Some parents want to involve their children in the family mediation process.   The safe way to hear a child's voice in the absence of a child would be to use the Child Inclusive Mediation process (CIM).  In CIM, a child will meet with a specially trained mental health professional acting as a child consultant.  The child consultant will then bring feedback into the mediation to inform the parents' discussions and decision-making. 

Listen to hear more about the process and how it works. Additionally in this episode, I share why not every mediation uses CIM. Next week, Dr Monica Borschel returns to share her thoughts about working as a child consultant.

For some people experiencing separation and divorce, this may be the first time they have worked with a psychologist.  Today, I am delighted to welcome Dr Monica Borschel, attachment, loss and trauma specialist to speak about her work with clients and families experiencing the transition through separation and divorce.

Listen to the podcast, for Dr Borschel's thoughts on how to work with a psychologist, how to look after yourself and how to manage your own personal transition. 

For more information on Dr Borschel, please go to www.drmonicaborschel.com 

Books referred to in the episode:

Stopping the Noise in Your Head: the New Way to Overcome Anxiety and Worry Dr Reid Wilson

How Emotions Are Made Dr Lisa Feldman Barrett

in 1994 Constance Ahrons published her book, A Good Divorce.  The ideas she shared have relevance for families today.  Ahrons based her work on her Binuclear Family Study and it is amazing to see how much of her work remains foundational to family mediation in 2020.

In the podcast, I share Ahrons thoughts on:

Books referred to in this episode

A Good Divorce by Constance Ahrons

Two Homes One Childhood by Robert Emery

Communication is as easy as going to the moon - go up, come down.  In reality communication in conflict is one of the hardest things we do as humans. In this I look at why communication is so difficult and 5 ways you can communicate what you need.

For those who would like help with preparing for mediation for divorce and separation, please download my free workbook "Preparing for Mediation" which sets out some helpful information and asks key questions you need to answer.

Follow link to download: https://www.mapthemaze.com/pl/200003

So how do we communicate what we need more clearly? Follow the five tips below:

· Be clear about our needs – what is we really need? We all have wants, we would all like the conceptual pony, but what do we really need?

· Be confident that whatever insecurities we have, the other person will have some too. In family mediation, everyone is usually a newbie. If you do have concerns about how you will manage speak to your mediator – they can either suggest process changes or support people.

· Be careful and stick to the message! Would it feel better to tell the other person what a disaster they are? And their family? And all the terrible things they did? Maybe. I am not sure it always feels better. Regardless, it will make it highly unlikely they will care to listen to the substantive content if they have to wade through our editorial comments

· Be focused on using language they will understand. Communication is about getting our message through, in order to do so we may need to adapt how we deliver the message to make sure it can be received. There is no point sending a fax if all they get is email.

· Be aware of your communication style and the other person’s. Not everything is about you – they may have preferences / tones / words which you would never use – but come naturally to them. Try and filter the extraneous parts and hear the substantive content.

We are all in the middle of a global experiment to move our work and practices to an online world and mediation is no exception.  This episode considers some of the concerns I hear from people about remote mediation and also some of the unexpected benefits. 

There are reasons for and against and in the podcast I highlight some of the questions I think you need to consider if you are asking the question: could online mediation be better than in-person for me?

Zoom mediation is now an established option for family mediation. What are some ways you can make it more effective, productive and efficient?

There may be circumstances in which zoom mediation is necessary or even beneficial to the process.

Based on my work with clients these are the top tips I have for working with a lawyer in family mediation, to ensure you get the most out of this relationship:

There are many myths about divorce mediation - they all apply to separation as well!  Mediation is the myth buster.  In family mediation, we focus on what is practicable and possible. 

Here are 5 myths which I regularly encounter from clients:

1. We can only use mediation if we agree on everything

2. The mediator will tell us the answer

3. No lawyers!

4. I need the toughest lawyer

5. I need to convince the mediator that I am right

Bonus extra 6. No cases settle in mediation.

Often people ask what is on the other side of the Maze? the answer is 'it depends'.  It may be that if you have no children, there is no need for further contact. However, if you have children then there will be years ahead of co-parenting, even if they are adult children. Even with out children, separating partners may have other shared obligations going forward. For those with no children and no shared obligations going forward, it may be that on the other side of the maze is a life wholly separate from the former partner. It may be that mediation through the maze provides respectful closure to enable both parties to move forward with their lives.

One question I am always asked is how long does it take to get through the maze? How long will it take to get this done? The unsatisfactory answer is that I don't know. 

From my perspective, there are three factors which will impact length of time:

In this podcast I'll look at some of the issues which can impact each factor.