We often confuse nature with nurture thinking we’re built a certain way and that’s what we have to work with. We have a certain bar for everything—happiness, wealth, success, emotional availability, energy, etc., believing it can only go so high. But what if that weren’t true? What if that was just your limited perspective? These bars have been set throughout your life, many of them in childhood. If your parents had a bad marriage and that’s what you saw, your idea of happiness is based on that. The bar has been set. Energy works similarly, and it’s a good indicator of where you go against yourself, inhibiting your growth.

If you didn’t feel important as a kid, you likely started people-pleasing and performing for attention. That kind of behavior depletes your energy, so you got used to operating at a low level. Your bar was set. Then you looked for external ways to fill your energy back up in the form of validation, but that’s a cheap form of energy and it doesn’t last. Giving to yourself before you give to others is one way to fill yourself up with quality energy. As you continue doing that, you will start to raise your energy bar. This can be uncomfortable because it’s not what you’re used to, so there is a tendency to dispel this additional energy. This is when people-pleasing and perfectionism come back into the picture, slowing your growth. Pay attention to when this happens.

Low energy is not normal and it CAN be raised, but it’s an inside job. To raise your energy internally, you have to stop going against yourself. You have to avoid people-pleasing, performing for attention, assuming, taking responsibility for other people’s actions and anything else that is externally-focused. Instead of looking outside of you, ask what you can give yourself. How can you show yourself loving kindness? Energy is built through self-love, and it’s how you will raise your bar to the point you never thought possible.