It's funny how love is often blamed for the pain and agony we suffer. It's really the conditions, or rules, and our own perception of attachment which gets us into trouble and a lot of pain. Love in and of itself is a feeling; a sense of deep caring and you can't stop it or start it at will. It is not mentally controlled and that’s where most get into trouble and it feels unsafe.

Love is safe; everything we attach to it is not. People believe falling in love is something exalted—an intense state with high levels of cortisol encapsulating both excitement and fear. This is not love. For many the state is not sustainable and sooner or later we find we’re either emotionally unavailable or we were just in love with the idea of potential (i.e. emotionally unavailable to a real human connection). This doesn’t feel very safe either because attachment to excitement and fear never is… yet we don’t realize we’re hooking ourselves to the pain of a roller coaster.

Real love is not fickle. Love is safe because "it just is.” There’s no condition it actually needs to sustain itself, so most of what we're reacting to is everything we attach to love. We may feel it is scarce in our lives, so we complicate it. We have been brought up to believe drama is a companion to love, it is not. In the feeling of desiring safety we may get stuck on expectations, on being a drill sergeant with our conditions instead of reaching within to find our own soft place to land. But most of the time we are in resistance to the feelings inside, and the reality outside. We are looking for love to be something else; something that rescues us, that fills the emptiness, that gives us what we never had. Love is not any of those things, and if we really just allowed love to be within us, we could expand and share it without conditions while feeling safe, taken care of and in alignment mentally, emotionally and spiritually.