Masks Off: Inner Freedom For People-Pleasers and Perfectionists

Kim and Tia share how difficult it can be to accept and take 100 percent responsibility for our reactions to what happens in our lives. It can be so hard to be aware when we are resisting other people or events. It is when we resist in our lives that we co-create our own suffering. When we can accept life on life’s terms and just remind ourselves that life is life and flow with life we have less suffering. This does not mean that we are always happy with what is happening or that we even like the present moment, but we do not resist. As Tara Brach often says, “The event x resistance=suffering.” The only thing we have control over is ourselves and our response to life. We have a choice in what actions we can take and how we want to “show up” to painful situations.

“Pain is inevitable and suffering is optional.” ~Dalai Lama

To Contact Us:

Masks Off Email: [email protected]

Masks Off YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q

Tia Fagan

Website: tiafagan.com

Kim Gross

Website: unlock-yourmind.com

Email: [email protected]

Episode 25

Do you hesitate to set a necessary boundary with another because you are afraid of the possible push back. Setting boundaries can be very difficult for the people pleaser because there may be conflict and the people pleaser does not want to disappoint. How often do you find yourself saying yes to someone when you really want to say no. If you find yourself doing this often, the consequence to yourself is that you may notice that because you are not being truthful or authentic, you run the risk of not feeling good about yourself. Boundaries are healthy for us and it allows the other to take 100 percent responsibility. Setting boundaries does not mean that we are mean and selfish it just means that we are trying to take care of ourselves. Oftentimes, when we set boundaries it allows the other an opportunity to learn and be self-sufficient.  It is so important to get comfortable with the uncomfortable feeling of the other person being upset with you or creating conflict with you.

“Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself. It doesn't make me mean, selfish, or uncaring because I don't do things your way. I care about me too.” ― Christine Morgan

To Contact Us:

Masks Off Email: [email protected]

Masks Off YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q

Tia Fagan

Website: tiafagan.com

Kim Gross

Website: unlock-yourmind.com

Email: [email protected]

Episode 24

Kim and Tia discuss the negative effects of comparing oneself to another. Often when we compare ourselves there is a tendency to feel less than and to fall into lack. When we compare we will often create blocks and therefore, we stop our creative flow. It is a way of preventing ourselves from putting ourselves out into the Universe. It is the ego that gets in the way and it is the ego that says you are not good enough or the other is better than me. It is not about being perfect. It is about being the best that we can be and being ok with that. Our best is good enough. Who we intrinsically are is amazing and is more than enough. We need to stop looking at the other and stop comparing. As Brene Brown says, “stay in your lane.”

“A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it, it just blooms.” – Zen Shin

To Contact Us:

Masks Off Email: [email protected]

Masks Off YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q

Tia Fagan

Website: tiafagan.com

Kim Gross

Website: unlock-yourmind.com

Email: [email protected]

Episode 23

Many people are unable to achieve their wants and desires because they have deeply ingrained belief systems that what they want is unavailable to them. When people believe that freedom, peace, joy, abundance, success, wealth, health, love or whatever else they want is unavailable, then they will not attract those things in their lives. We must be in alignment with our truth in order to manifest all that we desire. Just having wishful thinking will not get you there. You must be aware of your limiting belief systems and then reprogram your mind in order to be in alignment to live your best life. That is why it is so important when we say, “To Thy Own Self Be True.”

“The painful stories of our past aren’t just there to make us feel sad or angry or repressed; they are there to take us deeper and uncover a bigger part of ourselves. When you give that pain the space and attention it needs, you keep drilling deeper and eventually it will lead you to an entirely new perspective and the ability to connect to what you are on a new level.” ~ Kyle Cease 

To Contact Us:

Masks Off Email: [email protected]

Masks Off YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q 

Tia Fagan

Website: tiafagan.com

Facebook: @tiafagancoach

Instagram: @tiafagancoach

Email: [email protected]

Kim Gross

Website: unlock-yourmind.com

Facebook: @unlockyourmindhypnotherapy

Email: [email protected]

Episode 22

Do you typically follow the path of least resistance or do you play it safe and stay comfortable? Do you like to take risks and “rock the boat” or do you prefer predictability and safety? Tia and Kim talk about their experiences of stepping outside the box and times when they did not, because fear held them back. In order to grow we must step outside of our comfort zone and find the courage to push past the fear in order to grow. Often times what holds us back from pushing ourselves to our edge is our limiting beliefs that were imprinted in childhood. These belief systems hold us back without us even being aware of it. We might believe we are ok in our comfort zones but in reality we are not content. It's time to get uncomfortable! 

“The comfort zone is a psychological state in which one feels familiar, safe, at ease, and secure. If you always do what is easy and choose the path of least resistance, you never step outside your comfort zone. Great things don’t come from comfort zones.” ~  Roy T. Bennett

To Contact Us:

Masks Off Email: [email protected]

Masks Off YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q

Tia Fagan

Website: tiafagan.com 

Facebook: @tiafagancoach

Instagram: @tiafagancoach 

Email: [email protected]

Kim Gross

Website: unlock-yourmind.com 

Facebook: @unlockyourmindhypnotherapy

Email: [email protected]

Episode 21

Hold on to your hats for this episode. Kim and Tia get real and a bit controversial. This is a difficult conversation but one that needs to be said. While we may not cause or create events that happen to us, we do have a choice about how we respond and show up to the event or stimulus. We have a part in every relationship and every outcome that comes about and that may be a hard pill to swallow for many. Like we have said before, if we accept our part and take responsibility for our part, we allow ourselves the opportunity for more peace and freedom. This process is not about shaming and blaming ourselves either, it is about just having personal integrity and taking ownership.

“Look at the word responsibility – “response-ability” – the ability to choose your response. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.” ~ Stephen Covey

To Contact Us:

Masks Off Email: [email protected]

Masks Off YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q

Tia Fagan

Website: tiafagan.com

Kim Gross

Website: unlock-yourmind.com

Email: [email protected]

Episode 20

How often do you notice yourself complaining about another or pointing a finger at the other? Are you able to take responsibility for your part in these situations? As long as you blame another or believe that the other is responsible for your feelings, you allow yourself to stay in a victim mode. It is so hard to look in the mirror and ask ourselves what ownership do we have to take. How can we take 100% responsibility for whatever happens in our lives? There is so much power in taking action and taking responsibility for our lives as we remember that the only thing we can control is ourselves. We cannot change or control other people, places or things.

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself.” ~ Jim Rohn

To Contact Us:

Masks Off Email: [email protected]

Masks Off YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q

Tia Fagan

Website: tiafagan.com

Kim Gross

Website: unlock-yourmind.com

Email: [email protected]

Episode 19

Do you find yourself overreacting to the things that people say or do? Do you feel triggered when another gives their opinion about you? Are you creating a story in your mind that has nothing to do with the reality of what is happening? In these situations it is important to pause and ask yourself if you are taking something personally and it is important to ask yourself how important is what the other is saying or doing. If it won’t matter in five years, then it is worth letting go. Kim and Tia talk about the importance of looking beyond a person’s behavior, and instead ask the other what he or she is feeling. If you can get to the root of the behavior then there is less chance of you taking it personally.  Doing inner work can be difficult, but it is so worth it just to be able to show up for another without taking what the other says or does personally.

“Don't Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz “The Four Agreements”

To Contact Us:

Masks Off Email: [email protected]

Masks Off YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q

Tia Fagan

Website: tiafagan.com

Kim Gross

Website: unlock-yourmind.com

Email: [email protected]

Episode 18

In this episode Kim and Tia have an honest and raw conversation about what it means to be a martyr. If you feel resentful because of the sacrifices that you make for others, most likely you are wearing a martyr mask. If you make sacrifices from your heart and it is genuine, you most likely won’t feel resentful. Often the martyr struggles to set boundaries and therefore, makes those sacrifices and says yes to others rather than saying “no” when you want to say no. It is so important to create a connection with ourselves so that we are strong within and we feel worthy enough to set boundaries and we are able to take care of our own needs. Kim and Tia also discuss how important it is for the martyr to learn self-care techniques and to learn how to create balance.

“The Martyr uses sacrifice and suffering for others to hide their unwillingness to develop their own lives and cultivate their own creativity.” ~ Susanna Barlow

To Contact Us:

Masks Off Email: [email protected]

Masks Off YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q

Tia Fagan

Website: tiafagan.com

Kim Gross

Website: unlock-yourmind.com

Email: [email protected]

Episode 17

In this episode Kim and Tia discuss how difficult it can be to ask another person for what we need. In reality, it is up to the individual to meet their own unmet needs. While we can ask another to meet a need, at the end of the day it is not the other person’s responsibility to meet that need. While it is reasonable to express our wants, desires and needs, we must let it go at that and not expect the other to say yes. The other person has the right to say “no” to our request and we must not take it personally. It always comes back to we can’t control other people and we can only control ourselves. Do you allow and teach your kids to ask for what they need? It is so important to allow them to speak up for themselves and articulate their wants, desires, and needs. “Emotional maturity occurs when we can express our true feelings, without need for reciprocation, validation, appreciation, or trepidation. Our feelings become companions and not enemies.” ~ L.A. Askew

To Contact Us:

Masks Off Email: [email protected]

Masks Off YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaWJfO7ZFd4aYBX3e-clj9Q

Tia Fagan Website: https://tiafagan.com

Facebook: @tiafagancoach

Instagram: @tiafagancoach 

Email: [email protected] 

Kim Gross Website: https://unlock-yourmind.com 

Facebook: @unlockyourmindhypnotherapy 

Email: [email protected]

Episode 16