Mary Stancavge (https://marystancavage.org/) told me, that she views the world through the lens of having an undefended heart. 

She is open to whatever shows up in her life. She seeks to be vulnerable. She encouraged me to consider the many ways in which we armor ourselves. Her undefended heart led her to say yes when a complete stranger asked to speak to her. And her undefended heart is what led her to discuss grief so openly - so that we all might benefit from her wisdom.

In our time together she pointed out the difference between knowing the reality of death versus living the experience of grief.

We can be undefended in our grief, by normalizing the fact that death is a part of everyday life.  We can normalize grief by not placing expectations around what it looks like, what it feels like, and how long it lasts. And we can seek to realize that there is nothing to do, nothing to fix, it is about being.

Which just might be easier said than done.