Men Like That

There’s nothing like sitting down for a big, juicy steak dinner after a hard day of doing business with the boys. You rocked the stocks all day, brought home the bacon, and even also brought home some other food to accompany the bacon because eating only bacon is barbaric — not to mention the carbon emissions that result from the production of bacon, as if that weren’t enough to dissuade you from continually bringing home an insulting amount of bacon on a daily basis.

Your therapist and case-worker are watching you closely via the grocery store security system which the manager has allowed for as he has a son going through the same thing — it really hits home for him. You’ve been instructed to not eat or purchase bacon anymore, a cold-turkey (no pun intended) approach to reducing your footprint on Mother Gaia, as instructed by your case-worker. Your therapist is there because she’s morbidly fascinated by your affliction and, honestly, had nothing better to do.

You’re in the freezer section. The store manager, your shrink, and your case-worker, Gerald, all watch with bated breath as you face your inner-most demon: cured pork. Will you grab a package of Oscar Meyer frozen bacon? Or, will you head for the Morning Star aisle and grab something more environmentally sustainable. This is the moment. You’re entire life has been building toward this singular life-decision. Can you exhibit the necessary willpower to save yourself, nature, and your eldest daughter (I didn’t mention any of this, but she’s being held hostage and the captor said he’ll free her if you stop eating bacon and pork products in general). What will it be?

Twist ending: You collapse before you can make a decision because you’re also a disgusting cigarette smoker and all of those years of smoking have finally caught up with you. But the doctor’s performed miracle lung surgery by replacing your disgusting lungs with the lungs of the closest genetic species to our own: pigs. You now have bacon lungs. You smirk and reel in your hospital bed at the hubris of it all. Then, as if God wanted to show you his sense of humor, the nurse wheels in your breakfast. A big ol’ pile of eggs and, that’s right folks, bacon. The case-worker, your therapist, and the grocery store manager all watch on the hospital security cameras as you stand on the precipice of the most important decision of your life.

What’ll it be? Listen to our show to find out.

First of all, we would like to sincerely apologize for the crudeness of this title. Creating art is never easy, rarely a cake walk, and never easy. Throughout the many trials and tribulations of the art making process line, Butt cheeks, anywhere from one to three, will appear. Some people are offended by them. But, art, will never stand in the way of the unoffended. Because saying Butt is not even that big a deal anymore in almost 2020.

Brandon pitched a show about butts and we didn’t have any better ideas so that is this episode. There are also secret agents, plumbers, janitors and a Jeff Bezos moon tower that is perfect for taking out peasants. Buckle up, MLT 14 is coming at you with all three cheeks.

Ah, Autumn. The foliage is in the air, the pumpkins (not Halloween ones) are in the air, apples are in the air. And to be clear, there are no specific holidays in the air. This is not Halloween, Dia de Los Muertos, Thanksgiving or National Calzone Day. This is just A u t u m n.

What better way to celebrate Autumn than with an Autumn podcast? Oh, you don’t have an Autumn podcast? You do now! Put your headphones on and crack open a pumpkin, but not a Halloween pumpkin, it is time to embrace one’s inner foliage. The Men Like That are here to foliage every single leaf you got.

When you wrap up a fat one and plop down on the plaid sofa with your boys, one thing comes to mind instantly: Ghosts: those scary, translucent dead guys! But, when you’re afraid of something, you know who to call: Asher Roth: the guy that loves college as much as ghosts love scaring people.

In 2019, Asher Roth’s tour manager sat down Asher and told him it was time to commit to his favorite dress-up holiday: Halloween: All Hallow’s Eve. Fortunately for podcast fans, it’s also the Men Like That’s favorite dress-up holiday. Podcast fans, better known as smart phone owners who are bored, have loved Men Like That’s take on “Halloween” for two millennia and change, that’s why this year we wanted to crank things up to ghost-eleven.

Grab your candy and your AirPod Pro’s (affiliate link): it’s time for the spookiest Men Like That, ever: this episode.

A pizza isn’t a pizza until you top it fresh with mootsadell and basil. Similarly, porridge isn’t porridge until someone refers to it as “oatmeal” so that you can tell them how incorrect they are. Nothing says “intelligence” like flexing your grammar muscle which is why today’s episode is brought to you by Miriam AND Webster (yes, both of them — they both agreed to this). Miriam and Webster told us to tell you, loyal listnership of Men Like That, that it is not okay to screw around with the English Language. If you or a loved one are affected by poor grammar, please call Miriam’s personal cellular phone, the number to which is provided during today’s program.

Absolutely no one was injured during the making of this podcast, but we were considering eating bear meat just to sort-of have an enriching life experience. Vin said he wouldn’t do it though which is kind of lame. I guess that’s why he’s considered the “dumb” one on the show.

You awaken from a coma to see your lovely partner and friends handing you a brand new guitar. That should inject some life into your struggling music career. To show your appreciation for the generous gift, you play the greatest song ever written, Alive by P.O.D.

But wait. Your friends have never heard this song before. Do they not understand what real music is? You quickly play a beautiful acoustic rendition of Boom by P.O.D. Wow, still nothing. Are they uncultured?

Oh no. You realize the answer is far worse. You have woken up in a world where P.O.D. never existed.

The Men Like That are here to help you podcast your way through this strange, desolate universe. Also there is something about Tobey Maguire throwing stink bombs at girls.

Over here at Men Like That we pride ourselves on having our fingers on the pulse of America. We know what sweets all our lil sweeties in the USA want to hear about and we know what Hurt Locker star turned music man you want to tap your feet to. That’s why this week we’ll be taking toy boats to the lake to really have a good time. The kind that have sails but they are little sails so there is also a battery powered propeller just in case.

Anyway, enough toy boat talk. It is time to get down to business because your favorite Hurt Locker star turned music man is in the news again, or maybe that is Joe’s personal search history influencing our news. Either way, this episode is about movies and music — and the only man on Earth who can do both.

Video games. They have been a cultural touchstone ever since Christopher Columbus murdered all those people then invented video games. Ole Chris loved the games so much, he named his boats, the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria, after the earliest known flavors of Mountain Dew Amp Game Fuel.

Enough history lessons, time for a real lesson. We are going to pound true gamer drinks, beg Obama to bring F.E.A.R to Xbox One, play a little Family Fued and maybe even meet a certain celebrity TV family. It is MLT time, the gaming episode.

Hi I’m Brandon and I’m going to write a blurb now. It’s September 2019 and it’s arguably the best season for apples in decades. Red Delicious and Fuji are having the comeback of a lifetime and Granny Smith is finding new ways to insert herself into pies.

Apple has also unveiled their newest product and Men Like That were there to witness everything at an exclusive event.Stupid phones, Apple’s head honchos, and a famous director… we saw it all and we got to do it from the comfort of a box.If you’re a tech nerd you won’t want to miss this.

Let me know if it’s a pile of garbage or you want something changed.