It's April Fools' day, but Mikal is wearing compression pants FOR REAL. Mike wins the TOP PLAY OF THE WEEK CONTEST in an apiological tour de force, we talk--yet again--about the difference between Warren and Jimmy Buffett, update America about MARCH MADNESS, and articulate our despair about how long and potentially boring baseball season might be. Plus: Simon lectures his friends about how to chew tobacco and develops his theory of no-pants baseball, Dave improves the show exponentially by keeping a shot clock, and (we're sorry) MUCH, MUCH MORE!!!

Helpful links:

Mikal's full NCAA song "Don't Drop the Ball"

https://soundcloud.com/nastymillionaire/ncaa-march-sadness-dont-drop-the-ball-official-ncaa-theme-song

Article and video about Jamarion Styles:

http://usatodayhss.com/2017/video-florida-middle-schooler-with-no-arms-hits-buzzer-three

Bees on the baseball field:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/ct-bees-swarm-spring-training-game-20170331-story.html

This is one of our thirteen all-time worst episodes, the lone bright spot of which is the debut of Mikal's new March Madness theme song, "Don't Drop the Ball." Later, Dave scouts the 2017 NBA draft, we meander through the week's "TOP" "PLAYS," talk about punching yet again, and lament our brackets, which are the worst brackets in the world. At the end of the show, Mikal unveils his new segment TOP TALK TOP THREE HOT TODDY, which is worth sticking around for.

America has spoken: [email protected]

This week on the show, the sports fellows bring their agonizing brilliance to bear on the first two rounds of MARCH MADNESS. Among all the sweet hoops riffs, they manage to MAKE ROOM FOR the all week's hottest sports junk: Mikal's fever dream about the ritualistic cutting of nets, the preponderance of John Turturro haircuts in this year's tournament, the flat Earth: Shaq edition, another round of TOP PLAYS, and reports on the sports movie classics GUS and THE AIR UP THERE as well as popular Japanese anime series KOROKO NO BASKET.

We are legally prohibited from not podcasting: [email protected]

This week on the show, Mikal rejoins his sports pals, and for the first time in human history there is harmony in the universe. We then MAKE ROOM FOR Dave's metacommentary on the ongoing Shaq/JaVale McGee debacle and Simon's ongoing nightmare relationship with Andrew Bogut, after which we make a halfhearted attempt to understand March Madness but wind up complaining about the Warriors and playing a quick round of DREAMBOAT OR SHIPWRECK: Matt Barnes Edition. The final ten minutes is a frightful hellscape of four-way associative thinking that touches on the Steve Madden DJ Booth at the Barclay's Center, the Floyd Mayweather van arson situation, the 2016 Rockets and their infernal finessing of the rules, and a round of REAL OR FAKE BASEBALL NAME...

PLUS: Dave and Mikal dox their high school friend as a DUKE FAN, Simon's bedroom is too hot, Mikal doesn't listen to his own podcast, shout out to Mike's mom, which coach is a Satanist?, are the Cavs crisis actors?, more thoughts about the correlation between being tall and dying young, Mike and Mikal lure Simon into a non-ironic discussion of his martial arts experience, Jimmy Buffet's 2017 Bracket Buster Challenge, AND MUCH, MUCH MORE!

We won't stop: [email protected]

This week on the podcast, Simon and Mike find themselves without the comforts of Mikal, who is off on assignment cooking up an epic installment of his GATORADE HOT DOG BIG DOG segment. But, lucky for everyone, rising podcast superstar Dave Dominique comes off the bench with fresh legs. On the downside, Simon records this episode from his mother's house in Missouri using stolen wifi and surrounded by a herd of ill-mannered dogs, so there are a few technical difficulties.

And yet! The team still MAKES ROOM FOR a lively discussion of the Festus Ezeli cadaver transplant situation, checks in on Grayson Allen's limbs and where he put them this week, and takes a detour into the uncompromising anti-poetry of Russell Westbrook's game.

PLUS: Simon is again denied the opportunity to display his knowledge of MMA because Mike finds it dull, Dave inexplicably plugs a competitor podcast, Mike theorizes about what Shaq's problem is, AND MUCH, MUCH MORE!

Tell us where Mikal is: [email protected]

This week, we welcome our friend Dave Dominique for the first four-location sports podcast in WORLD HISTORY! He knows so much more about sports than we do and we immediately became jealous of him and regretted our decision.

Anyway, MAKE ROOM FOR: An expansive TOP PLAYS OF THE WEEK segment that touches on Steph Curry's weasel beard, Steve Kerr's wife's inexplicable house-buying fetish, NBA progressivism, Nate Robinson's full-body nutmegging, and the longest ping pong volley ever. Then we offer some deeply reported analysis of the KINGS/PELICANS trade, drift into a discussion of our inability to fill out NCAA tournament bracket, and lay down some punishing riffs about the 50-40-90 club. We spend an excruciating amount of time establishing the meaning of MIKE'S PEDIALYTE NOT-LIGHT POLITICAL SPOTLIGHT, but then Mike only has time to briefly and nonsensically demand that Derek Rose sell his condo. And finally, a disjointed chat about the recent history of AMERICA'S TEAM THE PHILADELPHIA 76ERS.

HELP US: [email protected]

MAKE ROOM FOR: The Krewe's roundabout explanation of what this podcast is all about, corrections and regrets from last week, top plays of the week, the MRFS MVPs update, and Simon's Oxycontin High Five Hurt Five . . . UNCOMFORTABLE TRUTHS REVEALED: Nobody in America understands what the A Gap is, nobody on this podcast understands their mute button, and everyone must pay for Boogie's sins . . . DUBIOUS SEGMENTS EMBARKED UPON: Mike's moment of silence, Mikal sends a text live on air, and Simon's butt-related plays of the week . . . PLUS: Tom Brady continues to refuse to fight Simon, an interminably long discussion about the ins and outs of diagnosing mental heath issues, an update on the status of America's favorite forthcoming thriller TAKEN FIVE, and MUCH, MUCH MORE!!!

MAKE ROOM FOR: Corrections and Regrets from Last Week; Silliest Plays of the Week; Mikal's Gatorade Gossip High Five Hot Fogged Hot Dogs . . . CONSPIRACIES REVEALED: Is Kelsey Plum playing for the wrong Huskies?; Science twins are fake twins; Condom hijinks . . .PLUS: Mikal lures Simon and Mike into his joke corner, the death order is revealed, and MUCH MUCH MORE!!!

On the night of Super Bowl LI, we discuss our thoughts on how the game went and whether football itself is bad. The audio levels on this episode aren't great because Mikal didn't edit it and for some reason it ends abruptly if you're listening on iTunes right as I started playing the end song. I spent about an hour trying to figure out how to do a fade out and could never get it right so I gave up.

Also, we check in on Grayson Allen, who, like ourselves, has frankly been better.

The Swampdogs bring their signature style to the most and least important sports stories of the week . . .

MAKE ROOM FOR: Top plays of the week; Super Bowl predictions; Simon's special report on the Mizzou offensive line in mourning; and Mikal's Gatorade Gossip High Five Hot Five . . .

CONFESSIONS OFFERED: Mikal killed a goldfish in 2004; Mike spent too much money on a coconut last night . . .

EPIPHANIES HAD: Lonnie's not like that; The Hornets have a Mule now; Frankensteins have feelings too; Girls love butts; Maybe the world has already ended; Basketball can't make you gay or straight . . .

PLUS: Another week, another set of reflections about Michael Floyd aka The Extreme DUI guy; Mike gets sensual about hand checks; Mikal unburdens himself of all his sports knowledge in a staggeringly beautiful rant, and MUCH, MUCH MORE . . .

DILLON BROOKS FLOP:

http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2017/01/27/oregon_basketball_flop_ranks_with_the_greats.html (http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2017/01/27/oregon_basketball_flop_ranks_with_the_greats.html)

DEAD MISSOURI FISH:

http://www.columbiamissourian.com/sports/mizzou_football/missouri-offensive-line-fish-boneyard-dies/article_be006ec6-ddbe-11e6-bd3f-676ed5ce4e4c.html (http://www.columbiamissourian.com/sports/mizzou_football/missouri-offensive-line-fish-boneyard-dies/article_be006ec6-ddbe-11e6-bd3f-676ed5ce4e4c.html)

 

Ice Cube "It Was A Good Day" Acoustic Cover by Artie Figgis:

https://youtu.be/bMVeS0ymHto