Motherhood of Choice: Infertility, Adoption, Race & Everything in Between

Chavie and Malka begin the conversation by reflecting on their shared experience of marrying young and expecting to have children right away. They discuss the harsh reality of infertility, the emotional toll of repeated interventions, and the pivotal decision to stop and consider new options. Together, they break down the step-by-step process of choosing adoption, challenging the notions of a homogeneous family where everyone looks alike and shares the same background. Malka shares her experience of adopting a Black child while living in Crown Heights, where the values established by the Lubavitcher Rebbe promote inclusivity, yet daily life presented painful challenges. She and Chavie explore their differing approaches to raising a family of choice, weighing the mental health implications of giving space to grief over infertility, the nuances of acknowledging differences between biological and adopted children, and the complexities of being White parents to Black children in a world that sometimes views such a decision with suspicion. They also discuss the progress in conversations around race in the Chassidic community and the hope it brings for their children.

Malka Groden is an adoptive mother of three children. Every day, she thanks G-d for her infertility, without which she would not have been blessed with her beautiful family. She oversees fundraising at a Jewish nonprofit and loves the opportunity to spend time with and learn from generous individuals.

Referenced on the Pod

Adopting Our Daughters by Rabbi Chaim Bruk 

PUAH Fertility

Lessons in Heichaltzu

The Rebbe’s Words to Mayor David Dinkins

The Rebbe Didn’t Discriminate, Neither Should We

Should White People Adopt Black Kids with Jada Pinkett-Smith

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This episode is dedicated by Chaim Meir Hazan and his fiancé Sandra Chokron in honor of Mrs. Chavie and Rabbi Chaim Bruk. 

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