Marvel Us!

The hardest lesson a spy can learn is to just lie about everything all the time to everybody. The second someone finds out the tiniest sliver of truth about you, they’re dead meat. Never stop lying. Completely sacrifice your sense of self so a thinly regulated arm of the United States Government can exert covert… Continue reading Episode 65 – Alias (2001)

Numetal. Lowrise jeans. The iMac. The turn of the century was a wild time. Only in that time could Batman leave behind its past… and go Beyond. Or could it?

Between romantic antics and slapstick Kryptonian brawls, we get a brief glimpse at the super rot within the super psyche of Superman. Deprived of his powers for a moment, the Man of Steel gets his meat tenderized by a gruff trucker. For the first time ever, Kal-El tastes defeat and recoils at the bitterness. With… Continue reading Episode 63 – Superman 2 (1980)

Does Robocop glorify the role of police in the United States? Is it even possible to depict cops without doing so, let alone robotic cops? Is it still totally fucking sweet, regardless? This is for you.

This episode is definitely a World Record setter for Time Spent Talking about Labyrinth Without Dwelling on David Bowie’s Hog. That’s not to say we don’t mention it, but come on folks. It’s 2019. Lenny Kravitz’s whole cock burst out of his pants on stage. The Rubicon has been crossed.

Ah, the 50’s. When cats were hep, folks were white, scares were red, and government incompetence was a whimsical lark. It’s only less racist than Short Circuit by virtue of never attempting to depict anything but feverishly Rockwellian whiteness. The Iron Giant!

Still creepy. Still spooky. But, together? Things are about to get complicated for the ol’ Addams clan when Joan Cusack shows up to grab Fester’s bone and also murder him. Shirts are stuffed. Storylines are squandered. Another Addams Family movie is, for some reason, about Uncle Fester.

Days pass and still I think of Mike Brady reaching hungrily for the bowl of raw ground beef and lard. Truly, the 1970s were the decade in which the American mind collectively shattered, never to be pieced together again.

I know I should’ve replaced my old airbenders before I got down to the last one, but these are the sort of errands that slip away from you in this work-a-day world.

Listen, in the 1980’s it was entirely appropriate for middle aged men to be extremely physically affectionate with young boys they just met. If your dad lived in Reno, you’d be so lucky as to have blind swordsman Rutger Hauer putting his feelers all over you in a Greyhound.