Totally Unexpected!

Leadership advisor Chanie Wilschanski, author of This Can’t Be Normal, joins Chavie to talk about being successful and still feeling like she was barely surviving. As the oldest daughter of Chabad shluchim in New Jersey, Chanie became the person everyone relied on. Chavie wonders whether taking charge helped her cope when home life felt chaotic and unpredictable. Later, married and raising a family in Crown Heights, she and her husband were working hard but still deep in debt. She built Schools of Excellence and they paid off their debt, but she couldn’t keep going the way she was. She shares what it was like to keep working through repeated illness and two miscarriages, even giving a keynote the day after surgery for a miscarriage. Eventually she began wondering why her life required so much endurance. They discuss how it can seem like responsibilities are divided at home, but one spouse is still left with the burden of making sure it gets done. Chanie introduces what she calls “rhythms,” things that stay predictable when life is unpredictable. Chavie shares how her therapist helps her question what’s urgent, and they talk about resisting the pressure to immediately solve a child’s problem when what they need is support.

Chanie Wilschanski is a mom of 4 and a leadership advisor, speaker, and founder of Schools of Excellence. She works with school owners and organizational leaders who have built successful businesses but find themselves carrying an unsustainable amount of invisible responsibility. She is the author of This Can’t Be Normal: What to Do When Success Starts to Feel Like Survival, a book that explores why success can begin to feel unexpectedly heavy when decisions, responsibility, and emotional weight quietly concentrate in one person. Through her work, Chanie helps leaders build the infrastructure, rhythms, and ownership that allow organizations to thrive without everything routing back to them.

Did you ever feel conflicted, scared, or overwhelmed by a pregnancy?

In collaboration with SHIFRA, this week’s voice notes feature mothers sharing their experiences of struggling during pregnancy and receiving support.

Stay to the end of every episode to hear listener voice notes in response to that week’s prompt. Want to join the conversation? Follow Chavie on Instagram for each week’s prompt, then send your voice note via WhatsApp to 406-600-4935.

Download the first chapter of This Can’t Be Normal for free.

@chaviebruk on Instagram

www.totallyunexpected.blog

Totally Unexpected! on YouTube

Want to sponsor or dedicate an episode? Reach out to Chavie on Instagram or by email at [email protected].

Chavie and Erica bond over being two Texas girls, and Erica shares how a call from a friend planning an abortion eventually led her to create SHIFRA, a Jewish organization supporting women through unexpected pregnancies. She also shares her own family’s history with unplanned pregnancy and how her grandmother was raised believing that her biological mother was her sister. Erica explains how SHIFRA provides therapy, customized financial assistance, social services, and parenting support, and why many of the women who call are married mothers who already have children. Chavie talks about how Orthodox communities have become more open about infertility, sexual abuse, mental health, and the complexities of adoption, while unplanned pregnancy remains largely hidden. Chavie and Erica discuss the differences between Jewish and Christian approaches to abortion, why Erica keeps SHIFRA outside the pro-life/pro-choice binary, and how the organization continues supporting women even when they ultimately decide to end their pregnancies. Erica explains that her focus is always on what the mother needs. Rather than asking whether it is the right time to have a child, she asks what a woman would need to continue her pregnancy.

About Erica

Erica Pelman is the founder & CEO of SHIFRA. Prior to creating SHIFRA, she worked at the U.S. Department of Labor for seven years on Faith-Based and Community Initiatives and workforce development programs. She is a graduate of the University of Pennsylvania and lives in Rockville, Maryland with her husband and their four children. She grew up in Austin, Texas. 

This Week's Prompt

What Did You Have to Unlearn About Parenting?

Stay to the end of the episode for listener voice notes responding to this week’s prompt.

Want to be featured in a future episode? Follow Chavie on Instagram for upcoming prompts, then send your voice note via WhatsApp to 406-600-4935.

Referenced on the Pod

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Parenting educator Blimie Heller joins Chavie to discuss growing up in Toronto, reading parenting books as a child, and how her oldest daughter’s refusal to comply forced her to reconsider what a parent’s role should be. Blimie and Chavie talk about setting limits without relying on punishment, why teenagers expose the illusion of parental control, and Blimie’s shift from advocating primarily for children to extending the same compassion to parents. Chavie shares a difficult morning with her teenage son, and Blimie uses Nonviolent Communication to explore what each of them needed in that moment. They close by asking whether successful parenting means raising children who comply or maintaining a strong relationship with them through conflict.

About Blimie

This Week's Prompt

Referenced On the Pod

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This episode is sponsored by an anonymous listener whose generous contribution covered a month of podcast production. Thank you for believing in Totally Unexpected! and helping the podcast continue to grow.

Want to sponsor or dedicate an episode? Reach out to Chavie on Instagram or by email at [email protected].

Rabbi David Aaron tells Chavie about growing up in Toronto hearing his Holocaust-survivor mother scream in her sleep, and questioning how G-d could be good amid so much suffering. He describes feeling the “oy” rather than the joy of being Jewish and using rock and roll and comedy to drown out those questions, before discovering NCSY, Shabbos with friends, Chabad, and finally going to a yeshiva in Jerusalem. Rabbi Aaron shares how he discovered Kabbalah at a young age which unlocked for the "science" for how Judaism works. He also shared how a near-stranger insisted she knew his soulmate, despite the cultural and language differences between him and Chana; after an awkward first date, they tried again and have been married for 42 years. Chavie returns to the childhood pain that shaped his work, opening a conversation about Judaism’s “branding problem” and Chana’s insight during labor that “pain with purpose is power.” 

Rabbi David Aaron is a renowned educator, author, and Rosh Yeshiva of Orayta in the Old City of Jerusalem. He is the author of several influential books, including The Secret Life of God, Seeing God, Living a Joyous Life, and Soul Powered Prayers. His teachings focus on the deeper foundations of emunah, tefillah, and personal growth, making profound Torah ideas clear, practical, and deeply relevant.

This Week's Prompt

Listen to voice notes from listeners at the end of every episode with their personal stories and reflections on a given prompt.

Referenced On the Pod

Stay in touch with David Aaron

https://rabbidavidaaron.com/

https://www.instagram.com/davidaaron613

https://www.youtube.com/@RabbiDavidAaron

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This episode is dedicated to the loving memory of Rabbi David Aaron’s beloved granddaughter, Nechalya, who tragically lost her life in a car accident while traveling as a passenger a few months ago.

Want to sponsor or dedicate an episode? Reach out to Chavie on Instagram or by email at [email protected].

Shevach tells Chavie about growing up in Miami Beach as the youngest of seven, sometimes feeling like an only child, but later recognizing the freedom and attention he received as the youngest. He and Chavie compare that with her experience as the oldest of nine, and Chavie describes the many ways her son feels different: the only boy among four sisters, Black, adopted, and the only Jewish child in his class. Shevach talks about validating the pain of feeling alone before trying to help a child see what makes them unique. He then tells Chavie about a broken engagement which showed him how little he trusted his own voice and led him to start separating personality from dysfunction. They move into the overlooked “easy” child and Shevach’s belief that trauma leaves a mark even when someone appears resilient. Shevach shares how his young nephew drowned in the family pool when Shevach was seven, and how that grief resurfaced years later when he panicked over an unlocked balcony door near his own son. Shevach traces his path from hiding a guitar inside his yeshiva mattress and starting a Chassidic rock band to studying psychology, developing sports social work, and creating the WISE Parenting Method. Chavie asks what his approach looks like for parents. They close on the uncomfortable reality that parents and children are not always naturally compatible, but does not mean you do not love them.

Shevach Tamir LCSW, Parenting and Trauma Therapist, is a seasoned clinician with over a decade of experience supporting individuals, parents, and families within the Jewish community. He specializes in parenting therapy, family therapy, and trauma-informed care. Shevach is deeply committed to empowering parents, helping them feel confident, understood, and supported in their role, because parents matter too. His approach is warm, respectful, and grounded in a culturally sensitive, Torah-aligned perspective, creating a space where parents feel safe, seen, and supported as they navigate growth and healing.

This Week's Prompt

Listen to voice notes from listeners at the end of every episode with their personal stories and reflections on a given prompt.

Referenced On the Pod

Stay in touch with Shevach

www.onthebeachcounseling.com/parenting-therapy/

Book a Free 15 Minute Initial Consultation 

https://calendly.com/onthebeachcounseling/initial-consult

Join Wise Parenting Hub - WhatsApp Group 

Send an email with your name and number to [email protected]

Light of Shneur Initiative - Almost Free Parenting Therapy

[email protected]

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Want to sponsor or dedicate an episode? Reach out to Chavie on Instagram or by email at [email protected].

Naomi starts off by telling Chavie how she became an artist, why she was drawn to Hebrew letters, and how studying Jewish mysticism eventually led her into astrology. She explains why she considers herself a student of astrology rather than an astrologer. Chavie asks Naomi to break down the basics, including sun, moon, and rising signs, and because the interview happens to fall on Chavie’s birthday, Naomi uses her chart to do a full live reading. Along the way, Naomi shares her view that astrology was taken from us as part of our disconnection from God and nature, while Chavie explains why she sees a birth chart as a handbook from Hashem that can help people understand their strengths, struggles, and what they are here to do. Chavie asks how astrology fits with the Jewish belief in free will, and Naomi explains the difference between having a mazal and having a fixed destiny. They end with Chavie asking Naomi for her favorite and worst thing about each of the twelve signs.

Naomi Salfati is a Hebrew letter artist and the founder of AstroTorah, where she bridges Kabbalah, astrology, and psychology to help people better understand themselves and their life's purpose.

This Week's Prompt

Listen to voice notes from listeners at the end of every episode with their personal stories on a given prompt.

Referenced On the Pod

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Dena Schusterman tells Chavie about growing up on shlichus, first in Berkeley and then Albuquerque, where her childhood was filled with skiing, wide-open landscapes, and saying the Twelve Pesukim into the New Mexico canyons. When her older sister struggled after being sent away for school, Dena’s parents made the difficult decision to leave shlichus and move their family to Los Angeles, where nine-year-old Dena felt like “Moshiach came” when she discovered kosher restaurants, friends, and an actual frum community. Years later, Dena would find herself wrestling with the same question of when to leave and when to stay: she and her husband planned to move to Russia, tried unsuccessfully to find shlichus in California, and eventually landed in Atlanta, where they chose to remain even when leaving became a real possibility. She and Chavie talk about the courage required to make a choice and own it, and Dena pushes back on the polished image of Shluchos as superwomen who are always saving everyone else, asking, “Who’s saving us?” and arguing that Chabad’s success should not come at the expense of acknowledging the real struggles, doubts, and humanity of the people doing the work. That same refusal to sanitize the story became central to Dena’s new memoir, Stories Carry. She originally wanted to preserve her father’s stories after hearing one of them told publicly without his name because he was no longer a Shliach, but quickly discovered that she couldn’t tell his story without telling her own. Dena shares how the eight-year writing process forced her to stop sermonizing, trust the reader, and become more emotionally vulnerable, including reckoning with the emotional repression she inherited from her Holocaust-survivor grandparents. She and Chavie also talk about Dena’s decision not to write a hagiography, the difference between loving something and pretending it is perfect, and why telling the truth about the people and world that shaped her ultimately became an expression of love rather than a departure from it.

Dena Schusterman founded Chabad Intown in Atlanta, where she has built a thriving community as an educator, preschool director, and teacher. She writes about parenting and applied Torah thought for publications including Kveller, Chabad.org, Groknation, Ami Magazine and the Atlanta Jewish Times. A mother of eight and native Californian, she and her husband Rabbi Eliyahu Schusterman have called Atlanta home for twenty years. Stories Carry is her debut memoir.

This Week's Prompt

Listen to voice notes from listeners with their personal stories and reactions on a given prompt at the end of every episode.

Referenced On the Pod

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Julia Makowsky grew up in Los Angeles with baal teshuvah parents who became increasingly passionate about Torah as she was growing up, while Julia often felt that she was simply along for the ride. Although she had an innate spiritual connection from a young age, she struggled to make Judaism feel like her own. By the time she had her third child, she had taken on more and more religious practices out of fear, believing that if she did not daven enough or observe everything perfectly, Hashem might punish her or take away her children. When her rabbi finally told her, “That is not Torah. That is anxiety,” Julia began breaking down the way she had been practicing and rebuilding a relationship with God that felt personal, chosen, and peaceful. She and Chavie talk about what it means to find your own religious baseline, why other people’s standards can pull us away from our own values, and how Chavie’s baseline in raising five adopted children is always attachment and safety. Julia shares that she knew she wanted to become a therapist from the time she was eight years old because of how deeply she felt other people’s emotions. She opens up about growing up as an empath, the emotional scar tissue she developed after being hurt and abused, and what she later had to learn as a therapist about separating her clients’ feelings from her own and not helping them through the lens of her personal wounds. She then explains why she added coaching to her work, describing therapy as a space where the practitioner asks the questions that help a client arrive at their own answers, while coaching allows her to be more direct, identify concrete steps, and help someone move toward a specific outcome. Julia and Chavie talk about why both approaches matter, why coaching cannot replace the processing that sometimes needs to happen first, and why the right practitioner may look different for each person. They close by asking when healing becomes another form of avoidance, why constant self-reflection and optimization can leave us perpetually dissatisfied, and whether feeling calm, not endlessly striving, is a better sign that something in our lives is actually working.

Julia K. Makowsky is a licensed therapist, coach, speaker, content creator, and host of Tribe & Tribulations. Known for her honest, relatable, and compassionate approach, Julia blends professional expertise with real-life experience to explore mental health, relationships, identity, parenting, faith, and personal growth. Through her therapy practice, speaking engagements, social platforms, and podcast, she creates meaningful conversations that bridge communities, reduce stigma, and help people feel seen, understood, and empowered.

This Week's Prompt

These are the guests listeners said they want to hear from and have submitted voice notes: Chaim Bruk, Sara Miriam Smith, Sarah Immerman, Moshe Weinbaum, Shaina Wiess, Aura Rosenblatt, Brochie Spritzer

Referenced On the Pod

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Sonia begins by telling Chavie about the memoir-writing class that unexpectedly became her book. Then, they trace her childhood, starting with her Jewish grandparents who fled Eastern Europe, her Christian Arab grandparents who left Ottoman-era Bethlehem, and how her parents met in Colombia and built a new life together. Growing up, Sonia repeatedly asked, “What are we?” Her parents wanted their children to choose their own beliefs, but their answer, “We are nothing” left her longing to belong. She walks Chavie through the beauty of her tropical childhood, the cartel violence that transformed Colombia, and the first time a conflict in the Middle East exposed the identities and loyalties her parents had tried to set aside. At 18, Sonia left for college in America, where she explored Middle Eastern history, Hebrew, Arabic, and the Judaism that ultimately became central to her adult life. Chavie and Sonia reflect on the foundations parents give their children, even when they try not to impose, and how writing allowed Sonia to see her parents and grandparents as flawed, complicated, deeply loved people. They end with her return to her childhood home, her mother’s willingness to be uncomfortable for the sake of the book, and the ethical line between telling your own story and telling someone else’s.

Sonia Daccarett, author of the newly released book, The Roots of the Guava Tree, is a writer and communications professional. Born in Colombia to a Christian Palestinian father and a Jewish mother, she moved to the United States and received an undergraduate degree in journalism from the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, and a master’s degree in international and public affairs from Columbia University. For more than two decades, she worked on strategic communications initiatives with corporate and non-profit clients and currently writes and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her family.

This Week's Prompt

This segment, at the end of every episode, features voice notes from listeners with their personal stories and hot takes on a given prompt.

Referenced On the Pod

1:47:43 Rebbetzin Miriam Lipsker of Chabad at Emory University viral video 

Stay in touch with Sonia!

Order The Roots of the Guava Tree Here

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Sorella shares what it was like to grow up in London as the eleventh of twelve children in a big, Chabad family, and how her school and community experiences were shaped by a mix of Holocaust survivors, Russian immigrants, and baalei teshuvahs. She shares how, at eleven years old, her childhood was abruptly changed when her 17-year-old sister Chayale passed away suddenly, and on the same day, her best friend, Dina’s younger sister, Malky, also passed away. Chavie asks what grief looked like in the home after that, and Sorella talks about how her sister was spoken about constantly, even if the tools for processing grief were different than they are today. Sorella then shares how those two losses connected their families forever and how Dina’s older brother, Aycee, eventually became her husband after years of friendship, chemistry, and trying to convince herself he was too familiar and safe. Chavie and Sorella trace her move to Sydney, where she and Aycee built a life on shlichus, and the transition from their established roles into founding Abraham’s Tent, an organization supporting Jewish patients and families in hospitals. The losses of both their mothers became a turning point for Sorella and Aycee, pushing them to question whether they were really living up to their potential and eventually leading them to start Abraham’s Tent. Sorella then walks Chavie through a play by play of the Chanukah attack at Bondi Beach, where their close friend Rabbi Eli Schlanger was killed, and what it was like to run with her children, search for the ones who weren’t with her, and then step into the aftermath as Abraham’s Tent became part of the response for the injured and their families. Chavie reflects on how grief keeps showing up differently as life moves forward. Chavie and Sorella talk about faith, anger, fear, purpose, and what it means to keep bringing light while still living with the questions.

Sorella Abrahams is a passionate community builder and Chabad Shlucha, born in the UK into a large Chabad family. From a young age she developed a deep love for people and a fascination with their stories and journeys. Together with her husband Rabbi Aycee, Sorella founded Abrahams Tent and The Soul Centre in Randwick, Sydney in 2022, creating spaces that support hospital patients and their families while nurturing community, wellbeing and spiritual growth. Through challenges in her own life, Sorella has learned to turn pain into purpose and madness into meaning, using her experiences to uplift and support others. 

A devoted wife and mother of four, she is passionate about teaching women, building meaningful connections, creative writing, public speaking, and travelling G-D's magical world.

This Week's Prompt

This segment at the end of every episode features voice notes from listeners with their personal stories and hot takes on a given prompt.

Referenced On the Pod

Stay in touch with Sorella!

www.abrahamstent.org.au

www.supportsydney.org/Eli

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Want to sponsor or dedicate an episode? Reach out to Chavie on Instagram or by email at [email protected].