Life Over Coffee

Before you go any further, pause for a moment and take a small test of the heart. Think about the person you most want to see change. Picture them—their face, their habits, the conversation that always leaves you heavy. What happens inside you when you think about them? Do you sigh with compassion or tighten with frustration? Are you patient, or are you quietly simmering, waiting for them to “finally get it”? The reason I ask is that the motives we bring into a relationship shape every method we use. If the motive is wrong—if it’s control, fear, or impatience—then even good words will fall flat. We can quote Scripture, give wise counsel, or plead for righteousness, but if our hearts are out of tune with God, our efforts will sound like clanging cymbals. Helping someone change is holy work, but it’s dangerous work when done in the flesh. It’s easy to slip from shepherding into steering, from serving into subduing, from loving into legislating. When we attempt to change people, we stop cooperating with the Spirit and start competing with Him.

Read, Watch, or Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/forcing-others-to-change-will-blow-up-your-relationship-with-them/

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Sometimes, when people hear the term biblical counseling, they think about a two-tier system within Christianity: those who can counsel and those who cannot. When I talk to some Christians about biblical counseling, they step back mentally while disqualifying themselves by saying, “I can’t do that.” For them, biblical counseling connotes a two-tier structure of competency or something for professionals. This problem, among a few other liabilities with the biblical counseling movement makes it wise to change our thinking about how we do soul care.

Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/a-better-way-to-do-counseling/

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Shows Main Idea – How are we to think about parental discipline? Should we spank our children? What if we had a bad experience with our parents; how are we to respond to our children? What does the Bible say about correction, obedience, and the purposes of child discipline? This episode answers all those questions plus many more, giving you a solid foundation and direction on this vital topic.

Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-40-twelve-things-know-spanking-parental-discipline/

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In any discipleship situation, the discipler’s theology must inform their discipleship process. Theology and application act as guardrails to keep the counseling process moving in the right direction while avoiding the inevitable hazards that inferior theology and deficient applications cause. Maintaining this type of counseling equilibrium has several benefits, such as keeping the discipler from losing hope or even sinning while caring for others. The Bible provides us with an case study to make this point.

Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/the-problem-with-expecting-someone-to-change-1-0/

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Every person who comes to you does not always fully invest themselves in being free from their problems. I’m not suggesting they are insincere. I’m speaking to the complexity of some issues and the accompanying heart entanglements that have become part of a person’s life for so long that the habituation’s strength is more powerful than the motivation to change. Just because they share their trouble with you does not mean they will put in the effort to change. The unchanging person is a common occurrence, and the reasons for it are worth our consideration.

Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/seven-reasons-a-person-will-not-change-2/

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Shows Main Idea – I sat down with Mark Grant to discuss his experience as he went through our Mastermind training program. Mark was our first student and graduate of our training. He later became one of our supervisors, teaching our students. Mark finished the coursework in fifteen months, which was the quickest anyone had completed the course. Most of our students finish within 24 and 36 months. I hope you benefit as he shares his training experience, what God did in him, and what life has been like since.

Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-32-mark-grants-experience-training-program/

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Your friend comes to you with a secret sin. You are his accountability partner, and he asks you to keep his sin secret. How would you respond to him? Is it okay to pledge confidentiality or have an expectation of it? Does confidentiality have value in the context of confession? Are there instances where we should tell others about a transgression, even if the guilty party is against it? What biblical principles should guide us regarding secrets, secret keeping, sharing, and biblical communication?

Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/should-i-keep-my-friends-sin-secret/

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Shows Main Idea – Each local church has visitors, regular attendees, non-engaged members, and engaged members. In many of these churches, the visitors, attendees, and non-engaged members are more numerous than those doing the ministry's work. When this happens, the church's infrastructure—leaders—is weaker than those who expect care from the church. You'll also find that those who expect more care complain more. Thus, each church has to wrestle with how to identify and develop more engaged members by identifying the consumers and moving them into the smaller leadership infrastructure sphere.

Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-29-makes-equipping-different-effective/

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Most Christians assume the greatest danger in life is something “out there”—a cultural trend, a new ideology, a relational crisis, or a personal trial that catches them off guard. But the Bible is unambiguous: the most dangerous threat is in here—the slow, subtle formation of a hard heart. You can know God, love God, walk with God, read the Bible, attend church, and still drift into a state of inner resistance that no longer submits to Him. Hardness does not announce itself with loud rebellion; it settles in quietly through disappointment, discouragement, and a diminishing awareness of God’s goodness in the midst of difficulty. And if you don’t discern its progression, you will wake up one day and realize that something once soft and tender has calcified.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/diagnosing-the-four-steps-to-a-hard-heart/

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Are you more concerned about what God thinks about your sin or what others think about your sin? How you answer this question will determine the quality of your life and the way you interact with your friends. If you're more concerned about God's view of you, there will be a desire to live openly and honestly before Him and others. However, if the opinions of others have more control over you, the temptation to hide your true self while presenting a false narrative will be immense. To know what has more power is by assessing your willingness to be appropriately transparent with your friends.

Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/when-i-kept-silent-about-my-sin-this-is-what-happened/

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