The hosts discuss the pitfalls of first loves, with Tod recounting a bizarre 'water-spitting' incident and Marc describing his obsessive habit of keeping every memento from a past relationship in a box. The conversation devolves into a riff on celebrity attractiveness and the 'Escape Lamborghini' of Brian McKnight.

Hosts Marc Chambers and Tod Perry welcome back John Salwin to the 'barn' after a Thanksgiving hiatus. The episode features a series of bizarre news stories via 'The News Monster' and a comedic improvised bit where John pretends to be a 'Grammar God'.

The hosts discuss an article from Yahoo Shine regarding men's definitions of bad sex. The conversation devolves into riffs on political figures, the dynamics of sexual control, and the perceived awkwardness of gay sex.

Marc and Tod review responses to a fake Craigslist personal ad Marc posted as 'Crystal,' a playful girl seeking men who can write haikus. The hosts critique the applicants' poetry, grammar, and personalities before crowning a winner.

Marc returns from a Thanksgiving trip to Iowa and shares his experiences with the hosts. The episode culminates in a structured 'Rate The State' segment where Marc scores Iowa across five specific categories.

The hosts celebrate Thanksgiving by attempting to deep-fry a massive 48-pound turkey that John Salwin won at an Ice Cube charity event in Watts. The episode features a guest intern from USC and ends in a chaotic accident during the frying process.

The hosts discuss their upcoming Thanksgiving travel plans, including Tod's trip to Iowa and John's trip to Tucson. The conversation devolves into a series of riffs on airport security, 'hack' comedy, and a graphic debate about anatomy and dating mothers.

The hosts discuss Thanksgiving traditions, specifically the placement of stuffing in a turkey, before diving into a listener mailbag. The episode features discussions on aggressive pickup lines in South Korea, real doll pornography, and the 2012 Mayan apocalypse conspiracy.

The hosts discuss a viral story about a linguistics expert who raised his child to speak only Klingon for three years. The conversation devolves into a debate over nerd identity, the ethics of the experiment, and a hypothetical plan to create a Klingon-speaking colony in Detroit.

The hosts discuss a series of bizarre news stories involving elderly criminals, a naked 91-year-old homeowner, and a child bride in Bulgaria. The episode features a long improvisational bit where Tod imagines his own solo show and a detailed rant about koalas and STDs.