Making Midlife Magic

In memory of Wally, 2011–2026

I'm re-releasing this episode today in honor of our beloved dog Wally, who passed away yesterday at 15 years old. He was one of the best things that ever happened to our family, and I can't think of a better tribute than sharing the wisdom he gave me.

I know — "life wisdom from a dog" sounds like it might be a little fluffy (which he was). But stick with me, because this episode contains wisdom that is both practical & world-shifting.

In this episode, I share three "bones of wisdom" from Wally:

1. Love what you love — without judgment. Drawing on Mary Oliver's poem "Wild Geese," I explore why so many high-achieving women have lost touch with what they actually want. Not because we're weak, but because we've spent years overriding our own desires. I explain how knowing what you want — even when you can't act on it — is a radical act of self-respect.

2. Dislike what you dislike — without judgment. I talk about a pattern I see constantly in my coaching work: smart, accomplished women who can see clearly when they're being treated poorly, but then judge themselves for having feelings about it. Wally had no problem letting us know when something bothered him. We could all use a little more of that.

3. Show up in love. This one is about the purest gift dogs give us — not just that they love us unconditionally, but that they let us love them without condition. I consider what it might mean to extend that same grace to ourselves.

This episode originally aired on my birthday. Today it's airing in Wally's honor — and my wish for all of us is the same as it was then: that every day, we love ourselves a little more, like our dogs love us.

Have you ever dreamed of taking a break from work to explore something new? I have. As an academic without a tenure-track position, I've spent 30 years watching colleagues take sabbaticals -- a semester or a year to write, think, and live a different pace — and feeling envious.

And then I realized: I can give myself a sabbatical. And so can you.

In this episode, I make the case that sabbatical is a feeling — one we can create and nurture without taking a leave of absence. The word "sabbatical" shares a root with the Hebrew Shabbat, the Sabbath, and the radical idea at its heart is that we are not meant to work all the time. We were designed for rhythm: six years of labor, one year of fallow ground. The problem is that most of us have lost that rhythm entirely — and what passes for rest (hello, doom scrolling) isn't really restful, let alone restorative.

But a sabbatical is not a nap. It's a deliberate withdrawal from certain kinds of work in order to make room for something else to grow. I walk you through three questions to help you design your own -- whether it's a month, day, or just one hour.

And if you want to hear from a woman who left her job to take a midlife sabbatical, listen to Episode #50, where I interview Elana Kahn.

Want to share this episode with someone who would appreciate it? I'd love that. And if you haven't yet, please subscribe to Making Midlife Magic and leave a review — it means a lot. Check out ⁠⁠⁠coachingwithrachel.com⁠⁠⁠ to see more of my world.

You've been looking forward to the weekend all week. Finally — no obligations, nowhere to be. And then it arrives, and instead of relief, you feel... anxious. Vaguely guilty. Like you're forgetting something important.

Sound familiar? You're not broken. You're well-trained.

In this episode, I kick off a new focus on fun by starting with what gets in the way. Because before we can have more fun, we need to understand why fun (and rest, and doing absolutely nothing) can feel so threatening, even when we genuinely want more joy in our lives.

It turns out there are real, specific reasons this happens. Your nervous system isn't misbehaving. It's doing exactly what it's been trained to do.

Listen to find out why rest can feel like falling behind, what your identity has to do with your inability to close the laptop on a Sunday, and the surprisingly small shifts that can start to change all of it.

We've all been there — something in our life isn't going the way we want, and our first instinct is to think our way out of it. Maybe it's not that bad. Maybe I just need a better attitude. But what if the real missing step isn't reframing — it's acknowledging?

In this episode, I explores one of the most common sticking points I see in my coaching: the thought this shouldn't be happening. It shouldn't be this way. It's understandable. It's often completely valid. And it also keeps us stuck.

In this episode:

• Why trying to force a 180-degree mindset shift often backfires — and what to do instead
• The crucial difference between accepting reality and being okay with it
• How acceptance actually expands your agency rather than shrinking it

Want to share this episode with someone who could use it? I'd love that. And if you haven't yet, please subscribe to Making Midlife Magic and leave a review — it means a lot. Check out ⁠⁠coachingwithrachel.com⁠⁠ to see more of my world.

Hi, I'm Rachel, and I'm not a naturally organized person. We say these things like we're just reporting facts about who we are: I'm not creative. I'm not fit. I'm not good at remembering things. In this episode, I talk about why those "I'm not" statements are anything but neutral, and the powerful coaching question that completely shifted my relationship to my own powers of organization.

I share what happened when my coach asked me, How are you already an organized person? — and how that question unlocked a new relationship to my story about myself.

In this episode:

• Why "I'm not naturally [fill in the blank]" is a thought that keeps you stuck — not a fact about your DNA
• How our brains use self-limiting beliefs to conserve energy (efficiently, and at great cost)
• The difference between this question and an affirmation — and why the distinction matters
• How to find evidence that you're already the person you want to be

Want to share this episode with someone who could use it? I'd love that. And if you haven't yet, please subscribe to Making Midlife Magic and leave a review — it means a lot. Check out ⁠coachingwithrachel.com⁠ to learn more.

This is one of my most downloaded episodes, because who doesn't want to feel happier? Yet often things get in the way -- work stress, family conflict, medical diagnoses. At these times, the very idea of "choosing happiness" can seem like a mean joke.

In this episode I share how we can meaningfully choose happy, even when life is challenging. In this episode:

⭐ How happiness is like ice cream and why it's useful to know what flavor you like

⭐ The difference between grown-up happy and pediatric happy

⭐ The power of adding happy to other emotions

⭐ The difference between thoughtfully choosing happiness and spiritually bypassing less shiny emotions (Why we don't want to slap a smiley face on a rotten potato)

Take a listen and let me know what resonates for you! I'm at [email protected], or dm me on social media.

It's Passover and I'm elbow deep in matzah ball soup preparation, so I'm re-airing an episode connected to the themes of the holiday -- Episode 99, Feeling Free.

We so often want to feel free -- light, unburdened, at ease. Yet often we feel burdened by responsibilities and constrained by the choices we've made. At these times, we often dream of a future time when things will be better -- we'll be retired, on vacation, our kids will be grown, and so on. Focusing on that fantasy keeps us from seeing ways we can feel freer, right now. That's the topic of this week's episode.

The original ending of the podcast celebrates the second anniversary of Making Midlife Magic and I got to update it, because my pod is now four years old! A beautiful toddler. Thank you for being such an important part of my journey.

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What if I told you that two simple words could completely change the way your brain works? If Saturday Night Live ever did a skit about me, these two words would be my signature phrase. And honestly? I'd be fine with that.

The words are: and also.

That's it. Simple — and also :), incredibly powerful.

In this episode, I share why "and also" works so well as a mindset tool, and I walk you through the specific situations where it can make the biggest difference. It all started with a recent experience of my own and how "and also" moved me past my disappointment.

Here's what you'll hear in this episode:

🎯 Why your brain resists nuance — and why that resistance keeps you stuck

🎯 The "and also" shift — how two words direct your brain to keep looking instead of ending the story

I also share specific times when this took will be especially helpful. "And also" isn't about talking yourself out of your feelings -- it's about embracing the fullness of our human experiences. It's about refusing to let one feeling be the whole story. You can be disappointed and also know you're strong. You can be hurt and also love someone. You can feel stuck and also know you're capable of more.

Take a listen and let me know what you think. *************************************************

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Most of us think about trust in terms of other people — and right now, trust in institutions and leaders feels shaky for a lot of us. But what if the most important trust we can build is with ourselves?

In this episode, I explore a question that has the power to change everything: How can I build greater trust with myself today?

I share how reframing a simple self-care planning ritual around this question completely shifts its power — and why that shift matters. We talk about the two primary ways we build (or break) trust with ourselves: through our words (how we talk to ourselves) and our actions (whether we follow through on what we say we'll do).

Building trust with yourself doesn't require perfection. Just like in any good relationship, trust is often built in the repair — in the moment we notice we've been unkind to ourselves and choose to come back with compassion.

I also get into something I see all the time in coaching: the person making ambitious plans and the person who has to live with them are often out of alignment. When we make promises to ourselves that we're not fully on board with, we're setting ourselves up to break trust with ourself.

This episode is practical, simple, and profound all at the same time -- and it might shift something for you.

In this episode:

• Why self-trust is the foundation of real confidence and lower stress

• How to make plans you'll actually keep — by checking in with all of you
• A simple daily question that can you can use as a North Star

Want to share this episode with someone who could use it? I'd love that. And if you haven't yet, please subscribe to Making Midlife Magic and leave a review — it means a lot. Check out coachingwithrachel.com to learn more about my world.

Have you ever had a negative thought and felt like it was an emergency? Like something had gone terribly wrong — especially if you've done a lot of self-development work and feel like you should know better by now? I've certainly been there.

In this episode, I'm answering the question several listeners sent me after last week's episode on Eileen Gu and Olympic thinking: Okay, but how do I actually make my head a good place to be?

Here's where I start: with normalization. Negative thinking isn't a sign that something is broken. It's just what human brains do — they're trying to keep us safe. The moment we stop treating every unwanted thought like a crisis is the moment we start having some power over them.

From there, I walk you through the framework I actually use myself — including how I stopped talking trash about my body after literal decades, not through years of painstaking work, but by making a decision. I use the metaphor of being a vegetarian: just because someone offers you something doesn't mean you have to put it on your plate. Your brain is going to keep offering you thoughts. You get to decide which ones you accept.

I also talk about:

• Why giving yourself permission to keep your negative thoughts can paradoxically loosen their grip
• What to do when thoughts are really sticky — and why curiosity and compassion work better than willpower
• The ironic moment that happened after I recorded this episode (my brain is very on-brand)

The goal isn't a mind that never generates negative thoughts. The goal is a mind that feels safe — even when it doesn't feel good.

www.coachingwithrachel.com