Keeping It Young

"We're just not compatible." Dave and Bethlie have heard couples say it on the way to separation, and they call it what it is: a lie. In Part 2 of Overcoming Lies, they look at how our culture defines compatibility (harmony, no conflict, no interruptions) and why no marriage could ever meet that standard. Men and women are different by God's design, and that's not a reason to quit. From 1 Peter 3:7, a story about nine restaurant options, and what they've seen in the counseling room, the Youngs share four ways to overcome incompatibility: grow in the Lord, love above all, live loyally, and give each other grace. If you're building a Christian family and your marriage feels like a mismatch, this episode will help you see your differences differently.

Few phrases end more marriages than this one: "We're just not compatible." It sounds reasonable. It even sounds mature. But Dave and Bethlie Young believe it's one of the enemy's favorite lies, especially for couples who are already struggling.

This week the Youngs continue the Overcoming Lies series with a second lie about marriage. They take apart the culture's definition of compatibility, explain why husbands and wives have to learn it, and give four practical ways to overcome the incompatibilities every couple runs into.

The Lie: "We're Not Compatible"

The Cambridge Dictionary defines compatibility as being able to exist, live, or work successfully with someone. An AI-generated definition went further, adding that compatible people live in harmony, without conflict, interruption, or adverse reactions. Put any man and woman under the same roof for weeks on end and there will be conflict. By that standard, no relationship is compatible.

Biblically, a husband and wife who are opposite in gender, role, upbringing, taste, and perspective can still live and work together successfully. What they won't have is constant, unbroken harmony, because we live in a broken world. As the Youngs have said many times, the goal is never to avoid conflict. The goal is to handle conflict in a healthy way.

Part of our culture works hard to erase the differences between men and women, then turns around and tells a struggling couple they're probably not compatible and should separate. Men and women are different by God's design. Those differences can create friction, but they can also make a marriage stronger when couples use them instead of fixating on each other's weaknesses.

Husbands and Wives Have to Learn Compatibility Study your spouse (1 Peter 3:7)

Your husband will never be a woman, and your wife will never be a man, and you wouldn't want either. Compatibility is something you work at. First Peter 3:7 tells husbands to dwell with their wives according to knowledge: to think about her, study her, and understand why she is the way she is.

Four Ways to Overcome Incompatibility 1. Grow in the Lord

A lot of marriage problems get solved as each spouse becomes more like Jesus: more gentle, gracious, patient, kind, and considerate. In counseling, the Youngs often see couples stuck in a reaction cycle: "He isn't walking with God, so I won't either." That's a downward spiral. First Peter 3 shows a wife how to keep honoring God even when her husband isn't doing right. Whatever your spouse does, you can still walk with God, and you will be better off for it.

2. Love above all

Don't let little things become irritations. Settle it in your heart and say it out loud: I love you, I'm here for you, and I'm not leaving.

3. Live loyally

The same culture that preaches compatibility also makes it normal for couples to be sarcastic and belittling about each other in public, even in the church lobby after a service. It may get a laugh, but it isn't harmless, especially when there's already an issue in someone's heart. Bethlie shares that when people try to draw her into joking at Dave's expense, she answers in a way that makes clear she's on his side. You may need to talk something through at home, but in public, back each other up.

4. Give each other grace

Bethlie speaks directly to wives here. Some women can't let anything slide: how he picked up his fork, held the baby, talked to the kids, or chose a parking spot. If your husband corrected you that often, you'd be an emotional mess. Give him grace. In giving grace, you'll find a lot more compatibility.

Is biblical leadership and submission outdated? Our culture says yes, and many Christian couples have quietly agreed. In Part 1 of Overcoming Lies, Dave and Bethlie Young take on the first lie about marriage: that God's design for husbands and wives is old-fashioned and doesn't work.

They explore how feminist ideology has shaped the way singles, couples, and even church families view marriage and raising children. They explain why "Christian feminist" doesn't hold together, and they show how God made men and women differently on purpose. Husbands love, lead, and provide security. Wives submit, respect, and partner in the mission.

They also speak honestly to couples where one spouse isn't living biblically. It's a clear, grace-filled look at God's design for the Christian family.

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3. Detailed Show Notes

Overcoming Lies (Part 1): The Lie That Leadership and Submission Don't Work

Last week, Dave and Bethlie introduced the series on overcoming the lies we believe. They warned that lies come from the enemy, from the culture, and sometimes from our own hearts. This week, they name the first one. And they start where so many lies do their damage: marriage.

Before naming the lie, they point out that lies won't change anything without the truth of God's Word. They then examine how feminist ideology has moved from the fringe to the mainstream, including within the church. They also explain why God's design of loving leadership and respectful submission still works today.

Truth First: Why the Word of God Is Essential

Daily Devotions

Dave encourages every believer to set aside time each day. Close Instagram, Facebook, and the news, and open God's Word on purpose. An app is fine if that's what it takes, but not as background noise while doing something else. Real learning means stopping to meditate, think, and apply.

Faithfulness to a Bible-Teaching Church

In counseling, they regularly meet Christians who say, "I've never heard that before. Is that in the Bible?" Often these believers grew up in church but missed Sunday after Sunday for travel ball or "family time." They missed the very messages that could have challenged the lies they now believe.

Teaching Children at Home

Parents have to talk about God's Word while walking, driving, and sitting at meals. When issues come up, point your kids to the Bible. Truth is the key to overcoming lies.

How Feminism Has Shaped Views of Marriage

In this episode we will define feminism as a deliberate ideological shift that has reshaped how women, men, and singles view marriage. Bethlie notes how rare it has become to meet a young woman whose goal is to be a wife and mother. Many want marriage someday, but "not right now," after career, travel, and fun.

She points to a popular social media couple whose entire brand celebrates not having children so their Sunday mornings stay free. The message behind messages like that is that children would ruin your life.

"Christian Feminist" Is a Contradiction

Bethlie challenges women who call themselves Christian feminists, even jokingly. If you study what feminism actually teaches, she says, it doesn't line up with the Word of God.

The Lie: Leadership and Submission Are Old-Fashioned and Don't Work

Scripture teaches in Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, and 1 Peter 3 that God ordained the husband as head of the home. Wives follow his leadership and partner with him to accomplish the mission God has placed on his heart.

"We Submit to Each Other"?

Many Christian influencers reduce marriage to a co-equal arrangement where husband and wife take turns submitting, based on a verse in Ephesians 5. Mutual submission means both spouses submit to God's plan, and that plan gives husbands and wives distinct roles.

Equal in Worth, Different by Design

Men and women are both created in God's image, with equal access to grace, prayer, and the Father. In Christ, there is neither male nor female. But in a sin-cursed world, God designed the home so that two people with sin natures use their differences for the good of the relationship.

What About Harsh or Abusive Husbands?

A man who lords his leadership over his wife is terribly wrong. He isn't living out the biblical role God gave him. This isn't about wives letting husbands run over them. Both spouses must embrace their God-given roles.

God's Design for Husbands: Love, Lead, and Provide Security

Wives are designed by God to need security and to feel loved. When a husband fails, he undermines both. God commands husbands to love unconditionally so that her need is met through him, not through parents, children, friends, or coworkers.

That's why men are called to be workers. Dave shares how his father sometimes worked two jobs. Even in hard seasons, his mother reminded the children, "Your dad is a hard worker," pointing to the ways he provided security. Young husbands, the culture may ridicule the idea, but work hard to provide security for your wife.

God's Design for Wives: Submit, Respect, and Partner

Husbands are designed by God to accomplish a mission and to feel respected in doing it. That's why many men are "married to their work." Marriage gives them a greater mission: a happy home, provision, and growing old together.

Bethlie challenges the culture of belittling husbands, whether through eye-rolling posts on social media or comments in the church lobby. A disrespected husband often stops trying, which leaves his wife feeling even more unloved. Her goal: when David comes home to Woodstone Drive, he knows he'll find respect there, no matter what happens anywhere else.

Dwell With Understanding: Study Each Other

First Peter 3 calls husbands to live with their wives according to knowledge, with understanding. Every marriage is unique:

• Husbands: Learn what your wife needs in order to feel secure, and take steps to provide it.
• Wives: Learn what makes your husband feel respected, whether that's words, attitude, partnership, or encouragement.

In a culture built on sarcasm and ridicule, God calls couples to study and meet each other's needs.

When Your Spouse Isn't Living Biblically

Some husbands act like big kids, and some wives expect to be treated like princesses. When one spouse is believing a lie, it's hard. But it doesn't excuse the other spouse from obeying God. Bethlie encourages wives to keep respecting and following their husbands. Often, when one spouse starts doing what's right, the other becomes more willing to follow.

What we laugh at, we tend to accept. And what we accept, we eventually believe and practice. Dave and Bethlie launch a new part of the Overcoming series: Overcoming the Lies We Believe.

This introductory episode looks at three sources of deception: the enemy, who has lied since the Garden; a cultureamplified by social media, AI, and viral humor; and, most surprisingly, ourselves. The Youngs explain why lies don't only affect "the culture out there." They quietly shape good Christian homes, marriages, and how we go about raising children.

The only way to overcome them is the Word of truth, read personally, taught at home, and given priority over every other activity.

Overcoming the Lies We Believe: Series Introduction

Dave and Bethlie begin the final stretch of their year-long Overcoming series with one of their most important topics yet: the lies we believe, and the lies we practice. When our beliefs are wrong, they shape our habits and behavior. That affects our personal lives, our marriages, our churches, and how we raise our children.

Source 1: The Enemy Is a Liar

The Father of Lies

Dave points to John 8:44, where Jesus calls the devil a liar and the father of lies, and to John 10:10, where the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Often the enemy does that destroying through the lies we believe, from political lies that have cost lives to personal lies that damage marriages, children, and grandchildren.

"Yea, Hath God Said?"

Bethlie notes that Satan's very first lie in the Garden questioned God's word. She shares how the enemy lies on both sides of sin, using abortion as an example. First he says, "It's your body, it's not really a baby." Afterward he says, "No one will ever forgive you, and God can't love you now." He tempts us into sin, then piles on shame to keep us in bondage.

Source 2: The Culture Is Deceiving Us

Some cultural lies are simply accepted norms. Others are deliberate, patient, and designed. Dave explains how harmful systems advance step by step, with each step made to look desirable so we ignore where the path leads.

Scripture's Warnings About Deception

• Romans 16:18
• Ephesians 4:14
• Ephesians 5:6
• Thessalonians 2:3
• 1 John 3:7

Source 3: We Can Deceive Ourselves

One of the strangest truths in Scripture is that we can convince ourselves something is true when it isn't, and then defend it and live it.

• 1 John 1:8
• 1 Corinthians 3:18

The Only Way to Overcome: The Word of Truth

Follow the Word, Not the Influencer

Bethlie cautions against trusting an Instagram influencer, a favorite author, or a conference speaker more than Scripture. Come to the Bible with an open heart and a mind ready to reason, not with the attitude that it's too archaic to apply.

Devotionals Can't Replace the Bible

Good devotional books and commentaries have value, but they can't replace reading line upon line and precept upon precept: whole chapters, whole books, and the whole counsel of God. Listening while exercising or driving is fine, but life change requires sitting down to focus, learn, and apply.

Church and Family Devotions Are Under Attack

Many families let sports, events, and activities take priority over church. Our forefathers made church the foundation of life, not an add-on. Dave points to Deuteronomy's pattern of teaching children God's Word when sitting at home, walking along the way, lying down, and rising up. Without personal Bible reading, family devotions, and faithful church attendance, we can't overcome the lies.

4. Key Takeaways

• Cultural lies follow a pattern: what we laugh at, we accept, believe, and eventually practice. Be careful what entertains your Christian family.
• Spiritual deception comes from three sources: the enemy, the culture, and our own hearts.
• Satan lies on both sides of sin. He tempts you in, then shames you to keep you in bondage. God's truth offers freedom.
• Reading the Bible for yourself matters. Devotionals and influencers can't replace studying God's Word line upon line.

Raising children in the truth requires family devotions and making church a priority, not an add-on to a busy schedule

In the final part of the mini-series Overcoming a Struggling Marriage, Dave and Bethlie bring the five-step series to a close. They show how to stop dividing and start doing life together. That means family dinners at the table instead of in front of the TV, walks after supper, date traditions, and even peeling potatoes side by side.

Dave and Bethlie discuss the last two steps in this last mini-series episode. Affirm your commitment through words, vows, and simple texts that say "I'm here for you." And forgive, both by asking for forgiveness and by offering it before you're asked.

Overcoming a Struggling Marriage (Part 3): Do Life Together, Affirm, and Forgive

Help for marriages is everywhere: books, podcasts, and resources right on your phone. But as Dave and Bethlie warn, it's easy to heap up knowledge and never take it to heart. In Episode 336, the Youngs wrap up their mini-series with practical steps to put into practice this week, whether your marriage is truly struggling, a little stale, or just too busy.

Episode Overview

The five steps for overcoming a struggling marriage are Speak, Seek, Abandon, Affirm, and Forgive.

Quick Review: Speak, Seek, Abandon

• Speak words of affection, affirmation, gratitude, and prayer.
• Seek to do things together, serve each other, solve problems, and seek God together.
• Abandon criticism, negative statements, and division. That does not mean abandoning your spouse.

Abandon Division: Do Life Together

Eat Together

Aim for at least one meal a day together, ideally supper. For the Youngs, family table time was one of the most looked-forward-to parts of the day. Even with children at the table, husband and wife connect by hearing the same stories and caring for the kids as a team. Eating side by side in front of the TV isn't the same as eating together.

Exercise Together

Most of us live sedentary lives, so take a walk after dinner or work out together. Dave set up a small garage gym that the family still uses.

Enjoy Entertainment Together, Wisely

Ball games, plays, musicals, and traditions all count. For years, the Youngs' annual tradition was seeing A Christmas Carol at the Ohio Theatre. It was entertaining, and it was an investment in their marriage.

Do the Extra Things Together

• Bethlie connected with each of their children in the kitchen, where light conversations often turned into teaching moments (what the kids call "mom mode").
• As newly empty nesters, they found new connection when Dave asked, "What can I do?" and started peeling potatoes and carrots for Sunday dinner.
• Is your spouse a golfer? Ride along. One couple at their church turned his golf outings into time together, with her serving as the cart chauffeur.

Step 4: Affirm

Reaffirm your commitment and your vows, especially when things are hard: "I meant it when I said for better, for worse."

Affirmation can be lighthearted, too:

• "I'd marry you all over again."
• "You're still my favorite person in the world."
• "You're still the most attractive person I've ever seen."

Affirm With a Simple Text

Bethlie suggests a quick message on a hard day, such as "I'm praying for you" or "You're going to do great."

Step 5: Forgive

Ask for Forgiveness and Give It Freely

Ask: "I know this was wrong. Will you forgive me?" But you can also forgive without being asked, simply because you love your spouse and the offense isn't worth holding on to.

When a Hidden Hurt Turns Into Bitterness

Dave shares a recent counseling session with a couple who had already seen several counselors. The wife listed everything her husband wouldn't change. Then the husband quietly said that during the hardest time of his life, she wasn't there for him. She didn't seem to even hear it. Whether or not his hurt was justified, it had turned to bitterness, and that bitterness was dividing them.

Satan uses held-on hurts to undo every other step. He silences our speaking, makes us stop seeking, and encourages division.

Forgive in God's Power, Not Your Own

Bethlie reminds believers that Scripture commands us to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving, just as Christ forgave us. If you feel you can't forgive, get alone with God and ask for His forgiving power. Remembering how much He has forgiven you can be overwhelming. And ask the Lord whether the thing you're holding on to is really a big deal at all. Deal with unforgiveness quickly, before it grows.

Coming Up Next Week

Overcoming the Lies of Our Culture

Overcoming a Struggling Marriage (Part 2): Abandon Criticism, Negativity, and Division

Ask most couples if their marriage is struggling and they'll say, "No… but we're really busy." Jobs, church, and a calendar full of the kids' sports, music lessons, and fine arts can leave husbands and wives passing in the hallway. Some couples simply land in a stagnant season.

In Episode 335, Dave and Bethlie Young continue their mini-series within the Overcoming series. They remind couples that it takes two to overcome a struggling marriage, and that the Christian's victory over the world comes through faith.

Episode Overview

After a quick review of last week's first two steps, the Youngs introduce the third step for overcoming a struggling marriage: Abandon. They're quick to clarify that this does not mean abandoning your spouse. It means letting go of three habits that quietly erode a Christian marriage.

A Struggling Marriage Takes Two

In counseling, the Youngs often find that each spouse wants to be closer but sees the fault only in the other person. Dave points to the Lord's message to the lukewarm church of Laodicea. Things weren't well, though they thought they were, yet the Lord loved them and promised to help them overcome.

Review: Step 1 — Speak

• Husbands speak words of affection, and wives speak words of affirmation.
• Both spouses speak gratitude, praise, and prayer.
• Dave recalls the Youngs' interview with Dr. Gary Thomas about making good marriages great.
• In a recent counseling session, a wife immediately attacked her husband's account instead of sharing her own. Dave's response: Stop that.
• Check-in question: What words of affection or affirmation did you speak on purpose this week?

Review: Step 2 — Seek

• Seek to serve each other. Ask "What can I do for you?" instead of "What will my spouse do for me?"
• Seek to solve problems together. Be swift to hear and slow to speak, and learn to identify the real problem.
• Seek God together. Go to church, small groups, and Bible studies together, and above all, pray together to reconnect when you feel distant.

Step 3 — Abandon Abandon All Criticism

Scripture teaches that as a person thinks in their heart, so are they. When a husband constantly criticizes his wife, she begins to see herself that way and live that way. The same is true when a wife criticizes her husband. The Youngs note they see this same pattern in children raised by negative parents.

Bethlie adds that a husband who is constantly corrected for how he bathes or diapers the baby or shops for groceries will often just stop trying. That leaves the wife even more frustrated.

How to Address Real Issues Without Criticism

• Ask a favor. Try "Would you do this for me?" instead of sarcasm or eye-rolling.
• Accept that different isn't wrong. If the baby gets changed, go with it.
• Talk with curiosity. Ask, "Is that how your family did it?"
• Save corrections for things that truly matter, and let the rest go.
• Wives, watch the perfectionism. As Bethlie puts it, get off your "control girl high horse."

Abandon All Negative Statements

Sitcom-style sarcasm, like "You're such an idiot, ha ha," trained a generation to laugh at put-downs. In a real marriage, those words weaken and demolish.

Abandon Division

Anything that pulls you apart has to go. Dave points to Peter's call to "add to your faith." God works through addition and multiplication. Add to your marriage, and multiply your efforts: if your kind words didn't land last week, say them ten times more. Text them, email them, write them on the calendar, or tuck them in a lunchbox.

How Technology and Busyness Divide the Christian Family

Picking up from the Overcoming Technology series, the Youngs warn that couples can sit on the same couch or lie in the same bed on separate devices and still be divided. Children's activities can divide families too.

Try this: Take your family out to eat, leave every phone in the car, and notice how hard conversation feels at first.

This Week's Homework

Sit down together and ask:

1. Do you feel like we are divided in any way?
2. What do you think we could do to improve that?

Part 3 continues next week with more on doing life together.

A struggling marriage doesn't have to become a doomed marriage. In Part 1 of Overcoming a Struggling Marriage, Dave and Bethlie share the first two of five biblical steps for turning a Christian marriage around, even in the busy years of raising children.

Step one is SPEAK. Husbands give words of affection, wives give words of affirmation, and both spouses offer gratitude, praise, and prayer. Step two is SEEK. That means seeking each other out, serving each other, solving problems together, and seeking God together, including a simple church-pew habit that protects your marriage.

The episode is practical, and a little funny (yes, the bedroom pillows come up). It's for every Christian family that wants more than "just hanging on."

Why a Struggling Marriage Isn't a Doomed Marriage

Marriages struggle for many reasons:

• Busy seasons of work and raising young children
• Empty-nest adjustments after years centered on the kids
• Phones and screens pulling spouses into separate corners
• Deeper hurts, such as dishonesty or feeling uncared for

The first move is refusing the lie that struggle means the end.

Step 1: Speak

Speech is one of God's greatest gifts to people. In a struggling marriage, couples tend to go silent, or they let loose unkind and unhelpful words. Dave points to Scripture's call to avoid corrupt communication and to build each other up. He also cites Solomon's warning in Proverbs that careless words can pierce like a sword.

Husbands: Speak Words of Affection

A wife needs to hear "I love you," and Dave suggests adding the word because: "I love you because…" That meets her heart's question: Am I loved enough?

Wives: Speak Words of Affirmation

A husband's heart asks: Do you respect me? Am I good enough? Bethlie challenges wives to resist the cultural habit of picking men apart, both at home, among friends, and on social media. She shares a testimony from the Seeking Him Bible study by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and Tim Grissom. In it, a wife repented of being controlling and critical, and her husband said her new encouragement let him thrive.

Both Spouses: Speak Gratitude, Praise, and Prayer

• Gratitude: Don't take a hardworking husband or a devoted wife for granted. Say thank you often.
• Praise: The praise you need should come from inside your home, not from strangers at the grocery store.
• Prayer: Pray for your spouse instead of growing bitter. Send a text that says, "I prayed for you today."

Bethlie shares a helpful principle attributed to Mrs. Graham: Take your praise to your husband, and take your complaints to the Lord.

Step 2: Seek Seek Each Other Out and Do Things Together

Put the phones down. Don't settle into separate rooms. Play board or card games, watch a movie, and laugh together. Don't let the world separate you.

Seek to Serve Each Other

Get the snack. Run the errand. Wipe down the sink. Learn how your spouse likes things done, even the order of the bed pillows, and turn small irritations into acts of service.

Seek to Solve Problems Together

Listen well, identify the real problem, give grace, and learn to let things go. (The Youngs' earlier conflict resolution series goes deeper on this.)

Seek God Together

Worship together, sit together in church, attend small groups and Sunday school together, and pray together. Bethlie shares advice from Pat and Susie Del Porto: don't let your children sit between you in church. Sitting shoulder to shoulder under the Word of God softens hearts and sweetens a marriage.

In part 3 of the Overcoming Technology mini-series, Dave and Bethlie quickly recap the first three steps (determine if you need to change, educate yourself, recognize the damage) before landing on the three that close out the series: find alternative activities, create tech-free zones, and discuss the changes needed — together, as a family. Technology itself isn't evil — it's a gift from God (1 Timothy 6:17) — but Christians are called to walk circumspectly (Ephesians 5) and redeem the time, which is hard to do when technology is running the show instead of being run by us.

Quick recap of steps 1–4 (from Parts 1 & 2):

1. Determine if you need to overcome technology
2. Educate yourself (books, podcasts, research)
3. Recognize the damage it can cause (sleep disruption, social isolation, eye strain, shorter attention spans, addiction, loss of privacy, cyberbullying)
4. Determine the changes needed (individual — time limits, habit changes, removing non-essential apps, silencing notifications)

The final three steps:

1. Find alternative activities — Step away on purpose through physical activity, hobbies, and face-to-face interaction. Suggestions: walks after dinner, biking, mountain biking, golf, tennis, painting, crafting, cooking. The point: if parents don't proactively offer alternatives, kids won't find them on their own.
2. Create tech-free zones — Specific zones discussed:
   • Mealtime — TV off, phones away, actual conversation
   • The bedroom — phones stay out, use an analog/digital alarm clock instead; protects sleep and removes late-night temptation
   • Ballgames and kids' activities — be present, not on your phone
   • Family movie night — phone-free even during streaming ad breaks (use the break for a bathroom run, popcorn, or "a kissing break")
   • Alternative approach: designate the family room (or one area) as the only place tech is allowed, making the rest of the house tech-free by default
3. Discuss the changes needed — with your kids, not just for them — Ask questions rather than issue mandates: "Do you think you're on the internet too much?" "What would you do with your time if you weren't on TikTok?" Getting kids to buy in (rather than just enforcing rules) leads to better results. Consider one tech-free day a month as a family, agreed on together.

In part two of the Overcoming Technology series, Dave and Bethlie continue unpacking how smartphones and social media quietly reshape our habits, relationships, and spiritual life — and what to do about it. Building on Tony Reinke's 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You, they walk through the specific ways technology damages attention, relationships, and reflection, then move into practical, doable changes.

Recap the 12 ways phones change us (from Tony Reinke's book), continued from Part 1:

- Phones constantly pull our attention away from the present moment (and the "seven-minute foundation" needed for meaningful conversation)

- Digital interaction often replaces physical presence with people around us

- Online metrics drive an unhealthy desire for affirmation (likes, followers, influencer culture)

- Skimming digital feeds reduces deep reading comprehension

- Endless entertainment is available at any second (the disappearance of boredom)

- Online personas mask true self-understanding

- Digital connectivity frequently leads to isolated lifestyles rather than true community

- Screens provide private access to harmful or distracting imagery

- An overload of trivia crowds out deep reflection

- Constant checking stems from anxiety over being disconnected

- Impersonal digital spaces lower our patience and kindness in communication

- Constant notifications eliminate the silent spaces needed for prayer and calm thought

The four-step framework for overcoming technology:

1. Determine if you need to overcome technology (are you controlled by it? better because of it? how is it affecting your kids?)
2. Educate yourself (read books, research — they recommend The Tech-Wise Family and 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You)
3. Recognize the damage it can cause (the list above)
4. Determine the changes needed — practical steps discussed:

- Set time limits (using phone settings or a timer/Alexa)

- Change habits (phones out of the bedroom, off the table at meals, a charging basket)

- Replace with something better (a regular watch instead of a smart watch)

- Silence notifications and check at scheduled times

- Remove non-essential apps (or access certain platforms only on a computer)

- Turn off notifications and keep the phone on silent

Overcoming Technology Part 1

Is your phone running your house or are you running it? What about other forms of technology? Dave and Bethlie are back from their August break and kicking off a new stretch of the Overcoming series: Overcoming Technology.

How do you overcome technology?

We've listed a few suggestions:

1. Determine if you need to do so
   1. Are you controlled by it?
   2. Are you better becausse of it?
   3. Where are you being negatively impacted by it?
   4. Are your children being negatively impacted by it?
   5. 68% of us admit that electronic devices keep us from having real conversations
   6. 50% of us see phones as a significant disruption to our family meals.
2. Educate yourself
   1. Read and research
   2. 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You
   3. My Tech Wise Family
   4. The Tech Wise Family
3. Recognize the damage it can cause
   1. Sleep disruption
   2. Reduced physical activity
   3. Social isolation
   4. Mental health issues
   5. Digital eye strain
   6. Shorter attention span
   7. Cyberbullying
   8. Loss of privacy
   9. Technology addiction
   10. Environmental damage

Episode 330: 7 Steps to Building a Christian Family — Part 5

Text: Deuteronomy 6:6–12 (review of 6–9, new focus on 10–12)

Recap of Steps So Far

Underlying foundation: knowing God — building a real, living relationship with Him (not just a salvation moment).

1. Fear God — reverent awe + healthy fear of consequences.
2. Keep God First — requires ongoing self-examination ("Lord, am I keeping you first?"). This is similiar to the purpose of a revival: intentional, recurring evaluation of the heart.
3. Love God with heart, soul, might/mind/strength — loving God with total, unguarded enthusiasm.
4. Teach God's Word Diligently — not just memorization but application, so Scripture "pops up" in the heart in the moment of decision or conviction (Proverbs 6).

Step 5 (this episode): Enjoy God's Blessings Wisely (Don't Forget God in Abundance)

Deut. 6:10–12 — warns Israel that once they live in houses they didn't build, drink from wells they didn't dig, and eat from vineyards they didn't plant, and are "full," the danger is forgetting the Lord.

• This step "nails us as Americans" — most people live in homes they didn't build, eat food they didn't grow, and eat out of fullness/abundance rather than hunger.
• God is not against blessing/prosperity — the text itself promises houses, food, and abundance as gifts from God. Nice homes, cars, and possessions aren't inherently wrong or "spoiled."
• Caution: don't confuse God's blessing with the American Dream. Someone can have the bigger house, nicer car, or yacht and be completely unblessed if their family and relationship with God are falling apart. True blessing shows up as peace, joy, love, and gentleness in the home — not material markers.
• Scripture ties blessing to obedience/pursuit of righteousness (referenced the Deuteronomy blessings/curses passage and the pattern seen across Joshua vs. Judges) — but this isn't a strict formula; God remains gracious even amid failure.

Practical Application: Enjoying Blessings "With Care" / Frugality

• Money has two purposes: to live, and to give — live more frugally (smaller home, older-but-nice car, lower payments) to free up margin for giving and to avoid overwork that outsources parenting to daycare/babysitters.
• Have a grateful heart as a discipline — actively resisting complaint over aging cars, food choices, etc., which the hosts frame as a subtle form of forgetting God.
• Practical family habit: praying before meals with genuine, unhurried gratitude rather than rote routine; teaching kids a thankfulness verse; verbally noting "isn't it amazing we get to eat like this?" as a repeated family phrase.
• How blessed are you? In your blessings, are you forgetting God?(e.g., packed schedules of travel/activities, expensive Christian schooling, but no family devotions, gratitude, or altar at home).