Life With Herpes

What the French really think about herpes. [video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS94SG1iYWF0ZGxkYw==[/video_player] Life With Herpes Podcast Welcome to episode 55 of Life With Herpes. I'm excited to spend this time with you, thank you for being here for today’s show. The process of creating Life With Herpes, launching this podcast and just generally having herpes has been an experience for me, and experiencing how the French perceive herpes has added new layers and understanding to my experience. I’ll go into more details and share what I learned about herpes while in France when you join me on episode 55. More About Life With Herpes Throughout my journey with herpes I've learned we each have our own perception of what it is. Mine is different than yours, and each of ours is different than other people's perceptions.   Recently I was in Paris with my friend Marisa and people were asking us how we could take time off of work and travel. Marisa was in Paris for a month and I was there for about 8 days. She explained what she does and I told people I talk about herpes. Now when I tell people what I do, I always assess the situation first. If they are my age or I meet them in a bar or another low-key setting I tell them I'm a herpes advocate and I talk about it all day long and work to break the stigma around it. But if I'm at church I wouldn't say that! I would say I am a sexual health advocate. I change it based on the setting because it can shock some people. So in France I knew there would be a language barrier and I assumed people would be shocked. So I told people I have a company and a podcast called Life With Herpes, and then waited for their response. They’d just say "Oh" and then point to their mouth and then their genitalia saying "here or here?" I'd say both, but specifically down there (and I'd point to the genital region). And then I would ask what is it like in France? Do you care? Do you not care? Is it a big deal? They'd say yeah we have it, it is what it is. Then I'd ask them about oral herpes and they'd say yeah, everyone has it and it’s no big deal. Then I'd say what about down there? and I'd point to the genital area. Again, they'd say it is what it is, it's no big deal and no one really talks about it. I got that answer a couple of times: it is what it is and it's not a big deal. Now can you imagine if you changed your mind and you thought of herpes like the French do? What if you could change your perception of herpes to be like them and simply say "Yeah, I have it. It is what it is and it's not a big deal." Think about how that would change you: would you still feel guilty or ashamed? No. Would you still be annoyed by an outbreak? Sure. Would the conversation telling someone you have herpes still be something you wouldn't want to do? Yes. What changes in your life when you change your mindset and think it's not a big deal? I found it so fascinating that here in the U.S. we are shocked and scarred by having herpes. We think our lives are over and we are lepers when we are diagnosed with it - it's the complete opposite of what I experienced in France. I travel quite a bit so I'll keep tabs on how people respond in other parts of the world, and I'll let you know what I find! Thanks for listening and for being here with me, I hope you enjoy episode 55 of Life With Herpes. Keep in touch with Alexandra Harbushka www.lifewithherpes.com www.instagram.com/alexandraharbushka (ps. There are some fun photos from my Paris trip on there) www.facebook.com/lifewithherpespodcast   www.pinterest.com/lifewithherpes   Join the community   If you are ready to join a community of people who are living with herpes also then you will want to join our slack group. It is FREE and it is a great way to find the support and comfort that you are looking for. Head on over to www.lifewithherpes.com and join our community. You will receive a slack invitation as soon as you sign up. See you in there. Ways you can support the Life With Herpes show And if you enjoyed listening to this episode as much as we enjoyed making it for you, please give the Life With Herpes show a review. It is a way to pay it forward to fellow friends who are living with herpes. You can Subscribe, Rate and Review the show through your iTunes app or on the desktop. Seriously, it helps out a lot more than it is a hassle for you. You see, iTunes has an algorithm that organically promotes the show, so the more ratings, and reviews the Life With Herpes Show receives then the higher it gets ranked. This is your way of paying it forward and helping someone find the show who really needs it. Oh, and you can totally use a fake name, so don’t worry about a friend finding you on the iTunes review. Talking about herpes needs to be spread as far and wide as possible. You are totally a part of this movement so THANK YOU!  Subscribe, Rate and Review More Episode Resources

• How can I help you? Tell me in a free 15 minute chat!
• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit (use the promo code PODCAST)
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• DoTerra’s essential oils

Ask Answer and Get the Facts about Herpes and handling your Ex [video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS8yNDVpQm02OTl3Zw==[/video_player] The Life With Herpes Podcast Welcome to today’s episode on Life With Herpes. I am recording this episode from Versailles, France. Yes, I am actually at the palace and recording this episode. I feel so cool. You will hear me get a little distracted with the hustle and bustle happening at the palace as there is a black tie event happening as I am recording this episode. The ball gowns were beautiful and it was pretty special to experience this. Anyway, on today’s episode, we hear from Lisa from Orlando asking a question for the  #AskAlexandra portion of the show. She asks a great question, “How do I tell my ex that I now have herpes?”  I proceed to answer this with a couple of additional questions. I want Lisa to truly understand why she is wanting to tell her ex. I know when you first have your herpes diagnosis your emotions can go from I am never telling anyone to OMG I better tell everyone I slept with. Sound familiar? So here are the questions I ask Lisa and I will ask you if you are in the same position.

1. Why are you wanting to tell your ex? I mean really why?
2. Is it because you believe that he/she gave it to you?
3. Is it because you want to get back with your ex?
4. Is it because you think you may have exposed him/her to it?
5. Is it a way to get attention? Meaning, I will tell you this so you feel sorry for me and then maybe we can rekindle our relationship.

In this episode, I proceed to go through and answer these questions. Tune in to hear what I have to say.   Thanks again, Lisa, for being vulnerable and submitting your question. I know the community appreciates it and your question has helped someone else.   Keep in touch with Alexandra Harbushka www.lifewithherpes.com www.instagram.com/alexandraharbushka (ps. There are some fun photos from my Paris trip on there) www.facebook.com/lifewithherpespodcast   www.pinterest.com/lifewithherpes   Join the community If you are ready to join a community of people who are living with herpes also then you will want to join our slack group. It is FREE and it is a great way to find the support and comfort that you are looking for. Head on over to www.lifewithherpes.com and join our community. You will receive a slack invitation as soon as you sign up. See you in there. Ways you can support the Life With Herpes show And if you enjoyed listening to this episode as much as we enjoyed making it for you, please give the Life With Herpes show a review. It is a way to pay it forward to fellow friends who are living with herpes. You can Subscribe, Rate and Review the show through your iTunes app or on the desktop. Seriously, it helps out a lot more than it is a hassle for you. You see, iTunes has an algorithm that organically promotes the show, so the more ratings, and reviews the Life With Herpes Show receives then the higher it gets ranked. This is your way of paying it forward and helping someone find the show who really needs it. Oh, and you can totally use a fake name, so don’t worry about a friend finding you on the iTunes review. Talking about herpes needs to be spread as far and wide as possible. You are totally a part of this movement so THANK YOU!  Subscribe, Rate and Review More Episode Resources

• How can I help you? Tell me in a free 15 minute chat!
• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit (use the promo code PODCAST)
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• DoTerra’s essential oils

What you wish you could tell your teenage self about herpes   [video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS9xcXNBRjZ5NXpTQQ==[/video_player] Life With Herpes Podcast Welcome to episode 56 of Life With Herpes! Today we have a very special guest, Jenelle Pierce. Jenelle is the Founder of The STDProject.com , and the Spokesperson for PositiveSignals.com. She stays current in the field of sexual health and STDs by being an active member or chairperson in numerous other organizations. Jenelle also been featured in many well-known publications like Cosmopolitan, Forbes, Jezebel, NPR, HuffPost Live, xoJane, SELF and Refinery 29.Together we talk about how and why she became an STD expert and founded The STD Project, how to talk about having herpes with your potential partner, and how many people will get an STD in their lifetime (it’s a LOT more than you might think!). Join us for this fascinating and in-depth look into the world of STDs and sexual health on episode 56 of Life With Herpes. More About Life With Herpes Jenelle and I share something in common, something we probably share with you too: we have genital herpes. When she was 16 she had her first outbreak. It showed up on her vulva (the external part of the vagina) and when it didn’t go away after a few days she showed her mom. Her mom took her to the doctor, Jenelle’s general practitioner in their conservative small town. He took one look at Jenelle's outbreak, said he needed to take a swab and did so. After, he came back and told her she had herpes and it was the worst case he had ever seen. He gave her a prescription and that was it. He didn't give her any additional resources or reassure her in any way. The way he treated her paved the way for how she felt about herself for having herpes. Immediately she remembers what she has heard about people with herpes: only sluts get herpes, only whores get herpes, etc. Jenelle really thought no one would ever love her again, she thought her life was over. She was uninformed and didn't know how to think otherwise about her situation, and went on a downward emotional spiral. It was made even worse after Jenelle told her best friend, who obviously wasn't a very good friend at all because she told other people. The rumor mill went into full tilt and soon it felt like everyone knew Jenelle had herpes. High school kids can be cruel and her friends were no exception. For instance, they made her sleep on the floor at slumber parties because they thought they were going to contract herpes if they slept in a bed with her. This just exasperated her emotional state; for a long time she believed she deserved it. She thought she was being punished by God for having sex outside of marriage. She felt guilty; she thought she had done the responsible thing by getting on birth control but she didn't know the full extent of the risks involved when she became sexually active. Today she knows the truth: once you become sexually active your risk of contracting an STI is very high, and the majority of people will have one at some point in their lives. In fact, over 80% of all people by the age of 50 will have had HPV at some point in their lives! And that's just one infection, there are 30+ other infections out there you can contract through sexual activity. The majority of people will contract some kind of STI in their lifetime; some of the STIs heal on their own before we even know we have them but we still have had one.   Jenelle says once you start learning more about the world of sexually transmitted infections and how prevalent they are your mind will be blown, especially if you have ever felt alone, stigmatized or ostracized because you had an STI. And that's why she started The STD Project - to help others out there who don't know any of these facts and suffer because of it. She wants to provide others with the resources and reassurance she never had when she was diagnosed with herpes. I also asked Jenelle to talk about how to get past the fear of telling a potential partner you have herpes. We have both had similar experiences when telling partners: no one shamed us for it, or made a big deal out of it. But from so many of you listening I hear you are scared to date, and scared to tell a potential partner for fear of rejection. I asked Jenelle what advice she would give and she said when you are talking about rejection we have to look at it this way: people get rejected for any number of reasons, and we often don't know why (especially when it's dating). So if you do disclose that you have herpes to someone and they reject you at that time (and rejection hurts no matter when it happens), it just means they aren't ready for the risk. It's their right to decide they just don't want to go down that road right now, but it has nothing to do with how hot you are, how much money you make or any of those other things that you may think. She also explains how this conversation can help you get closer to the right potential partner, why it’s okay to acknowledge the topic is awkward to talk about and why you’ll learn from the experience no matter the outcome.   Today we also cover how HPV came to be so easily acceptable in the public eye even though it is an STI, and we wrap up with a discussion about why it's so important to educate yourself. Join us to hear those conversations and more on today’s episode of Life With Herpes. Here is a picture of Jenell and me podcasting! And yes, those are pillows all around me. It helps with the sound quality :-) Keep in touch with Alexandra Harbushka www.lifewithherpes.com  www.instagram.com/alexandraharbushka  www.facebook.com/lifewithherpespodcast   www.pinterest.com/lifewithherpes   Join the community If you are ready to join a community of people who are living with herpes also then you will want to join our slack group. It is FREE and it is a great way to find the support and comfort that you are looking for. Head on over to www.lifewithherpes.com and join our community. You will receive a slack invitation as soon as you sign up. See you in there.   Ways you can support the Life With Herpes show And if you enjoyed listening to this episode as much as we enjoyed making it for you, please give the Life With Herpes show a review. It is a way to pay it forward to fellow friends who are living with herpes. You can Subscribe, Rate and Review the show through your iTunes app or on the desktop. Seriously, it helps out a lot more than it is a hassle for you. You see, iTunes has an algorithm that organically promotes the show, so the more ratings, and reviews the Life With Herpes Show receives then the higher it gets ranked. This is your way of paying it forward and helping someone find the show who really needs it. Oh, and you can totally use a fake name, so don’t worry about a friend finding you on the iTunes review. Talking about herpes needs to be spread as far and wide as possible. You are totally a part of this movement so THANK YOU!  Subscribe, Rate and Review More Episode Resources

• The STD Project web site
• The STD Project podcast
• The STD Project on Twitter
• How can I help you? Tell me in a free 15 minute chat!
• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit (use the promo code PODCAST)
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• Life With Herpes YouTube channel
• DoTerra’s essential oils

Ask, Answer and Get the Facts about Herpes   [video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS9pN0k5aURBLUdpNA==[/video_player] The Life With Herpes Podcast   Welcome to today’s episode on Life With Herpes. I am bringing this to you from a very exciting place, I am in Versailles France. I am actually recording this on the premises of the Versailles Palace. How cool is that?  You will have to check out some of the photos below and I hope you excuse me getting a bit sidetracked with all of the excitement happening around me. It was pretty cool and exciting to see everyone dressed up and heading to a real place for a ball.   “Take advantage of what our modern medicine has to offer.” - Alexandra Harbushka   Today’s #askalexandra question came from Erica who is from Wisconsin. She asked a really great question, “what happens if I don’t get treated and I don't tell my doctor that I have herpes? Well, I sum that up pretty quickly for you all...Nothing really happens. With that being said, it is not wise to not tell your doctor and not wise to not seek treatment. Today we have so many modern medicines so that we can relieve the pain and discomfort that it is wise to take the antiviral. I go on into more details on the podcast so feel free to tune in.   If you want to be cool like Erica then submit your #askalexandra question here. This is me recording this podcast at Versailles. I hope you enjoyed it! Keep in touch with Alexandra Harbushka   www.lifewithherpes.com www.instagram.com/alexandraharbushka (ps. There are some fun photos from my Paris trip on there) www.facebook.com/lifewithherpespodcast   www.pinterest.com/lifewithherpes Join the community If you are ready to join a community of people who are living with herpes also then you will want to join our slack group. It is FREE and it is a great way to find the support and comfort that you are looking for. Head on over to www.lifewithherpes.com and join our community. You will receive a slack invitation as soon as you sign up. See you in there. Ways you can support the Life With Herpes show And if you enjoyed listening to this episode as much as we enjoyed making it for you, please give the Life With Herpes show a review. It is a way to pay it forward to fellow friends who are living with herpes. You can Subscribe, Rate and Review the show through your iTunes app or on the desktop. Seriously, it helps out a lot more than it is a hassle for you. You see, iTunes has an algorithm that organically promotes the show, so the more ratings, and reviews the Life With Herpes Show receives then the higher it gets ranked. This is your way of paying it forward and helping someone find the show who really needs it. Oh, and you can totally use a fake name, so don’t worry about a friend finding you on the iTunes review. Talking about herpes needs to be spread as far and wide as possible. You are totally a part of this movement so THANK YOU!  Subscribe, Rate and Review More Episode Resources

• How can I help you? Tell me in a free 15 minute chat!
• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit (use the promo code PODCAST)
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• DoTerra’s essential oils

Traveling and not listening to your body Life With Herpes Podcast Welcome to today’s episode on Life With Herpes. Today I am recording this episode from Versailles, France. Yep, I took a girls trip to France and it is AMAZING. Even though I got an outbreak and an annoying cold. If you watch this on Youtube then you will see what is around me, if you are just listening then I try to do my best to describe what is going on around me. "Listening to your bodies cues when traveling is key" - Alexandra Harbushka     Anyway, today I share how I prepped my body to travel across the world and how it still went into shock and I got an outbreak.  There are some key reasons why our bodies go into shock when we travel. I hope you enjoy today’s episode and get into the Parisian mode.    This was me podcasting :-))) Keep in touch with Alexandra Harbushka www.lifewithherpes.com www.instagram.com/alexandraharbushka (ps. There are some fun photos from my Paris trip on there) www.facebook.com/lifewithherpespodcast   www.pinterest.com/lifewithherpes   Join the community If you are ready to join a community of people who are living with herpes also then you will want to join our slack group. It is FREE and it is a great way to find the support and comfort that you are looking for. Head on over to www.lifewithherpes.com and join our community. You will receive a slack invitation as soon as you sign up. See you in there. Ways you can support the Life With Herpes show And if you enjoyed listening to this episode as much as we enjoyed making it for you, please give the Life With Herpes show a review. It is a way to pay it forward to fellow friends who are living with herpes. You can Subscribe, Rate and Review the show through your iTunes app or on the desktop. Seriously, it helps out a lot more than it is a hassle for you. You see, iTunes has an algorithm that organically promotes the show, so the more ratings, and reviews the Life With Herpes Show receives then the higher it gets ranked. This is your way of paying it forward and helping someone find the show who really needs it. Oh, and you can totally use a fake name, so don’t worry about a friend finding you on the iTunes review. Talking about herpes needs to be spread as far and wide as possible. You are totally a part of this movement so THANK YOU!  Subscribe, Rate and Review More Episode Resources

• How can I help you? Tell me in a free 15 minute chat!
• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit (use the promo code PODCAST)
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• DoTerra’s essential oils

Being Confronted About Having Herpes   [video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS9vTjhkWlhFN2c1cw==[/video_player] Life With Herpes Podcast   Does handling negativity in person ever worry you when it comes to conversations about herpes? Today I have a great story to share with you about that very topic. This past weekend I was at an event, called New Media Summit. It was about podcasting and how podcasting can be a huge asset to your business. I am a podcaster and was asked to attend as a speaker, and talk about my podcast and how it's changed my life. I also spoke with people one on one, and today’s show is about one of those conversations. Join me to hear the details on episode 53 of Life With Herpes!   More About Life With Herpes At this event there were about 200 of us, and we were asked to give our names and what we do. I said my name is Alexandra Harbushka and I am breaking the stigma of herpes. You should've heard the "ohhhs" in the room! I expected that. It raises eyebrows, and there's a shock factor which is the whole reason we have this herpes stigma! People are scared to talk about it or mention it. They are scared they are going to get it, or people will know they have it. While at this event, I was also asked to speak. After my talk, a gentleman in the audience approached me and asked if I receive any negativity with this podcast. I asked him to explain more about the negativity he was asking about. He asked if I was exiled in any way, or if people didn't want to be a part of the show and the community. I said no, I'm sure people judge me but people will judge me anyway (how I dress, what I drive, etc). I told him I don't get any negativity; I said I either miss it or don't hear it or see it, or it's just not there. He then told me he was talking with some other people at the event about this show. He thought it was bold of me to talk about herpes when it's so controversial and it might impact my relationships. I said that is why I am doing this, it's why I have this podcast, this community, this website. It's why I get up in front of 200 people at a conference that has nothing to do with herpes, and why I talk about it with them. It's the dirty little secret and it doesn't have to be. He went on to explain that he had been dating a woman and about three weeks in she told him she has herpes. He told me he really liked her but he couldn't get over it, he couldn't get past it and he broke up with her. I responded by saying I understood the fear, and the unknown, and it's his prerogative to break up with her. I said relationships don't work out for whatever reason, but I didn't question him about how much research he had done. Nor did I suggest maybe he hadn't really liked her that much to begin with if he couldn’t get past herpes. Again he told me how bold he thought I was for telling people I have herpes. And I asked him why he was scared of getting herpes. He responded by saying he didn't want to die. I said well that's AIDS, this is herpes! They are very different things. No one dies from herpes. He said really?! I said no, no one dies from herpes unless they commit suicide from the shock, the stigma, or the feelings of shame, despair, loss of dreams, etc. But no one dies from getting and having herpes.   Tweetable:  “No one dies from herpes.” - Alexandra Harbushka He asked how it impacts my life, having herpes. I said honestly it doesn't really. Yeah I get outbreaks and they don't feel good, they hurt. But does it really impact my life? No. I also brought up my fiance: I said he does not care one bit that I have it. This gentleman said I don't believe you. I said no, really he doesn't care. It's not a big deal. It doesn't get in the way of our friendship and it doesn't get in the way of our sexual relationship. The gentleman said I can't believe he doesn't judge you for it, or worry he's going to get it. I said no, he doesn't. I can guarantee it is not an issue for him. It's a matter of having an understanding of what the virus is, and a relationship with the person you are having sex with, and understanding the pros and cons of the virus. We all have viruses we pass to each other (like the common cold). The herpes virus just happens to have a huge stigma attached to it. What was also interesting, as I continued this conversation with this man, was that he told me he gets cold sores. I said so you have herpes. He said no I get cold sores. I said yeah, that's one form of herpes. He said well, yeah I guess. I said so you mean to tell me you have herpes and someone you were dating and really liked also had herpes. But when she told you she had herpes you broke up with her because you didn't want to come to reality of having herpes yourself. Now as you're reading these words and/or listening to me talk about this, please understand I'm not trying to alienate you or anyone else. Nor am I trying to make fun of you or anyone else. I'm saying this is an exact example of a lack of education. It never dawned on this man that if he had oral herpes it might be a similar type of virus as genital herpes. He thought he was going to die from genital herpes, yet he already carries the strain of oral herpes. He got it when I told him the statistics: 2 out of 3 people have HSV-1 (oral herpes) and 1 out of 6 have HSV-2 (genital herpes). When I gave him those numbers I could see him thinking and realizing he didn't understand it. And that's the beauty of talking about herpes - the awareness it brings! Whether you have herpes or don't, you are here and are learning. Maybe you're listening because you are in the same situation as the gentleman I was talking to at the event, someone you love has herpes and you want to date that person but you don't know much about herpes. Or maybe you have herpes and have had it for a long time but don't know much about it or how to talk to people about it, and you are back in the dating scene again so you have to talk about it. I'm glad you are here and are listening and are getting the information so you can live your life. Thank you for talking about this, and thank you to the man at the conference for talking to me so I can share the story with all of you. Wherever you are in your journey I can help you, I guarantee it. Get in touch with me about your story and what you need, after you listen to episode 53 of Life With Herpes. Keep in touch with Alexandra Harbushka

• www.lifewithherpes.com
• www.instagram.com/alexandraharbushka (ps. There are some fun photos from my Paris trip on there)
• www.facebook.com/lifewithherpespodcast  
• www.pinterest.com/lifewithherpes

Join the community If you are ready to join a community of people who are living with herpes also then you will want to join our slack group. It is FREE and it is a great way to find the support and comfort that you are looking for. Click here and join our community. You will receive a slack invitation as soon as you sign up. See you in there. Ways you can support the Life With Herpes show And if you enjoyed listening to this episode as much as we enjoyed making it for you, please give the Life With Herpes show a review. It is a way to pay it forward to fellow friends who are living with herpes. You can Subscribe, Rate and Review the show through your iTunes app or on the desktop. Seriously, it helps out a lot more than it is a hassle for you. You see, iTunes has an algorithm that organically promotes the show, so the more ratings, and reviews the Life With Herpes Show receives then the higher it gets ranked. This is your way of paying it forward and helping someone find the show who really needs it. Oh, and you can totally use a fake name, so don’t worry about a friend finding you on the iTunes review. Talking about herpes needs to be spread as far and wide as possible. You are totally a part of this movement so THANK YOU!  Subscribe, Rate and Review Episode Resources

• How can I help you? Tell me in a free 15 minute chat!
• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit (use the promo code PODCAST)
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• Life With Herpes YouTube channel
• DoTerra’s essential oils

Ask, Answer and Get the Facts about Herpes Life With Herpes Podcast Welcome to episode 50 of Life With Herpes and an #AskAlexandra show! Thank you for being here, I'm excited to answer Samantha from Baltimore, Maryland’s question. Samantha wrote in to ask how much protection do condoms give? This is another great question, thank you! To send in your own great question like Samantha's, use the hashtag #AskAlexandra in the private Slack group. If you aren't in the Slack group yet you can send in your question on the Life With Herpes home page. Just look for the Ask Alexandra button, click it and fill out the form with your question. Now back to Samantha's question about how much protection condoms provide, I've talked about this briefly in a few other episodes. Today I'll give a more in-depth answer on episode 50 of Life With Herpes.   More About Life With Herpes   This is one of the biggest myths and misconceptions out there, we've been educated and taught that if you use a condom everything will be fine. The truth is yes they help with protection so use them. But if you think about a condom and where it goes - on the man's penis - there are other parts of his genitalia that are not covered. So, using vaginal sex as an example, when you are having sex there are other areas that touch. The man's scrotum, the woman's labia are two of these areas that touch and are not covered and protected by condoms.   And that is why I am so glad Samantha asked this. If a woman has an outbreak on her labia (her "lips"), they can still come in contact with a man's penis. Condoms don't go all the way up so those areas can touch, and the virus can be spread. Tweetable: “It’s important to protect anytime there is skin to skin contact.” - Alexandra Harbushka   Here's the thing: you should use a condom, especially if you are in a non-monogamous relationship. They are effective, but there are areas in our genital region that are not covered during sex. It's also important to protect during foreplay and after sex: anytime there is skin to skin contact. If you want to be sure you are really safe, use a condom during foreplay and put on underwear after sex. Doing all of this is the best protection possible. Remember, herpes is passed through skin to skin contact not just through sexual intercourse. I’ll add to that: to ensure you are and your partner are safe is to talk about it before you have sex. Do everything possible, including using condoms. Thank you, Samantha, I appreciate you asking this! It’s a great question, and something we all need to know. Personally, I hear it all the time so I'm glad you sent in this question for episode 50 of Life With Herpes. Episode Resources

• How can I help you? Tell me in a free 15 minute chat!
• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit (use the promo code PODCAST)
• Life With Herpes Website
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• DoTerra’s essential oils
• Subscribe, rate and review Life With Herpes

Opening up and telling your dirty little secret   Life With Herpes Podcast I am recording this on the first day of fall! And it was actually a lot like fall in San Diego today: it was chilly, and rainy. But whatever the weather is like where you are when you listen to this, thank you for listening and for being part of Life With Herpes. Today's topic has come up recently in our private Slack group so I wanted to address it on the show. And that topic is: what is it like to tell people you have herpes, everyone from someone you are dating to your best friend to a potential date. So what is it like to tell someone you have herpes? Join me for episode 49 of Life With Herpes to find out! More About Life With Herpes Here's the truth: the first time you tell someone you have herpes it will be (or was) terrifying. Do you know why? Because of the stigma attached to herpes, that's the only reason. If you were going to tell someone you were allergic to grass it wouldn't be a big deal! You'd say: "Hey Jane, I'm allergic to grass so I won't be going in your backyard." Grass doesn't have a sexual stigma so it's not a big deal. People don't think you are dirty, or a whore or you've slept with dirty, greasy people - but herpes has that stigma attached to it. So that makes it f**king scary. Before telling the world I have herpes via this podcast, I told selective people. Before telling someone I asked myself: why do they need to know? A few of my closest friends knew, when I was diagnosed I needed someone to confide in so I told them. They greeted me with hugs and wine, and they let me cry. There was no judgment: they only wanted to help me. That was my experience telling friends, but I only told select people. My mindset was I have this, I'm not going to be a victim to it. I'm going to deal and move through this. Six years later it's no big deal. But I will say when I started this podcast and made the announcement to the world that I have herpes it was a little scary! Becaue it was talkign to someone I didn't know: you didn't know me and I didn't know you. Was I nervous that people would be negative and call me names and shun me? Or that I'd get horrible emails calling me names - I was nervous those things would happen! When I recorded my first podcast, I was scared. It took me awhile to be ready: I procrastinated in every way possible! In fact, the first episode was only about 20 minutes but it took me 3-4 hours to record it. So I understand what you are going through, I do! Whether you've told anyone yet or not, there will be a point when you have to do it. It may be at the doctor or the dentist, but what I hear from most of you is you are worried about how to tell your potential romantic or potential sexual partners. To help you, here are some recommendations I have put together. It's scary, but remember our grass analogy and remember it is about our mindset. Tweetable:  “Don’t apologize for having herpes, you are not a victim.”-  Alexandra Harbushka I recommend you practice on your dog or your cat. They love you no matter what. And if you don't have a dog or a cat, practice in the mirror. Get out everything you want to get out, say it all. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to tell the entire story, tell it. If you want to talk about how horrible your ex was then do it. Get it all out there. Then hone it in. Think of it like you're sending an email: you wouldn't send all of that detail, would you? No, so shorten it and tighten it up. Keep it short and sweet. Keep it simple: make it just a paragraph in length. Once you've practiced, and you get it honed down then tell the person. Keep it short and sweet when you do tell them. After you tell them, just listen. Listen to what he or she has to say. They might be like oh okay, my friend has it. Or oh there are so many people who have it, I get it. Thanks for telling me. Or they may be nasty and say ew I don't want to be with you, you're dirty and disgusting. That really may happen. But I believe if you come from your heart and you show you are being honest, and you are scared to tell this person because you like them, then that compassion can only shine through. So listen, answer any questions they have and make it about them. Do they have questions about transmitting it, what it looks like, prevention, etc. Answer those questions and be prepared to give them a resource (send them to this website and this podcast!) - if they ask for one. Now here's the key - promise me you won't have this conversation naked! This is not a conversation to have when you are about ready to have sex. Don't start this talk after you've been making out and your clothes are off. Don't get to that point until you have this conversation - make sure you have talked about this beforehand. If you want to hear an example of what to do versus what not to do then listen in, I highlight both for you so you can be as prepared as possible. Hear those examples and then have your conversation - please let me know how it goes! I want to hear from you after you listen to episode 49 of Life With Herpes.   Episode Resources

• How can I help you? Tell me in a free 15 minute chat!
• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit (use the promo code PODCAST)
• Life With Herpes Website
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• Life With Herpes YouTube channel
• DoTerra’s essential oils
• Subscribe, rate and review Life With Herpes

Ask, Answer and Get the Facts About Herpes     [video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS80TnY1b0FXaENTQQ==[/video_player] Life With Herpes Podcast I'm grateful to be here with you and I am grateful to have herpes so I can talk about it with you and live a beautiful life together! Together we are getting rid of the negative stigma attached to herpes, so thank you for being a part of it with me on episode 48 of Life With Herpes. Today I want to talk about something I heard a lot when I was dating, and I still overhear a common misconception: getting a negative test result from an STD test means you are okay and don’t have herpes. Find out why this is a myth on today’s Life With Herpes. More About Life With Herpes We’ve all been taught in sex ed and everywhere else to get tested for STDs. While it's super important to have this done, there’s one problem with it: the guidelines from the CDC don't recommend testing for the herpes virus. So typically it's not included in a routine STD panel. Now what does that mean? They are not checking for herpes. They are testing for chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV, HPV in women (genital warts - human papillomavirus). They are doing bacterial investigation when they get a swab, and if they take blood to test it then it is typically to test for HIV. So that means unless you ask to be tested for herpes you won't be - and neither will your partner! You must specifically ask for a herpes test.   Tweetable:  “The test for herpes is not included in a routine STD test.”-  Alexandra Harbushka   Now we’ve talked about how to test for the herpes virus on previous episodes, and one of those ways is through a blood test. But remember the virus won't show up in your blood unless you have the virus and have had an outbreak. I think there are a few reasons why the CDC doesn’t require it in STD tests, the first being the emotional fallout of finding out you have herpes can be far more devastating then the actual virus itself. I call BS on this. Another reason might be because it’s generally easy to know if you have herpes because you have an outbreak shortly after contracting it, whereas other STDs can be entirely asymptomatic. I also wanted to talk about this because it is something you need to be aware of, and you need to be certain you’ve had the proper testing done. Tell your friends, and obviously tell the person you are sleeping with about this fact. In fact, make sure everyone you know knows they have to ask for a herpes test in addition to the normal STD testing. Do your due diligence. Be sure to find out if your partner was ever tested beyond just the typical STD test. I hope that information is helpful and useful for you. Thanks for being here and for listening to episode 48 of Life With Herpes.   Episode Resources  

• How can I help you? Tell me in a free 15 minute chat!
• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit (use the promo code PODCAST)
• Life With Herpes Website
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• Life With Herpes YouTube channel
• DoTerra’s essential oils
• Subscribe, rate and review Life With Herpes

The creeper, the snake and good old herpes Life With Herpes Podcast I'm so glad to be here with you for another episode of Life With Herpes! I was in boot camp this morning and I was thinking: I wonder what herpes really means, like what does the word really mean? So I decided to do some research and report back on my findings. Join me to hear all about it on episode 47 of Life With Herpes. More About Life With Herpes   If I asked you what does herpes mean to you, you might respond telling me it means any number of things. For many of us our first response to finding out we have the virus is that our life is over, socially. For others, it means we are physically in pain from the virus and the blisters of an outbreak.   And the medical definition is something we've talked about over and over again: it is a virus that is transmitted skin to skin from human to human from the touch of an infected person to an uninfected person. It is a virus that lies dormant in our nervous system and we have it for life.   But those are all descriptions of how herpes shows up in our lives. What does the word herpes really mean, though?   Tweetable:  “Herpes has been a blessing in disguise!”-   Alexandra Harbushka I decided to research the exact meaning of the word. Here is how Dictionary.com defines the word herpes: it is a noun. It is any of severe diseases caused by the herpes virus characterized by the eruption of blisters on the skin or mucous membranes. Words you can compare it to are chickenpox, genital herpes, oral herpes, and shingles. So from there, I wanted to dig in a little further. I wanted to know where did this word come from, how did we come up with it, etc. I found out it is a Greek word (I was excited to hear that because I'm Greek on my dad’s side!). The word itself was coined circa 1375-1425, from late Middle English. Dictionary.com goes to explain the New Latin description of herpes as a cutaneous eruption, while the Greek meaning is hérpēs, which literally translates into creeping (akin from the Greek hérpein to creep, spread). Look at that definition and description of herpes - from the very beginning, this disease had no chance of anyone being nonchalant about it! It starts off as creeping - so not only do we have the social stigma attached (you're dirty, you're a whore, you slept around, etc), but the root word is creeping! That doesn't sound good at all. Now if you take the Greek translation and conjugate it with the Latin meaning of the word, which is serpēns (the word for serpent). Take those two words and combine them: you have a creeping snake! That sounds horrible, doesn't it?! If we add the late English word’s translation of cutaneous eruption we now have the creeping snake with cutaneous eruption. What a horrible image! With an origin like that the herpes virus had zero chance of being a normal virus, like chicken pox (which is in the same family as herpes). Anyway, I wanted to put this out there for you so you can know what the word really means. It’s commonplace for me to use the word herpes, but I didn’t know much about its origin before I looked it up for today’s show. I thought it was interesting how the meaning plays into the stigma, which itself is just BS. Let's no longer look at herpes as "the creeping snake" and instead realize it's a part of you and it's a part of me. I know I'm not a creeping snake, I'm not a creeper or a serpent - and I know you're not either! Herpes has actually been a gift to me, it’s helped me begin to love every part of my body, even the fact that I have herpes. It's been a blessing in disguise, and it's changed my life. It's changed my health, and the way I treated myself and my body. It has allowed me to begin on this self-love and self-respect journey that is endless and goes deeper all the time. And I'm glad you are a part of that journey, thank you for being here and thank you for listening to episode 47 of Life With Herpes. Episode Resources  

• Dictionary.com’s definition of herpes
• How can I help you? Tell me in a free 15 minute chat!
• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit (use the promo code PODCAST)
• Life With Herpes Website
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• Life With Herpes YouTube channel
• DoTerra’s essential oils
• Subscribe, rate and review Life With Herpes