Ep 35 : When will it end 😩 if this show was an orange, surely we have squeezed the last drops?? In the last round of dates the contrast between the smug marrieds (Jules and Cam) & new lovers (Jess and Dan) compared with Magic Mike and Heidi & Ning and Mark could not be more polar. Vee wants to sneak up behind Magic Mike and push him off the crows nest and Shari is concerned the old MG may not have enough space for Jules and her...ovaries. We hear the dinner bell ringing...or is that the disaster calling???? Either way we are keeeeen for tomorrow nights episode.

Ep 34 The Extended Version We are starting to feel like Farmer Wants a Wife and are hostages in a show that is keeping us around waaaayyyyy to long. Highlights include a romantic treehouse getaway for Ning and Mark where literally no “romance” will be taking place and an awesome day on the water for new couple Jess and Dan who may not even wait until they get off the boat to get jiggy with it. Shari (insert all of us) are loving Mikes triumphant return home from drinks with Jess only to be reminded by Heidi that he does nothing right. 😂😂 Low light - Vee is close to death but is soldiering on *excuse the sounds of low level dying throughout!!

Ep 33 - The Final Commitment Couch It’s a BIG night because we know what’s coming and want to know once and for all do the “EXPERTS” have any morals or only eyes for the ratings?! Shari and Vee agree that Heidi and Mike will have to go their seperate ways in the end and we are watching the slow unwinding of a painful coupling. We are also watching a deeper coupling of Cam & Jules and the pain is all ours - hey Jules STOP TOUCHING CAMS BEARD...it’s just creepy. Now everybody...shhhh Jess has something to say and everyone seems to be genuinely shook. The experts prove that they do not deserve their seats on the couch - talk about three people who can justify any decision - just wow! But thank-goodness for that as we can watch a forbidden romance blossom and the fallout from all the drama for another 2 weeks. Now say it with us Martha....#bless

Ep 32 The Aftermath - we are shook! But first STOP - Cams braces need to be immediately removed and burned. Nice try Cam but...they did not escape our attention. 😎 Aaaaannnnddddd GO. Shari is so shook she has eaten a whole packet of Clinkers (fave comfort food) perhaps to blame could be Mike arriving with eyeliner or Martha totally manipulating Tam or Mark and Farmer Wants a Wife being incorrectly accused of planning a visit with ladies of the night. 😳😳😳. Vee has nominated Sharis dinner party entrance rating scheme for a Gold Logie for best innovation in TV 2019. Congrats Shari 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🍾🥂🍹🎉 Now everyone let’s collectively setting our timers to count down the hours until the Commitment Couch on Sunday.

Ep 31 - Big nite out! Da boiz and da grls are excited to get out on the town. Tam in particular is excited to hear all the goss - especially if it’s not about her 😳😳😳....Oh pet there is gossip and how could you NOT know that your marriage is right at the centre of it?? In the face of a night that resembles the great Aussie BBQ, Shari trots out the sweeping generalisations but, hey....deal with it. 😂😂😂😂 Vee reveals that she has put Ines and Fraser Anning in the same hate pile. Who knew reality TV and politics had so much in common? 😎🤓😎

Ep 30 : and what the hell is all the crying about? Oh that’s right it’s Family & Friends night! And to be honest Cam, that can be totally . . . traumatising. While Cam had all the feels tonight, Magic Mike has lost the feels and the food apparently?!? Perhaps Heidis dinner is in the same place as Farmer Wants a Wife’s thongs???? Srsly dude put some shoes on!!!!!!! 😫😤😫. Vee’s new boyfriend Rhyce turns up. Hey Doll 😉😉😉 and Shari’s theory about Cam’s competitive crying as a way to one-up Jules is so brilliant it deserves around of applause 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Ep 29 : Commitment Couch. The girls have decided this weekly episode needs a brand refresh as it hardly a ceremony 🙄🙄🙄......we decree from this day forward that Sunday night Eps will be know as Commitment Couch. Much more catchy yes?? We are glad you agree. 💯 Now...on with tonight’s episode which becomes much more about what is not discussed than what is. 😳 Like not discussing Billies new found Best Friend....Suzies Dad, Steve (didn’t rate a mention 😊) Cyrells cray cray brother Ivan who played a PIVOTAL role this week kicking Nick out of the family home (nowhere on the Richter scale) AND not discussing with Tam & Dan the rumours revealed at the highly explosive dinner party that another woman was keen to....SLEEP WITH DAN 😳😳😳 (Crickets!!). Doing a great job there experts 😉😉😉😩🤣 The Suggestion Box gets pried open with Vee suggesting to prevent hostage situations such that Farmer Wants a Wife finds himself in, that next season as soon as someone writes LEAVE, both have to go! But with the trend of affairs now tracking at more that 1 per season, Shari suggests they add a third alternative of SWAP be added to the STAY/LEAVE options of a Commitment Couch episode. Producers...we hope you are listening as there is only so much hostage whining we can put up with from Farmer Wants a Wife. Srsly Mick.....stop your whining!! Barbara the sheep will still be there when you get home...enjoy the ride! 🐑

Dinner Party - warning ⚠️ this is a long episode but we’ve seen things have some stuff to say!! Cyclone Cyrell never went away she went out to sea, regenerated and is heading straight for the dinner party with the promise “whatever comes into my head tonight I’m gonna say” FUCK YEAH! The low ranking couples have started to commit crimes of fashion just to get everyone’s attention. Vee is not impressed. Our burn pile grows. Shari is a bit worried Billies Mum is listening (sorry Billies Mum) and we introduce a new member of our team Researcher X who is shovelling the dirt on Suzie.

Ladies Week continues but we have seen something that has grabbed our attention and we are NOT happy about it. We have a vivid recollection of taking Jules bedazzled jeans, throwing them on the HATE pile and setting them alight but what do we see??!! Jules has either stolen them off the HATE pile (allegedly) OR wait for it....Jules owns a SECOND PAIR OF BEDAZZLED JEANS 😳😳😳 We are hot on this case and will have it all sorted by next episode. Vee starts her campaign for Suzies Dad Steve to have his own relationship show (this man is a relationship savant). We learn stabby kisses are a no-no and Shari has finally let her eyes focus on Heidis orange shorts and is NOT a fan! Send lighter fuel and a match.....stat!

Ladies Week : Jules apartment is total #realestategoals and makes us wonder what business she’s really into 😳 We also suspect Cams trophy collection will never darken this apartments doorway even if they get married for realz. 😀Religious tattoos on Cyrells bro and Kylie Jenner’s tattoo removal from her ass only served to remind Vee there was one tattooed boy we weren’t seeing tonight!! 😩 Jessika with a K....you are letting the team down gf 😉 Shari is over the moon we have found a chink in Jules competitive amour but we will snicker very quietly as we never want to upset someone with a loaded gun....unless it’s firing blanks hey Cam 😂😂😉