Make Room For Sports

After lingering in pre-production for months, Dave's encouragement that Mikal write fan fiction about his two favorite b-ball bosom buddies, DeMarcus "Boogie" Cousins and Rajon Rondo, became a no-brainer when the friends reunited on the New Orleans Pelicans this summer. The result is Part 1 of the untitled Rondo & Boogie fan fiction project, originally appearing at the end of MRFS Episode 736, but posted here as it's own stunning excerpt. To be continued...

In this micro-bonus episode, the MRFS team endorses Justin Bieber's Twitter, the Internet's second-ranked wellspring of uninformed sports musing.

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This week Simon is in the PENALTY BOX, so we replace him with Mike's nephew Eero, who considers the ethics of football, the politics of OJ Simpson's return to civilian life, and what's for dinner. Then, THE LAST BROS STANDING get into TOP PLAYS OF THE WEEK, claim squatter's rights in SIMON'S RESEARCH CORNER, and parse the Chandlers. Plus: despite the recommendations of our fans and doctors, we spend ten minutes googling the names of professional athletes who attended the University of Florida, announce some astounding news about a forthcoming secret guest (Rick Fox), Mikal clarifies some clinical terminology, Mike's mom emails a correction and regret, we revisit our favorite Justin Bieber tweet, and we offer the FINAL WORDS on why Hillary Clinton lost and sending Kraftwerk songs in text threads. And then, in the last, hallucinatory five minutes, Mikal premiers chapter one of his Rajon Rondo/DeMarcus "Boogie" Cousins fan fiction.

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LINKS TO PLAYS OF THE WEEK:

Tim Tebow hit in head:

http://nypost.com/2017/08/13/tim-tebow-drilled-in-the-head-with-a-fastball/

NFLPA President not worried about potential strike:

https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/nflpa-president-doesnt-care-if-nfl-dies-out-in-20-years-due-to-strike-or-lockout/

Mike and Dave are OUT OF BOUNDS this week, but the gentle sports bros fight the war of attrition by enlisting expert Allison Miller. Basking in the BRIGHT LIGHTS of her knowledge, we journey deep into the woods of what matters most: How big is a soccer field? Are we allowed to enjoy the NFL? What is a tie? What's the deal with Sepp Blatter? Then, in our ONGOING DESPERATE ATTEMPT to avoid baseball, we inveigle Allison into giving us a bluffer's guide to soccer, which guide includes brief appendices on Eddie Murphy, The Spice Girls, the Britney Spears film CROSSROADS, a German language vocabulary pop quiz, memory palaces based on Matthew McCounaughey films, OJ Simpson Youtube clips, Bo Jackson Youtube clips, and of course Ali Krieger of the Orlando Pride.

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LINKS TO TOP PLAYS OF THE WEEK

Nick Zammarelli hit by own foul ball: http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/baseball/minor-league-dh-hit-head-foul-ball-article-1.3393603

Jordan Montgomery hit in head while signing autographs:

http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/baseball/yankees/yankees-montgomery-hit-head-batted-ball-signing-autographs-article-1.3406447

Alex Morgan amazing goal:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSE3A2_rsQ8

Dave returns triumphantly to America, Mike is behind a dumpster on an island near Seattle, and most importantly, we're joined by Hilary Plum, who drops TEN TONS OF KNOWLEDGE BOMBS. We cover literally every issue that matters: the physical difficulties of wiffle ball, the approximate length of a soccer match, the ethics of competing against your friend's mom, whether or not sports riots are fun, Kelsey Plum, Steph Curry's golf game, Kevin Durant's wardrobe, and Michael Jackson. We also GET SERIOUS about playground bullies, flops of many varieties, Ted Bundy, faking your own death, cartwheeling goalies, and the awfulness of the NFL's treatment of Colin Kaepernick. Somewhere in there Mikal debuts a new segment called NEW SPORTS WORD.

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LINKS TO THIS WEEK'S TOP PLAYS:

Kevin Durant wears Morrissey T-shirt:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VlHj2P7eJY

Stephen Curry plays golf:

http://www.golf.com/tour-news/2017/08/06/tour-confidential-was-steph-curry-experiment-success

Candace Parker's triple double:

http://www.latimes.com/sports/sportsnow/la-sp-sparks-stars-20170728-story.html

Amazing softball catch:

http://www.flosoftball.com/video/1236460-icymi-sam-torres-makes-the-superwoman-grab#.WYjsgaYbQTl

This week, we flub and glug our way through the tall grass of the week in sports, but we also get to the BARE BOTTOM of some emotional trauma: Mikal and Dave mend fences in the wake of an argument about Malcolm Gladwell, Simon explains why he scrubbed us from social media, and we cover an important Mayweather/McGregor correction and regret from last week. Then we tilt our ears to the ground, the better to hear the Kyrie Irving trade rumblings, and we lose ourselves in the LEBRON QUESTION, the KAEPERNICK QUESTION, and the BOOGIE/RONDO question. At the end of it all, we offer the final word on how the gig economy will eventually render the Warriors irrelevant, predicting with TERRIFYING CLARITY how it will come to pass.

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World's deepest swimming pool: http://www.independent.co.uk/travel/y-40-deep-joy-the-worlds-deepest-swimming-pool-9751484.html

MMA fighter throws up (very gross, do not watch): http://ftw.usatoday.com/2017/07/mma-fighter-dqd-video-disqualified-vomit-puke-fight-jesse-reasoner-sean-needham-kop

Chad Johnson impersonator: http://www.theroot.com/a-chubby-black-guy-tried-to-impersonate-chad-johnson-an-1797061331

Dave is drinking Finland's biggest Negroni, Mikal is waylaid in Costco, and Mike and Simon are more or less regular. FOR NO GOOD REASON we critique academic residencies from the right and ourselves from the left, but as is GOOD AND PURE we can only be ourselves, so we pass the time CRAPPING OUR PANTS about underwater welding, coral reef poetry, curling, and Mölkky, which means we are BOUND BY LAW to reflect on the relationship between DEEP PERSONAL SHAME and FROZEN YOGURT. After that--and only because of some TRULY DRACONIAN LABOR LAWS--we grin and bear it through the tediousness of the ESPYs, the Mayweather/MacGregor press tour hellscape, the moral difficulty of googling female tennis stars, Wimbledon specifically and in general, and Lonzo Ball.

Mikal is in his car and doesn't know where he is, but he knows WHERE HE'S GOING. Simon is back in LA (!), Dave is whispering in Finland, and the MRFS gang is MORE SERIOUS THAN EVER about flying insects at Wimbleton, tennis tantrums, Chris Paul's 2015 interaction with referee Lauren Holtkamp, and Dave's tiny Danish nemesis. We don't even CARE WHY but we press on towards a bunch of junk and stuff that orients us toward a endless horizon of TENNIS GOSSIP and laundry talk, which FORCES us to STRAP IN to a TOO-LONG chat about washer/dryer rights, Lonzo Ball's debut, Dave's SNEAK PEEK into American football in Finland, John McEnroe's big number fetish, racquetball in general, and badminton--all kidding aside. FINALLY, we lament the D to G tranfer of LEAGUES, and at the end end of it all we get to the bottom of Mikal's Gatorade's insobriety and the pychedelic qualities of reindeer urine.

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While Simon serves a one-week suspension, the rest of us shit talk him and eventually ENTER OUR SUSPSIONS about his identity as a Hollywood fimmaker INTO THE PUBLIC RECORD. We talk NBA free agency, which, frankly, is a bit of a snooze, but eventually we get our SEA LEGS under us and deliver the STRAIGHT DOPE about tennis dreamboats, which of us has the best voice, the history of the high-five, Mikal's Gatorade sobriety, and how Mikal should feel about Colin Kaepernick.

Mike's shower curtain: https://www.amazon.com/Galaxy-Animal-Design-Polyester-Curtain/dp/B00Y2IDS96/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1499367999&sr=8-7&keywords=funny+shower+curtain

Simon's shower curtain: https://www.amazon.com/Slothzilla-Shower-Curtain-Climbing-Animal/dp/B00I53704S/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1499367999&sr=8-4&keywords=funny+shower+curtain

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