Lockdown Dads

Nicki Seignot, Author of 'Mentoring New Parents at Work' and founder of The Parent Mentor talks to James and Ian in episode 36 of Lockdown Dads.

We discuss why supporting new dads matters, the role single dad Phil played to broadening Nicki’s horizons, beyond just supporting the maternity journey and what the post pandemic work landscape could look like.

Plus the usual podcast musings about schools going back, sunshine (!) and looking forward to better future.

Contents

00:50 The power of daylight in the mornings 

02:15 Schools going back

02:45 Competitive world book day

04:00 Ian is looking forward to not apologising…

05:30 Christmas presents (!) and Covid

07:10 Nicki’s path- 

• Taking maternity leave in the late 1990s. 
• Hard choices and work just not working for mums
• Mum2Mum mentoring programme at Asda
• The important role of single dad, Phil
• That 2011 program became The Parent Mentor business
• Her book - Mentoring New Parents at Work and a realisation that dads weren’t part of the conversation.

13:45 A pivotal moment using a mountain top image as part of icebreaker cards

14:30 The danger of grouping parents as a single homogeneous group

15:30 The Dad Connect programme

16:15 Mentoring v Coaching

18:50 We talk about reverse mentoring

21:45 “Good enough is good enough”

23:30 Work Life Balance

24:00 Hybrid working and the role of line managers

25:50 Incoming culture clash - “working from home is an aberration” ?

26:30 Will there be a generational split about office working?

28:30 The mechanics of hybrid working models

Tips

James’ choose to challenge on parenting norms

Nicki talks about checking in on a new dad back from paternity leave 

Ian has been reading Why we sleep? by Matthew Walker

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Connect With Nicki

www.theparentmentor.co.uk

https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicki-seignot-647b981/

The musician who doesn’t read music, the drummer who didn’t play the drums and a calming, pragmatic influence in Coldplay. In this episode of Lockdown Dads, we discover how a focus on their relationships has been as important as the music, what work life balance means in a band when you have kids and what Will is looking forward to most when lockdown finishes.

Self described (with tongue in cheek) “soft rock dinosaur,” we find out how Will feels about the A Head Full of Dreams documentary - the good, the cringe-worthy and the comforting.

We explore how the pandemic has been for the band, for his family and sadness he feels for artists on the cusp of success - with momentum pulled from under them.

Will talks openly about family, fatherhood and masculinity - the similarities between his role as a dad at home and his role in his second family where fortunately no one is a frustrated frontman!

Luck, personalities, hard work and a focus on relationships and above all else being grateful.

Contents

01:00 Definitely an air of optimism, a bit of light at the end of the tunnel for my kids. 

01:50 Not touring with the last album turned out to be almost clairvoyant...

02:45 We're lucky because we can afford to wait and we can we can choose the right time to do it for us

04:00 Ian looking forward to the end of home school and binge watch Marvel films for the first time.

06:20 James - great weather, but an irritating Joe Wicks injury!

08:00 Will’s working dad status - father of three and freelancer

08:56 Olga Fitzroy is like Bruce Wayne. (Read more about her Parental Pay Equality campaign)

09:50 Children, touring and balancing family life with work.

12:40 Being in a band is like being in a family. 

15:15 Too busy for boxsets, books and learning new languages

17:00 We talk about the A Head Full of Dreams documentary

20:00 The secret to Coldplay longevity - dynamics, personalities, friendships and a bit of luck.

23:30 Will’s lack of previous drumming experience - could Ian have been in Coldplay?

25:30 It’s been tough for Will’s kids, especially his eldest.

27:30 Making memories and making the best of Lockdown - The Quarantine Bar at 5pm on a Friday.

30:45 Studio time, being productive and Brian Eno’s advice 

32:30 Weekly zoom calls and very intense, but very productive 2 week slots of time. 

33:15 Multiple masculinities - Will’s role as a dad v his role in the band

36:30 Ambition, competition and balance 

38:45 What are we going to do first, when we’re allowed - Will visiting his dad.

40:40 This Week’s Bumper Selection Of Tips

More Reading And Links

Annie Lennox (subscribe to read)

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/only-if-the-women-s-movement-opens-a-dialogue-with-men-can-we-end-misogyny-c8zxp0pcj

James’ review of previous guest Martin Robinson’s New Book

https://www.workingdads.co.uk/martin-robinson-masculinity-book-you-are-not-the-man-you-are-supposed-to-be/

A trailblazer for same sex adoption, Jamie is the Daddy of Daddy and Dad. What started as an exploration of the highs and lows of Jamie and Tom’s story of adopting two young brothers from foster care, became an award winning blog key agency resource and an opportunity to work with major brands.

A timely redundancy lead to a focus on blogging, before dipping their toes into Instagram (not just for vintage cat photos…) and moving into the realms of influencing.

We explore the journey into fatherhood, how navigating trauma from previous lives is part and parcel of the adoption process. Plus relationship dynamics in a same sex couple (hint… the breadwinner / carer tension is the same) and the challenges of being dads in a mum’s world. 

Contents

01:00 Half term, home-school and house moving.

03:10 James does care what the weatherman says.

04:00 Pets and waiting on Boris.

05:40 Booking holidays and being on TV.

07:00 James reflects on Ian’s sister in law’s Valentine dance. 

08:30 The Path - “of course we're two dads, so options for starting a family are slightly different to other couples.”

09:40 Adoption is a huge, convoluted, overwhelming process and at the end of it, you become a family overnight

10:20 I thought maybe I'd write a book or maybe we'd do some kind of video blog or but blogging was my expertise. 

11:30 “I was really trying to lay out exactly how I was feeling and how lost we felt sometimes, which people really identified with.”

12:30 

Adoption agencies picked it up as a resource for potential adopters to read and it grew really quickly. 

13:45 The mad world of parenthood - there's certain themes that I think everybody can recognise.

15:00 Blogging inspiration from soft play and trampoline parks.

17:30 Instagram - not just pictures of cats

20:40 Relationship dynamics - breadwinner and carer

24:30 Support for adoptive parents

26:10 Dads in a mum’s world

27:20 Covid and a pub manager getting it all wrong.

28:00 Changing facilities for dads with babies

30:00 Gay men in a straight world - Valentine's Day and Mother’s Day

Tips 31:10

• Read Martin Robinson’s book - “You Are Not The Man You're Supposed To Be”
• Involve kids in decision making - a quick story about alarm clocks and bedtime habits. 
• Watch The Morning Show, Apple TV +, with Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston

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Connect with Jamie

https://www.daddyanddad.co.uk/

https://www.instagram.com/daddyanddad/

Dan Stanley - Becoming Better Men

In a powerful discussion about masculinity, purpose, and self awareness, ex Army Commando Instructor Dan describes how, far from being a magical time, becoming a new dad led to a 8 month separation in his marriage.

We discover how a chance meeting with an ex premiership footballer, helped him drop his people pleaser mask and literally stop running from his problems.

We discuss the impact of a dad who wasn’t present in his life, running so much your dog gets injured, and seeking to normalise the conversation about modern masculinity. Dan talks about his business principles of creating space for men to develop great relationships with themselves. 

Plus… is it sledding or sledging and other pressing questions in 2021.

Contents

01:00 Dan is purposeful, available and congruent

03:00 Ian and the “done” list

04:20 Sledding or Sledging?  Snow days as a niche argument in favour of flexible working.

07:25 Birth of Dan’s daughter was the catalyst for “not only the breakdown of my marriage, but also for what was an identity crisis or midlife crisis for me.” 

08:10 Dan was running (and avoiding) so much that his spaniel (running partner) actually developed an injury that needed an operation.

09:00 “We separated for about eight months and it was a lonely time.” 

11:10 It's all about normalising the conversation for me. Unless you've got a great relationship yourself, you can't have a great relationship with anybody else.

12:30 My dad wasn't present in my life and at the time I never really gave it any significant thought, but…

13:30

Training all arms commandos from the army. Screaming in people's faces, that in my mind, is counterproductive.

15:30

He was an ex premiership footballer, he'd had a couple of the operations, which hadn't worked…

17:30 Taking massive and immediate action

18:30 Reflecting on ego and masculinity

19:45 It's about creating that space for men to have the conversations they've never had before, to be heard and listened to in a nonjudgmental space. 

21:30 I found myself in the Peak District for five days, on a vegan diet. No caffeine, morning meditation and yoga and spirituality and the men's circles. Craig White was a real, a real catalyst for who I became. 

24:00: I stepped away from friendship groups that I felt no longer served who I wanted to become. I realised that my values were kind of just social traits that I'd adopted from other people.

26:30 My story is perhaps extreme in a sense, but lots of guys can relate to avoiding, to placing their head in the sand

Tips (27:00)

Bird watching for the soul

A selection of stoic maxims.

• Know thy self - develop yourself awareness.
• Nothing to excess.
• Surety brings ruin.

Listen to Tim Ferris podcast with Jerry Seinfeld

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More from Dan

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dan-stanley-bettermen-coaching/

https://better-men.uk/

There’s just not enough time! 

Nigel Clarke, CBeebies presenter, explains how Dadvengers started from an all Dads episode of The Baby Club, the groundbreaking show for mums, dads and carers with babies under 18 months old. The Baby Club reflects the important CBeebies mantra that “Everyone’s Welcome”. 

We talk about a generational shift in what is expected from and expected by dads and the importance of dads having the skills and confidence to be alone with their kids. 

Ian and Nigel try and explain to James what the Clubhouse excitement is all about and we discover how you manage a 4 hour filming session with babies, sing songs (!) and probe Nigel about parenting in the public eye and what goes on at a CBeebies Xmas party.

Contents

01:15 Using Lockdown in the most positive way we can be - “I've found a place where I'm happy.”

02:00 Nigel’s motto - “There just isn't enough time”. 

03:00 Special To Do lists 

04:00 Children on Teams and Clubhouse

06:45 Trying not to get stressed - people are accommodating

08:00 CBeebies closed for a couple of weeks and we, as the presenters, were recording stuff in our homes. So I did a series of links from my lounge. 

09:45 Dadchats was a place for me to just research what parents might want to see or hear about in the Dadvengers podcast.

11:20 We did an episode of The Baby Club just with Dads

14:55 

15:45: Wanting to be more involved - The Baby Club as a platform to really help dads.

18:40 The essence of it was wanting dads from all different backgrounds who were engaged with their kids, who weren't scared to change a nappy.

20:10 The importance of making dads feel welcome.

21:00 Patience and being public figure. 

21:30 I don't know if I can really call my work work.

23:30 Chaos and contagious crying - how to film an episode of The Baby Club.

24:45 I know a song that’ll stick in your head….

26:20 What happens on a CBeebies night out, stays on a CBeebies night out.

28:00 Tips

• Men need to learn how to listen, not just talk.
• Feel good with a squirt of aftershave.
• Be present when your kids are there and you're spending time with them, put that phone away, drop it down. 

30:44 There's not long left. We're at 13, we're two thirds of the way through, and then it's over, they're gone and they're not kids anymore.

Learn more here

https://dadvengers.com/

https://www.facebook.com/Dadvengersofficial

https://www.instagram.com/dadvengersofficial/

https://twitter.com/Dadvengers_

https://nigelclarkepresenter.co.uk/

https://www.thelionsbarbercollective.com/

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To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here: https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

As a newly married 23 year old, apprehensively mulling over his thoughts about impending fatherhood while driving the A39 to and from Bristol, Nathan McGurl, founder of The Study Buddy did what we now take for granted - he started blogging. 

The My First Kid website has sadly gone the way of our My Space profiles, but the story Nathan tells of dads sidelined from parenting will still resonate to many, even if supermarket parenting clubs no longer limit you to identifying as  “Ms, Mrs or Miss”

We blend discussion about bad broadband, good haircuts and expensive contact lenses with a look at lazy and damaging gender stereotyping promoted by the UK government. 

Nathan explains how having exhausting all the classic parenting manipulation techniques with his son, he created a system of GCSE revision planning that didn’t rely on learning by osmosis and became The Study Buddy.

Content

01:10 Nathan is a gin and tonic away from being “magenta.”

02:45 James loses the world’s most expensive contact lens.

04:10 Ian on bad broadband, good haircuts and lockdown birthdays

05:50 New marriage, new dad and new millennium - there was a lot going on.

06:50 On the road to Street and myfirstkid.co.uk was born, capturing all of these things flying through my head…

08:20 I started to become more aware of “parenthood” because I don't think “fatherhood” was much of a thing then.

10:00 Parenthood was all about the mums. The Safeway club just assumed it's Mrs. Nathan McGurl. I mean, you could be Ms. or Miss or Mrs, but you couldn't be Mr. 

12:20 We talk government and gender stereotyping 

15:40 Emails from Mums even more than Dads

18:30 The path to creating The Study Buddy 

19:30 Using every trick in the book for motivation - “how about I give you a fiver?”

21:00 Then it came to Easter just before his exams,  

22:00 It wasn't emotional anymore because it wasn't me telling him what I thought he should do. 

22:47 This is how Study Buddy works

26:30 You don't need to spend money, but for those parents who actually just don't have the time or the inclination…

27:40 It was built for the procrastinating boy, but this kind of approach helps with, those who are really anxious. 

30:00 The power of the student feeling in control

33:10 Tips

CKC = “Communication is key with COVID”

The power of an Excel spreadsheet - people will assume that you're busy and they will walk away. 

Zig Ziglar quote “The elevator to success is out of order, but the stairs are always open.” 

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Learn more here

https://thestudybuddy.com/

https://www.facebook.com/TheStudyBuddyStudios/

https://twitter.com/thestudybuddyUK

https://www.instagram.com/TheStudyBuddyStudios/


About Lockdown Dads 

James Millar and Ian Dinwiddy are recording a weekly ‘show’ exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. 

 https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

Time to ponder… what colour are you today and why? Paul Bulos, Executive, Leadership & Wellbeing Coach and publishing professional joins us for this and other profound questions on the Lockdown Dads podcast. We dig into the benefits of lockdowns - including connecting with your kids and we touch on the importance of empathy and understanding the transition between work and home life. 

Plus we discuss dad ‘presence’ - how important is secondary school transition, what does the “right train” mean to you and taking time to involve yourself in the things that are important to your children.

Tips include - it’s time for clippers, the Language of gaming and Rachel Vecht’s Circle of Control .

Contents

00:20 Lockdown birthdays are rubbish. 

02:30 If you could describe how you are doing as a colour, what would that colour be and why?

02:45 Paul’s Funday Friday - energy and weather = yellow

03:15 Ian, green for Pakistan - ODI cricket tickets for the summer

04:20 James = black… I like black

07:40 Learning self awareness and family dynamics

09:15 Paul’s relationship with his daughter

12:25 Helping children to feel safe

14:05 A higher proportion proportion of dads think that the switch to secondary school is a time when they need to be around for their kids. 

15:00 How comfortable are you saying, “you know what, I can't make that meeting at 5:30” because if I don't do that, I can't get the train, which means I won't be home for my kids.

15:50 You come home one day and, and they don't come to the door. And I said, no, I can't imagine that. 

17:00 The impact of missing your train - my wife knew exactly what time I'd be walking through the door at the end of the working day.

19:30 The transition between work - coming home and re-entry into domestic, household and parenting life. 

21:50 James talks about his workingdads.co.uk building back better agenda.

23:00 Lunchtimes together.

24:00 The power of coaching - examining values and my responsibilities as a parent

25:30 Children as they've become far more cognitive in the world and they've got their own things, you really have to listen to them. 

27:00 My Daughter has helped me as a coach. 

28:30 Tips

• Home haircuts - clippers are back on stock
• Try to understand the language of gaming.
• Rachel Vecht’s Circle of Control.  (former guest on the show)

More from Paul Bulos

https://www.linkedin.com/in/paulbulos/

http://www.thecompletecoach.co.uk/safe/

https://www.workingdads.co.uk/sink-swim-vital-dads-look-after-themselves/

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About Lockdown Dads 

James Millar and Ian Dinwiddy are recording a weekly podcast exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. 

We’ll share tips, thoughts and stories with special guests, discuss our hopes for the future and the opportunities that all this represents, especially for dads who want to be more active and involved fathers but who until now have struggled with the expectations of what it means to be a man in the workplace. We hope you enjoy watching and listening! 

To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here:

 https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

Living 50m from Central Park in Upper West side Manhattan sounds incredibly glamorous but not if you've swapped a house for a pandemic apartment in lockdown. This week's guest Steve Myall, former deputy features Editor of the Daily Mirror and co-host of the highly successful First Time Dads podcast joins James and I as the circle of podcasting is complete.

We talk shared parental leave, finding space in a big city and why diplomatic status is this year's must have accessory for the Real Brit Dads of New York. Steve talks about what it is like on the ground in New York - elections, parenting and being that elusive species - the hands on stay at home dad.

Contents

 01:30 switching a house for an apartment, not realising that we would be in it 24 hours a day.

02:30 Home school and Boris the Cat

05:00 God alone knows what we're going to do at the weekend.

06:00 We had a friend who took some shared parental leave, he was in his shorts, had grown a beard. He was relaxed. He was chilled. And the relationship with his second child looked fantastic.

07:30 Condensed hours and changing how you look at work.

08:00 Moving to New York.

09:30 The First Time Dads Podcast - because we felt that dad's weren't really talking about the emotional stuff.

13:30 There was talk of a virus in China and then suddenly New York's in this epicenter.

14:30 If you're on the seventh floor of an apartment you can't take them to playgrounds or shop.

16:45 We are fortunate, because my wife works for the UN, we've got a diplomatic status here so that we were able to come back to the UK.

17:45 New York parks v Crystal Palace Park aka "have you got a big dinosaur with its face fallen off?"

19:35  Federal law allows you to have 12 weeks of unpaid parental leave as a dad.

22:00 Not only would it be unusual for me to see a dad taking their kids to this stuff, it would be unusual for me to see a parent because they're all nannies.

23:00 It's changed a lot since lockdown - you see a lot more dads doing drop-off and pick up because obviously they're working from home.

26:10 And then the adults all have a shrink, right?

28:00 We drove back into New York as the election result came over the radio and people were out in the street, opening bottles of champagne, cheering on the street corners.

29:00 If you go in Central Park, without wearing a mask outside, you will be shouted at.

30:00 Tips: Watch Soul, eat chocolate oranges and get in touch with mindfulness and the craft box.

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Twitter: @Stevemyalleats

 Instagram: @StevemyalleatsHQ

About Lockdown Dads 

James Millar and Ian Dinwiddy are recording a weekly ‘show’ exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. 

We’ll share tips, thoughts and stories with special guests, discuss our hopes for the future and the opportunities that all this represents, especially for dads who want to be more active and involved fathers but who until now have struggled with the expectations of what it means to be a man in the workplace. We hope you enjoy watching and listening! 

To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here: https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

One time self employed journalist based in Australia, we discover how interviewing and profiling home working entrepreneurs for a tech start up was the start of the idea that became The Homeworker magazine. 

Louise Goss joins us for episode 28, drawing upon her husband's experiences we reflect on how attitudes towards home working have changed from both an individual and business perspective. Why her magazine is much more useful than  googling the top 5 productivity tips and how the Homeworker blends key themes around business, productivity, mindset, wellbeing and your work environment. 

Contents

02:30 James has the hump with fascists

03:30 Groundhog day - it's hard to hit the ground running in 2021

04:20 Ian misses flow

05:30 Less parental guilt this time

07:20 From Freelance journalist to celebrating the 2nd anniversary of the magazine

09:00 Louise back in UK with 2 children under 3 

09:50 Blending business, productivity, mindset, wellbeing and your work environment. 

10:15 I wish I could say I had this Eureka moment and this amazing foresight that we're all going to be doing it

12:10 Work and life are very integrated nowadays. And there's no real getting around that.

12:50 it's very easy to do a quick Google, you know, top five productivity tips working from home.

15:25 Branching out into a corporate subscription

16:30 There's working from home and then there's working from home during a global pandemic

17:30 Parenting and homeworking

22:00 Husband changing how he felt about home working

25:19 We actually turfed my daughter out of her room and made an office joining lockdown

26:30 Ergonomics advice - the best posture is the next posture

Tips 27:20

Involving the children in the planning of home-school

Leave the fairy lights up

If you create an inviting and welcoming workspace you're going to do better work there

https://www.thehomeworker.com/

https://twitter.com/homeworkermag

https://www.instagram.com/thehomeworkermag/

About Lockdown Dads 

James Millar and Ian Dinwiddy are recording a weekly ‘show’ exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. 

We’ll share tips, thoughts and stories with special guests, discuss our hopes for the future and the opportunities that all this represents, especially for dads who want to be more active and involved fathers but who until now have struggled with the expectations of what it means to be a man in the workplace. We hope you enjoy watching and listening! 

To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here: https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

A look back at 26 episodes of Lockdown Dads - the good, the bad and the ugly as we ponder the "annus horribilis" that was 2020. We talk guests and the tips that inspired us and the tips that shocked us, it's all here as we discuss what 2021 has instore for dads and their families and how as a show we can continue to bring you interesting and informative content onward into season 3 of a project we wanted to kill off. Too much lockdown...!

(Recorded pre-Tier 4 / Christmas cancellation)

Contents

1:30 This week - Webinars, Xmas cards and good people doing good things.

03:30 The importance of the Bob Mortimer and Paul Whitehouse fishing programme.

05:30 The good - walks and family time, Saturday night movies.

07:30 All fathers should watch It's A Wonderful Life. 

08:30 Scepticism about the Rona-coaster - until James hit it. 

The emotional impact of freedom being snatched away. 

Looking ahead to his daughter being nearly 14 next year.

11:50 Adapting and Accepting. Being kind to yourself.  

Michael Ray and Nadia Nagamootoo talking about the small things.

13:30 Christmas - make the most of it,  but not Kay Burley style.

14:00 Noel McDermott from Season 1 had the most striking tip - no drinking.

15:45 Yash Puri and the night time nappy changing, James and choosing the "right" pants.  

17:30 Making time for yourself - Dan Reed, Ady Griffiths and Mari Williams.

18:00 Awe walks from Jessica Chivers.

19:30 Philip Simon re-record the punchline. 

Dr Jasmine Kelland and Dr Laura Radcliffe with strong calls to action.

22:20 Freddie Bennett - The man who ran a marathon in welly boots and broke the Guinness World  Record.

24:30 Dads exposed to genuine parenting challenge. 

27:00 Future trends for 2021, it will be key for people like us - making the case for flexible working when the temptation will be for a return pre pandemic "norms."

31:00 Tip watch the Bob Mortimer and Paul Whitehouse show. Cherry Vodka and Tonic make it your Christmas drink of choice.