I don’t know if you’ve noticed but the world can be an emotionally hazardous place. Which is why one of the greatest treasures of my life is the precious handful of relationships in which I know it’s safe to be fully myself, fully honest, without fear of rejection.When we think about our tribe, the people to whom we belong, I think we often miss the point. Tribe is so often understood as a function of family of origin, lifestyle, or belief, but what I’ve learned about finding my tribe is that none of those traditional categories hold up under real pressure. Just because someone grew up in the same home with you doesn’t make them “your” people. Just because someone looks like you, lives like you, is at the same financial level as you, believes like you, or votes like you, doesn’t make them “your” people. Your people are the people with whom you can, for lack of a better term, be naked and unafraid with. Your people are the people who accept you and get you and truly value you regardless of whether those other factors are in play. The only creed they need confess, the only litmus test, is you. Those people are your people.How do you find those people? To be honest, I’m not exactly sure. Letting go of the false concepts of tribe would be a good start, but I think it also all starts with being one of those people yourself. And most of all, nurturing a relationship with that one person at the top of the list from whom you need the most honesty and the most unconditional acceptance … you.Self-loathing, self-condemnation, self-doubt, self-shaming, and endlessly rehearsing the long list of reasons why you are a fraud, why you don’t measure up, why you aren’t worth it, why you don’t deserve it, and why you need to do such and such, and be more like so and so in order to prove your worth … we all do it. And strangely, not liking and accepting yourself somehow feels like wisdom and tough love, but the truth is … the real truth is … none of it has ever helped. Not ever. Not once.Why? Because it’s not wisdom, or keen insight, or honesty, or tough love. It’s self-abuse.I don’t know why it takes so long for most of us, me included, to truly become our own best friends. All I know is the day that begins to happen is the day life truly begins. That is the day you’re ready to recognize your tribe. Perhaps they’re not here yet. Perhaps they’ve been here all along. Fortunately you don’t have to be the first person in your life to love and accept you. But you do have to be the first member of your own fan club before others are allowed to join.Is that selfish? No. It’s self-care. It’s what every lifeguard, first responder, and flight attendant knows about how to save others: In case of cabin depressurization oxygen masks will drop from the compartment above. Please affix your own mask first before helping those next to you. If you’re chasing someone else’s misplaced belief of what it means to be a hero, it may kill you both.The greatest gift you can ever give yourself is your own friendship. A friendship filled with regular dates. Time for you to be with you. Time for self-reflection wrapped up in complete and utter honesty but without judgment. It’s not always easy, but it is always healthy.Everything meaningful thing in life must learn to survive honesty. Your tribe will survive your honesty. You will survive your honesty. Honesty and acceptance are how you build a great relationship. Honesty and acceptance are how you build a whole safety net of relationships. Honesty with and acceptance of yourself … is how you build yourself beautiful life.