Living Wisely Living Well | With Asha Nayaswami

Never allow yourself, out of hurt feelings, to close your heart’s door to anyone. Locking it will only cause you pain. You can no more control how others treat you than you can the weather. How you behave toward them, however, is yours to control. Rather than let any hurt block your heart, ask yourself, “Is there any point in suffering twice?”

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Give others their due. Indeed, to make sure your gift is not grudging, give them more than their due. In that spirit of generosity, allow others to give you what is your due also. Remind them always, however, that God is the Doer. To reject sincere praise in the name of humility would be to impugn the judgment and good taste of the one who offered it.

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Be humble, but never abject. True humility is not self-abasement: it is the contemplation of, and complete absorption in, a broader reality than one’s own. In bright sunlight, a burning candle is so dimmed that it shines unobserved.

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Reach out toward others with sympathy: Don’t wait for others to reach out first to you. How many wounded there are, stretched out on life’s battlefield! Some of them seek to protect themselves from further hurt by a demonstration of cold aloofness. Ignore that attempt: it is merely an act! Become a spiritual medic! Make a special effort to help people who are in psychological pain, or in spiritual doubt. You’ll be amazed at what a warm smile can do to melt the blocks of ice that encase so many grieving hearts.

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To be dignified in the true sense does not mean to be proud, pompous, or conceited. Dignity is his who lives calmly at his own inner center. A person of true dignity recognizes, and bows to, the divine in all. He keeps his mind open to the views and suggestions of others, but always weighs them first against the understanding he’s acquired from his own experience.

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Face trials, obstacles, and challenges courageously. You are a child of God; as such, you are the equal of everyone on earth! Your potential for greatness—indeed, for perfection—is infinite. A painting should be judged, not by any mistakes the artist makes while perfecting his work, but in its finished state.

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Never be afraid to give love, even if others respond to you with disdain. True love wants nothing in return for its gift. It holds out to life no begging bowl, but enriches the giver, and ennobles everyone it touches. If you withhold love from others, on the other hand, you yourself, inside, will die a slow death. For feelings are like flowing water: If they are made to stand still, they will stagnate.

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If you feel impelled to defend a principle, never do so under the influence of anger. Defend your beliefs joyously! Dharmic—which is to say, righteous—causes should be defended righteously. And joyous non-attachment is the only way to mount that defense.

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“People are more important than things.” This is a basic principle at our Ananda communities, which my Guru founded through me. It is a good principle for your own life, also. By “things” I don’t mean objects only, but plans and projects of all kinds. Consideration for other people will also help to ground your ideas, making them more realistic, and ensuring that what you want to accomplish is right. Remember too, “people” refers not only to others, but also to yourself. Your spiritual progress is more important than anything else in your life.

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Never defend your mistakes. People do that only to protect their pride. The more readily you admit an error, the easier it will be to change yourself. Thus will you win release altogether, eventually, from ego-consciousness.

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