PART 2

3. Some important quotes stand out! 

4.  His comments about the ROD are really good in chapter 11

1. 1. Children are not born morally and ethically neutral
      1. If they are they don’t need correction, just direction
      2. If they are not, then they need correction
      3. Our child’s problem is that he or she is a sinner!
   2. p. 102. Folly is the problem we have to address according to proverbs
      1. Folly is not childishness
      2. Folly describes the person who does not fear God
         1. A fools life is run by his desires and fears
         2. The fool lives out of the immediacy of his lusts, cravings, expectations, hopes, and fears
   3. The issue is authority
      1. Will a child live under the authority of God and his parents?
      2. Will he/she live under their own authority?
      3. All children choose to live under their own authority:
         1. I don’t want my diaper changed
         2. I don’t want to sit quietly at the table during this meal
         3. You are going to make me and if you do I will scream and throw a huge fit
         4. Leave this to take root and grow, and it produces “a rebellious teenager who will not allow anyone to rule him.”
         5. “God has ordained the rod of discipline for this condition.” p. 103
         6. “Confrontation, with the immediate and undeniably tactile sensation of a spanking, renders an implacable child sweet.” (p. 103)
         7. The quote on p 103 is massively important
      4. The function of the rod
         1. It imparts wisdom Pr 29:15, which is tied to the fear of god
         2. “It creates an atmosphere in which instruction can be given. The spanking renders the child compliant and ready to receive life-giving words.”  (p 104)
         3. Tripp deals with the question - don’t all children eventually learn to obey? He say NO!! Proverbs 29:15, 17
      5. The rod defined - p. 104
         1. “The rod is a parent, in faith toward God and faithfullness toward his or her children, undertaking the responsibility of careful, timely, measured, and controlled use of physical punishment to underscore the importance of obeying God, thus rescuing the child from continuing in his foolishness unto death.” 
            1. It is a parental exercise
            2. It is an act of faith in God and His Word
            3. It is an act of faithfulness - an expression of love and comitment
            4. It is an act of responsibility - not a parent determining to punish, but a parent determining to obey
            5. It is an act of physical punishment
               1. Not venting or parental anger
               2. Not frustration
               3. Not based on a feeling of my child is bothering me
               4. It is always measured and controlled
            6. It is a rescue mission
               1. Rescues the child from continuing in foolishness
               2. To ignore your child’s rebellion against God’s authority is to ultimately brings God’s greater chastisement into their lives.
      6. The Rod clarified
         1. Not unbridled temper
         2. Not the right to hit my child
         3. Not venting or frustration
         4. not retribution
            1. Not payment but restoration
         5. Not vindictive
      7. The Rod objected
         1. I love my child too much too spank
            1. You love yourself too much to spank them
         2. I am afraid I will hurt them
            1. “Biblically-balanced discipline never physically endangers a child”
         3. I am afraid it will make him rebellious and angry
            1. Proverbs 29:17 teaches the exact opposite
         4. I am afraid it will teach them to hit
            1. Only if you spank in anger
         5. It doesn’t work
            1. It doesn’t when you spank in anger or out-of-control
            2. It doesn’t when you are inconsistent
            3. It doesn’t when you fail to be persistent
            4. It doesn’t when you aren’t effective
         6. I could be arrested for child abuse
            1. Only spank in the privacy of your home and do it right

Join Dave and Bethlie as they embark on this multi-part series on the book Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp.

What is the point of the book?

It is written to parents with children of any age and provides perspectives and procedures for shepherding your child’s heart into the paths of life.

Several things stand out in Part 1

1. His comments about Behavior on page 4
   1. If behavior becomes our only focus, we miss an important part of training
   2. “Parents often get sidetracked with behavior. If your goal in discipline is changed behavior, it is easy to understand why this happens.   . . . You think you have corrected when you have changed unacceptable behavior to behavior that you sanction and appreciate.
   3. “What is the problem? You ask. The problem is this: Your child’s needs are far more profound than his aberrant behavior . . . If you are to really help him, you must be concerned with the attitudes of heart that drive his behavior. “
   4. “A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable; it is condemnable.”
   5. Don’t miss the balance there . . .
      1. “What must you do in correction and discipline? You must require proper behavior. God’s law demands that. You cannot, however, be satisfed to leave the matter there. You must help your child . . . expose the attitude of the heart that has resulted in wrong behavior.”
      2. A few suggestions from be and Bethlie
      3. If your child is younger, behavior is the first priority. They don’t understand yet, but you can’t wait until they have the capacity to reason and think.  You will be way behind if you do. 
      4. So go ahead and focus on their behavior.
         1. Give me your attention.
      5. As they then begin to grow and understand, you can then begin working on their heart.  
         1. Give me your heart

1. His comments about influences that shape who a person is and what they become as a result
   1. What are the influences?
      1. Structure of their family life
      2. Family Values
         1. Illustration of Vases or Disobedience on p 12
      3. Family Roles
      4. Family Conflict Resolution
      5. Family Response to Failure
      6. Family History
   2. What are the mistakes we often make regarding these influences?
      1. We assume they are just helpless victims because of their
      2. We assume they are unaffected by their experiences
      3. We rely on determinism: if the environment is right, the kid will turn out right
      4. We have to remember that the clay is not passive
      5. This is why the heart is so important

Join Dave and Bethlie as they continue a study on a few select chapters of the book Ten Pillars of an Awesome Marriage by Charles Shoemaker. 

PART 2

5. Chapter 5 Conflict Resolution

1. 1. Goal - not to avoid but to handle wisely
   2. Illustration of Lady Astor to Winston Churchill - If you were my husband, I would give you poison; if you were my wife, I would take it!
   3. P. 85 Swindoll Quote
      1. Frequently, marital warfare is in the trenches of belligerence or moodiness. Some battles are night attacks or surprise assaults. Others are cold wars of stoic silence.  Cruel methods of torture are also employed—public criticism, fearful threats, intimidation, ugly sarcasm, and hateful remarks designed to put down one’s mate. Such tactics are popular . . . but wrong because they are unfair and they never lead to domestic peace.”
   4. P. 87 PFS - personal filtering system
      1. Age
      2. Gender
      3. Education
      4. Life experiences
      5. Culture
      6. Temperament 
      7. Skills
      8. Personality
      9. Spirituality
   5. How do you resolve conflicts
      1. Be right with God
      2. Be swift to hear and slow to speak
      3. Own it when you are wrong
      4. Stay focused on issue at hand
      5. Face conflicts with a team mindset
         1. We not me
         2. A marriage struggles when it has two “I”s

Join Dave and Bethlie as they begin a study on a few select chapters of the book Ten Pillars of an Awesome Marriage by Charles Shoemaker. 

Here's the notes from this episode.

1. Introduction to the author
   1. He and His wife Sharon have been married for 50 years
   2. They have conducted Marriage and Family Conferences throughout North America, Asia, Central America, and Europe
2. Overview of the book
3. There are Ten Chapters - Neatly Alliterated
   1. Core Values - building a strong foundation
   2. Compatibility - understanding each other
   3. Commitment - staying connected
   4. Communication - learning to share openly and lovingly
   5. Conflict Resolution - solving disagreements peaceably
   6. Charity - loving unconditionally
   7. Choices - making wise decisions
   8. Companionship - living as positive partners
   9. Chemistry - enjoying marital intimacy
   10. Christ and His church - Going the distance with God’s help
4. Chapter 3 - Commitment
   1. A reminder of our wedding vows
      1. For better of for worse
      2. In sickness as in health
      3. Forsaking all others
      4. Until death do us part
   2. Why is commitment such a struggle for us today
      1. The culture we live in
      2. Low standards of many Christians
      3. Delayed consequences
   3. A section about truths to remember
      1. Commitment is a choice
         1. We choose to stay married
         2. We choose to make our spouse happy to be married
            1. Bring joy to your spouse
            2. Bless your spouse
            3. Serve your spouse
         3. We choose to continue growing together
            1. Two illustrations 
               1. No gas in a car it will stop running
               2. We have to grow the marriage relationship by putting fuel in the tank
               3. A plant ignored will die
               4. For a plant to thrive it has to receive a lot of attention

We reached back into the archives and pulled out a very special episode that Dave and Bethlie did back in season 2. Pray for Pastor Dave as he recovers from a pretty nasty cold. 

In this special episode, Dave and Bethlie Young tackle the critical issue of internet pornography and its impact on families. They share alarming statistics about pornography exposure among children and teens, including that 93% of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to internet porn before age 18, with the average first exposure occurring at age 11.

Pornography has become "aggressive" - actively seeking out children rather than requiring them to search for it. No family is exempt from this challenge, whether homeschooled, Christian schooled, or public schooled.

If you'd like more information regarding this please visit https://www.covenanteyes.com/ and use the promo code dnbyoung.

Thanks for joining us for part 2 of this series entitlted, "The Family Altar." If you've listened to Keeping It Young for long, you've probably heard Dave refer to the "family altar" but what exactly does he mean when he says that? 

7.  How do you do it?

1. 1. Schedule it
      1. John R. Rice had family altar after breakfast each morning.
         1. Read Scripture out loud as a family
         2. Each one prayed
      2. We had family altar in the evenings before bed.
         1. It was a calm down time
         2. It was a quiet time
         3. It was a special and fun time
   2. We have many scheduled habits
      1. 1. We brush our teeth
         2. We watch certain shows
         3. We eat at certain times
         4. We leave for school at specific times
      2. Schedule in a way that fits your family
      3. Make the schedule a habit
      4. Communicate the schedule
      5. Change it as needed . . .
   3. Make it predictable
      1. Be clear about how you do it
      2. Be clear about what will happen
   4. Plan it
      1. No phones
      2. Light conversation
      3. Scripture reading
      4. Time of prayer
      5. Gratitude

8.  Final thoughts:

You can’t do it if you aren’t what you should be as a parent

If you are growing and taking steps to be right, get started

Links:

Want to hear Pastor Dave Young preach?

Westwood Baptist Church

Westwood Baptist Church Podcast

If you've listened to Keeping It Young for long, you've probably heard Dave refer to the "family altar" but what exactly does he mean when he says that? The next few episodes will explain exactly what he means!

In this episode, you heard Dave and Bethlie reference a past episode on Deuteronomy 6.

Here is the link to part 1 of that 7 episode series.

Here are the notes from today's episode.

The Family Altar

1. What is a family altar?
   1. The family altar refers to the way a Christian family regularly prays together.
      1. It is different than grace at a table.
      2. It is a daily time that frequently includes Scripture combined with prayers
   2. The family altar is:
      1. A family altar is a designated space or time in a home dedicated to religious or spiritual practices, often involving prayer, worship, and study of sacred texts. It serves as a focal point for family devotions, fostering a sense of unity, spiritual growth, and connection to faith. The specific elements and practices associated with a family altar can vary greatly depending on the family's religious or spiritual tradition. 
      2. An “on purpose way” for a family to regularly learn spiritual truth and traditions
      3. The family altar — a designated time and place at home where the family comes together to pray, worship and experience the living God — is like a firewall against Satan’s schemes. Show me a family altar, and I will show you an atmosphere of faith and a house where God’s presence resides.-Samuel Rodriquez, Influence Magazine

The term “family altar” speaks to a time when the leader of the home gathers the family together to focus on God.

• For some families, that may mean once a week. It could be Sunday evening as the family prepares for another week.
• It could be Saturday evening as they family prepares their heart for worship with their church the next morning.
• Other families might practice it everyday at the breakfast table or at nighttime prayers.

Why is the family altar important? God says so – that’s why! Here are just a few of the examples of God’s stance on the family altar:

1. Abraham was told to teach his children so that following generations would know the Lord (Gen. 18:19).
2. Moses taught that parents were to teach their children to love the Lord all throughout the day (Deut. 6:7).
3. The psalmist taught the necessity of God’s people declaring God’s greatness to the next generations (Ps. 78:3-7).
4. Solomon taught that if you trained a child in the Lord, they would not depart from that way (Prov. 22:6).
5. Fathers were instructed to teach children in the instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).

Why should we have one?

1. 1. It builds unity in a family
   2. It teaches Bible truths systematically to our children
   3. It makes a statement that our faith is real and valid
   4. It focuses our attention on our God
   5. It helps to foster peace in the home
   6. It is a way to influence our children on a daily basis
   7. It provides a way for us to obey the Scriptures regarding our family

Links:

Want to hear Pastor Dave Young preach?

Westwood Baptist Church

Westwood Baptist Church Podcast

We conclude this series this week with Part 3. To make it easier for you to remember the outline for the last two weeks we've included all three weeks below. 

Part 1

1. It is hard.
   1. Life is busy all by itself, but caring for aging parents doubles or triples the load.
   2. Some parents are pretty much on their own all the way through life, but others need lots of help and care.  
2. As much as possible, plan ahead before care is needed.
   1. Talk with all the family who is involved or who will be.
   2. If possible, purchase insurance plans that will help.
      1. Perhaps pay for them as a family.
      2. Secure wills and power of attorneys and bank accounts and all that while it can be done easily.
   3. Have a plan as to who is in charge and who will help and how it will be done.
3. Be prepared for misunderstanding and difficult responses
   1. Remember truth when accusations are made
   2. Remember truth when challenges occur

Part 2

1. It needs to be a WE affair and not a ME affair
   1. Get everyone involved
      1. Brothers and sisters
         1. Typically best to give someone power of attorney
         2. Typically best to give someone the power of the money
      2. Aunts and uncles
         1. They can spend nights
         2. They can transport to appointments
      3. Sons and daughters
         1. If you parents live with you, the kids can help with them
      4. Spouse
         1. Communicate
         2. Prioritize
            1. On both sides
               1. The one who is care-giving needs love and understanding as they give to their parent
               2. The one who is married to the care-giver needs the same as they give to their spouse
   2. Everyone should get involved
      1. One person likely cannot do it by themselves
      2. Each person must shoulder some responsibility
2. Make it a practical matter
   1. Prepare wisely
      1. Think ahead while the decision is easy
      2. Decide ahead of time as many things as possible
         1. Have a will
         2. Have a living will
         3. Have all information and important papers located and available
   2. Plan carefully
      1. Sit down with as many people as possible to make a plan
      2. Someone should be designated as the one who “takes-charge”
   3. Talk continually
      1. Keep everyone in the loop
      2. Keep everyone organized
      3. Perhaps use a group text morning and evening

Part 3

             4.  Schedule specific responsibilities

1. 1. 1. Living arrangements
      2. Driving arrangements
         1. Appointments
         2. Events
      3. Financial arrangements
2. Know your limitations
   1. Some things can be done
   2. Some things cannot be done
   3. Some times you need a break
      1. Never allow yourself to feel guilty for taking a break when it is needed
3. Some questions
   1. How do you handle difficult parents?
      1. Do the right thing
         1. The right thing is to keep caring
         2. The right thing may be to allow someone else to do the caring
      2. Do the hard thing
         1. You may have to choose a nursing home
         2. You many have to choose assisted living
      3. Allow someone to have veto power over your decisions?
         1. By that I mean limited veto power
            1. Limited by time (they can override for a set amount of time)
   2. How do you handle parents with whom you have little or no relationship?
      1. Prayerfully
         1. Pray about it
         2. Seek counsel as you pray
      2. Wisely
         1. If you have no relationship, you do not have to carry the burden of responsibility 
         2. If you have a damaged relationship, seek to make things right
         3. If you cannot make things right, you may need to allow others to serve as the care-giver and you serve as a helper . . .

Part 2

Caring for aging parents is hard! Dave and Bethlie discuss practical ways you navigate these difficult times.  If you are in this season, or will be in this season, we trust this content will be a help.  If you know of someone who could use this, please share it. 

4. It needs to be a WE affair and not a ME affair

1. 1. Get everyone involved
      1. Brothers and sisters a
      2. Aunts and uncles
      3. Sons and daughters
      4. Spouse
   2. Everyone get involved
      1. One person likely cannot do it by themselves
      2. Each person must shoulder some responsibility

5.  Make it a practical matter

1. 1. 1. 1. Prepare wisely
         2. Plan carefully
         3. Talk continually
            1. Keep everyone in the loop
            2. Keep everyone organized
         4. Schedule specific responsibilities
            1. Living arrangements
            2. Driving arrangements
               1. Appointments
               2. Events

Links:

Want to hear Pastor Dave Young preach?

Westwood Baptist Church

Westwood Baptist Church Podcast

Caring for aging parents is hard! Dave and Bethlie discuss practical ways you navigate these difficult times.  If you are in this season, or will be in this season, we trust this content will be a help.  If you know of someone who could use this, please share it.  \

Caring for Aging Parents

1. It is hard.
   1. Life is busy all by itself, but caring for aging parents doubles or triples the load.
   2. Some parents are pretty much on their own all the way through life, but others need lots of help and care.  
2. As much as possible, plan ahead before care is needed.
   1. Talk with all the family who is involved or who will be.
   2. If possible, purchase insurance plans that will help.
      1. Perhaps pay for them as a family.
      2. Secure wills and power of attorneys and bank accounts and all that while it can be done easily.
   3. Have a plan as to who is in charge and who will help and how it will be done.
3. Be prepared for misunderstanding and difficult responses
   1. Remember truth when accusations are made
   2. Remember truth when challenges occurC
4. It needs to be a WE affair and not a ME affair
   1. Get everyone involved
      1. Brothers and sisters
      2. Aunts and uncles
      3. Sons and daughters
      4. Spouse
   2. Everyone get involved
      1. One person likely cannot do it by themselves
      2. Each person must shoulder some responsibility

Links:

Want to hear Pastor Dave Young preach?

Westwood Baptist Church

Westwood Baptist Church Podcast