February 17, 2025

Love in an Abusive Marriage, Confessing Lust as a Woman, and “Same-Sex Vocation” | ACW320

48 minutes

Questions answered this episode:

My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. Shortly after we got married, my husband became verbally and physically abusive. There’s such a disconnected between his professed love for me and the lived reality of our marriage. As his abusive behavior has continued, I’ve found myself walling off my heart more and more. Intellectually I know that a covenantal relationship with God is different and I need to remain open but it feels like my heart has stopped believing it. Many days I feel like if marriage reflects how God loves us then I’m sick of “being loved”. How can I stay open to the beautiful promises of the eternal wedding feast when its early foretaste is ugly and painful?

Recently I was in confession and I said that at times I am “lustful”. The priest asked me to be more specific and as a woman I felt very uncomfortable being more specific. After confession I was reflecting on it more and realized maybe I do need to be more specific so the priest understands what exactly I’m confessing. Typically how I feel when I engage in this sin is when I see an attractive man that’s not my husband, I may find myself aroused by him and let myself entertain the idea of him to much. Also at times I see my intentions for coming together with my husband are not fully pure and there might be some selfish, lustful desires there. Many times I stop myself and do not suggest coming together with my husband to avoid using him. Is there a more concise yet specific way of confessing these sins without giving all these details? Is there a name for these sins? I want to be accountable but understand that priests are fallen men too and I want to be prudent especially because I’m a young woman.

What would your advice be for two catholics with same sex attraction who want to adhere to the teachings of the Church who believe it is their vocation to be life partners romantically but not sexually?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

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Resources mentioned this week:

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Hope’s Garden

Desert Stream Ministries

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Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

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