Make the Shift

Gaslighting, has become a popular term that is thrown around often.  But what is it?  

Do you often leave conversations feeling confused in your relationship?  

Do you sometimes ask yourself, am I just too sensitive? Do you find yourself apologizing often in your relationship?

Do you make excuses for your partner's behavior and often second guess yourself?

You might be in a relationship with a gaslighter.

Gaslighting is a term that is thrown around often, but it's far more than someone simply questioning our thoughts or our feelings

Gaslighting is psychological manipulation.  It is typically intentional (although I do unpack in the episode how sometimes it can be an unconscious tactic) manipulative and designed to whittle away someone’s self-confidence. 

Gaslighting is emotional abuse.  And it's sneaky because it can be covert and subtle.  The subtly can slowly erode and chip away at that gaslightee's. confidence and self worth.

Gaslighting typically takes place in romantic relationships, but it can take place in any relationships-friendships and family relationships.  

In this episode, I’m sharing what gaslighting is, what it looks like in real life and ways to tell if you’re being gaslighted.

Listen to discover

"Gaslighters NEED control and power" -Krista Resnick

"Gaslighting is an unhealthy form of control arising from a need to dominate others." -Krista Resnick 

"The difference with gaslighting is that there is another person or group that’s actively engaged in trying to make you second-guess what you know is true. If you don’t typically experience these feelings with other people but do with one particular individual, then you might be a victim of gaslighting."- Krista Resnick

"Gaslighting is a particularly sneaky and damaging form of abuse because it alienates us from our own internal compass. “It is hard to spot because, most of the times, it comes from people we love and trust." -Krista Resnick

"When words and actions don’t match, you will save yourself additional pain and disappointment by paying more attention to the person’s actions and behavior, rather than their words." -Krista Resnick

Learning about your emotions and tracking your patterns, allowing you to learn what triggers your feelings and gives helpful strategies to shift your moods." -Krista Resnick

"Part of what makes it painful and challenging to leave a gaslight relationship is that the gaslighter may be the one “someone” you have committed to, such as your best friend, your mom, your sister or brother. It’s okay to walk away from toxicity, regardless of the source."- Krista Resnick

LINKS & RESOURCES:

EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FACEBOOK COMMUNITY

HOW TO TAKE A RELATIONAL TIME OUT IN 6 STEPS

BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES WORKSHOP

STAY CONNECTED: 

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We all have unpleasant conditions in our lives that cause us stress.   We may try to ignore these situations, but they still affect us.  If the condition could be eliminated, it is called a toleration. You cannot change what you tolerate, but for those of us who struggle with codependency, we tolerate A LOT (and for much too long).  

We often have relationships with people who gaslight and have narcissistic type traits because at the core, we attract people who LOVE our focus on them.  Codependents are OTHERS focused.  And because we get our self worth from OTHERS, what they think, fixing them, helping them, serving them, managing them-we push our own needs and desires to the side and just tolerate things that we shouldn't.   

Part of our recovery is to learn how to set the boundaries required, to eliminate these tolerations from our life.  These could be internal boundaries or external boundaries-both apply here.   In this episode I'm helping you understand what you might be tolerating in your life that is causing you to not stand for yourself and how you can start to become aware of some of things in your life that might be required to do a bit of a spring clean and detox them out.  Maybe a relationship that has long expired,  a friendship who is critical and dismissive of you, missed workouts and excuses, a closet full of clothes you never wear that is overwhelming to you, a pantry full of sugar laden items that take you off course from your diet, or mistreatment from your teenager.   

Listen to this episode to discover: 

Through the art of healthy boundary setting, we can learn to step into our sovereignty and speak our truth so we can have our needs met and live FULL LIVES.  I hope the strategies and tips I provide in this episode will help you step into your inner leader and begin to not realize that there are just things in life that need to go.  

 “A toleration is something that is put up with or endured; it is a burden and eats up time, money, and mental space.” -Krista Resnick 

"It’s a toleration for you if it creates frustration, drains your energy, or distracts you from what is really important."-Krista  Resnick 

"People who clear up tolerations often find that it opens up space for their creativity and intuition."-Krista Resnick 

"In order to start eliminating tolerations you first need to know what they are. Ask yourself: What am I putting up with right now?” -Krista Resnick

Links & Resources: 

Build Better Boundaries Workshop 

Tolerations Detox Workbook 

Krista Resnick Website 

Instagram 

Empowered Boundaries Facebook Community

Britt Frank is my guest today.  Friends-you are going to love her.  Britt's vibrant energy and enthusiasm for this healing work just oozes through our conversation.

Britt Frank, MSW, LSCSW, SEP is a clinician, educator and trauma specialist. She speaks and writes widely about the mental health myths that keep us stuck and stressed. Britt received her BA from Duke University and her MSW from the University of Kansas, where she later became an award-winning adjunct professor. She is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Level 3 trained in the Internal Family Systems therapeutic model. Britt was a primary therapist at a drug and alcohol treatment center, an inpatient therapist at a children’s psychiatric hospital, and now owns a private practice.

Britt and I cover A LOT of ground in this episode beginning with the beauty we can find in rigidity.  We often deem rigidity as a 'bad thing,' but rigid recovery as she calls it, can be the very thing we need to call upon at times when we are first setting out in this healing work.  Britt unpacks why the word AND has so much potency in healing and growth work and helps us decipher when black and white thinking can be helpful, and when we need to call upon adding more 'grey' to our lives. 

In this episode we also talk about the definition of trauma, how we must incorporate thought work into our healing and how we can't rely on thought work alone.  

Listen to discover:

I love Britt's approach to healing work because it allows me to remember that I am whole, complete, good and enough, JUST as a I am.  It's grounded in simplicity and science, authenticity and real-life experiences of overcoming trauma and failure in order to show that anything is possible.  

“Trauma is the absence of boundaries.  Trauma is the complete absence of the ability to choose.” ~Britt Frank

"One of the healing medicines for trauma is boundaries." ~Britt Frank

"Shame does nothing for anyone."~Britt Frank

"No one can make you feel anything actually isn’t true." ~Britt Frank

"Trauma is not a fact or a permanent state." ~Britt Frank

"When you’re in  survival mode-none of the thinking stuff will work." ~Britt Frank

LINK  & RESOURCES

BRITT FRANK

BRITT FRANK INSTAGRAM

Order Britt's Book-THE SCIENCE OF STUCK

KRISTA RESNICK

KRISTA RESNICK INSTAGRAM

KRISTA RESNICK FACEBOOK 

EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FACEBOOK COMMUNITY

Do you tend to think of boundaries as selfish, mean, aggressive in nature?  Do you think they are simply about having arguments with other people?  Do you think boundaries are ONLY about saying NO?

Friends this episode is all about expanding your boundary knowledge and paradigm.  This episode is dedicated to help you see boundaries as an act of love.  I know I sure didn't see them this way at one point in my life, however-boundaries were absolutely necessary to help me in my healing journey of overcoming codependent, perfectionism, people pleasing thinking.  Boundaries are a game changer!

Listen to this episode to learn how boundaries can help you in your healing journey too to having authentic, honest relationships and love in your life.  

Don't forget to save your seat in the Build Better Boundaries Workshop happening April 12 at 5pm CST

BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES WORKSHOP

Jen Walters is a confidence coach for professional women.  After 25 years in corporate, she finally found the tools to overcome her personal confidence challenges.  She grew from an insecure people-pleasing perfectionist with social anxiety, into a confident woman who goes after what she wants.  Jen loves helping her clients get out of their own way, step into their awesomeness, and create the career and life they dream of.

In this power packed episode Jen goes deep explaining what confidence is.

She breaks down confidence down into 3 digestible pieces: self regard, self trust and the willingness to feel ANY emotion.

We also dive into what stops us from living in our truth, our authentic, favorite confident self.  This is a really important episode to listen to if confidence is something you have lost on your way.

Learn more about Jen and her work here:  | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | LINKEDIN

And don't forget to click on THIS LINK to get Jen's 3 Secrets to Building Self-Confidence

Krista Resnick | Build Better Boundaries Workshop | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK 

In today's episode I answer two listener's beautiful boundary questions in regard to guilt and conflict.  

Before listening to this episode consider:

Are you afraid of conflict and letting others down?

Are you exhausted from trying to do it all 

So you sometimes get sick from trying to make everyone happy all the time?  

Do you feel like EVERYONE depends on you?

Are you STRESSED ALL THE TIME?  

Do you feel guilty whenever you try and set a boundary?

If you’ve ever struggled with feeling guilty, or exhausted from holding everyone's stuff then this episode is for you.  

Save your seat at THE BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES MASTERCLASS

Boundaries are an essential tool when it comes to speaking your truth and living free.  And yet, so many people don't know what boundaries are.  If we don't know what they are, we certainly don't understand the power of them or why we need to implement them in our lives.

In this episode I unpack the power of boundaries and how they set you free and empower you to speak your truth.  Anything else is a one stop train ticket to resentment ranch.

BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES MASTERCLASS | EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FB COMMUNITY | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

When we are uncomfortable setting boundaries, it becomes easy to step into patterns like people pleasing to make sure everyone else is happy.  However, this only sets us up for resentment and anger in our lives.

Unmet needs of your inner child is what creates chaos in your adult life.

Today’s caller, Franda, has trouble setting boundaries in her personal and work life.

Many of us think people-pleasing is a way to get love and find validation. We think if people see the real us, they may not like us.  However, this creates a life of self-abandon and resentment.

When we know how to meet our own needs and meet ourselves with compassion, we begin to feel empowered to set boundaries that protect our space and our relationships.  It’s great to make other people happy but it’s more important to please ourselves first by making self-honoring choices.

Drop the people-pleasing, up your self-esteem by making self-honoring choices.

Before listening to this episode consider:

***Don't forget to save your spot in my upcoming Masterclass-Build Better Boundaries happening on March 10th***

KRISTA RESNICK | INSTAGRAM | EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FACEBOOK COMMUNITY | BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES MASTERCLASS

In today's episode I walk you though 7 Types of boundaries so you can begin to identify what types of boundaries you can begin setting in your relationships and life.  

Setting boundaries is not about saying no to everything.

They’re about setting parameters, limits, guidelines for our life.  

Boundaries are about creating safety.  Essentially healthy boundaries do 3 things-

Boundaries are not static.  They’re dynamic – meaning they constantly change depending on the contexts we find ourselves in during the day.  And they are constantly at play across all of those life areas I named.

As you can see, boundaries are a complex issue with many different facets.

By listening to these Boundary 101 episodes, my hope is that you will have a foundational understanding of what healthy boundaries are and where you can start setting them in your own life.  

Links from the Show

KRISTA RESNICK |INSTAGRAM| EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES FACEBOOK COMMUNITY | THE SECRET TO EMPOWERED BOUNDARIES

When it comes to healthy relationships, boundaries are ESSENTIAL!!!

Boundaries are limits that protect and promote our integrity, our wellbeing, our sense of healthy functioning.  They protect our sacred inner space.

They are what allows us to have uniqueness and authenticity.

Without healthy boundaries, we start to blur and blend in with other people and  start to lose touch with having a separate sense of self in a healthy way

Without boundaries, you are signing up for a life or anger, resentment, overwhelm and burn out.

Lack of boundaries will destroy your relationships because they simply won’t be able to thrive.

In this episode I talk about what exactly external boundaries are as well as why they are so crucial to our relationships.  I also provide a couple of practical examples to help you understand what a healthy boundary may in fact look like.

Before listening to this episode consider:

In relationships, do I tend to be more aware of my own needs, wants, and feelings or aware of the needs, wants , and feelings of others

When it comes to setting boundaries, do I find it easy/difficult to set boundaries?

When it comes to hearing someone else’s boundary, do I find it easy/difficult to accept it?

Do I have a hard time expressing my needs and boundaries?

What does it feel like when other people set boundaries with me?

LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE

Krista Resnick | Instagram | Empowered Boundaries Facebook Community |The Secret to Empowered Boundaries