We think people who go all out to celebrate New Year's Eve are either trying too hard or they're just plain stupid. For us it's just another night. Give us some fake Chinese food and leave us alone. We want nothing to do with your alcohol-fueled revels trapped in Times Square among millions of your like-minded idiot "friends."

We see signs every day... Stop signs, Open signs, No Trespassing signs, etc. Now most of these signs make sense, but at the funeral of Nelson Mandela we witnessed a bold hoax perpetrated upon the world. For us, it was both a bad and yet a very, very funny sign.

It takes a special kind of person to have their beloved dead pet stuffed by a taxidermist. We think that special person needs to see a special kind of highly trained psychoanalyst immediately. Check out our 2 Legends' take on what they do when their pets "check out."

So we don't have a podcast mascot... and while we have no problem with Braves, Giants, Patriots, Redskins or Arabs as mascots, we feel a much more intimidating and effective representative would be a huge “Masshole” coming at you with an axe to grind.

So years ago we went to college and our parents spent an inordinate amount of money so we could learn first-hand about alcohol, illicit drugs and the facts of life. Decades later Dave gets a call from an earnest college girl asking for a modest donation to his beloved alma mater. Dave then "politely" proceeds to give her a whole new education.

Familiarity breeds contempt, especially when it comes to our 2 Legends and their mutual disdain for snow. And it's not just the "white stuff" but also how people (most of whom we should shovel under) lose at least 3 of their 5 IQ points when it comes to driving in winter.

You've heard of he said/she said, right? Well how about he said/what the hell did she just say? Everyone's talking, but no one's communicating. Language barriers are real, and they suck

We are all under a great deal of pressure to be environmentally conscientious. That's fine. But don't tell us we're bad people because we don't clean and recycle everything. Have you seen China lately?

Over the river and through the woods and far away from Dave's house you go, especially if he doesn't know you. It's that time of year to give thanks ... that you've been invited to Johnny's home instead.

Winter is coming to our neck of the woods. But it's nothing a few hundred dollars dropped at the outdoor store can't cure. We refuse to let the cold air kill us. Alcohol might do the trick but not sub-freezing weather.