Living Wisely Living Well | With Asha Nayaswami

Good manners are innate. They are born of respect, dignity, and kindness. Customs vary from country to country and from place to place. For those who travel widely, it is impossible to keep abreast of every convention one encounters. Much more important than trivia like table manners are attitudes that ennoble the spirit.

What makes a man noble is not land, money, or social position, but character. Be true to your word, generous in giving, kind when faced by any wrong, and courteous to all (even to the lowliest beggar). Always defer to the truth. A truly noble man is one whose character is ever firmly upright.

Don’t be a social or any other sort of climber, outwardly. I have observed that game played even in the ashrams of saints. Absorb whatever virtues attract you in others, but never try to impress anybody. Move through life like a large ocean liner: serenely passing through heavy seas. Be whole in yourself. If you see some quality in others that attracts you, invite it aboard as a passenger. Divine illumination will finally carry you beyond all human qualities. Seek only those traits which will assist you in your quest for inner freedom.

The desire for equality with others is a delusion; we are equal only in the fact that we are all children of God. Life, otherwise, is like a ladder. The lower animals are helped upward in their evolution by association with human beings. Relatively unaware people are helped upward by serving those who are more highly evolved. The caste system in India originally recognized these realities: It wasn’t hereditary, and was never intended to be suppressive. It simply indicated the right direction for humanity to develop—from body-bound (kayastha) to freedom from ego-bondage. “One moment in the company of a saint,” it has been said, “will be your raft over the ocean of delusion.” The company of persons more highly evolved than oneself can be uplifting. In the case of the devotee who seeks God, saints are the best company. And best of all is it to be guided by a true guru.

If people treat you condescendingly, don’t react. Be polite toward them, but reserved. Let them see that, whatever their opinion of you, they have your respect and good will, but not your deference. Never court anyone’s good opinion. Defer to wisdom, but pay no attention to ignorance.

View challenges as stimulants to your spiritual ascent. Twice when I was a child, bullies much larger and stronger than I attacked and beat me. Both times I won against them by refusing to admit defeat. Afterward, they avoided me. Never surrender your will to anyone. If you can maintain your integrity, others may accuse you of betrayal, but it is to yourself you must remain true. Let people say about you what they will: Be strong in yourself. If you can preserve your will unbroken, you will always, in the end, come out victorious.

True politeness is not a mask. It is a reflection of the innate dignity of the soul. It enables a person to see in everybody, everywhere, the presence of God. Respect all men as your brothers and sisters in the great family of our one common Father/Mother.

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There is a simple key to happiness: Resolve to be happy! Depend not on outer things for what you want in life. Earthly happiness is like a rainbow: radiant with bright colors, but evanescent, for it consists only of raindrops—which, in human life, are the droplets of earthly sorrow! When you learn to welcome the rain as gladly as you smile at a rainbow—the one bringing cleansing to the heart; the other reminding you of God’s inner joy—you will be happy always.

If a mood oppresses you, offer it into a wider perception of reality. Moods are like waves: no matter how tall a wave, the ocean level never changes. Live at that point, inwardly, where nothing can affect you.

You have within yourself the power to overcome all adversity. Even were you to be enslaved, or thrown into a dungeon without hope of release, no one can possess or incarcerate your mind. If you cannot conquer a difficulty outwardly, rise above it inwardly: Seek freedom in your heart. No one can ever deny you that freedom. Were utter failure to crash upon you like a giant wave, know that God’s law is ever benign and just. Place yourself in His hands, and everything must turn out eventually for the best.