Make Room For Sports

Week Four of the NFL is in the can, and America's most celebrated sports bros bring you the final word on what happened, including live updates from Dave throughout the episode. We also cover Jason Peters signing a prosthetic leg, the NFL guy whose wife claims he was tricked into protesting, Juju Smith-Schuster's touchdown celebration, the hockey league that time forgot, Carlos Ruiz shouting names of animals to get amped before games, watching sports on Amazon, game three of the WNBA finals, Lonzo Ball doing something or other, and Mikal's recipe for moonshine Gatorade.

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We flap our gums about the national anthem protests that swept through the league on Sunday, and the counter protests, and Trump's pro-concussion stance. Then we get into Aaron Hernandez's CTE diagnosis and his daughter's forthcoming lawsuit against the NFL, Odell Beckham Jr.'s piss dance, PLAYS OF THE WEEK, Week Three's installment of America's favorite new segment Guess Who Won?, and the Kevin Durant burner Twitter account fiasco. On a sad note, Mikal breaks some upsetting Andrew Bogut news to Simon.

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IMPORTANT LINKS:

Jake Elliott's game winning field goal:

http://deadspin.com/eagles-beat-giants-with-rookie-kicker-s-buzzer-beating-1818707327

Durant burner Twitter:

https://www.cbssports.com/nba/news/joel-embiid-and-rest-of-nba-twitter-poke-fun-at-kevin-durants-social-media-habits/

Marcus Cooper's fumble:

https://www.si.com/nfl/2017/09/24/chicago-bears-marcus-cooper-sr-leon-lett-fumble-endzone-video

Lebron James mocks Trump:

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/23/sports/football/trump-nfl-kaepernick.html

America asked, and Mikal delivered: we present to you his delirious new segment about new snack options at 7-11. Then we talk about some other things, but we don't remember what; we also don't remember when we recorded this, or, frankly, why.

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Simon's entwined in yet another web of lies in "San Antonio," but the remaining bros BRING THEIR A+ GAME and cover the Rockets sale to Tilmon Fertitta (not, as we'd hoped, Beyonce). Mike reminisces about going to church with Tshitenge Mutumbo and growing up watching Manute Bol, and then doubles down on his Tall Persons Die First theory; we introduce a new segment called WEIGHT UPDATE; Mikal shares the story of Hailey Dawson, who wants to be the first person with a 3-D printed hand to throw out the first pitch in every MLB stadium, and Dave breaks the news of Rafael Nadal's big US Open victory, which prompts us to hold an impromptu, interminable round of Dreamboat or Shipwreck. We get A LITTLE BIT CONFUSED about the difference between official sports media and Mikal's younger friends and are thereby momentarily convinced of an improbable trade, and our audio gets blurry, but we get back on track and figure out whether Anthony Davis can shit talk in the locker room if he has to, and what Future is talking about.

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Choosing service over self, Mikal continues his fan fiction about the misadventures of Rajon Rondo and DeMarcus "Boogie" Cousins.

We welcome our friend and Dallas Cowboys Superfan Jess Holloway, who despite our incredulity convinces us of the existence of something called Jerry World, a location in Texas where an oilman has entombed a big TV and some art. Then we talk about fantasy football, which confuses and frightens us, and sexy touchdown celebrations, and finally, we get updates on Ezekiel Elliott, Colin Kaepernick, sad Jets fans from Hoboken, and the Cleveland Police, who are, like, protesting.

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HELPFUL LINKS

Gerald McCoy tests NFL rule prohibiting sexy dances:

http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-network-hard-knocks/0ap3000000830288/Hard-Knocks-McCoy-tests-boundaries-of-new-celebration-rule

In our first of two half-hour episodes this week, we try to figure out what happened to Episode 737, which requires us to increase our CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS, develop a HEALTHY and SHARED META-NARRATIVE, and achieve EMOTIONAL and BEHAVIORAL RESOLUTION. Then we give America WHAT IT NEEDS: Simon's deep reportage on watching the Mayweather/McGregor fight at a movie theater with his father, his uncle's triumph at the Ironman Coeur d'Alene, an ESPN story about the NFL's CTE research project about jockeys, and the economic and gustatory disappointment of whiskey tastings. PLUS: Mike continues his desperate search for a moral relativism that permits him to watch football, Mikal keeps shouting the name Homer Jones, Dave breaks some college football injury news, and MUCH, MUCH MORE!!! Help us help you: @makeroom4sports on Twitter [email protected]