Love Stories

How to Stop Letting Old Heartbreak Block Your Real Love | FT: Tasha K.

CONNECT WITH CHARLENE

On Instagram @mscharlenebyars ([https://www.instagram.com/mscharlenebyars]

On YouTube @chosentraining ([https://www.youtube.com/@lovestorieswithcharlenebyars](https://www.youtube.com/@lovestorieswithcharlenebyars))

Work with me HERE ([https://charlenebyars.com/](https://charlenebyars.com/))

CONNECT WITH TASHA K.

On Instagram @unwinewithtashak (https://www.instagram.com/unwinewithtashak)

Work With me Here (https://l.instagram.com/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fitstashak.com%2F%3Futm_source%3Dig%26utm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_content%3Dlink_in_bio%26fbclid%3DPAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGnaMVcEjBtnrTT8BQyljK5Whk9kMeUVnZM0kfMlcL5Gst0ypAS1PMoK1kvIdQ_aem_T2MxvOTeoPCB3N5owTadkw&e=AUBKp6cb2iRyxo8AKMZCswhiBYyyojGIPgWIsGnVax4IVUjXa9Hr4BF6WvdDjc9LChy4MZdMPStsy-98NztRvjjinFVvVccZD-RTk5k2O-sK1ymaaCR-xGUKCzOH10KFPhoWT8k )

We Covered Here:

[0:00 - 0:30] Intro quote: Modern women feeling they have to choose between ambition and love

[0:30 - 2:00] Host Charlene introduces Tasha K, reads her bio, sets up the conversation [2:00 - 4:00] Tasha K's childhood: raised by grandparents, mom was 15, grandfather's murder story

[4:00 - 6:00] Growing up in Panama City, FL; always loved boys since age 4

[6:00 - 9:30] First love at 16-18; the nice "thug" guy, walking her to class

[9:30 - 13:00] Discovering first love had an older woman since he was 11; the bathroom confrontation

[13:00 - 16:00] Heartbreak carried for years; moving away; the apology letter from jail [16:00 - 19:00] Relationship before husband; shutting down emotionally; becoming independent

[19:00 - 23:00] Meeting husband at Cheesecake Factory in Atlanta; the quirky courtship [23:00 - 26:00] First date at Benihana; getting arrested; surprise proposal

[26:00 - 30:00] Celebrity relationships discussion; PR couples; Zendaya & Tom Holland example

[30:00 - 34:00] Building together as partners; husband's role behind the scenes

[34:00 - 38:00] What women really want vs. unrealistic expectations

[38:00 - 42:00] Boring = healthy; predictability in relationships; community, and documentary

[42:00 - 45:00] Best relationship advice; love languages; recognizing your person

[45:00 - 47:00] Wrap up; where to find Tasha K; tour announcement; closing remarks Tasha K opens with a powerful statement about whether modern women truly have to choose between career success and a loving relationship.

Viral celebrity blogger and entertainer Tasha K sits down to reveal the truth behind celebrity PR relationships, her own 20-year marriage, and why the most stable love looks "boring" from the outside. From heartbreak at 17 to building an empire with her husband, this conversation is raw, real, and packed with relationship wisdom modern women need to hear.

Tasha wraps up with where fans can find her across all platforms, hints at her upcoming second tour leg, and leaves listeners with one final reminder, healthy love is boring, and that is everything.

How to Reconnect with Your Partner When You’ve Drifited Apart | FT: Libby Finaylson

CONNECT WITH CHARLENE

On Instagram @mscharlenebyars ([https://www.instagram.com/mscharlenebyars]

On YouTube @chosentraining ([https://www.youtube.com/@lovestorieswithcharlenebyars](https://www.youtube.com/@lovestorieswithcharlenebyars))

Work with me HERE ([https://charlenebyars.com/](https://charlenebyars.com/))

CONNECT WITH LIBBY FINLAYSON

On Instagram @beyond_divorce_coach (https://www.instagram.com/beyond_divorce_coach/)

Work With me Here (www.libbyfinlaysoncoach.com)

Why do so many women feel a deep sense of disconnection in their marriage but struggle to explain exactly why? They aren’t fighting constantly, there’s no infidelity, and on paper, life is functional, yet a persistent emptiness remains. In this episode, relationship coach and speaker Libby Finlayson joins us to pull back the curtain on a hidden crisis: the "Silent Divorce."

Libby shares her raw, personal story of being completely blindsided when her seemingly happy marriage unexpectedly collapsed. It was a life built on a bustling family farm with three young children where they still laughed, shared a bed, and ate dinner together every night. Through her journey, she realized that a marriage can quietly starve to death without a single shouting match if both partners stop truly connecting.

0:00 — Intro & teaser clips

1:30 — Host welcomes Libby from Australia

3:00 — Libby's bio read

5:00 — How Libby got into this work

6:30 — Life on the farm: marriage, three kids, busy life

9:00 — The cracks she didn't see: two ships in the night

12:00 — Fix-it mode vs. truly listening

15:30 — Husband's "I'm done" — she was blindsided

19:00 — What is a silent divorce?

23:00 — The cooperation stage of marriage explained

26:00 — What Libby would do differently looking back

29:30 — Listening vs. fixing: shifting into the feminine

33:00 — Why women feel disconnected but can't explain it

36:00 — Triggers, old wounds & the blame game

40:00 — Domestic violence disclaimer

43:00 — Mothering your partner & making him feel incompetent

48:00 — Men need decompression time

51:00 — Walking on eggshells & losing the spark

55:00 — How to ask "we" questions instead of blame

59:00 — Resentment: the silent relationship killer

1:03:00 — Libby's first marriage vs. how she shows up now

1:08:00 — Self-awareness in her current relationship

1:12:00 — Accountability & the power of listening

1:16:00 — How to work with Libby / closing resources

1:19:00 — Final nugget: stop the blame game, stop the silent divorce

1:22:00 — Outro & subscribe call to action

We break down the hidden dynamics of relationship drift, including: The Cooperation Stage Trap: The exhausting phase where raising kids and managing modern life turns lovers into mere logistical teammates, causing a woman to trade her sensual energy for a maternal, hyper-vigilant role. The Danger of "Fix-It Mode": Why stepping into your masculine, problem-solving energy to "fix" your husband's stress instead of simply listening drives a stoic partner into emotional isolation.

Is It Your Partner, or Your Wound?: How past trauma and unresolved childhood dynamics project themselves onto our current relationships, creating triggers that we wrongly blame our partners for. Radical Self-Responsibility: How to stop the blame game, trust your gut intuition, and look at your partner with curiosity instead of resentment to breathe life back into your connection before it's too late.

If you feel like you are walking on eggshells, losing the spark, or living like roommates with your spouse, this conversation offers an empowering roadmap to fix the communication gap and restore true emotional intimacy.

CONNECT WITH CHARLENE On Instagram @mscharlenebyars ([https://www.instagram.com/mscharlenebyars] On YouTube @chosentraining ([https://www.youtube.com/@lovestorieswithcharlenebyars](https://www.youtube.com/@lovestorieswithcharlenebyars)) Work with me HERE ([https://charlenebyars.com/](https://charlenebyars.com/)) CONNECT WITH DR. RACHEL GREENBERG On Instagram @heydrrachel ([https://www.instagram.com/heydrrachel] Website ([https://theworkwithdrrachel.com](https://theworkwithdrrachel.com)) In this deeply healing episode, licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Rachel Greenberg joins Charlene Byars to unpack why so many women keep repeating painful relationship patterns — even when they know better. From anxious attachment and hyper-independence to nervous system conditioning and childhood trauma, Dr. Rachel explains how our early experiences shape the love we accept, the partners we choose, and why healthy relationships can sometimes feel “boring” after chaos. Together, Charlene and Dr. Rachel dive into the psychology behind toxic attraction, emotional healing, feminine energy, self-abandonment, and how women can finally feel safe, secure, and deeply loved in relationships. If you’ve ever wondered why you keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners, struggle to soften in relationships, or feel stuck in unhealthy dating cycles… this episode is for you. We cover in this episode: 0:00 — Intro & teaser clips 1:18 — Charlene introduces Dr. Rachel Greenberg 3:10 — How Dr. Rachel got into relationship psychology 5:12 — Losing her father & childhood trauma 8:04 — How family dysfunction shapes adult relationships 11:20 — Why most people never learn healthy relationship skills 15:10 — Grace for our parents & inherited trauma 18:42 — Why healing relationships isn’t “easy” work 22:08 — Charlene’s transformation journey after divorce 25:14 — How relationship patterns actually form 28:33 — Overgiving, people-pleasing & self-abandonment 31:07 — Why women repeat unhealthy relationship cycles 34:12 — Familiar chaos vs. healthy love 37:20 — Why healthy relationships can feel “boring” 40:55 — Hypervigilance, anxiety & nervous system addiction 44:18 — Learning how to feel safe in love 47:10 — How women can start healing relationship trauma 50:22 — “Get your team together” healing advice 53:40 — Meditation, nervous system work & emotional regulation 57:12 — Why women focus on fixing men instead of themselves 1:00:18 — Caregiver patterns & savior complex explained 1:03:10 — Why women stay in unhealthy relationships 1:06:05 — Radical honesty, boundaries & self-worth 1:09:00 — Final thoughts on love, healing & feminine energy If this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE it with someone who needs this conversation. Cheers to great love. ❤️

How to Stop Choosing the Wrong Partner | FT: Julia Cordova

CONNECT WITH CHARLENE

On Instagram @mscharlenebyars (https://www.instagram.com/mscharlenebyars/?hl=en)

On YouTube @chosentraining (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAEFkimtIowqoyz1_lnF8Rg)

Work with me HERE (https://charlenebyars.com/)

CONNECT WITH JULIA

On Instagarm @ask_julia_ (https://www.instagram.com/ask_julia_?igsh=MWprNDJwbG5zaTg4dA==)

For Collaboration Contact Her: [email protected]

Why do we keep falling for the same "wrong" guy, even when our gut warns us?

In this episode, dating and mindset expert Julia Cordova (Ask Julia) shares her revolutionary framework for navigating the modern dating jungle: Dating like a recruiter.

Julia opens up about leaving a long-term, unfulfilling relationship, conquering her own anxious attachment style, and utilizing her professional recruiting background—where she interviewed over 10,000 candidates, to completely rewire her approach to love. We break down the hidden cycles of cognitive dissonance, why women give away too many brownie points to men who are "wishy-washy," and how to step into your ultimate value so you naturally attract the commitment you deserve.

We cover in this Episode:

0:00 — Intro & teaser clips

1:30 — Host reads Julia's bio

3:00 — How Julia got into dating coaching

5:00 — Julia's background: first novel, fascination with boys

6:00 — Leaving her 13-year relationship, entering the dating world

8:00 — The recruiting mindset applied to dating

11:00 — Julia's relationship history & anxious attachment

14:00 — Dating as healing: what relationships reveal about you

18:00 — Self-awareness vs. actually doing the work

22:00 — Common patterns: dating the wrong guy

26:00 — Why men who like you are crystal clear

29:00 — Why dating multiple people at once matters

33:00 — The recruiter/numbers game analogy

37:00 — Dating with intention: how to communicate it honestly

41:00 — Physical intimacy & attachment hormones

44:00 — Do women find healthy relationships boring?

48:00 — How Julia met her fiancé

54:00 — Her 3 date questions

56:00 — What women unintentionally abandon: ignoring gut instincts

1:01:00 — Trusting your gut vs. trauma bonding confusion

1:05:00 — Attracting the same men: reverse engineer your selection

1:10:00 — #1 shift: just date, date, date

1:14:00 — How Julia's fiancé responded to her dating others

1:17:00 — Hard truth: look internally

1:20:00 — Coffee dates vs. longer first dates

1:25:00 — Safety tips & date time strategy

1:29:00 — What goes viral: pre-selection & jealousy

1:33:00 — You are the prize

1:35:00 — How to work with Julia / closing words

If you are tired of wasting months on situationships and are ready to date with absolute intention, this episode is your blueprint.

How Divorce Affects Children | FT: Dennis Vetrano Jr.

CONNECT WITH CHARLENE

On Instagram @mscharlenebyars (https://www.instagram.com/mscharlenebyars/?hl=en)

On YouTube @chosentraining (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAEFkimtIowqoyz1_lnF8Rg)

Work with me HERE (https://charlenebyars.com/)

CONNECT WITH DENNIS

On Instagram @drvlaw (https://www.instagram.com/drvlaw/)

For Consultation connect here: https://linktr.ee/DRVLAW?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQMMjU2MjgxMDQwNTU4AAGn7xoFvtMMl7qHsaOsB_KDZk72IpdEqcfHlI4FbdQQ1M_nCPDs57eQDv9I91M_aem_fz8lEaIuWeYsHn70bJpE4w

In this power-packed episode, we shift perspectives from the therapy couch to the courtroom. Host and remarried divorcee is joined by Dennis Vetrano Jr., a seasoned family law attorney with over 20 years of experience. Dennis pulls back the curtain on why marriages actually end, the "people problems" vs. "relationship problems" distinction, and the small, daily habits that act as the only real defense against the courtroom.

In this Episode we cover:

00:00 – The Pattern of "Quiet Breakdown" Dennis explains why giving away small opportunities to connect is the #1 silent killer of relationships.

02:40 – Meet Dennis Vetaono Jr. An introduction to the seasoned divorce attorney and host of the DVR Law Show who reverse-engineers failed marriages to help couples succeed.

05:15 – Personal Injury to Family Law: A Lawyer’s Journey How Dennis discovered his passion for advocating for families and why he started "reverse-engineering" divorce cases.

08:22 – People Problems vs. Relationship Problems A critical distinction: Why your spouse can’t fix your individual trauma, and why some issues belong in individual therapy, not marriage counseling.

12:10 – The Myth of "Falling Out of Love" Dennis explains why love doesn't vanish overnight—it’s "death by a thousand cuts" and the loss of daily micro-connections.

15:45 – Why You Should Never Sleep in Separate Beds A controversial take on why protecting the literal "space" for connection is vital when life gets busy.

20:12 – The Baby Boomer Divorce Spike Dennis discusses why long-term couples are splitting after 30 years and how to avoid the "resentment trap" in later life.

24:45 – Marriage as the #1 Priority Why putting your spouse before parents, friends, and even children (in a healthy way) is the key to a 50-year marriage.

29:10 – Should You "Stay for the Kids"? A raw conversation about the impact of divorce on children. Dennis and the host debate the balance between a "toxic environment" and the stability of the family unit.

35:30 – Connecting Through the "Grind" How sharing household tasks and "commiserating" over daily stressors like diapers and bosses creates a stronger bond than vacations ever could.

42:15 – Throwing Away the "Scoreboard" Why keeping track of who did what is a recipe for disaster. Dennis shares how to give without expecting immediate reciprocation to shift the relationship dynamic.

48:40 – Is the Grass Greener? The Regret of Divorce Dennis shares insights on why more people are starting to regret leaving workable relationships and how to know if yours is still viable.

55:20 – Moving Forward: Legal Wisdom for Relationship Growth Final advice on how to use the "divorce attorney's perspective" to prevent ever needing one.

What does a divorce attorney see that most couples miss? Dennis Vetrano Jr. joins the podcast to share the "death by a thousand cuts" patterns that lead couples to his office. From the danger of sleeping in separate beds to the "scoreboard" trap, Dennis reveals how to reverse-engineer a failing marriage and turn it back into a thriving partnership.

We tackle the tough questions: Can you fix a "people problem" with marriage counseling? How does divorce really affect children long-term? And why are so many Baby Boomers filing for divorce after three decades?

If you’ve ever wondered if the grass is truly greener on the other side, this episode is a must-watch.

Why Your Relationship Feels Like Hard Work | FT:- Melissa DiVaris

CONNECT WITH CHARLENEOn Instagram @mscharlenebyars (https://www.instagram.com/mscharlenebyars/?hl=en)

On YouTube @chosentraining (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAEFkimtIowqoyz1_lnF8Rg)

Work with me HERE (https://charlenebyars.com/)

CONNECT WITH MELISSA

On Instagram @embracingjoypsychotherapy (https://www.instagram.com/embracingjoypsychotherapy?igsh=N2lvZzJiaG4wMWl3)

Work with me Here: (https://www.embracingjoyconsulting.com/links?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAdGRleARn_oVleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZA8xMjQwMjQ1NzQyODc0MTQAAaeUuEyzwf-zBp_ZCKp72VdPXCTjcupcvXSzhSVNjTHOd3xvOaypaWl5Bgaf4Q_aem_GTKS-W3RoxoKSCVFtNdLqw)

Are you waiting for a partner to finally make you "happy"? Licensed couples therapist Melissa DiVaris Thompson joins the show to debunk the greatest myths about romantic love. In this deep-dive interview, we explore why the "perfect" person doesn't exist and how our childhood "raw spots" create the patterns we struggle with today.Whether you are single and exhausted by the dating scene or in a long-term marriage that feels "stuck," this episode provides the practical tools you need to build emotional safety, master the art of "repair," and understand the bids for connection that keep love alive.

In this Whole Episode we covered:

The Foundations of Modern Love

00:00 – The "Hard to Hear" Truth: Why your partner isn't your missing piece.

03:21 – Matters of the Heart: Why relationship skills aren't just for romance.

04:15 – Growing Up "Too Much": How family dynamics shape our curiosity about love.

07:04 – The Myth of "Easy" Love: Why healthy relationships require seasonal work.

The Psychology of the Couple

08:34 – High Expectations vs. Real Tools: Moving beyond the "movie" version of love.

10:19 – Unpacking the Baggage: How past trauma creates "Raw Spots" in new partners.

12:46 – The Therapy Stigma: Why you shouldn't wait until you're "on the brink" to get help.

15:59 – What Are You Actually Fighting About? (Hint: It’s not the dishes).

The Art of Connection & Repair

18:27 – From Attacks to Vulnerability: Using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to soften walls.

22:15 – The "Green Zone": Maintaining a healthy baseline in your relationship.

23:13 – Bids for Connection: The "death by a thousand paper cuts" you’re ignoring.

25:59 – Friendship vs. Romance: Why "liking" your partner is just as vital as "loving" them.

Dating for the Modern Woman

26:57 – The Authenticity Test: The #1 thing women overlook in the early dating stages.

30:12 – The "3 Must-Haves & 3 Can’t-Stands" Exercise: Narrowing your values.

32:35 – Melissa’s Journey: Turning a "terrible" dating history into a secure marriage.

35:30 – The "Blast from the Past": How a chance encounter led to her husband.

Deep Work & Final Insights

40:15 – Dealing with Rejection: How to keep hope alive after disappointment.

45:20 – The Power of "I Hear You": De-escalating conflict in 30 seconds or less.

50:45 – Identifying Your Attachment Style: Are you the "Chaser" or the "Withdrawer"?

55:10 – The Journey to Self-Completion: Doing the work so you can show up whole.

58:30 – Closing Thoughts & Where to Find Melissa.

Is Your Relationship the Problem.....Or Your Anxiety?

CONNECT WITH CHARLENE

On Instagram @mscharlenebyars (https://www.instagram.com/mscharlenebyars/?hl=en)

On YouTube @chosentraining (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAEFkimtIowqoyz1_lnF8Rg)

Work with me HERE (https://charlenebyars.com/)

CONNECT WITH SARAH

On Instagram @youloveandyoulearn (https://www.instagram.com/youloveandyoulearn?igsh=OXU3MnRsZW)

Work with me Here: (https://www.youloveandyoulearn.com/?fbclid=PAVERFWARevWtleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZA8xMjQwMjQ1NzQyODc0MTQAAadBbL4HeU6h8Fa4ohahsg8wnKDCkal-BIfhC7WpkfgC9aU2DzFUxielvS1a_w_aem_i47ckti4ihEg4lXYaAYPAQ)

Here the Video Covers:

I. The Foundations of Breath & Grounding

00:00 – The "Right Now" Breath: A quick morning routine for immediate reconnection. 01:00 – Intro: Why Sarah was the most anticipated guest for the show.

01:27 – The Transition: Moving from a relationship anxiety coach to a breathwork facilitator.

02:41 – The "Bottom-Up" Approach: Why we must start with the body to shift the mind. 03:38 – The Trigger Trap: Why mindset shifts fail when you are emotionally flooded.

05:21 – LIVE PRACTICE: A 90-second guided grounding exercise for the audience.

07:52 – The Result: Moving from "sticky thoughts" back into the room.

09:04 – Beyond On-Autopilot: Tapping into intuition and the "Wise Inner Self." II. Sarah’s Story: The High-Stakes of Love

11:22 – May 2020: The "Accidental" move-in and the surge of global/personal anxiety.

12:30 – The Moment of Truth: Admitting "I don’t know if I love you anymore" to Nate.

13:55 – The Wake-Up Call: Realizing the fear was internal, not a reflection of the partner. 15:13 – Projection: Why core insecurities (fear of failure) mirror onto the relationship.

III. Relationship OCD & The Anatomy of Doubt

18:26 – Relationship OCD (ROCD): Obsessions, compulsions, and relationship fixation. 19:57 – Healthy Doubt vs. Unhealthy Doubt: How to tell if it’s intuition or anxiety.

21:44 – The "Not Enough" Checklist: Fixating on a partner's intelligence, humor, or habits. 22:37 – Comparison Culture: The danger of "Social Media Relationships."

24:31 – The Gap of Self-Trust: Learning to trust your decisions without external validation.

IV. Somatic Healing & Pattern Breaking

27:33 – Identifying Core Needs: Emotional connection vs. personal responsibility.

30:39 – The Ownership Shift: Realizing you cannot trade one person's flaws for "perfection."

31:35 – Halfway Principle: Your partner cannot be the only one pulling you out of spirals. 33:25 – Why you can't "think" your way through a body pattern.

34:47 – Case Study: Breaking down the story we tell ourselves vs. what our partner feels. 36:38 – The "Inside Out" Movie Analogy: Meeting your inner "Itty Bitty Shitty Committee."

V. Anxiety as a Stress Response

37:59 – Proactive Peace: Why you need a practice before the stress starts.

38:43 – What is Anxiety? Defining "Energy in Motion" and physical sensations.

39:24 – Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: How relationship anxiety mimics survival instincts.

41:16 – The Upward Spiral: Understanding that healing isn't linear.

VI. Practical Application & Resources

44:10 – The Micro Moment: Using 5 minutes to gain clarity during a disagreement.

45:05 – Deep Dives: The power of 40-minute active breathwork sessions.

47:56 – The "Awaken Daily" Routine: The 10-20-30 connected breathing technique explained.

48:30 – Asking Inner Guidance: The final step to tapping into self-trust.

51:21 – Closing the Gap: Being your own "inner cheerleader" and partner.

53:14 – The Ripple Effect: How Sarah’s shift changed her marriage and business energy. 56:03 – Where to find Sarah: Connect with "You Love and You Learn" on Instagram.

57:15 – Final Message: Giving yourself grace and realizing you aren't behind.

58:27 – Closing: Cheers to great love and subscribing for more.

A Simple 90-Second Practice to Reconnect You don't need a 30-minute session to start. Whenever you feel yourself spiraling into "autopilot" or "perfectionist" mode, try this:

Observe: Close your eyes and notice the natural flow of your breath without changing it. Deepen: Take a deep inhale through the nose, feeling the expansion in your lungs. Release: Let out a slow, audible sigh.

Repeat: Do this for 90 seconds to tune out external noise and reconnect with your "wise inner self."

Why Men Mask Grief and How to Stop the Sabotage.

CONNECT WITH CHARLENE

On Instagram @mscharlenebyars (https://www.instagram.com/mscharlenebyars/?hl=en)

On YouTube @chosentraining (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAEFkimtIowqoyz1_lnF8Rg)

Work with me HERE (https://charlenebyars.com/)

CONNECT WITH HAKEEM

On Instagram: @BigDreamHakeem (https://www.instagram.com/bigdreamhakeem?igsh=NnVrMDA2dTczaDNv)

On SKool: https://bit.ly/4tqr2Cl

In This Episode We covered:

0:00 – Opening on what happens when men shut down emotionally, masking through work, substances, anger

0:22 – "You better talk to somebody" — the danger of running from your story 0:59 – Host intro and welcome to Hakeem

1:54 – Bio read for Hakeem (Big Dream Hakeem), founder of Choose Yourself Community

2:23 – Hakeem's backstory begins; athlete, motivator, but choosing others over self

3:20 – Growing up as a biracial only child, finding belonging through sports 4:15 – Father's absence, resentment toward authority, importance of forgiving fathers

5:12 – Brother Matthew's death at age 6; Hakeem pulls the plug at age 16, puts the mask on

6:10 – D1 full ride, running from grief, trouble with authority and coaching

7:08 – Men shutting down — sabotage, destruction, ego, numbing behaviors 8:36 – Transfers to D2, tears ACL first game — "God said sit with it"

9:03 – Quitting basketball and track; patterns of running from pain

10:46 – Birthday fight, first-degree assault felony at age 19

11:45 – Spiraling into the black market, multiple knee surgeries, living at mom's 12:39 – Why do we mask? Accountability vs. blame; faith reframing pain

14:25 – D3, Dallas Cowboys scout visit, breaks ankle — mask gone for good 15:25 – Jail, 8 months; friend's betrayal in interrogation

16:22 – Deep numbing: waking up high, bartending three shifts, up for days 18:11 – Father's warning: "Once you get used to going to that probation office…" 19:10 – Jailhouse lockdown — the Choose Yourself process is born; 4 phases of transition (withdrawals, blame, latching on, accountability)

21:22 – Pushups every 15 minutes in the cell; building community through fitness

22:51 – Presence through discomfort; why exercise silences the "quitting mind" 24:51 – 18 months post-jail: sleep reform, personal development books, liquor sales

27:54 – Choose Yourself brand is born; identifying the 5 pillars

29:39 – The 5 pillars: recognize trigger points, evaluate environment, set foundation, invest in yourself, create and contribute 3

1:57 – Sleep as the "lead domino"; the 6 pillars of foundation

32:26 – Pillar 1: Curfew/kick out time; Pillar 2: Digital sunset

33:58 – Pillar 3: Nighttime routine — melatonin, circadian rhythm, journaling 35:18 – Bed is for sleep and sex only; eliminating scrolling, food, TV in bed 37:48 – What changed first: energy, clarity, skin, gut health, fewer allergies 39:13 – Flexible foundations: mini vs. full; fanning the flame vs. adding gasoline 40:56 – Biggest resistance: skipping the morning routine / snooze button

41:11 – Science of snooze: 90-minute sleep cycles, anterior cingulate cortex 43:00 – Self-commitment in solitude vs. self-neglect; doing it for yourself not others

44:51 – Relationships reveal unhealed parts; doing the work before vs. during 45:38 – Hakeem's pattern: 18-month relationship cycle, fear of abandonment vs. commitment

47:33 – You can't stop your foundation when in a relationship

49:28 – Advice for someone stuck in a relationship that isn't working but feels like love

50:20 – How you treat yourself alone = the standard you set for others

52:58 – Immediate action steps: join the community, eliminate toxins, 30-day challenges

55:31 – Gut health, parasites, cravings as nutrient confusion; importance of fasting

56:24 – Stop caffeine first thing; drink water first; wait 90 minutes

57:25 – Hydration tips: celery, cucumbers, watermelon; Celtic salt + lemon juice

59:40 – Closing; how to find Hakeem — @BigDreamHakeem on IG, ChooseYourselfcommunity.com

1:00:08 – Why choose yourself first; the book Choose Yourself to Be Chosen 1:02:12 – Final message: faith, the divine within, deal maker vs. deal breaker 1:03:50 – Closing thoughts on faith in something greater and speaking to the God in others

1:04:55 – Host outro; podcast sign-off Are you running from your story?

It’s time to stop masking the pain and start choosing yourself. In this powerful and incredibly raw episode, we sit down with Hakeem Bourne McFarland, widely known as Big Dream Hakeem, the founder of the "Choose Yourself Community."

The 4 Phases of Transition: Hakeem breaks down the inevitable stages of any life change: Withdrawals (Pain), Victim Mode (Blame), Trying to Fit In (Latch), and finally, Accountability.

If you are spiraling, masking, or just waiting for life to force your hand, this conversation is the wake-up call you need to reclaim your power and choose yourself with intention.

Why You Don’t Feel Safe in Your Relationship (And How to Fix It)

CONNECT WITH CHARLENE

On Instagram @mscharlenebyars (https://www.instagram.com/mscharlenebyars/?hl=en)

On YouTube @chosentraining (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAEFkimtIowqoyz1_lnF8Rg)

Work with me HERE (https://charlenebyars.com/)

Connect with Robert and Sharla

on Instagram @masteryourmarriage ( https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/?hl=en)

on YouTube @Master Your Marriage (https://www.youtube.com/@MasterYourMarriagePodcast)

In this deep-dive episode, we explore one of the most painful hurdles a couple can face: the loss of emotional safety. When you reach a point where you feel like you can’t bring up your concerns without triggering a fight or a cold shoulder, your relationship has entered a "danger zone" that affects your entire well-being.

To help us navigate this, we are joined by Sharla and Robert Snow, the founders of Master Your Marriage. With 34 years of marriage and decades of coaching experience, they peel back the curtain on their own "ugly bag of tricks", from the sting of contempt to the silence of withdrawal, and explain how they successfully updated their relationship "software."

In this episode, we discuss:

00:00 – Why couples stop feeling emotionally safe

02:44 – Why most marriages struggle (and why it matters)

05:09 – How they met & early relationship dynamics

10:15 – Fast love - marriage-things fall apart

13:28 – The 3 stages of relationships (what no one tells you)

18:09 – Power struggles & why couples disconnect

21:26 – Kids, stress & losing connection in marriage

24:48 – The turning point that changed everything

26:10 – Contempt: the biggest relationship killer

30:25 – Self-respect vs self-love (game-changing shift)

33:18 – How to rebuild emotional safety 36:11 – Why men shut down & avoid communication

38:08 – The “couple bubble” framework

42:22 – Simple tools to stop fights instantly

44:46 – What to do if your partner is defensive

49:30 – How one person can change the relationship

52:25 – What a healthy relationship actually feels like

55:50 – Understanding triggers & emotional wounds

57:39 – Why kindness being right 59:03 – Can broken relationships really be fixed?

01:02:13 – Daily rituals to rebuild intimacy

01:06:17 – Small habits that change everything

01:07:15 – Advice for singles (avoid toxic patterns)

01:11:29 – Where to find & follow them

The Nervous System’s Safety Scan: Why your brain is constantly monitoring your partner for signs of danger and how "micro-threats" like eye-rolls or sneers shut down intimacy. The 3 Stages of Marriage: We break down Terry Real’s framework, moving from the "Love Without Knowledge" honeymoon phase into the "Knowledge Without Love" power struggle, and finally reaching the goal: Love With Knowledge. The Trap of the "Master’s Modeling":

How we subconsciously repeat the broken communication patterns we saw in our parents (criticism, yelling, or apathy) and how to break that cycle. The Power of Self-Confrontation: Why waiting for your partner to change is a losing game, and how finding your own self-respect can be the catalyst that stops a toxic "dance" in its tracks. Building the "Couple Bubble": Practical ways to create a secure force field around your partnership so that your home becomes a sanctuary from the stresses of the outside world.

Whether you’re currently feeling like "two ships in the night" or you’re simply looking to deepen your connection, this conversation offers a roadmap to move from frustration into a life of lasting passion and friendship.

How To Rebuild Your Life After Rock Bottom (Addiction, Breakups & Self-Love)

CONNECT WITH CHARLENE On Instagram @mscharlenebyars (https://www.instagram.com/mscharlenebyars/?hl=en)

On YouTube @chosentraining (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAEFkimtIowqoyz1_lnF8Rg)

Work with me HERE (https://charlenebyars.com/)

CONNECT WITH REBECCA On IG: https://www.instagram.com/rebeccakordecki/reels/?hl=en

Book a call with her: https://shorturl.at/foToT

This episode will change how you see rock bottom. In this powerful conversation, Rebecca shares her raw journey from addiction, heartbreak, and hitting rock bottom… to rebuilding her life, finding purpose, and helping others heal.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, broken, or like it’s too late to start over, this is for you. We dive deep into:

* How to rebuild your life after rock bottom

* Healing from breakups and toxic relationships

* Why self-love is the foundation of everything

* The truth about trauma bonds and attachment

* How to stop feeling empty and start feeling whole again

* Real mindset shifts that can change your life in 90 days.

This is not surface-level advice. this is real experience, real pain, and real transformation.

If you’re ready to take control of your life again, start here.

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 – Intro

01:15 – Her early life: foster care, instability & trauma

05:30 – Addiction begins & losing control

10:45 – Rock bottom moment (homeless, broke, barefoot)

15:20 – The decision that saved her life

18:40 – How fitness replaced addiction

24:10 – Discovering purpose through pain

30:05 – Why success doesn’t fix internal emptiness

34:20 – Meeting her mentor & true healing begins

40:10 – The truth about self-love (no one talks about this)

45:30 – Toxic relationships vs healthy love explained

50:15 – Why you can’t move on after a breakup

54:40 – How to actually heal and move forward

58:10 – Rebuilding life after rock bottom (again at 57)

01:01:00 – Final advice: “Get up one more time”

💬 COMMENT “HEAL” if you’re ready to rebuild your life.

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#healing #selflove #breakups #mindset #personaldevelopment