subtle form of forgetting God.
• Practical family habit: praying before meals with genuine, unhurried gratitude rather than rote routine; teaching kids a thankfulness verse; verbally noting "isn't it amazing we get to eat like this?" as a repeated family phrase.
• How blessed are you? In your blessings, are you forgetting God?(e.g., packed schedules of travel/activities, expensive Christian schooling, but no family devotions, gratitude, or altar at home).

Please pray for Dave and Bethlie as they continue this season of pause on the podcast. If you're a brand new listener or a orignal listener from 6 years ago, we're sure this series will be a blessing. Recap of Steps So Far

1. Fear God — must first know God to stand in awe of Him. Host shared a personal illustration: praying as a family for a new RV, and God's provision through friends/supporters — using it to show their kids God's goodness firsthand.
2. Keep God First
3. Love God (heart, soul, might/mind/strength)

Step 4 (this episode): Teach God's Word Diligently

Deut. 6:4–9

1. It must be personally real first (v.6 — "shall be in thine heart")

• You can't teach what you don't know/live yourself — parents need their own regular time in God's Word before they can pass it on.
• There is value in a physical Bible over a phone/app: fewer distractions (notifications), and the ability to highlight, underline, and write notes
• Not legalistic about method (no requirement to read X chapters/day) — the goal is that Scripture is treasured and genuinely part of daily life, not just consumed on a screen.

2. It must be diligently taught (v.7 — "teach them diligently")

• Two forms:
  • Formal family devotions — scheduling a set time (Dave and Bethlie do this in the evenings). Their practice: reading a passage, reviewing memorized passages (Ten Commandments, Beatitudes, Psalm 1, 19, 23, 100), closing in prayer.
  • Informal/organic teaching — woven into daily life as Deut. 6:7 describes ("when thou sittest... walkest... liest down... risest up"):
    • Using teachable moments from TV (example: an Andy Griffith episode with a drunk character as an opening to discuss what the Bible says about alcohol; also referenced a real story about alcohol contributing to an affair in a church).
    • Correcting sibling conflict by quoting Scripture on the spot, and having kids write out Bible verses as a consequence/reinforcement.
    • Attaching specific verses to recurring life moments — e.g., Psalm 19:1 ("The heavens declare...") for stargazing, Psalm 23 imagery for green pastures/lakes seen while driving, Ecclesiastes ("in all labor there is profit") for schoolwork motivation, Proverbs 11:16 ("a gracious woman retaineth honor") for daughters navigating "mean girl" dynamics, Job 31:1 ("I have made a covenant with mine eyes,") for teenage sons and purity of eyes.

3. It must be prominently displayed (v.9 — "write them upon the posts of thy house")

• Scripture decor/signs around the home
• Kids writing verse references or phrases on their own hands as personal reminders — modeled after a young evangelist who traveled with the family; framed as intentional and temporary, not a tattoo.

4. It must be reasonably explained (previewed, to be covered in a future episode)

• As kids get older, genuine "why" questions are an opportunity to explain Scripture's reasoning — distinguished from rebellious "why," which needs correction rather than explanation.
• As kids mature, ask them "What do you think we should do based on what the Bible says?" to build their own habit of returning to Scripture.

Please pray for Dave and Bethlie as they continue this season of pause on the podcast. If you're a brand new listener or a orignal listner from 6 years ago, we're sure this series will be a blessing.

Series Recap

1. Fear God — To fear God, kids must first know God (can't stand in awe of someone unfamiliar).
2. Keep God First — God takes priority over comfort, convenience, and blessing.

• A home can look put together (loving spouses, "good kids," active church attendance) and still fail at these principles. None of this happens by accident; it requires deliberate, daily practice.
• Parents can "perform" faith at church, but they cannot fool their own family — kids sense whether God is genuinely first.

Step 3 (this episode): Love God with All Your Heart, Soul, Mind, and Strength

• "No one rebels against that which they love." What you love becomes obvious to others (illustrated humorously via sports team loyalty).

How to Train Kids to Love God

In the good times:

• Teach kids to be thankful. Teach them to be thankful for each other (birthdays, Father's/Mother's Day, graduations), and for God's provision through others (writing thank you notes).
• Prioritize church attendance even when life is comfortable — ease is often when people quietly deprioritize God.
• Invest financially/practically in opportunities for kids to encounter God (e.g., sending kids to summer camp despite the cost).

In the dark times:

• Personal Example: loss of children (infant loss), loss of both of Bethlie's parents, church transitions, ministry conflicts/misunderstandings.
• Foundation matters: loving God consistently in good times prepares a family not to be "blown out of the water" by hard times.
• Framing for kids: hardship isn't God abandoning the family — it's the reality of living in a fallen/sin-cursed world; God remains good and can grow us through difficulty.
• Model consistency: continue church attendance, Bible reading, prayer, and kindness within the home even when discouraged — kids watch whether parents' faith holds up under pressure.
• Have honest, age-appropriate conversations with kids about what's happening and reaffirm the family's commitment to keep loving God through it.
• Serving others during hard times shifts focus off self and onto others — described as "powerful."
• Callback to Episode 1 theme: "serve the Lord with gladness" — serving happily in both good and bad times testifies to love for God.
• Caution on guarding the tongue (referencing James 1:26) — complaining/negativity undercuts a credible testimony of loving God, especially in front of children.

Closing Thought

• "Love is never stagnant — it is either growing or declining.
• "Relationship with God requires ongoing, active pursuit, not a one-time declaration.
• Summary challenge to listeners: fear God, keep God first, and love God with heart, soul, mind, and strength — then train the next generation to do the same.

Turn to Matthew 6:19-21 and Philippians 1:21 and join Dave and Bethlie as the continue their discussion on Building A Chrisitian Family.

Here are some practical diagnostic questions for parents:

• When did you last skip an activity (beach, TV, a purchase, a look/fashion choice) because God comes first?
• Do your kids see you pray, read Scripture, and make decisions on the basis of faith rather than convenience?
• Personal example: host's daughter prayed for two years before the family took a scaled-back Disney trip, modeling "seek the Lord first" over just charging it to a credit card.

"Priorities are demonstrated by actions (money, calendar, speech, treatment of others), not just by stated beliefs."