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Dr. Gary Chapman's Love Languages concept and consequent books revolutionized our understanding of how we communicate, hear and receive love, especially in marriage. It became a tool we used constantly to better understand ourselves and our spouse. 

And, we commonly misused this tool as a way to better serve ourselves rather than its original intent: to love others better.

This is what we'd call a user error. When the concept of love languages gets weaponized as a measuring stick for how your spouse is failing you, you invite bitterness and resentment in. 

At the end of our life, we don't give an account for how well our spouse loved us. We give an account for how well WE learned to love. 

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