Let's Talk Soon

If Tricia were to write a book about what it’s like to be the mother of two boys, the title might just be, “Mom, something has happened.”  This episode was actually recorded a day later than planned because of, well…that headline.

Tricia ‘s family’s current challenge happened just two days before this recording, when her older son was swimming with some buddies and jumped off a 15-foot cliff into shallow water, breaking his tibia and affecting the growth plate in his leg. Fortunately his younger brother was one of the ‘buddies’ along for this adventure, and his first words to his mother on the emergency cell phone call were, “Mom? Something happened.”

Tricia isn’t upset in telling the story; actually she is feeling mostly annoyed that once again, her son has broken yet another bone, has yet another cast, and messed up yet another summer—for the whole family, really. Rob reminds her, though, that “five years ago when this happened, you actually got a husband out of the deal, so…what could there possibly be that could make this whole thing redeemable??” (Leave it to a brother.)

Rob reflects on the fact that his judgment during those years of his life was no better than his nephew’s; he was just…lucky. He didn’t ‘barrel’ into the car in front of him on that icy day, but dents were involved, and he had no choice but to call Dad, whom he found to be full of grace and kindness in light of his son’s driving mishap. But just a few weeks later when Rob decided to learn how to spin a car on an icy back road—and how to spin it right into a ditch—his dad seemed to suddenly forget to bring all that kindness, patience and grace to this situation!

Rob and Tricia end this episode on a light note, sharing the creative answers people have given to finish this sentence: “There are two kinds of people in this world…!”  Tricia’s favorite answer: “…those who place their toilet paper ‘over’… and those who are wrong!”

And in closing, Rob admits his honest and true feelings about cats.  All cats.

In this episode, Tricia and Rob answer the frequently asked question: “How did you two, as a brother and sister, become friends?”

1. Our parents encouraged our individual gifting: “What’s important to one of us is important to all of us.”
2. No name-calling. “We were allowed to be angry and work it out, but not allowed to be mean, call names, or physically hurt each other.” (Except that epic battle over the remote control.)
3. Our family had a lot of fun and laughter.  We didn’t have to visit friends’ homes to have a good time together; there was plenty of fun and good times to be enjoyed at home, just the four of us.
4. Laughter is bonding.  “The people with whom you experience strong emotion with are the ones you’ll return to in crisis, and laughter is a strong emotion.” –Tricia
5. We had fun at home: sometimes a spontaneous game of Tag after dinner, or “the evening we were playing cards and had to show up in costumes made from whatever we could find in our own closets.”
6. Fun, good conversations, and memories can be made when you have a “change of pace and change of place.”

During their middle school years, a crisis and the death of their dad’s brother caused them to realize that they must make a conscious decision to be friends, to love each other and to choose each other. Life only offers one shot at loving and prioritizing the people closest to you. They share a “benchmark experience” that happened one day in the high school lunch room, forever sealing the deal on their friendship.

“The person with the power has the ability to make the person with less power feel accepted and safe.” –Tricia 

“This truth is relevant within a family, and its relevance extends to the experience of many Americans in our daily current events. The dynamic changes when the person or people with the power say to those with less or no power, “I choose YOU.  I will not allow you to face this alone.  I cannot allow you to feel rejected and dejected.  Not. On. My. Watch.” - Tricia

“The sign of a professional: one who sits down in front of the blank page regardless of whether they feel like it or whether their energy is just right. They sit down anyway and go to work on their contribution to the world.” –Rob, on writing and podcasting

In this episode, Tricia and Rob talk about daily life as experienced within the concept of tribes, as explained in the writing of author Dave Logan in his book, Tribal Leadership.

We tend to associate ourselves into tribes based on the decisions we make: the cars we choose to drive, the type of music we prefer, whether we prefer a Mac or a PC.  According to Logan, we even have “work” tribes, based on the kind of work that we do and the attitude we have while doing it.

To launch this discussion, Rob shares his “take-aways” from Logan’s book, Tribal Leadership:

Level 1: Life Sucks.  This tribe is often found in a gang or prison culture.

Level 2: My Life Sucks. Some people are succeeding and happy, but I am not.

Level 3: I Am Great and You’re Not.  You’re not as good as me.

Level 4: We Are Great and They Are Not.  “We” have it figured it out. Everyone else is not great.

Level 5: Life Is Great. Including those who see life differently than we do. Let’s all be great together.

Most of us seem to live our daily lives moving between Levels 2, 3, and 4. When we do reach Level 5, it’s hard to stay there for long.

The Good News? You really can reach Level 4 consistently and even Level 5. You can.

The Bad News? You can’t skip a step.

“You have to keep fueling fire, keep adding to it.  It’s hard to keep adding things that you hate, finding more and more in common with others who hate so that you can hate together. But if we build our relationships on the things that we both feel positively and passionate about, that is life-giving.  And life-giving things are self-perpetuating.” – Tricia

“There is a point where you cannot feel any sadder. But there is no limit to joy.” – Rob

“Rarely do we have ‘bad days.’ Often we have a bad 45 minutes!  And when you have a bad 45 minutes, give yourself 15 minutes to say, ‘Oh man, that was terrible.’ But then you have the capacity to turn it around and change it.” – Rob
You can be in more than one tribe—not everything is binary! You can drink Pepsi and like Mac—both of those can be true! 

Today’s discussion question: What tribe are you proud to be part of, because it is life-giving?

Resources mentioned in this episode:
Logan, Dave. Tribal Leadership: Leveraging Natural Groups to Build a Thriving Organization.

In this episode, Tricia is looking for fun and laughter, but Rob is struggling emotionally. Why? Because they recorded this episode on June 3rd, which is the anniversary of the day that “Billy Joe McAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge,” immortalized in the 1960s by the song Ode to Billy Joe by Bobbie Gentry. This mournful ballad became a Lott family tradition that is celebrated in a pretty strange way every year on or near June 3rd. In this episode, Rob wins the annual battle on who would be the first to mention it on the anniversary of this sad (and also fictional) event.

With this memorable silliness as an introduction, Rob and Tricia talk about grief, loss, and ask the questions, “Does humor have a role in bringing healing? When is it acceptable to find any humor at all in a life experience that has been unspeakably hard?”

Tricia and Rob return to podcasting after taking a scheduled week off to relax and refuel, undoubtedly giving them each time to think on more ideas for podcast conversations! While they were off, our nation (and daresay, our world) erupted with racial and political crises. Rob opens this conversation by asking Tricia, “How are you as a family talking about all that is going on in our world?”  They readily agree on how uncomfortable it can be to talk about these values, yet it is more important now than ever.

Tricia’s experience over the previous week had been different from most others: she and her family had been “off the grid” for a week, enjoying a mountain home where there are plenty of wonderful amenities: mountains and rivers for boys and dogs to explore, wonderful fresh air and relaxation for the adults, and that includes no TV, radio, or internet—an environment that makes for a wonderful vacation. But when they returned to “civilization,” the family was suddenly faced with the overwhelming amount of critical issues and current events: riots, looting and protests (peaceful and otherwise) in cities across the US as sparked by the death of George Floyd. When Tricia’s family left town, COVID 19 was the national crisis; when they returned, it seemed to have taken a second or third row seat.

Tricia reports plenty of watching, learning, and reflecting with her sons, advising them, “You may watch it and actually you should watch it, because the events of this national crisis will be talked about for the rest of your life. But know this: it will change you—and it should.” She wanted them to understand that,
“in our family, we are upstanders; we are not bystanders. In our family, we stand up for what is right, and kindness always wins. The things that are happening in our city are not kind, they are not loving, they are not helpful, and this is not okay. You have to watch and see it so that you can know what you will do differently when you are faced with it.”

Rob reflects on the question that he and his wife Kate are asking themselves: “What does this look like for OUR house, to stand up and to speak up?” In the area near Orlando where they live, protests are happening very near them; they see both the protestors and the police officers in the streets within minutes of their home. “It’s national, but it’s also very personal for us.” 

“It is ALL of our places to speak up.  I have been a bystander for long enough, and I don’t know that a hashtag is going to help. And when you don’t know what to say or what to do, it’s okay to speak up and say, ‘I don’t know what to say or what to do. It’s all right to be that person, and to open yourself up to being educated.’” –Rob

Rob and Tricia discuss and agree on their preference to stay independent, not aligning completely with either party. “I don’t need to wait for them to tell me how I feel.  I don’t need to wait and see what they are going to take a stand on, for me to figure out if that is something that I should be doing. I can move forward; I can take the next step in the right direction, to do the next right thing, right now.” - Tricia

Rob shares a list he created of ways to take a step by being kind and loving to someone who doesn’t look like you. “Let’s all just get better at seeing each other—at acknowledging each other, at letting each other know, ‘hey, we’re here and we got each other!’ It’s one thing I can do right now to change the story.” - Rob

This conversation includes several topics of interest to leaders and creative thinkers (that’s all of us), and even a little grammar lesson with laughter tossed in.  This episode includes banter about:

• The best way to have fun and/or meaningful conversation with someone? Leave your phone in your pocket—or better yet, in the car!
• What to do when the Zoom call freezes when someone is mid-sentence
• What in the world is the Oxford Comma?
• Does anyone truly know when to use a semi-colon??   Tricia’s practical advice: “Using a semi-colon well makes you look so smart, so fast.”
• A fun group exercise idea to help your team (or even your family) get their creative ideas flowing
• “Blue sky” meetings: a creative thinking tool from Disney
• The most creative people are collaborators; they don’t create in a vacuum
• If you’re having trouble creating whatever it is you create, stop and do something else to let your brain refill with ideas: read a book, go for a walk, do something different
• Singer Johnny Cash’s secret to creative song writing
• “It is far easier to be creative on schedule than it is to be creative on cue.” - Rob
• “Sometimes you can’t stop the fun. Sometimes, when Inspiration shows up, you just pull up a chair and you invite her to stay, and you don’t silence her! Because when she shows up, she likes to have a voice.” – Tricia

Resources mentioned in this episode:
Sean of the South¸ an excellent and thoughtful blog by Sean Dietrich—easily found online or Facebook

Eats Shoots and Leaves, by Lynne Truss

Caffeine for the Creative Team: 150 Exercises to Inspire Group Innovation, by Stefan Mumaw

Bird by Bird, by Ann Lamott

Any books by: Madeleine L’Engle, Marissa de los Santos, Elizabeth Berg, Ann Lamott

Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert

Steal Like an Artist, by Austin Kleon

Ignore Everybody: And 39 Other Keys to Creativity, by Hugh MacLeod (“that guy who draws on business cards”)

Do Over, by Jon Acuff, “one of the leading dreamers in the world”

Talk Back: Who is inspiring you? Who is collaborating with you? Where do your best ideas come from? Chime in on the conversation on our “Let’s Talk Soon” page on Facebook!

If you hear that Tricia and Rob have been working for weeks now on a “new piecrust,” don’t believe it.  That happens to come up the first choice when your word processor thinks you have misspelled the word ‘podcast!’  And they have indeed been working on podcasts together…not so much on piecrusts.

In this episode, Rob shares a tip to use on your phone that we will all love: a way to use the Search mechanism to find that picture you’re looking for--almost instantly! It is so smart—and in Tricia’s opinion, maybe a little creepy…

Also, with all Rob’s knowledge and experience with the many characters created by Walt Disney and the Disney World creative team, Tricia asks him to tell her which female character she looks most like. She even suggests a few to jog his imagination: Cinderella, or Mary Poppins, or some sort of magical and smart and beautiful character.

Rob responds to this opportunity like any younger brother all over the world would.

And it doesn’t go over well!

Today’s conversation topic is mainly about the “strengths-based revolution,” which has been life-changing for Rob in terms of helping him know where he can make his best contribution to his world. They talk about how energizing and fulfilling our work can be when we know we are working within our strengths, as opposed to trying to minimize our weaknesses to get our work done.  Great freedom and energy come with knowing that you are utilizing and working within your greatest strengths (which is not the same as skills or talents).

One of Tricia’s strengths is Maximizer: the ability to take something that is good and make it great. She loves to collaborate and work with someone else to make something better; that is why writing collaboratively is one of the parts of her writing career that is most fulfilling to her. She is excited about the work that is currently being done to weave the Strengths research into the world of elementary education for children, giving them a big head start into understanding how they can best contribute to the world.

The discussion includes understanding why knowing your Strengths is different from knowing “what you’re good at.” You’re close to understanding your strengths when you notice what kinds of activities or efforts make you feel strong, even when you may also feel exhausted!

(They get temporarily sidetracked when Tricia realizes that Rob says ‘Winston Churchill’ wrong.  If indeed there is a right and wrong way to say it, and she’s convinced there is.  And her brother’s way is…well, wrong.)

Talk Back: What are your strengths, as defined here? What are your ‘misses?’ We’d love to hear from you on our Facebook page, “Let’s Talk Soon, the podcast!” 

You can find Rob on Twitter and Instagram at robalott, as well as on his own podcast, The Leading Creative podcast.  You can reach Tricia Lott Williford on Instagram, Facebook, and her very active blog, tricialottwilliford.com

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Now, Discover Your Strengths, by Marcus Buckingham, who partnered with Donald Clifton

Strengthsfinder 2.0, a strengths-based assessment created and designed by Donald Clifton

NOTE: Tricia and Rob have made a decision to not publish a podcast on the last week of each month, “in the name of margin, longevity and staying strong.”  They will step away from the microphone for that week of each month, and devote a little more time to reading, having life experiences, chatting with their spouses and walking the dogs—which will result in more topics to talk about together.  They love doing the podcast and aren’t going anywhere, so just keep this decision in mind when you notice a lack of podcasts on the last week of each month!  They’ll be back on the first Monday of each month! Thanks for your understanding and support.

Rob had a birthday this past week!  Because Tricia is almost two years older than Rob, this brings us to the narrow window of time each year when suddenly it feels like his age is catching up with her age—a concern that used to be far more bothersome when they were children!  Her attitude about that has changed; she’s very happy to have him seem closer in age for a brief season each year, as it helps her feel…well…younger than she is.

To celebrate his birthday and stay within quarantine regulations, Rob’s wife Kate surprised him with an evening ‘with’ Ferris Buehler at a drive-in movie theatre!  (The city of Lakeland is the home of the Silver Moon Drive-in Theatre is the name of the drive-in, for you Floridians who might enjoy a similar nostalgic evening at an “old-timey” drive-in theatre!)

Rob and Kate thoroughly enjoyed this nostalgic experience, and it caused him to reflect on the his favorite parts of Ferris Buehler, along with the very first movie he ever saw at a drive-in: his parents took Rob and his sister to see ET, and they were 3 and 5 years old, respectively. Tricia remembered it well also, and so they reflect on how well their childhood movie experience started—and how emotionally it ended!

Both Tricia and Rob are so encouraged by the remarks and stories they’ve heard from listeners of the podcast, including one dad who told him that he and his family listen at the breakfast table—since no one is talking much yet anyway!  His children are young, and Tricia is both encouraged and humbled to know that parents of children are trusting this podcast to be a ‘safe’ one for little ears to overhear. She also shares her husband Peter’s perspective on the podcast (with her brother heckling along, which is nothing new for her).

School is finally ending officially, though as we all know, the school experience ended many weeks ago when the quarantine began.  Tricia went with her sons to get their belongings from their lockers this week, and shared with listeners a most beautiful and touching letter written by her son’s social studies teacher, summarizing and closing out the year with her own heartfelt thoughts about teaching and education and the supreme importance of families. This school year didn’t end in the way anyone across the US ever expected it to, but still, American children and their parents crossed the finish line of another school year, one whose ending no one will ever forget.  They talked of Rob’s original imaginary plan for how the pandemic would finally end—and his realization that actually, it won’t end that way at all.

Rob closed the episode out with a reflection on the annual terrible, awful, miserable adolescent summer experiences of his life that was…mowing the lawn.  It’s the job that never really ends, because the grass starts growing again as soon as you stop growing it.  His childhood was damaged by this, but Tricia reminded him to ask himself: “If there was something I liked about this, what would it be?”

TALK BACK!

We’d love to read your responses to these two topics!

A closing question: What is the most ‘retro’ thing you have done in this quarantine?

A shout out: Some praise for the teacher(s) in your life that recognized that learning did not end when the school experience ended early.  Tag them—let’s give them some praise for the tremendous work they do!

You can “talk back” to us through these options:

Quoted in this episode:

Ferris Buehler, in the movie Ferris Buehler

Nora Ephron

Jim Henson

In this episode, Rob invited (or forced) Tricia to experiment with an improv exercise!  (It is fun to listen to, but Tricia ruled out these “shenanigans” for all future episodes.)

Rob recently reviewed the stats about their podcast, and learned that they now have listeners all over the world!  He and Tricia were especially happy to hear they have quite a few listeners in Sweden, which they expect is due to the influence of Emma, the Swedish foreign exchange student who joined the Lott family for a year when they were all in high school! Since Emma had no experience of having a younger brother, Rob had to squeeze all of his younger brother tricks and teasing into one brief year—and he excelled.

A few listeners have suggested that Tricia and Rob speak too fast on the podcast and they should slow down.  Rob decided to go into the podcast settings and slow it down a bit to see if indeed this is a good recommendation.  As it turns out, slowing the speed of the podcast makes them sound either drunk or high—so he highly recommends that you try listening at a slower speed occasionally, just for laughs.  (Since the podcast was aired, many listeners have indeed tried this and reported that it’s true and laughable: they do sound either drunk or high.)

The conversation turned more serious as Tricia and Rob began to talk about the recommendation that artists should “give their art away” to the world these days. On their podcasts and blogs, they are indeed giving it away; you’re listening to a podcast that is free. No artists can afford to give everything away; it’s how they make their living—but in this difficult season, sharing your art with the world will not just help others, it will help you.  (And if you don’t think the arts are important in this season, imagine spending all this time in quarantine with no TV, books, magazines, music, or movies!)

Tricia raised a question for listeners to consider: “What is saving your life right now?”  She is leaning into a daily 30-minute nap, awaking rejuvenated—and the rest of the day goes better. Ro shared that he and his fellow cast members at the Hoop de Doo Revue come together weekly on Zoom to bake something together, each in their own homes preparing the same recipe at the same time while they chat!  The conversation takes an emotional turn as Rob reflects on the Zoom camaraderie that actually is far deeper than cooking: when they are working, this cast of entertainers create a wildly funny dinner theatre show each evening that calls for team effort and depending on each other to help the audience respond with laughter and applause. His connection with this team—so suddenly taken away in this pandemic—has caused them to miss each other so deeply.  You might just relate to his emotion as you reflect on the people you normally see often—and may not have seen for many weeks now.

We hope you’ll share your answer to “what is saving your life right now” on our Facebook page or by sending it to Rob or Tricia at Instagram or their blogs…