Let's Talk Soon

Rob says that when recording this podcast, he tries to pretend that there are people around them as they record—not 5,000 people; he’d be okay if it were just 5 people.  Tricia pushes him to admit that he’d truly prefer 5,000. She recalls that, during their childhood, their house’s back patio opened up to a big back yard and—in Rob’s imagination—that patio was a stage before a large audience that he could so clearly visualize in his mind! On that “patio stage,” he performed for an imaginary crowd of thousands—so Tricia is not surprised that he still pictures that size of a crowd listening to this podcast! Rob grudgingly admits that…she’s right.

At the top of Tricia’s list today is a book she is reading, Courage, Dear Heart: Letters to a Weary World by Rebecca Kay Reynolds. Tricia relates the theme of the book to her experience of having a caterpillar garden with her boys when they were preschoolers, as together they watched the caterpillars spin their cocoons and then transform unseen inside of them. In her book, Reynolds asks, “I wondered if it was frightening [to a caterpillar] to feel yourself breaking down….does God whisper something of hope to all the little insects settling down to their own undoing…? Or does metamorphosis feel like the end of the world?” Tricia reads an excerpt in which Reynolds wonders, “if it were possible to cut open a human soul during chaos, I wonder if that is what we would look like, too. A casual observer staring into our mess would never believe that we have ever been okay, or that we would ever be okay again.”  What can we count on, in this pandemic crisis? We seem to be in the very middle of a cocoon right now. Who will we be when this all ends?

Rob talks of continually preparing his heart and soul by reminding himself that “everything is going to be okay—but that does not mean that everything is going to stay the same.” He invites Tricia into a conversation about who she was in high school, and then points out that in her description, she reduces who she was over those four years down to a single sentence.  And such is life: the further away we get from each season of our lives, the more the memory gets whittled down until eventually you describe it with just a sentence or two: “this was the stage of my life, and this is what happened then.” And although this crisis is currently in front of us every minute of every day, life will someday have a new normal—and, knowing that, we can take courage.

Tricia shares this quote from Reynolds’ book: “When you name a miracle by steps, it feels cut and dried; but when you raise insects yourself and you spend the slow time examining them, you begin to see a thousand nuances of growth in-between stages that make up larger stages.  Something similar happens when we get a close-up view of chaos: we begin to realize that big stages, like ‘before cancer and after cancer,’ break down into specific days and hours that require miracles to survive. At social-media-distance, we might hear that someone ‘got divorced,’ but at the distance of a text or a phone call, we hear that a friend cried her guts out on the day that she divided the wedding towels, the spatulas, and the pets.”  Reynolds encourages us to slow down and truly picture what it looked like on that day. Later, it will simply be a summary wrapped up as “I got divorced.”

Rob changed directions a bit to talk about a book called Adopted: A Decision to Love by Jeff Hutcheon “with T. L. Heyer.”  That happens to be Tricia, who in addition to writing her own blog and books, sometimes serves as a collaborative writer (formerly known as “ghost writer”) for those who have a story to share but are not personally skilled in writing. This book was Tricia’s first foray into writing fiction, which is the way the author wished to have the story told. As their newly adopted son began to grow into adolescence and have serious struggles with the reality of how his life had gone, he grew difficult to love—and yet the Hutcheons, his adoptive parents, maintained, “We have made a decision to love, and this boy—more than anyone in our lives right now—needs this love.”  They determined that their decision would hold firm: they would love him through anything. “Sometimes love is a decision. It’s clean underwear and folded shirts; it’s fresh sheets on the bed and cold milk in the fridge. Love is a decision.” (This book isn’t just for those considering adoption; it’s a great story of the parallels of how we have all been adopted into a family by a Father who made a decision to love us and will not change His mind.)

Rob asked Tricia to talk about the process of partnering with someone to write a book. How does Tricia eventually write a book from their story?  “Everyone has a story—but not everyone can write it,” she maintains. They may not have the time or the training—and that’s where a collaborative writer comes in. Tricia loves “listening to people’s stories very carefully and then writing their truth beautifully”—that is her mission and passion.

A few years ago at a conference, Tricia and Rob both heard Pastor T.J. Jakes offer this bit of wisdom at a conference, “As a leader, you’ll never be able to keep all the plates spinning. You have an opportunity at work, but a plate drops at home. …You get the plates spinning at home, but you’ll drop a plate at work.  At the end of the day, you just need to pay attention to which plate you dropped—and never drop the same plate twice in a row.”

Rob reflects on the teachers and librarians he has known who strongly forbid the action of ever, ever writing or underlining in a book. He agrees that this applies to the books that don’t belong to you, but if the book is yours?  Underline, circle, and make notes wherever you want to remember something in the book—because it is yours!  Keep a book in one hand and a pen in the other!

Rob quoted “some author” who wrote, “The black parts on the page are what the author thinks; the white parts are there for you!”  His sister clarified very quickly that SHE wrote the book where he read that!  Hmmm…he probably won’t make that mistake again…

To listeners: What book do you own that is falling apart because you’ve read it so much?  Tell us—we want to know!

(Also, please don’t post a picture of your Bible.  We all know that the Bible that’s falling apart belongs to a Christian who isn’t…)

Resources Mentioned:

Take Courage, Dear Heart, a novel by Rebecca Kay Reynolds

Dream Big, a podcast by Bob Goff, in which he says about the quarantine, “The world has been sent to its room.

Adopted: A Decision to Love, by Jeff Hutcheon with T. L. Heyer – available for purchase at www.adoptedthebook.com

The Writer’s Book of Days

Notes on Directing, by Frank Hauser

Today’s episode begins with a somewhat ridiculous claim on Rob’s part, that he has read every book in the world and therefore, can offer his expertise to Tricia regarding author Beth Moore’s newest book.  (Tricia’s not buying it.)

Tricia tells of Beth’s experience of visiting Italy and seeing the luscious grape vines that, despite being healthy and green, will only produce grapes when their roots “hit the rocks.”  When the grape vine is stressed, the fruit begins to grow.  The challenges and hardship are essential to the real fruit—and the same seems to be true for our lives.  When we say, “This may be the hardest thing I have ever done; I may not survive,” that’s when we actually do begin to produce fruit in our lives. Tricia experienced this in her own life crisis, and has found it to be true in others as well: the people we can learn the most from tend to be “people who have done hard things”—those whose stories include crises that, because they did not run from them, caused them to not only survive the crisis, but to grow.

“What was your greatest moment of growth?” When Rob was asked this question not long ago, he felt hesitant to even talk about it because it was rough.  He experienced a season a few years ago when he had developed a persona of success, and he talks honestly about the pain of a personal crisis that showed that persona to be only an illusion; it wasn’t real. “Sometimes it’s not just about getting around the rocks in our way; it is about landing on them—having a rock-bottom moment in our lives.” Rob talks of the difference between being known as a man of integrity—compared to the hard work of actually becoming that man.

Rob is a long term fan of podcasts and books that he can listen to while running; he likes to “hear something in my head while I run.” Recently, though, he has begun to ask himself if he might do well to choose times when there is nothing playing in his ears when he runs—except his own thoughts.

Tricia describes herself as “not a theologian or ‘academician,’ but a real person who has mismatched socks, so much laundry, and cereal for dinner—and a real love for Jesus and for the Bible.” She tells about the manuscript she is working on, a potential book about “how to fall in love with your Bible,” and talks about wrestling with the biblical statement that “God is a jealous God.”  How is that okay, if we aren’t supposed to be jealous of others, but God says that he is jealous?  Figuring that out is worthy of our time and focus, as it is about choosing Him over the other louder voices clamoring for our attention.

Rob closed out the conversation with a quote by Mark Sanborn (below), and his and Tricia’s shared desire to make this podcast a “remarkable performance: moving people to act, or feel good, or to laugh or to think.” Their shared hope is that perhaps the podcast will hit all four sometimes, but will always reach at least one of these goals.

Have you had an experience in your life that included all four responses—moving you to act, to feel good, to laugh, and to think?  If so, Tricia and Rob would love to hear about it!  You can reach Tricia Lott Williford on her blog, Facebook and Instagram, and you can reach Rob A. Lott on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and on his podcast, The Leading Creative.

Quotable quotes

• “You have a choice: you can look healthy, or you can be healthy.” – Doyle Lott, therapist—and Tricia and Rob’s dad
• “Grapes dry up real fast when they’re not connected to the vine.  Real fast.” – Tricia
• ‘From Broadway to corporate boardrooms, I’ve learned that every remarkable performance affects us. They move us to act, they make us feel good, they cause us to laugh, and they stimulate us to think.  Only the most incredible performances accomplish all four.” – Mark Sanborn

Recommended Resources

Chasing Vines, by Beth Moore

The Encore Effect, by Mark Sanborn

“What is the smell that will always remind you of your mother?”

This was the question asked on a Zoom radio talk show recently where Tricia was a guest and her sons were listening along.  When callers (zoomers?) were invited to answer that question, Tuck piped up with “My mom smells like TIRED!”  And with that retort, he actually won dinner for four!  Tricia was…well, she didn’t exactly feel proud of “smelling tired,” but she decided to be proud of Tuck anyway and be part of that dinner plan.

In this episode, Rob talked about his love for reading—and his lack of love for the traditional style of book club. He raises the question, “Is there a book club out there where everyone reads the type of book they individually really enjoy, and then they show up at the book club meeting to talk about this book that they’d love to quote and recommend to others?” Maybe they’ll try it as a Zoom meeting and see if this kind of book club could work! Tricia suggests calling it the ‘I Recommend’ Book Club.

Rob invests a couple of minutes of podcast time to apologize to Tricia for talking too much in the last podcast.  Then he catches himself, nearly doing it again!

Another topic in today’s podcast: Seth Godin!  If you’re not familiar with his thinking and writing, Google his name and he will show up at the top of the list: an incredible thought leader who writes a blog every single day with topics that are thought-provoking, challenging and inspiring.  Both Tricia and Rob highly recommend his daily emails as well as his books, and Tricia tells of the noteworthy time she happened to meet him personally in a bookstore at the Denver airport, and the compliment he paid her nearly two years later.

Rob tells about an evening in the life of playwright Stephen Sondheim, who invited his friends to meet him for dinner one night, hoping for encouragement but getting the opposite of what he needed. That story prompts Tricia to explain why she is more like Ellen DeGeneres and her husband Peter is more like Simon Cowell! 

Which one are you more like?

Rob offers good advice—and a question to ask yourself—in those times when friends ask for your opinion of their creative work. But beware of the times when he says, “Yeah…I liked it fine.”

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

107.9 Radio – The Link, with Matt & Ramona – a great radio talk show!

Now, Discover Your Strengths, by Marcus Buckingham: the book that turned Rob on to reading books in his preferred genre: non-fiction

Seth Godin: Google his name and then go to his website and sign up to receive his daily email. Brief, to the point, and nearly always both interesting and helpful!

Tricia is so excited about her new set-up: still podcasting from her closet, but with lots of new equipment!  “When any podcaster tells you they are in their studio, 9 times out of 10 they are in their closet, or their studio magically becomes their bedroom or kitchen again!”

A request from a listener came in: “I feel like they talk too fast! I wish they would slow down!” Tricia and Rob are not likely to slow down, as this is just the speed of their real conversations—but you can slow the speed of the podcast down by going to your podcast app and adjusting your settings. (This prompted Rob to chat about how impressed he is with how fast Seth Myers can talk.  Now Rob is wondering if perhaps he’s been trying to emulate him!) 

Rob shares some acting advice from comedienne Amy Poehler: “Whenever you find yourself lost on stage, look into your scene partner’s eyes, and you will feel better!” This advice may apply to all of us in this quarantine season as we continue to wear masks for health safety, and people cannot necessarily see a friendly smile or positive emotion at a glance. We may need to more carefully make eye contact just so that others can see the positive emotion in our eyes.

Rob confides (well, sort of confides) that when you enter the Magic Kingdom, you actually are entering on the second floor.  When the monorail or boat drops you off, you actually walk up a slope; that’s because they are gradually bringing you up to the second floor; the first floor is a system of corridors to allow the cast to quickly get from end of the park to the other, including those who must transport food, supplies, costumes, everything needed to make things run smoothly on the “second floor,” which is where the guests enjoy all the fun!

When you smile first, you send a message to the other person that says, “Hey, I like you.” And when others sense that the other person is happy to see them, they smile back. When you smile first, the other person doesn’t feel threatened; Rob chats about how much this applies to drivers in traffic as it does in the grocery store or wherever you happen to be.  In these days of quarantine where there are lots of new rules (including one-way directions in grocery aisles), what if we choose kindness instead of anger and give others some grace in the moment, whether they “deserve” it or not? What might change if we choose to believe that the other person is doing their best—and may have a lot on their minds as I do?

Rob suggested we give some positive respect to the “Counters”: - the people who serve us from behind the counters at fast food restaurants, dry cleaners, car rentals, etc: when you step up to the counter for a transaction with them, McNair Wilson (in his book noted below) recommends that you “assume brilliance!” Maybe this won’t be their career forever or perhaps they weren’t well-trained, but if you assume brilliance on their part, the whole transaction tends to be more respectful and it all goes better.

“Why don’t we just go ahead and give each person free credit like the square in the middle of their Bingo card? Just a little bit of a head start?”

In response to this discussion, Tricia offered to “assume brilliance” in response to Rob’s chattiness today.  Rob chalked it all up to maybe…well, a little too much caffeine.  Whatever the cause, he did leave his sister laughing today.

Recommended Resources

Hatch: Brainstorming Secrets of a Theme Park Designer, by McNair Wilson

In this episode, Rob admits to his sister and everyone that for most of his life, he has had to hold both hands up in front of him, see which thumb and forefinger made an L (the left one), and that’s the way he has always managed to remember left from right! It was a well-kept secret, and a serious concern that his driver’s test officer might say, “Rob, turn left here,” and he’d turn right—and never, ever get a driver’s license. He was relieved when he moved to Orlando and began to meet other actors and musicians who seem to have the same problem!

Tricia and Peter have discovered that a daily walk is helpful as a way to just get some exercise and a break from the constant reality of COVID and quarantine.  They have found a reprieve by going for a daily walk by a river near their home that Tricia has, well, only recently discovered (after a decade of living nearby). On one particular day, they were on their second loop around the trail, enjoying the day… until the moment that Tricia stepped on a slippery rock, falling hard. She has a long list of trips and falls in her past so this wasn’t a big shock. She’s just going to add this experience to a very long repertoire of falls and mishaps. She fell so hard that, well…her eyes didn’t work and she couldn’t read.  She can’t live like that. (Rob seems to have never heard of jostling one’s eyes so hard that one cannot read…)

Rob shares a phrase he recently heard and found helpful: “Proportional happiness or proportional sadness.”  Examples?

“There are some really bad things happening in the world…but I had a bad day, too.”

“Perhaps I shouldn’t be happy in view of the problems others are experiencing, but still, I am happy today.”  (The examples offered became pretty hilarious. Apparently one should not complain about a headache, considering that other people don’t even have…well, heads.)

A Lott family value that was passed on from their parents: “What is important to one of us is important to all of us.” So, this means that we ALL go to see Tyler’s theatre performance, but…does it really mean that we ALL go see all 47 of Tuck’s baseball games this season??

Another family value: If you have accomplished something good or have something fun you’d like to tell about yourself, the dinner table is a great place to say it. And we will all listen and we’ll all say, “GREAT JOB!”

Rob quoted Jon Acuff who gives permission to his friends and family to come and sit at “the brag table,” where it’s okay to just be honest about what you do well. Rob added that even when you didn’t get the job, you need to be able to pull up a seat to the brag table and say that you auditioned really well.

Tricia closes out this episode by telling everyone about The Time that I Failed My Brother at Sea World.  Yes, she does, and…she did.

And  Rob asks a closing question: “If there is a sin of omission, is there also a sin of …too much mission?”

Big News: Let’s Talk Soon now has a page on Facebook! We’re excited about it!  Join us there and tell us your response to today’s topic—and we’d love to let you brag about something you did well!

Highlightable Quotes from this episode:

• “What’s important to one of us is important to all of us.” – Dad (Doyle Lott)
• “If you have something good to say about yourself, the dinner table is a great safe space to say it.” –Also Dad
• “Everybody should have a safe space to say, ‘You know what? I’m proud of this’—and someone who will say to them in response, ‘You know what? I am, too.’” –Tricia

You can find Tricia on Facebook or Instagram at Tricia Lott Williford, and that’s also the name of her blog: Tricia Lott Williford.  You can find Rob on Twitter or Instagram at robalott (that’s one b and two t’s!), and he also has his own podcast called The Leading Creative Podcast.

Episode 7: We’ve Never Not Known Each Other

Because Tricia is older, she admitted there was indeed an 18 month time span in her first, well, 18 months, when her brother wasn’t born yet.  So theoretically, she hasn’t known Rob all of her life.  He was quick to point out that actually, she can’t remember anything about those first 18 months,  which is proof that, when he showed up, well…that’s when she started making memories.

Rob and Tricia were excited to announce that the Let’s Talk podcast has been rated in the Top 100 list of their category!  Thanks to all who’ve been listening who put the podcast there! 

Tricia has received a deluge of messages from people who want to know what happened with the professor story from the previous podcast!  In this episode, she finished the story (and if you missed the first half of the experience, be sure to listen to Episode __ to catch up!) about the email debacle with her professor in college, whom she accidentally sent an email complaining about him—to him!  She did go back to him to apologize, and he very kindly not only forgave her, but she got a B in his class.  All’s well that ended…pretty well.

Did you ever have someone just “pop into your head” for no apparent reason?  Rob talked about the occasions when that happens, and his habit of calling or texting that individual just to say, “hey, thinking about you today—how’s everything going?” Sometimes nothing comes of it, but other times, that person may reply with “Really? I was just thinking about you!” or, “Actually, I’m struggling today…” or any of a number of answers.  Rob suggested that if someone just “pops into your head” for no apparent reason, why not reach out to them? Just check in on them—and especially during this quarantine, when people are feeling pretty isolated. In response, Tricia recommended the use of an app called TouchNote, that helps you get in touch by sending your message to the person as a “real” postcard along with a photo from your phone!

Tricia’s fun question for today: What is surprising you?

Her answer: How big my hair is today!! “It’s like a mane…really, surprisingly big.”

Rob’s answer: the sight of fireflies (or, ‘lightning bugs’ where he’s from) for the first time in years.  Could it be that nature is taking back some of its space during this quiet season?

Tricia also filled us in on the Denver owl that happens nightly at 8pm during this quarantine, when people step outside their doors and literally howl to each other!

What is happening in your town to let people know they’re not alone?  Let us know—and you get extra points if you can send us a video!

Tricia’s request for today: “Rob, please talk about Simon Sinek.”

Rob has been reading Sinek’s book, The Infinite Game, in which Sinek discusses the difference between finite game theory—those games that have a beginning and ending with clear rules and players, like soccer, baseball, etc.—and infinite game theory, in which there are no rules, no start or finish, no fixed players.  The only object of the infinite game is to stay in the game for as long as possible.  That might mean taking care of your employees well in order to stay in the game, but sometimes—like this quarantine, it’s not possible to keep your company open past a certain point. For as long as you could, your role was to keep your people in the game.

Tricia pointed out that infinite game theory can even apply to family: you can win the argument but in the process, lose the son or daughter whom you love.  Some days, staying in the game can mean just watching funny home videos with your teenagers because they want you to laugh with them.

“In this season of quarantine, we may need to press Pause on this particular game and clear everybody out, and when we come back, we might be able to pick up where we stopped—but at the same time, we might just have to start a whole new game.” – Rob

Memorable quotes from The Infinite Game,by Simon Sinek

“You are not responsible for results, as a leader.  You are responsible for the people who are responsible for the results.”

“Leadership is not about being in charge of people; it’s about taking care of the people who are in your charge.”

What is happening in your area to support essential workers, those who keep us safe and healthy?  Send us your stories and examples this week!

Recommended App: TouchNote, designed to send a picture and message via US Mil postcard  to someone directly from your phone.  You pay a fee for postage, and the addressee gets a picture-postcard in the mail from you!

Recommended book: The Infinite Game, by Simon Sinek

Contact information:
Tricia: her blog - tricialottwilliford.com-- or Facebook and Instagram

Rob: robalott on Facebook and Instagram

In this episode, Rob and Tricia dive into the dynamics of the Enneagram in their family, particularly on family vacations - when Tricia the Two can't stop helping everybody, and Rob the Seven has zero problem at all checking out and having his own good time. 

Resources:

The Road Back to You, Ian Morgan Cron

Podcasts Mentioned:

Typology, by Ian Morgan Cron

Because Tricia and Rob are recording this on Day 47 of Quarantine, they noted that this is just one of many new podcasts from which listeners can choose.  They’re glad to be part of that list and plan to be around for much longer than the quarantine will!  Rob notes that 80% of podcasts drop off after Episode 3—so, since this is episode 5, clearly they’ve already shown some staying power! 

Rob offers great advice about setting benchmarks in new efforts, so that you know you have provided a solid start for a new venture, while Tricia also offered encouragement to authors who wonder if their new book will be lost among the many other new books being published in any given year.

Spoiler Alert!

Tricia just finished reading a book that she highly recommends: The Followers, by Megan Angelo. – science fiction. Though she rarely reads the science fiction genre, but every now and then, a book catches her attention, and this one did.  If you don’t want to know about the plot of the book, read no further!

Author Megan Angelo designs the plot of the book around this question: What would it be like if those who have the most followers who have the most influence? And should they?  The plot revolves around a point in time when people wake up one morning to learn that everything that could be plugged in has been altered: everything is wrong, all the clocks say the exact same time, and the phones, computers, everything shuts down—the power is off.  As the power gradually returns, every person experiences…

[And this is where Rob inserts the spoiler alert!  If you want to know the plot of this novel, you’ll need to return to the podcast.  We’re not including it here!]  Tricia highly recommends the book.

Tricia and Rob offered helpful counsel on texts and emails that need to be deleted just so you can put it behind you. “Put the praise into writing so it can be re-read and remembered by those who will benefit from what you say.  If you must speak negatively or deliver a message that will be difficult for someone to hear, say it; don’t type or write it.  Because either way, they’re going to read it again.”

“Was this for me?”  A helpful question to ask when something that you read personally offends you, and what to do next.

Rob has been reading The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer.  The author asked his mentor, Dallas Willard, “What do I need to do to become the me that I want to be?”

Willard answered, “You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life…Hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life in our day.”

Eliminating hurry seems pretty easy in our current quarantine.  But this is a good time to ask ourselves: “When the hurry begins to creep back in, what do I want to ruthlessly eliminate from my life? Is there a way to do life in ways that are not hurried?” Rob and Tricia share ideas about how hard it can be to make lasting life changes in this everyday struggle with busy-ness and hurry.

Recommended Reading:

Megan Angelo, The Followers

John Mark Comer, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry

Episode 4: Elephant Steps & Poetry = Green Guitar

Today’s conversation included seemingly unrelated tidbits about helium balloons, creativity, green guitars and cockroaches—and yet, it was all indeed one train of thought. Tricia began by letting Rob know that she had nothing to say today—“nothing to offer the world.”  He simply laughed.  Apparently he felt that maybe she’d think of “a few things.”

Together they discussed the writer’s inspiration, how it comes to you—and the requirement that you must “show up.”  Tricia highly recommended a book (referenced below) by Andrew Peterson, as it is about his creative process as it happens in community. He explains at the beginning that he is a practitioner of his own style of creative process, and he then writes about how it works for him.

Sometimes inspiration can feel like “holding onto helium balloons in a windstorm.”  Our best and most creative ideas seem to come at the most inopportune times, but we must be ready to make note of the inspiration when it shows up. Rob keeps a list of prompts, for when an idea shows up in his head but he can’t follow up on it right then.

Rob has never broken a bone, but knowing that his sister has broken a few, he reflected on a statement he had heard recently: “The only part that hurts about breaking a bone is when you break it. The healing doesn’t hurt; it hurts less and less every day.”  He wanted to know if Tricia feels that this statement is true, based on her own experience with broken bones and other hurts, both physical and emotional pain.  She made valuable observations regarding when it is true—and when it is definitely false.

Both prefer to be optimists, but sometimes optimism can mask false hope, which can cause one to lose hope altogether. Tricia and Rob discussed ways to keep real hope alive and not fall into the trap of false hope that might encourage you for a moment but will then let you down. 

Tricia taught Rob a new word in this episode: “academician.”  And Rob made up a word of his own: “academagician.”  That new one just might stick.  His second made-up word, “acadalmation,” probably won’t.

Wise Thinkers Mentioned in this podcast:

Bob Goff: emailing an idea to himself and asking “does that just sound good, or is it really true?” – and – “Be in the place where your feet are.”

Will Smith—his secret for winning at life’s challenges.

References:

The War of Art, Stephen Pressfield

Adorning the Dark: Thoughts on Community, Calling, and the Mystery of Making,  Andrew Peterson

What motivates you? Are you motivated by finish lines?  Or are you motivated by start lines that don’t have a clear finish line in mind at all?

Episode 3: Do You Have Your Coffee?

In this episode, Tricia and Rob explore several conversational topics: their shared love of flavored coffees, the importance of clear hellos and goodbyes when talking with friends, good reasons to be home (or on your way home) by 2am, Rob’s “Enneagram 7” love for having fun with people he enjoys, and their answers to this fascinating question: if you wanted to host the perfect dinner party and you could invite anyone you wanted—living or dead, famous or not, from anywhere in the world, who would you invite?  We obviously wandered through a wide variety of topics!

Tricia started off the discussion with one of her core values: that hellos and goodbyes matter: “The first two minutes you spend with a person really determines the rest of your time with them.”  Rob agreed, but places a higher value on his ‘hello’s” than his “goodbyes,” especially when he hasn’t yet determined how long he is going to stay.  Both concluded that, really, nothing good happens in either conversations or in making wise choices after 2am.  It’s just a good time to be home—or at least, on your way home.

Tricia posed the main question for today’s conversation: “If you are having a dinner party and you want to have great conversation, who would you invite to your perfect dinner party? They can be living or dead, famous or not famous, you know them personally or you don’t, anyone you’d specifically love to have there.  Who’s on your list? Who would you invite?

Sure enough, the list they created included all of the above: a varied collection of famous people they’ve never met but would like to and why, a few personal friends who would be awesome dinner party conversationalists, and a few you’d just expect to see there, like Oprah Winfrey, Aaron Sorkin, Nora Ephron (screenplay writer of movies like You’ve Got Mail and When Harry Met Sally) and of course, Julia Roberts—as well as a few personal friends. Today includes a brief look at the dinner party menu (based on the preferences of women versus men), and a serious conversation about how to respond when someone says something unkind or critical about you—wisdom based on very wise counsel that Oprah received from Poet Laureate Maya Angelou. 

Books Tricia and Rob recommend on this podcast

The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz

Unoffendable, Brant Hansen.

Highlightable Quotes from this episode:

• “Wise decisions aren’t made well after 2am; there is a reason you are still up and awake at 2am and it’s just never good!” - Rob 
• “Here’s what it ultimately comes down to for me:  If I would not invite this person to my dinner party, why do I give them any air time in my head to be critical of my life?” – Tricia
• “For me and my belief system, I can choose to be offended and put a whole lot of energy behind being offended, or I can choose to change the channel.  I can choose to turn it off.  I can choose to ‘mute’ the person, to ‘snooze’ the person. I can choose to ‘unfollow.’  I can choose any number of options that allow me to say, “you know what? I am not going to put any energy behind being offended with that.”  Sometimes I can say, “Oh, that bothers me. I am going to take some action to fix it.’ - Rob

Rob’s tip for Keurig coffee loves: try the brand called Crazy Cups (He said it was with a K. It’s not.): all kinds of flavored coffees!  There’s chocolate coffee! Death by Chocolate coffee! Coconut Chocolate coffee—and even Peanut Butter Cup coffee!  Because, what’s better than great coffee at a dinner party, unless it’s a great cigar at Cigar Night?  

You can find Tricia on Facebook or Instagram at Tricia Lott Williford, and that’s also the name of her blog: Tricia Lott Williford.  You can find Rob on Twitter or Instagram at robalott (that’s one b and two t’s!), and he also has his own podcast called The Leading Creative Podcast.