Living Connected - NVC

Marianne and I talk about conflicts and fights and how some conflict can be healthy because it can lead to trust and safety with that person. There is a discernment when understanding the healthy kind of conflict and understanding when conflict is unhealthy. We talk about some strategies that can be healthy for two people in a conflict, such as self-connection, meeting them where they are, follow through with the request for a break and coming back to mend or repair in the time frame that was requested. 

Being able to maybe in the smallest of ways connect with ourselves and create space in our heart to attend to the parts of us that are triggered and or attend to the inner wounded child is a healthy strategy when we are in conflict with someone. Which is easier said than done. There is also the other person who you are in conflict with who is also sitting with their parts of themselves that are triggered too. It can be so hard to be the one to meet them where they are because we deeply want to be heard and we just may not get that from them in that moment. It’s so important to know that we have outside resources to feel heard by others incase we are not heard by the person we are in conflict with. When we are resourced we have the capacity to meet the other person where they are. 

Conflict is never easy to navigate, it can be very delicate at times and what sucks is that we gotta be in conflict to continue to learn how to navigate it. I am constantly with my dad learning and growing with each and every conflict we have. The repairs we do have, the apologies are just enough for the start of some trust. for me anyway. I don’t know about him. 

I hope you enjoy!

Resources:

Marianne’s Information: 

Website: 

https://cupofempathy.com/

YouTube: 

https://www.youtube.com/c/CupofEmpathy/featured

Book:

Laser Therapy - A Clinical Manual 
By Jennifer A. Blahnik & David W. Rindge

CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: livingconnectednvc
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Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
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SEASON 3!! We have had this podcast for 2 years now and I want to thank all of you who have contributed by listening and passing along this podcast to others. My utmost gratitude to y'all HUGS!!!

Today Eric and I talk about my freak out. I am having surgery on my carpal tunnel.  What does your body do when your freaked out? My body just goes into this panic mode where everything goes fast, I can’t stop my brain from racing about all the things. Do you have support when it comes to moments of freaking out? What tools might you have? 

Just after this recording I called an old co-worker of mine who worked at the surgery center, he’s like an uncle to me. He talked to me about my surgery because he has had it done bilaterally as well. He is also a nurse like my mom and I found comfort in his words and knowledge. He talked to me straight up and gave me all of the tips that I will need to know. He walked me through the going to sleep process as I feel very fearful of that. Then he told me what I should do when I start to wake up and look around and maybe look at my hands wiggle my fingers ever so slightly. Knowing all of this stuff about pre-op and recovery helps my brain prepare for what to expect so it doesn’t feel like the unknown. He also reassured me that I will manage this and he had confidence that I will be okay. He even was prepared to take care of me at the place he was staying. That made me feel so good. Even though i’m not having surgery in his town it was so sweet to know he was gonna be there for me. 

I constantly and truly reach out to people that I trust and feel safe with to help regulate my system in times of need. This choosing of supportive people makes a huge difference in how you are witnessed and accompanied. 

I hope you enjoy an episode of empathy and what it is like to accompany another when they are having a freak out and a wave of emotions. Eric does a great job of reflecting, finding needs, hearing me and holding space while witnessing my discomfort in all this. My experience going forward might be feeling a little more ease after talking with Eric. We shall see.   

CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: livingconnectednvc
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Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

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Eric and I talk about my role as a participant in a practice group and what he experiences as a facilitator.

At the end of this episode Eric and I debriefed, and I finally figured out why I had a hard time answering the questions about the Power-over or authority in different styles of facilitators. I kept saying personality and that wasn’t the word I was looking for. It was how a group is defined. Is the group, class oriented which means it has a teacher and everyone listens and the participation is less. Or is the group given an opportunity for participants to practice NVC with the facilitator guiding participants in the direction of NVC. When I heard authority in our conversation, I figured out that it was because there is a teacher role in place which makes it seem as though I am the listener and not much of a participant.

I feel conflicted when to speak up and when I choose not to. There are times when I feel triggered in a group and I don’t say anything. There are times when I do speak up and I don’t feel heard and then I don’t speak up about that. Am I minimizing my needs or am I trying to hold the groups needs as well? What happens when we have multiple people in a group who are triggered or stimulated and we all don’t speak up?

For me, it’s so hard because I don’t want to take away from the group. What if others need it more than me? Or is it because I am not sure I feel fully safe or have trust in the group or facilitators that I will be held with care. Many of you may attend a practice group and perhaps some of you may have come across these thoughts as well. I would love to know your experiences that you have had in practice groups. I am not well versed in different groups so I don’t have much experience. I also want to hold myself accountable for not speaking up when I probably should have. It feels super uncomfortable sometimes to speak up when I know it may create conflict.

I want to give heads up too to those who have experienced any type of abuse or trauma because I took a self-defense class and I talk a little about Human Trafficking. I just want you to know that I do hold all of you with care. I want to bring awareness that this could reactivate a trigger in some of you. When I was at the self-defense class they also mentioned that being there could re-trigger some people. My goal is to bring more awareness to what is going on, in hopes that we can save lives. If I am able to bring on Ryan to talk more about self-defense I would hope that this could help parents, teenagers, adults and or anyone who has experienced or not experienced this or may have children who may be at risk. There are a lot of feelings and needs that go into things like this. I can’t wait to explore that.

Resources

All Things Possible

Video about sex trafficking in the Martial arts studio in Oregon

CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: livingconnectednvc
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Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

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Eric and I talk about Self-Empathy and how that shows up and what we can do to support ourselves during times that are hard. If any of you Living Connected listeners have any self-empathy strategies that have worked for you and or examples in your real life that it was hard to pull from your resources in self-empathy or empathy, we would love to know so we can share it with everyone in our Living Connected community. We would love to hear your voice in a voice memo or we can read your email. Of course this is a request if you feel safe for us to share those special parts of you. 

Being able to be present and show up for others is hard sometimes. Learning the tools, or skills or strategies to find a balance in being able to rejuvenate our cup, or our hearts, or our capacity can support self-care and or self-empathy. There are so many mindfulness practices that can cultivate our awareness around self-empathy. 

When you listen, there are moments where I have an internal dialog with my self in moments that are stressful, hard, triggering, and or anxiety driven. I explain some of the things that I say to myself so that my body isn’t so activated. It is about these small moments of struggle that we can shift our thinking and rewire our brain to have more compassion, kindness, warmth and empathy towards our body, mind and souls. It is a build up of those small moments of awareness that make that shift.

1. Listen to your body 
   1. if this is hard to do, definitely find some mindfulness practices like guided mediations, somatic dialogue, or label the sensations that your body feels when certain things happen, get up and move. Our body has a beautiful way of telling us what is going on. Listen and hone in on those feelings and needs. Our body is communicating with us every day. You could say, “Thank you body for showing up and protecting me when I needed safety. I know that must have been hard”  
2.  Reach out to other humans who you know you feel safe with, trust feel warmth and accompaniment with. It is so important to keep these relationships close and know that you can find support when needed. 
3. Recognize Capacity 
   1. The moment we can attune to our capacity the moment we can shift the heavy thoughts of shame, regret, inner critic talking to us with “I am doing the best that I can in this moment” “what do I need right now?” “What is my body trying to tell me?” Pause and breath even if you don’t know how to do this. Try and find just a molecule of grace and warmth for yourself in your breath. When we can recognize our capacity we will be better equipped to have energy to explore our life-serving boundaries, and be able to use strategies that fill our cup.    
4. Self-care and Self-Empathy Strategies
    
   1. Do what you need to do to process, move, exercise, feel peace, journal, sing, dance, listen to music, podcast, live band, read, go for a walk or hike in nature, something that allows you to let feelings move through you. These strategies for self-empathy are ways to meet our needs and support us in order to regulate our nervous system.     

Resources:

CNVC website

NVCAcademy

Aya Caspi - 8-day NVC Retreat

Yvette Erasmus

CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: livingconnectednvc
Living Connected Facebook Page
Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
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Thank you listeners for your patience as I am not putting out as many episodes as I would like. I am still doing my best to record, edit and work full time. I am doing my best. I am also having carpal tunnel surgery May 24th, so that might put me behind too eeeek. Feel free to email me any topics you might wanna hear or explore. Maybe there is a person you would like to have on and I can try and organize a way to get them on. Let me know.

This episode takes us through a somatic dialog and what that might look like when you are having really big emotions. This could be a way for you to work through some hard experiences you have gone through. I invite you to find a modality that works for you. There are so many practices out there that could support you in this journey.

Please feel free to breath with us and see what comes up for you in this exercise. 

Adinah Barlow is a life coach, author, and AcroYogi who knows a culture of self-care will replace violence. She was a massage therapist for 14 years and did a lot of business, leadership, self-development, and trauma-informed training. 

As a trauma survivor, Adinah spent 15 years healing with many tools that she now uses with her clients including Nonviolent Communication, emotional embodiment, The Work of Byron Katie, and many more. She came to know fully understand that the way we think about and treat ourselves is reflected in all of our relationships. 

Adinah has been a Life Coach for 3 years and loves helping people develop an amazing relationship with themselves so that they can have wonderful relationships with everybody else. She believes that as people befriend themselves and free themselves from their own violence and mental prison, our whole culture will shift to be cooperative and sustainable.


Resources:

Adinah Barlow Website
Podcast – Project Relationship You
Adinah Barlow Facebook
Dr. Kathryne Kloos; a fabulous doctor who uses Somatic Dialogue 

CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: livingconnectednvc
Living Connected Facebook Page
Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show

We have a special guest this week Adinah Barlow and we are going to talk about Trauma and NVC. How NVC might be helpful and how it might not be helpful for a traumatic experience. This is very interesting because I am just now editing this after my major traumatic experience, and I bet this episode would have been way different if I had come in with this example of trauma. I do hope to have Adinah on again to maybe work through my car accident. 

My thought is that when we have major traumatic experience NVC isn’t going to be the heal all. I think there are many other modalities that might be more healing. When we have PTSD, I don’t think nonviolent communication is going to help. We can only guess, validate, give empathy and have compassion for someone’s feelings and needs so many times and yet the vivid experience I still have remains. As a reminder that sometimes we need professional help to get us through some really tough trauma. I have a referral for neuro biofeedback, I am starting EMDR and other ways of working through this car accident. 

Lets dive in and see how Adinah using NVC when she is working through trauma with her clients. 

Resources:

Adinah Barlow Website
Podcast – Project Relationship You
Adinah Barlow Facebook

Adinah Barlow is a life coach, author, and AcroYogi who knows a culture of self-care will replace violence. She was a massage therapist for 14 years and did a lot of business, leadership, self-development, and trauma-informed training. 

As a trauma survivor, Adinah spent 15 years healing with many tools that she now uses with her clients including Nonviolent Communication, emotional embodiment, The Work of Byron Katie, and many more. She came to know fully understand that the way we think about and treat ourselves is reflected in all of our relationships. 

Adinah has been a Life Coach for 3 years and loves helping people develop an amazing relationship with themselves so that they can have wonderful relationships with everybody else. She believes that as people befriend themselves and free themselves from their own violence and mental prison, our whole culture will shift to be cooperative and sustainable. 

Other Resources:

Shelby Leigh
Dr. Kathryne Kloos

Request for support from my listeners:

I need to buy a Dynamic XLR Microphone so I can have better sound quality. This can get expensive especially when mics can cost between $200 – 500$ each.  I would love your support in donating 1-10$ to my Living connected Paypal account. A little goes a long way and I truly from the bottom of my heart would appreciate it. I will also give you a huge shout out on my podcast to those who have donated. If you would prefer to be anonymous that is okay too. Let me know in the notes if you would prefer not to have a shout out of gratitude.
Donations to Paypal email: [email protected]

CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: livingconnectednvc
Living Connected Facebook Page
Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show

I wrote out this long thing of what strategies that I remembered as I was listening to the episode for the 3rd time and now...2 weeks later or more I just don't know anymore. On Feb 25th, I got into a massive car accident. I hit ice out of nowhere. My car started to fish tail, swerved and before I knew it, my car jack-knifed into on coming traffic and I crash into a truck what seemed like face on. I am safe and banged up with a concussion. I meant to send this episode out on the 1st and that didn't happen. I could have died. Seriously though, angels bubble wrapped me and saved my life because I have no idea how I survived. It was only the middle of my car left. I have a different perspective on life and how grateful I am for the angels that showed up on the scene to help me through this traumatic event. Gifts of fucking life, if you ask me... And I will be forever grateful to my dad and everyone who was there for me. The words THANK YOU are not nearly enough.  

I am still thinking about all the things we didn’t even touch on. Such as those who got COVID and have had long lasting affects of the virus and how it has changed the way you do things on a day-to-day basis. There are so many unmet needs to your health now and what you can and can’t do. I have so much love and compassion for all of you. And I wish there was something I could do.  

We all have been through so so much during this global pandemic. It is a significant time of our lives to be living. The effects of COVID have truly changed so many people’s lives, physically, emotionally and environmentally. For some it has been traumatizing, feeling miserable, filled with loss and sadness so many unmet needs. For others it may have had the opposite effect where there were some new opportunities and openings for a different career path or deepening relationships and or inner growth with self-care. Eric and I talk about the improvement of the relationship with my dad and how far I have come in my own inner growth since I have started this podcast for people who want to integrate NVC into their life. This was a time to reflect on how COVID has shaped us and what we are today. Are there gifts of COVID? I would love to know your experience and to be able to share it with our listeners. 

If any of you would like to share your story or thoughts or maybe answer the questions that Eric ask me. Please don’t hesitate to write me an email we would love to hear from you.  

Request for support from my listeners:

I need to buy a Dynamic XLR Microphone so I can have better sound quality. This can get expensive especially when mics can cost between $200 – 500$ each.  I would love your support in donating 1-10$ to my Living connected Paypal account. A little goes a long way and I truly from the bottom of my heart would appreciate it. I will also give you a huge shout out on my podcast to those who have donated. If you would prefer to be anonymous that is okay too. Let me know in the notes if you would prefer not to have a shout out of gratitude.
Donations to Paypal email: [email protected]

CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: livingconnectednvc
Living Connected Facebook Page
Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show

Eric and I had continued to talk after our recording and got some good stuff to add. Eric really challenged me during the previous episode and it's good to have friends who can challenge your thinking gently. He felt safe to do that and also given the response I had he can and will continue to do so. I truly believe that we grow the most when we are challenged in our thinking. Pushing the uncomfortable parts of us is learning, growth and a deeper knowing about ourselves. I really want to know where I can improve and be held accountable for and it can be a scary place to be. I hope y'all can find a little golden nugget in this short bonus episode. 

Request for support from my listeners:

I need to buy a Dynamic XLR Microphone so I can have better sound quality. This can get expensive especially when mics can cost between $200 – 500$ each.  I would love your support in donating 1-10$ to my Living connected Paypal account. A little goes a long way and I truly from the bottom of my heart would appreciate it. I will also give you a huge shout out on my podcast to those who have donated. If you would prefer to be anonymous that is okay too. Let me know in the notes if you would prefer not to have a shout out of gratitude.
Donations to Paypal email: [email protected]

CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: livingconnectednvc
Living Connected Facebook Page
Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show

Thank you Listeners for your patience and understanding when I have some technical difficulties. I acknowledge that the audio isn’t great and the next episode will be better. I appreciate you all for continuing to listen and passing along this Podcast to others. 

We are going to be talking about passive aggressive behavior and I have some examples from my own life I will be using. Often times people use passive aggressive behavior because they don’t have the skills to express their feelings or needs effectively. Passive aggressive behavior is a pattern of indirectly expressing feelings and or needs instead of openly addressing them. This can look like non-verbal, actions, blaming, and or silent treatment, etc.

When I think of the feelings of passive aggressive behavior I think about anger, frustration, hostility, irritated there could be other feelings as well. What comes up for you? Depending on the passive aggressive behavior there could be a variety of unmet needs for a person. When I was on the other end of the behavior, I felt frustrated, shocked, and confused. I had unmet needs for trust, safety, respect, and consideration.  

We learn tragic ways to meet needs and passive aggressive behavior is one of these strategies that we use sometimes to avoid conflict or confrontation or we are afraid to speak directly for what we want and need. Lets explore this topic together. 

Resources:

My Grandmothers Hands

Book of Joy

Request for support from my listeners:

I need to buy a Dynamic XLR Microphone so I can have better sound quality. This can get expensive especially when mics can cost between $200 – 500$ each.  I would love your support in donating 1-10$ to my Living connected Paypal account. A little goes a long way and I truly from the bottom of my heart would appreciate it. I will also give you a huge shout out on my podcast to those who have donated. If you would prefer to be anonymous that is okay too. Let me know in the notes if you would prefer not to have a shout out of gratitude.
Donations to Paypal email: [email protected]

CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: livingconnectednvc
Living Connected Facebook Page
Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show

We get to talk about the Enneagram and I had no idea that there are so many deep levels of understanding of this modality, that I am just barely cutting the surface.

Today, specifically we dive deep into the three subtypes of the Enneagram, which are Self-Preservation, Social and Sexual. In each individual Enneatype there are there three subtypes or instinctual variants/stacking. Understanding the Enneagram brings awareness to the lens that we might wear. 

We have the special honor and gift to introduce, Dr. Kara Nance. She said, “The Enneagram gives us a map that shows us nine different ways that humans take in their experience of the world.” She is a double board certified in both Internal Medicine and Obesity Medicine. She concentrated in the neurosciences at Princeton University and did her thesis on the genetic basis of alcoholism. Kara loves to hike, bike, interact with her 4 children and is a true student of wellbeing.

Resources:

Dr. Kara Nance:

https://www.wellessencemd.com/provider/kara-j-nance-md-facp

Enneagram classes and Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction offered on Thursday evenings on zoom throughout the year. NVC practice group 7-8pm CT on Wednesday. Email for specifics at 

[email protected]

Websites: 

Enneagram Institute: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

Cathrine Bell Awaken Company – https://awakenedcompany.com/

Enneagrammer - https://www.enneagrammer.com/

DSM criteria - https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/practice/dsm

Enneagram Podcasts:

1.    David Grey – Big Hormone - https://www.johnluckovich.com/podcast
2.    Beatrice Chestnut – Enneagram 2.0

Books:

1.    Wisdom of the enneagram – By Russ Hudson and Don Riso 
2. John Luckovich - The Instinctual Drives and the Enneagram

Apps 

–      Eat Right Now 

–      Craving to Quit! 

–      Unwinding Anxiety 

CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: livingconnectednvc
Living Connected Facebook Page
Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1153175
Music is brought to you by: https://www.purple-planet.com/

Support the show