Dave and Bethlie discuss the book And The Bride Wore White.

And The Bride Wore White takes the "purity talk" to a whole new level. Dannah Gresh is conversational, humorous, vulnerable, and frank, all while supporting every point with Scripture. Reading the book is like hearing from a loving big sister. It's written for high school through college aged girls, and we recommend that moms and their girls (or youth pastor's wives and teen girls) read it together. Charity and I read it together, and we had some great conversations. Be advised that Dannah is careful but frank about cultural struggles and purity issues. If we're being honest, our children, even if we feel they are totally protected from outside influences, are hearing what our world has to say about sexuality. It is worth it to prepare them with truth for the lies that our culture presents.

Dannah is also open and honest (again, carefully) about her own purity failure as a teen. My fear when I first picked up the book, was that it would present her "fall" or "struggle" in such a way that it would give license to sexual sin because, after all, that's what grace is for, right? But that is not at all Dannah's heart. Her desire is to keep girls from the shattering heartache and years of guilt and shame that Satan and our world never promises, but always delivers. The book also addresses how to allow the Lord to free you from sexual sin and to live in victory and healing grace.

*Charity told me that she felt the frankness of the book is needed to make sure every area of purity is well-covered and there is no room for "loop-hole" mentality. She said, "Mrs. Gresh makes sure she tells you every area that is wrong."

Chapter Titles Include:

And the Bride Wore White:

Deciding to Live a Lifestyle of Purity

Satan's Big Fat Sex Lies:

Learning to Recognize the Truth

Satan's Biggest, Fattest Sex Lie:

Resisting the Lure to Sin

Breakin' Up is Hard to Do:

Breaking off Sinful Relationships in Three Steps

Purity is a Process:

Defining Innocence and Purity

Purity Dreams of Its Future:

Envisioning a Godly Husband

Purity is Governed by Its Value:

Discovering Your Value in God's Eyes

Discovering Your Value in the Eyes of Others

Purity Speaks Boldly:

Preparing Your Tongue for Dates

Purity Loves Its Creator at any Cost:

Pursuing a Love Relationship with Jesus

Purity Embraces Wise Guidance

Inviting your Parents into Your love Life

Purity Watches Burning Flames:

Finding M.O.R.E. to Help You

Each chapter begins with a testimony from a teen or college student who is walking or learning to walk in purity. One of the teen girls to whom I gave this book said that those testimonials really spoke to her.

Every Chapter also begins with Scripture, the very first passage being Titus 2:11-13, "For the Grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ;" And so chapter one starts with saying NO to ungodliness and worldly lust, but emphasizing that we cannot maintain that purity on our own.

Every chapter ends with a reflection prompt allowing the reader to journal some ways that the Lord is convicting or encouraging them.

Join Dave and Bethlie as they look at Psalm 107. Get in the spirit of thanksgiving together.

Happy Thanksgiving and thank you SO much for listening to the Keeping It Young Podcast!

In this episode, Dave and Bethlie discuss "Good Pictures Bad Pictures," a critical resource for porn-proofing today's young kids in an age where internet pornography is accessible, affordable, anonymous, and aggressively seeking out our children. This book provides parents with practical tools and age-appropriate language to help children develop their own internal filter against harmful content before they're exposed to it. We'll explore why protecting our kids from pornography is essential and how this book equips families with a proactive plan to address one of the most dangerous threats facing children today.

1. Young children are being exposed to Internet Pornography
   1. They tell several devastating stories of real kids damaged by it
   2. These kids prompted the book
2. Porn is accessible to children and is anonymous and affordable (free)
3. When it comes to kids and pornography, ignorance is risk.
   1. A child's brain is wired to imitate what it sees
   2. A child is therefore more vulnerable to porn
   3. Viewing porn alters a child's brain in such a way that it easily leads to an addiction that is harder to overcome than drugs or alcohol
4. 100% of kids who choose to continue to view porn after an initial exposure are negatively influenced
   1. Today's porn has metastasized into degrading violence, rape, sex with children, group sex, and horrors that cannot be spoken outlaid.
   2. Addiction is very real
   3. Porn is a sinister counterfeit because it teaches that sex is a form of self-gratifying and often violent diversion instead of a way to build a loving committed relationship with someone they trust.
5. Kids must develop their own internet filters.
   1. Its called porn-proofing
   2. It teaches kids what porn is
   3. It teaches them why it is harmful to their brains
   4. It teaches them how to minimize impact once they have been exposed

About the chapters

Chapter 1 defines pornography

Chapter 2 defines addiction

Chapter 3 discusses the "feeling brain" (as opposed to the "thinking brain")

Chapter 4 discusses the "thinking brain"

Chapter 5 discusses how to put the two together

Chapter 6 My brains attraction center

Chapter 7 How Porn tries the brain into an addiction

Chapter 8 A CAN DO plan

Chapter 9 Escaping the poison of pornography

About the CAN DO plan

1. Close my eyes immediately
2. Always tell a trusted adult
3. Name it when I see it
4. Distract myself
5. Order my thinking brain to be the boss

Part 4 in the series on the book The DNA of Parent-Teen Relationships.

Chapter 5. How to Argue with Teenagers and Come Out as Closer Friends

1. 5,000 adults asked what they wished their parents had done differently during times of conflict
   1. They wished their parents had listened more
   2. They wished they could have talked about feelings more.
   3. They wished they had talked to their parents more
2. Begin by listening - James 1:19
   1. Sometimes we men don't know what to say to connect to our children's emotions - listening is a huge part of the battle
3. Allow their emotion to touch you
   1. Take time to feel their pain
   2. Take time to feel their sadness
4. Four destructive ways to argue
   1. Continually withdrawing from an argument
   2. Letting them escalate into hurtful name calling fights
   3. Belittling or invalidating each other during an argument
   4. Believing that a family member is tryin to hurt, frustrate, or cause fear on purpose.
5. Drive-thru talking!

Chapter 7 Democracy can bring responsibility to your home

1. This is the chapter where they talk about making a contract
   1. See p. 118 for the why have one
   2. And p. 118 on how to develop one
2. p. 125 They give advice on Dating

Part 3 in the series on the book The DNA of Parent-Teen Relationships.

Chapter 6 Finding the Best solution to any conflict

1. Making Wise decisions is having the ability through discretion and extensive knowledge to sensibly discern and judge something before receiving and acting upon it.
2. Power struggles cause the most issues with teens
3. The key is to find a solution that both can feel good about
4. Keys:
   1. Establish rules about discussing conflicts
      1. 10 rules for fair fighting
      2. The calmer the argument, the better the chance of an honoring outcome.
5. With teens agree ahead of time on what the consequences of poor choices will be.

Chapter 7 Democracy can bring responsibility to your home

1. Real freedom is having the inner power to do what is best for all concerned.
2. Immaturity is lacking the power to do what we know is right and not being able to delay gratification
3. This is the chapter where they talk about making a contract
   1. See p. 118 for the why have one
      1. A written and signed document has tremendous power to keep peoplein harmony with agreed-upon, loving rules
   2. And p. 119 on how to develop one
      1. You have to read the book for all the details, but here are a few thoughts:

1. Younger kids need less contract
2. Teens need more
3. Use precise wording that makes expectations clear
   1. We have recommended this in blended families especially
   2. The more involved in the agreement the greater the outcome
1. There is a section here with some very practical advice:
   1. On asking questions - important to teach our teens
      1. We taught ours the Daniel method based on Daniel 1
   2. On Cleanliness is good too
      1. Their rooms had to be clean before leaving for school or no TV for 24 hours

Dave and Bethlie continue their series on the book The DNA of Parent-Teen Relationships.

Chapter 5. How to Argue with Teenagers and Come Out as Closer Friends

1. 5,000 adults asked what they wished their parents had done differently during times of conflict
   1. They wished their parents had listened more
   2. They wished they could have talked about feelings more.
   3. They wished they had talked to their parents more
2. Begin by listening - James 1:19
   1. Sometimes we men don't know what to say to connect to our children's emotions - listening is a huge part of the battle
3. Allow their emotion to touch you
   1. Take time to feel their pain
   2. Take time to feel their sadness
4. Four destructive ways to argue
   1. Continually withdrawing from an argument
   2. Letting them escalate into hurtful name calling fights
   3. Belittling or invalidating each other during an argument
   4. Believing that a family member is tryin to hurt, frustrate, or cause fear on purpose.
5. Drive-thru talking!

We're taking a break from our book study this week and focusing on a very important topic in our society. During this season of high emotions in our country, join Dave and Bethlie as they look at emotions and personality from a Biblical standpoint.

This episode originally aired on episode 142.

Dave and Bethlie begin a new series on the book The DNA of Parent-Teen Relationships.

This is a great book about navigating the teen years.

I love the quotes that are at the beginning of each chapter:

Any adult who behaves the way that teenagers behave would be judged as certifiably insane. Ana Freud

In no order of things is adolescence the simple time of life.

-Jean Erskine Stewart

Fifty years from now it will not matter what kind of car you drove, what kind of house you lived in, how much you had in your bank account, or what your clothes looked like. But the world may be a little better because you were important in the life of a child.

-anonymous

Many of the others are verses.

Here are some of the subjects he tackles:

• How to make the teen years the best years
• How to keep anger levels low
• How to argue with a teen and come out as closer friends
• Finding the best solution in any conflict
• How democracy can bring responsibility to your home
• Strengthening your relationship with your teenager
• Helping teens make lemonade out of life's "lemons"
• Helping teens maintain and regain their virginity
• When teenagers walk away from the light
• Leaving home in honor

Chapter Three - Keeping Anger Levels Low

1. Unresolved anger is the number one enemy of our teen's healthy development and spiritual growth.
2. Three faces of unresolved anger
   1. Hurt feelings
   2. Frustration
   3. Fear/Feeling unsafe
3. What does it look like?
   1. Relationally - We distance from others
   2. Spiritually - We walk in the dark
   3. Emotionally - we close our heart
4. What provokes anger?
   1. Sarcastic jokes and comments
   2. Refusing to let them think on their own
      1. That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard
      2. You are too young to understand
      3. Who asked you?
5. Four steps in opening a teen closed spirit
   1. Reflect tenderness
      1. Lower your voice
      2. Become gentle in heart
      3. Speak slowly
      4. Get down on one knee
      5. Relax your facial expressions
   2. Increase your own understanding
      1. Empathy is identifying and understanding the other person's situation, feeling, and motives
   3. Admit the offense
      1. Write a note of apology
      2. And so forth
   4. Seek Forgiveness

Join Dave and Bethlie discuss as they discuss part 2 of thei 4th book in this series. Solving Marriage Problems by Jay E. Adams.

Part 2

Chapter 5 - More Unbiblical concepts about marriage

1. One's priorities must change radically with marriage.
2. Marriage is a commitment to become a new person.

Chapter 6 deals with handling Stubborn Habits that wreck a marriage

1. A habit is dislodged only by crowding it out with its biblical alternative.
2. No change commanded by God is unrealistic for those who know Christ as their Savior and are willing to do things His way.

Chapter 7 deals with communication

1. Communication is essential for developing and maintaining the deep intimacy that God designed for the marriage relationship.
2. The Christian walk (subject of Ephesians 4-6) is not a solitary walk. Harmony in walk requires harmony in talk.
3. Mishandled anger is one of he biggest hindrances to communication
   1. Clamming up
   2. Blowing up
4. Truth may hurt, but in the long run it will not hurt like a lie
5. And truth can be told to another, if it is relevant and spoken in the right manner

Chapter 10

1. The parent-child relationship is temporary: God says it must be broken.
2. The husband wife relationship is permanent.

Dave and Bethlie discuss the 4th book in this series. Solving Marriage Problems by Jay E. Adams.

Chapter 1

p. 2. Husbands and wives must grow as individuals in conformity to Christ in order to be compatible with each other.

What this book is all about?

1. Marriage problems of all sorts.
2. Causes of these problems
3. Ways of detecting, categorizing, naming and describing problems in a biblical manner.
4. Ways of reaching biblical solutions to marriage problems

Chapter 3 - What causes Marriage Problems?

1. The basic cause is always sin. But sin manifests itself in two ways: in erroneous concepts and in sinful attitudes or practices p 11
2. Wrong living will be changed only by rooting out the fundamental cause in a person's thinking. P. 12
3. Correcting organic problems do not make everything better. An organic problem may include bad attitudes to develop or cause a breakdown in communication. Correcting the problem does not automatically correct the attitude and the communication. Those have to be corrected separately.

Chapter 4 - UnBiblical Concepts about Marriage

1. The purpose of marriage is to meet man's need for companionship. Marriage was designed to defeat loneliness. Companionship, therefore, is the essence of marriage.
   1. This is why fornication, adultery and polygamy are wrong. They vitiate true companionship because they destroy the intimacy of a constant, close relationship.
2. The Obligation of marriage is to vow to provide companionship for another for the rest of their lives. It is not about receiving companionship but about giving it.