Living Wisely Living Well | With Asha Nayaswami

An excellent way to rise above physical pain is to divert your mind to something else. I’ve found, for example, when sitting in a dentist’s chair (I haven’t taken Novocain in years), that mentally composing music, or working out some passage in a book I was writing, helped greatly. The dentist’s activities then became hardly noticeable (though often I’ve heard afterward that the dentist himself was perspiring with sympathetic pain!).

When giving a gift, think not only whether it is something your friend would enjoy receiving: think also whether you would enjoy giving it to him. Gifts should carry vibrations of love and happiness. To give someone a painting that he likes, but that you yourself abominate, would deprive the giving of its essential ingredient: joy.

Humility is not self-deprecation; it is the simple recognition that, in everything, God alone is the true Doer. God acts through instruments. Humility, though an important step toward overcoming the sense of “I” and “mine,” retains some sense of ego—an ego open to higher wisdom and guidance. In total egolessness, even humility ceases to exist; the little self is no longer a consideration.

Accents are important indicators of attitude,for they derive from more than upbringing and environment. Ego has its center in the medulla oblongata at the base of the brain. Tension at that point tends to draw the head backward, causing one to “look down his nose at the world,” and thus to speak with a slightly nasal accent. Aggressive will power makes one force his words out. He therefore emphasizes his consonants. Expression of the kinder emotions tends to soften the consonants and emphasize the vowels. Sounds like ü and ö, though common in certain languages, also suggest, in the tightening of the lips, an attitude of mild reluctance. Consonants in which the h is pronounced in conjunction with b, p, t, and k (like the Bengali bhalo [good]) are pronounced similarly in all languages when the feelings are expressed emphatically. The American flat a is a soft, double sound as in “man” (“ma-uhn,” wherein the second sound is almost inaudible); it sounds sweeter than the same word spoken with an open English accent. The r in the word, “better,” sounds warmer and more welcoming in American than in the British English “bettah.” On the other hand, the American double “t” sounds muddier and less precise than the English: American, “bedder”; English, “bettah.”

Speech is naturally melodic. See to it that the melody of your speech be pleasant and attractive. Notice the melodic change that accompanies every shift of mood or feeling. Watch for such changes also in other people. Learn to detect in people’s voices their sincerity or insincerity; their aggressiveness, defensiveness, or deceit; their intolerance, kindness, or loyalty. Perception of these qualities depends more on self-knowledge than on specific outer guidelines. Some people can tell a lie so convincingly that even the discriminating may at first be fooled. There are also melodic patterns induced by environment and upbringing; take such cadences into account, to see whether the melody of a person’s speech is conditioned or spontaneous.

When conversing with people, look at a point in their foreheads between the eyebrows, rather than staring too directly into their eyes. To gaze too fixedly in their eyes may seem an intrusion. If, on the other hand, you look at the floor or at the ground, people may think you resent them. And if you look off to the side, they may think you can’t wait to get away from them. If you look up at the ceiling or at the sky, they may suppose you are pondering a point, but if you ponder it too long it will seem to them that, for you, they have ceased to exist. If, then, you gaze at them in the spiritual eye, you may help also to uplift their consciousness.

Whenever possible, give credit to others even if an idea was first your own. Those who keep trying to draw praise to themselves soon find themselves forced also to carry the whole burden of responsibility. To succeed at anything, especially anything worthwhile, you will almost always need the help of others. If possible, therefore, involve them even now.

Imagine the worst thing that could happen to you. Then, still imagining, relax your heart and accept it. If you can bear that visualization, inner freedom will be yours. Why not, then, accept whatever comes? Do you fear death? It can’t be avoided, so why fear it? When it comes, accept it willingly—even gladly! For know this: You, yourself, can never die.

In inviting others to participate in decisions that are yours to make, the responsibility for the outcome will be yours also. Allow no one’s suggestions to become your excuse for failure. Accept only ideas that resonate with your intuition. Never feel obligated to accept a suggestion merely because you have asked for it.

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What is the best handshake? People sometimes lightly extend two or three fingers, as if preferring not to touch you at all. Others offer their hand limply, as if eager to disengage from you as quickly as possible. Others cling to your hand as if to a lifeline. Still others squeeze your hand forcefully, as if wanting to overpower you. The best handshake is firm, friendly, and tactfully brief—neither too personal nor too impersonal, and leaving both persons the integrity of their own space.