A Little Help For Our Friends

Making You the Villain: The Gaslighting Effect of Projection


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Ever walk away from a conversation feeling like the villain in someone else’s story? In this episode, I dig into projection—the defense that pushes a person’s unwanted traits and feelings onto you—and show how it warps reality, fuels gaslighting, and leaves loved ones doubting their own character.

I break down the differences between borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder in plain terms: emotion dysregulation versus self-image dysregulation, and how people with both disorders often project  onto their loved ones. I also talk about my training in Transference Focused Psychotherapy to illustrate how expert clinicians address patients who don't want to take accountability for their own insecurities.

Even if you're not a trained clinician, I share practical strategies for defending against someone's projection, like how to reality-check without spiraling, validate feelings without accepting a false story, resist over-explaining when logic won’t land, and set boundaries. If you love someone who struggles with BPD, NPD, or emotional immaturity, this episode helps you stay steady, compassionate, and clear about who you are.

*If this topic resonates and you're struggling with someone who's making you feel blamed and confused, book a free call with me (Dr. Kibby) to learn how KulaMind can get you grounded in your reality again.

Support the show

  • If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.


  • Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.


  • For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com
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A Little Help For Our FriendsBy Dr. Kibby McMahon

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