Aside from the Bureau, I now have the nefarious family branched out into all my favorite products, systematically ruining them. They’ve now infiltrated the Doordash app, Bai flavored water, and Carl’s Jr. My review of “Raising Canes,” a new (alleged) chicken finger slinger around town. Why do bars and restaurants constantly reopen in establishments that have a proven track record of “not working previous to this?” T Dog & I saw Mark Normand in Thousand Oaks, then I drove to my boss’s downtown and saw all the beautiful folks. (Of which I am not one) 

A shocking turn of events in Los Angeles, breaking news. If you want to cover “I Drive A Fast Car,” I hope you get in one and drive it into a tree. I hate the driver of a Tesla, more or less-la. Travel rage-ency. Rocha and the wretched Virzis at the Ice House, with Daryl Hammond-cheese sandwich. Corrriiinnnne’s beach birthday party, and a shotgun-shoppin Sunday.

Earthquakes! Protests! Chipotle! What a week, fam. There’s people walking around in sweaters and jackets in 95 degree heat. Ilhan Omar might be part of the Brotherhood Of Evil Mutants. I advocate for bipartisan legislation for grown adults in congress to stop referring to their grandparents as the childhood gibberish names they had for them when they were 2. (“tWoO?!”) There’s 2 astronauts stuck in space, and people somehow give less of a shit about them than they did those billionaires in that submarine. There’s a Fresh Prince reboot coming (and it’s worse than you could have possibly imagined), my own screenplay made me cry (punch me when you see me) and Hollywood once again doesn’t learn that NO ONE WANTS TO SEE CHICK ACTION MOVIES.

*Warning,* This week, I’m stretched for material thinner than a regular sized condom on Mr Marcus’ cock. I have a neurotic panic about a potential flesh eating bacteria in my face. A whole boatload of Chipotle Incompetence™, and more shoe drama. I met Vinnie Friday night and had too many margaritas, then paid the price for it the next day. I missed the Boogie Nights screening, but got a lot of writing done. Harrison Ford talked shit about the (probably) pile of shit new Black-tain America movie coming out. I was so desperate for content I even talk about Hawk Tuah girl. (Please forgive me, audience)

The remainder of my Buffalo trip, and a visit to my brother's compound. I went to see Deadpool 3 so that you don't have to. 

You have to take out a mortgage on your house now to get a haircut in Los Angeles. I saw Apocalypse Now in 70mm, and it was quite an experience. I flew to Buffalo and did things, I'm here right now. Why does Hollywood want us to like Glen Powell so much? Beerwolf wrote one of my favorite songs. 

My assessment and analysis of the attempted Trump assassination. I attempt to focus on the macro aspects of how & why this happened, but end up coming off generally incoherent and mostly rambling. Hopefully this makes some kind of sense to someone, but either way it felt good to rant about it like a low key lunatic. I really put the “anal” in analysis.

(If you dont like hearing about politics, just chilllll....til the next episode)

Harrison Ford finally decides to do a Marvel movie. (Good timing, dick head) People with money actually like my dumb movie ideas?? Longlegs review. I also went and saw Wild Bunch AND Far And Away. It’s hard for old guys to scream. (Misery Signals, Full Collapse)

Live, from the streets of LA, in my Enterprise cigarette sarcophagus! Fourth of July wrap up. (More like “ju lie about having an interesting podcast”) I’m now writing my first TV series! (God help us) Will Haven show at the Teragram, with Dude/Boges. I lament my laborious work week, but I venerate Yardhouse, followed by This Week In Chipotle Incompetence. (There’s always a ying to the yang) Longlegs speculation.

The politics of fireworks. 4th of July memories and mammaries. They saved Marilyn Monroe’s house. “Look How Cool Luke Is,” “industry connections” edition. Satan’s sprinkler system, and a guy on a bicycle on the epon..ponomoys 405. Chipotle Incompetence Round Up. Rocha’s show at the Ice House, and a whiskey tastin’ with T Dog. (Lou’s got cancer [CANCER!])