Lockdown Dads

From lad mag to expert on modern masculinity. This episode is loaded with content "for him" as Martin Robinson, editor of digital magazine, the Book of Man, gives us the lowdown on why it was time for content that explicitly put men's mental health, front and centre of the conversation. 

We learn about the human zoo that was working for Maxim in the 1990s and how going a little bit nuts was seen as an occupational hazard that shouldn't distract from the "fun". Fortunately the world has moved on a bit and Martin talks about how a new breed of man is engaging on a more emotional and vulnerable level and seeing the benefits of redefining what being a good man can mean.

Martin kicks things off by talking about the multiple pressures of keeping a business going, while home-schooling his 8 yr old son and 5 yr old daughter, plus managing their wellbeing and outlook on the world. 

04:00 A call back to the "Christmas of Death"

06:00 How many Xmas trees do you need? 

08:00 Ongoing Rona-coaster and the fragility of the situation.
James will eat his hat if Covid is over by Easter

09:30 Book of Man - increased demand due to mental health. 
Traffic up massively in first lockdown.
It's not laugh a minute on the site
Topics that aren't going to be touched by GQ  looking what the season's suits will be.
Professor Green

13:00 Excitement about the future - we need strong voices to help people through it.

14:00 Martin hoping for a reassessment of the ideals that men hold - taking pride in being around.
Caning it forever around the clock isn't really the answer!

17:00 The challenge when your identity and sense of self is defined by your job. Then you lose your job....

19:00 Talking about Jason Fox's role, there's angle about the military - getting organised and looking after your own little area, it's coming into it's own.

21:30  It's powerful when tough guys open up. More engagement when they talk about bad days, rather than a 1000 burpees.

23:00 Starting out a Maxim, did you expect to end up with Book of Man?
What did it mean to be a man in the 1990s? Hedonism and freedom.
There was no place for discussion about masculinity or mental health - that would be spoiling the fun. 

26:00 I was never a massive lad - I wanted to be a writer. 
People were continually having breakdowns. Long hours, long socialising.

29:00 Things were starting to change - Shortlist started doing mental health stories. An urgency to the launch of Book of Man post #Metoo and a focus on men's behaviour. 

Martin's book is out in the spring "You're not the man you're supposed to be."

Tips 

How to handle Xmas decorations
Don't leave decorating until December. 
Read Julia Gillard's book - Women and Leadership


Book of Man https://thebookofman.com/
Twitter https://twitter.com/MartinXRobinson
Jason Fox  Wild Tales Podcast Jason Fox Wild Tales Podcast – The Book of Man
Julia Gillard book - Women and Leadership https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/112/1120820/women-and-leadership/9781787634

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About Lockdown Dads

James Millar and Ian Dinwiddy are recording a weekly ‘show’ exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. We’ll share tips, thoughts and stories with special guests, discuss our hopes for the future and the opportunities that all this represents, especially for dads who want to be more active and involved fathers but who until now have struggled with the expectations of what it means to be a man in the workplace.

We hope you enjoy watching and listening!

To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here:

https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

David Willans, founder of the website Being Dads joins the show as we discover what is behind his thoughtful and informative weekly emails. We learn how a typical dad moment - losing your rag with your kids,  and lacking role models the resonated, turned into a project to educate himself and others about fatherhood - our behaviours and how they impact on others. David talks convincingly about how definitions of fatherhood lack "depth."

 Content

03:00 We discuss the burning question in November -  is it too early for Xmas?!

06:30 The euphoric feeling bumping into someone you know in the park

07:30 David's path to setting up Being Dads

Classic school run moment - shouting at kids, getting stressed.

Caught myself - angry dad moment I'd lost control and I didn't want to be that guy

Limited role models - either Disciplinarian Dad, Lego Dad or "Steve Martin" Dad

10:30 Speaking to other Dads he knew - "longest I've ever spent talking about fatherhood". 

You lost temper and started a website, was this a conscious choice?

"Hard to sit still and do nothing."

14:00 Kids give you lots of opportunities to be a better person if you are paying attention

17:30 How to stop thinking? James' experience of the Gender Agenda project

18:30 Expert status - talk and think about it.

20:30 Digging in child development and psychotherapy - how adult behaviours are driven by childhood. The dangers of reading too much!

22:00 Top books for thoughtful parents (see below)

25:00

We discuss time, attention and behaviour

James anticipates being laughed at

Adults talking about Dads - it's attention or lack of, that they remember. The dads they don't remember growing up

30:00

Dads and sport

31:00 Tips

Read about Virat Kohli, Indian cricket captain, planning to miss 2 test matches in January for paternity leave.

Wake up and think about what you are going to do that is amazing for the family.

Dad to dad meet up - outdoor fresh air is  good for the soul
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David Willans

https://www.beingdads.com/

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More to read

Becoming Myself: A Psychiatrist's Memoir, Irvin Yalom

Reflective Parenting: A Guide to Understanding What's Going on in Your Child's Mind, Cooper and Redfern

Kids Are Worth It!: Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline, Barbara Coloroso

https://www.workingdads.co.uk/virat-kohli-stereotypes-cricket/

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About Lockdown Dads 

James Millar and Ian Dinwiddy are recording a weekly ‘show’ exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. 

We’ll share tips, thoughts and stories with special guests, discuss our hopes for the future and the opportunities that all this represents, especially for dads who want to be more active and involved fathers but who until now have struggled with the expectations of what it means to be a man in the workplace. We hope you enjoy watching and listening! 

To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here: https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

Nadia Nagamootoo, founder & CEO of Avenir Consulting Services, speaker, chartered psychologist, coach and expectant mum joins Lockdown Dads to talk about her path to "complete inclusion" and how her own experiences of shared parental leave and equal parenting led to seeking greater understanding of the organisational limits to men's access to flexible working and extended leave.

We discuss the challenges and disappointments of men's lack of access to maternity services in 2020 and reflect on whether Covid is a moment in time or a fundamental culture shift for working dads. Plus strong tips on what steps men can take to get involved in the change they want to see - aka being an active and involved father.

Contents

00:45 2 weeks away from giving birth!
01:30 Some amazing things have happened, baby is the icing on the cake.
02:00 Nadia's husband faced a lack of empathy for family circumstances during lockdown v1 - 6 year old daughter at home.  
04:30 We discuss issues about dad's access to maternity services.
Practicing interchangeable parenting - 1 long weekend a month for the MBA
Judgement of Nadia and questioning about whether he could 'cope'.
05:30 It's sad for him not to hear the heart beat and see the scan. 
08:00 Ian talks about International Men's Day and ranting on LinkedIn 
09:45 James is bored of lockdown v2, but looking forward to a socially distanced man date with Ian
11:30 Nadia's path - very personal. Her career path wasn't D&I focused - instead organisational culture change.
Winning a 30% Club scholarship to study an MBA at Henley Business School.
Given the importance of her husband's Shared Parental Leave (SPL), Nadia MBA thesis was all about understanding the organisational limits to men's access to flexible working and extended leave.
17:20 Impact of Covid. Have we fundamentally changed the system? Or is Covid just a moment in time?
19:30 8/10 dads on workingdads.co.uk survey wanted more flexible working.
20:30 Talking about barriers for men 
> Senior male leadership role model.
> Fear of the impact on their job.
> Local culture - line managers and team members define what is possible.
24:30 Men need own what they want and speak up, but also dads as a route to gender equality.
26:30 Tips - Listen to Barack Obama interview on Radio 4,  Read James' piece on planning on the working dads website. Nadia's tip - what small things can you do - adjustments or requests that allows to you access some of the lockdown magic. Challenge yourself!

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Nadia Nagamootoo

https://www.avenirconsultingservices.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/nadia-nagamootoo-98436613/

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Barack Obama - https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m000q50g
James' plan https://www.workingdads.co.uk/working-dads-build-back-better/

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About Lockdown Dads

James Millar and Ian Dinwiddy are recording a weekly ‘show’ exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. We’ll share tips, thoughts and stories with special guests, discuss our hopes for the future and the opportunities that all this represents, especially for dads who want to be more active and involved fathers but who until now have struggled with the expectations of what it means to be a man in the workplace.

We hope you enjoy watching and listening!

To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here:

https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

Ady Griffiths, author of Mindful Thoughts for Fathers joins James and Ian to explain how mediation and mindfulness have helped him to cope with 3 core aspects of fatherhood - worrying about becoming a dad, being a stressed dad and relating to his own father. 

It's a powerful episode that explores the reality of being a dad, coping with lockdown and grief, plus surviving the  80s rave scene. As James so eloquently surmised Ady's book - "it's not some hippy sh1t"

Contents 
 
02:30 James finds Lockdown v2 harder this time
04:00 Ian got away to Center Parcs
05:30 England v Scotland in football – James picks England (more reading below)
07:00 Ady’s path
 The stress of nearly becoming a dad at age 17. 
 Discovering a book on mediation while cleaning the religious studies room 
 Looking into the Hare Krishnas
10:30 The late 80s Rave scene, mediation as a route to avoiding too much collateral damage!
 Buddhist mindfulness – love and kindness.
 Anger issues with his dad
13:30 Catch yourself – Stop. Pause. Breathe. Be aware
 Change state = kinder human being
15:15 4 skilful efforts in Buddhism
16:30 We practice good posture
18:45 James the sceptic - but no - it's a book rooted in a relatable reality
20:00 Lockdown 1 was tense - tricky especially for Ady's daughter's mental health.. 
 Importance of wildness. 
24:30 Worn out - facing the loss and grief following the death of a close friend. 
 None of us know when we're going to go.
29:30 Tips - get stuff in the calendar, the benefits of an Apple watch and the importance of making time for you.

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Ady Griffiths

https://vidyadasa.com/
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindful-Thoughts-Fathers-Journey-Loving-Kindness/dp/1782409556
https://www.workingdads.co.uk/mindfulness-working-dads/

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More reading from James

https://www.pressandjournal.co.uk/fp/opinion/columnists/james-millar/2583403/scotland-must-learn-from-englands-ire/

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About Lockdown Dads

James Millar and Ian Dinwiddy are recording a weekly ‘show’ exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. We’ll share tips, thoughts and stories with special guests, discuss our hopes for the future and the opportunities that all this represents, especially for dads who want to be more active and involved fathers but who until now have struggled with the expectations of what it means to be a man in the workplace.

We hope you enjoy watching and listening!

To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here:

https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

This week’s guest is Dr Laura Radcliffe, Lecturer in Organisational Behaviour at the University of Liverpool Management School. 

We explore why a focus on dads in the workplace is of vital importance and how society needs to see the bigger picture – gender equality is good for everyone’s well-being and relationships. 

We discuss the type of messaging for mums that Laura can say, but James, Ian and David Lammy really can’t. Plus, we bust the myth that mums are more skilled...

Contents

04:30 Manchester v the Government
06:30 Empathy
08:00 Laura’s path, from psychology grad via bad working practices to investigating work / family conflict within couples.
09:30 Data on Dads was just time use, nothing deeper.
11:00 Diaries into Work / family conflict 
* What happens when Men work flexibly, and women don’t and vice-versa
13:00 Aiming policies at women that exacerbate inequality
14:00 Living her research – permanent work / family conflict
15:30 Maternal gatekeeping – Dads need to persevere to keep carving out their own space in family life.
18:30 Mothering norms – competitive parenting, judgement and being the home manager.
21:00 Why it is important to break maternal gatekeeping
* Better relationships between couples
* Better relationships between Dads and children 
* Reduce the dual burden of home and work

22:30 Broadening the research interests
* Men is same sex couples are more equal – starting from a level playing field.
24:00 Solo dads concealing a new partner from work
26:00 James’ tip -  if you are missing the transition that the commute provides listen to a podcast!
30:00 A bumper set of tips from Laura
* Tip 1 Dads be brave, vocal, and daredevil – don’t hide your responsibilities.
* Tip 2 Line managers – show leadership and be vocal and supportive to dads. 
* Tip 3 Mums hold your tongue a little bit!
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Dr Laura Radcliffe
https://www.liverpool.ac.uk/management/staff/laura-radcliffe/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/lradcliffe/
https://www.bitc.org.uk/report/equal-lives-parenthood-and-caring-in-the-workplace/
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About Lockdown Dads

James Millar and Ian Dinwiddy are recording a weekly ‘show’ exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. We’ll share tips, thoughts and stories with special guests, discuss our hopes for the future and the opportunities that all this represents, especially for dads who want to be more active and involved fathers but who until now have struggled with the expectations of what it means to be a man in the workplace.

We hope you enjoy watching and listening!

To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here:

https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

Yash Puri, Founder of Papa Penguin and Finance Tech Specialist joins, James and Ian to discuss the ups and down of lockdown – doing everything and then having to slow down.  We learn how moving away from cultural expectations and taking shared parental leave led to a feature with the BBC and creation of the Papa Penguin platform.
Plus night-time ninja nappy changing (definitely worth watching that bit on You Tube), trying to get to Center Parcs for half term and how just telling your story helps other dads to reassess their lives. 

Contents

01:30 Family communication via headwear.
03:30 Excitement of the early days of lockdown, going Insta crazy – plaits, cooking and extreme arts and crafts.
04:30 Survival mode.
05:30 Super Dad – trying to do everything!
07:30 The corona rollercoaster – trying to plan for half term?!
13:00 The path to Papa Penguin via Shared Parental Leave and a BBC interview, getting inspiration from David Attenborough’s Dynasties. 
16:30 The penguin is my role model, reflecting on fatherhood through the generations.
18:15 Talking cultural pressures and expectations with the BBC Asian network.
20:30 The importance of gender neutral Covid leave at FIS.
23:00 It’s only ever been my female team who have asked for childcare leave.
25:00 Creating impact by sharing stories on Papa Penguin.
28:30 Tips – James professional pen choices, Yash on nappy changing in the dark and Ian on recognising what you need to do to decompress.
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Yash Puri 

https://papapenguin.org/
https://www.workingdads.co.uk/working-dads-lockdown-yash-puri/
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About Lockdown Dads

James Millar and Ian Dinwiddy are recording a weekly ‘show’ exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. We’ll share tips, thoughts and stories with special guests, discuss our hopes for the future and the opportunities that all this represents, especially for dads who want to be more active and involved fathers but who until now have struggled with the expectations of what it means to be a man in the workplace.

We hope you enjoy watching and listening!

To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here:

https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

Jessica Chivers, Psychologist & CEO of The Talent Keeper Specialists & Author "Mothers Work!" joins James and Ian to discuss how feeling "confident, connected and cared for" isn't just for new mums, and why line managers and senior male role models are essential to drive change for working dads.

Plus learn about "Awe walks", "Office Osmosis" and how to be a "Active Actor" in your day  

Contents

02:20 Stroking clients, flow and avoiding the media 
05:30 Recognising stress - Ian's daughter gets real life experience
07:00 James' 20 year golf losing streak and why covid is like a rugby match without rules. 
09:00 Jessica's path to being the The Talent Keeper.
12:30 The Comeback Community
15:00 James' empathy gained from furlough 
16:00 Pivot - stand alone coaching session
18:15 Shared Parental Leave as a trigger
20:20 DADB1 - the challenges of making change
23:00 Busy on LinkedIn this week.
25:30 Awe walks and power of connecting and finding wonder.
29:00 Tip - Managing your end of day boundaries - write down 3 things that have gone well and why.
31:20 Tip - the power of Freecycle
32:40 Tip - Pants and winkie holes

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Jessica Chivers 
https://www.talentkeepers.co.uk/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessicachivers/

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About Lockdown Dads

James and Ian are recording a weekly ‘show’ exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. We’ll share tips, thoughts and stories with special guests, discuss our hopes for the future and the opportunities that all this represents, especially for dads who want to be more active and involved fathers but who until now have struggled with the expectations of what it means to be a man in the workplace.

We hope you enjoy watching and listening!

To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here:

https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

Dan Reed, father of 2, founder of the Career Dad and Head of Digital and Platform Delivery at Barclays joins James and I to discuss lockdown, finding your own path, managing judgement and creating choices that work for you and your family.

01:30 Riding the “Corona-coaster” – good hours and bad hours

02:50 Covid at Ian’s children’s school

04:20 AIBU? Morality and Train rides

05:30 Post Traumatic Stress?

07:50 James back in Westminster

10:00 The Path to Career Dad – creating your own narrative

12:00 Guilt and the perception of guilt

15:40 Self-confidence as a façade for low self-esteem. 

16:50 Consumed by external validation and the power of therapy

18:30 4 days in a job, what is the point of doing something you know you don’t like?

20:30 Everyone has an opinion when you become a parent

22:30 I’m not a “home-schooling” parent, but…

24:50 “I love you, but screw you”

27:00 Going viral because you fed your daughter a shoe (or something like that!)

27:30 My two favourite platforms are Tiktok and LinkedIn

30:00 Tips – make time to be selfish, winter is coming (how are you prepping?) and check out the Career Dad podcast.

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Dan Reed
https://www.careerdad.co.uk/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/danreed86/

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About Lockdown Dads

James and Ian are recording a weekly ‘show’ exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. We’ll share tips, thoughts and stories with special guests, discuss our hopes for the future and the opportunities that all this represents, especially for dads who want to be more active and involved fathers but who until now have struggled with the expectations of what it means to be a man in the workplace.

We hope you enjoy watching and listening!

To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here:

https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

Founder of Music. Football. Fatherhood and Diversity and Inclusion Expert, Elliot Rae joins James and I to talk Covid, Black Lives Matter, and being kind to yourself, plus a bit of football, a touch of music and plenty of fatherhood.

Contents

02:40 Major stress and anxiety - my wife got ill, I got ill and an ambulance came to the house. 
04:20 Elliot's reaction to the death of George Floyd 
05:05 "Sounds weird me saying this, I'd probably do the whole thing again"
06:10 The benefits of things being out of our hands
10:15 Not the first time I've been a spokesman for BAME in the workplace.
11:40 Mainstream impact
12:40 Emotions, strategy and crisis management. Accelerating D&I work AND uncovering resistance.
16:00 Leadership via Music. Football. Fatherhood "how do we talk to our kids about race?"
17:45 The path to setting up MFF
21:30 Picking a name - is it a stereotype?
24:00 Making an impact with MFF
27:10 Getting stuff done, not just commentating
29:00 Tips  - Match of the Day reruns, Flu vaccinations and go easy on yourself.

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Elliot Rae
http://musicfootballfatherhood.com/
Insta: @MFFonline_
Twitter: @MFFonline_

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About Lockdown Dads

James and Ian are recording a weekly ‘show’ exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. We’ll share tips, thoughts and stories with special guests, discuss our hopes for the future and the opportunities that all this represents, especially for dads who want to be more active and involved fathers but who until now have struggled with the expectations of what it means to be a man in the workplace.

We hope you enjoy watching and listening!

To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here:

https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

Dr Jasmine Kelland, Lecturer in Human Resource Studies at Plymouth Business School is this week's guest on Lockdown Dads.

With a PhD that was titled “Father’s at work: challenges and stereotypes facing fathers with caregiving responsibilities in employment”, Jasmine is a perfect guest to discuss dads, equality and evidence-based research.

Contents

01:30 Jasmine is loving the routine of being in the office. 

02:50 James is ahead of the curve – stinky crisps and Dads Don’t Babysit 2nd anniversary 

06:30 We talk about Jasmine’s research focus

07:00 HR Manager to PhD researcher

09:00 “What the **** is your missus doing that means you have to get the children from school?!”

10:50 This isn’t about men’s rights

11:45 “The Fatherhood Forfeit” – part time work and line management judgment

14:30 The self-reinforcing Gender Pay Gap  

15:25 Flexible working demand from men

16:00 The “F*** It Fathers” – a cavalier attitude to people opinions about male caregiving.

18:00 House of Lords Select Committee written evidence

20:30 Making change happen

25:30 James’ tip – Men and women speaking in unison.

27:00 Does Jasmine feel awkward as a woman “promoting” men?

29:00 Ian tip – get involved in the class WhatsApp group

31:30 Jasmine tip – don’t be afraid to challenge the status quo

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Dr Jasmine Kelland

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-jasmine-kelland-63417642/

https://www.plymouth.ac.uk/staff/jasmine-kelland

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About Lockdown Dads

James and Ian are recording a weekly ‘show’ exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. We’ll share tips, thoughts and stories with special guests, discuss our hopes for the future and the opportunities that all this represents, especially for dads who want to be more active and involved fathers but who until now have struggled with the expectations of what it means to be a man in the workplace.

We hope you enjoy watching and listening!

To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here:

https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads