Live From The 405 Podcast

The increasingly pervasive tyranny of Games & Fun. The original Fat Guy on the cover of Don't Break The Ice board game was indicative of us when we were a healthier and more respectable society. Digger was a complete box office disaster, but is a real bell weather of things to come, including (most likely, calling it now) Sicario 3. I acquired an Xbox 360, which is ironic since I spend about 360 minutes complaining about it. I went to see the new Brad Pitt/dog movie so that you don't have to, and I had Bumble date that went about as well as you would expect it to.

Rob Thomas is to singing what Bradley Cooper is to acting. I had a "games & fun" incident at work. There's another Los Angeles grape Celsius drought, probably perpetrated by The Bureau. When I tell you what Subway, the international fast food corporation Subway decided to discontinue as far as one of their sandwich ingredients, you're going to think I'm lying. (The absurdity of this is almost incomprehensible) I went to see Hoffa in 70mm with Danny DeVito and others there, and it could be the ultimate screening of my entire 22 year Los Angeles tenure.

I care about cute animals, until I'm even remotely inconvenienced by them. (I guess I care more about other people caring about them) WWZ sequel announced! I got my 275 back! This week In El Pollo Loco Incompetence. Fuck $8 diesel, an Egg McMuffin is $10. "Luke Around Los Angeles," and weird shit random people said to me this week. Bald Bryan from Adam Carolla died, but I still manage to talk about jew tits. (Bryan would've wanted it that way) I saw two new movies: Resident Evil and The Weight, and it's hard to tell which one pissed me off more.

I can't fucking sleep because George The Animal Steel lives upstairs from me. Id rather be IN Resident Evil than go see it in "4D." The $160 car wash. I've yearned for a soulless, uncaring gym spotter, and boy, I got one. I had a pleasant Saturday, and it ended with riding over to Beverly Hills to see "It Ends," but ironically enough, I didn't like the way it ends.

I got tickets for THE most awaited screening of 21 years in Los Angeles. "The Reddit mod" might be a more loathesome character than the Sonderkommandos in WW2 concentration camps. I talk about movies right now and their box office. Adam Carolla has Bruce Campbell on his show, and didn't bother to do the slightly important research of "Bruce having terminal cancer and a 5 year life expectancy." The Heat 2 apparent casting disaster continues apace. Andy from Every Time I Die died, and so did "the chicken tender." (Basically. Or it's at least at the lowest societal ebb it's ever consciously been at. It's dark days for the chicken tender. A chicken tender depression, perhaps) Someone came to visit me from Buffalo...WITH a vagina. (I mean she has a vagina; it wasn't someone who came here with one in a formaldahyde jar or something. Although I would have allowed that, too.)

I spend most of this episode elaborately demonstrating how almost unfathomably terrible The Dog Stars was. (I hope it's funny or entertaining on some level; it sure felt good to cathartically expel all that cinematic bile) "Lanterns" takes a lan-TURN. (Gee, who saw this coming…) I tell you about two new script ideas I have that could really be something, dog gone it. There's probably one or two other things in here, but I can't remember. I'm sure they're good, and ear delicious.

I'm back with more tragic tales from the LA Fitness locker room. You don't technically HAVE TO tip at Starbucks, but they'll certainly remind you that you didn't. There's a caffeine thief on the prowl at work. Sherman Oaks is a fucking warzone this week: man dies in motorcycle crash on the 405, suspect put nose to asphalt in 100 degree heat on the 405, a Pavillions employee is shanked to death in the parking lot, and most troublingly, Ralph's is inexplicably out of carry-baskets for the store. (This all happened within 36 hours and a 5sq mile radius) Damon Lindelof will remind you that he's a writer on Lanterns on HBO, lucky us. I went to see Straight Time, and the Mystery Illness is back with a terrifying vengeance. (I went to the emergency room) I went to see Insidious Part 6 so you don't have to.

I don't know what's more unsettling, the fact that I'm often surrounded by disgusting elderly naked foreign men in the very early morning, or the fact that they specifically go there to do exactly that. I apparently cant put up 275 (or more) on bench press except for one specific spot at a specific time on the entire planet, even though the weight is exactly the same. More totally believable and sensible Hollywood casting. My successful onslaught through the greater Los Angeles dating pool continues. I went to see The End Of Oak Street so that you don't have to.

A rare Saturday episode, which may become less rare in the future because grandpa simply can't handle anymore podcast hangovers. I expound a bit more on why "When The Children Cry" is one of the worst songs I've ever heard. I go into one of the longest reviews in the show's history telling you my thoughts on Spider Man: Mission Impossible 8. I'm 1 for 3 on dates in the last 10 days and finally hit paydirt, but I still find ways to complain about it.

Im back on the boards with bench press, at least. I walked by the monitors at work and was aghast at my posture and form. A stranger amon-GUS. My sneeze shyness has reached unbearable levels. Rocha is on Dice's Instagram post, but Dice blocked me?? Chipotle AND The Crazy Chicken incompetence?? "Misbegotten LA Dates," round 2. The new Avengers trailer/movie oughta shampoo my crotch, but I rewatched Spider Man 3 (preparing for Spider Man 4) for the first time since opening weekend and still liked it/have thoughts about it.