Mental Health Decoded with Mordechai

Question 1 – My husband and my mother have a very complicated relationship, and for years they have gone back and forth between speaking and not speaking. I am in therapy and learning not to get involved between them. Recently my mother said she would only try to work things out if there is a mediator. Should I find someone?

Question 2 – If a person struggles with bitachon and it may be connected to attachment wounds, can therapy help with that? Does a rov need to be involved as well?

Question 3 – If someone has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, can they ever heal or improve?

Question 4 – Can therapists at Serenity Center teach someone how to let go of expectations that another person will change?

Feedback 1 – Regarding the previous program: the listener shared that someone suggested the son should also give back to the mother. She feels it is important to be able to give without expecting anything in return.

Question 2 – A listener shared that she is reading her IFS journal and notices that she is having a conversation between her loving part and her macho part. Is this a healthy way to work with these parts?

Question 3 – Someone mentioned that therapy is only about 8% effective. Is that accurate?

Question 4 – How should I handle a longtime friend who has recently become very negative in our conversations? She repeatedly returns to her problems and becomes hurt if I try to set a boundary and suggest that we focus on more positive topics.

Question 1 – How should someone make a decision when they have two choices, especially if their rebbe and their therapist disagree?

Question 2 – I often hear people speak about going to trauma therapy. Should a person seek out a therapist who specializes specifically in trauma?

Question 3 – I have a 15-year-old son who recognizes that he needs help in certain areas, but he refuses to go to therapy because he says, “I’m normal.” How can I connect with him and eventually encourage him to consider therapy?

Question 1: What is the role of a therapist compared to the role of a life coach?

Question 2: I have an 11-year-old son who is beginning to develop a mustache. I gave him chizuk. From a practical standpoint, what is the appropriate way to discuss this with him?

Question 3: What is MW’s perspective on offering lavish food as a reward for extra learning?

Question 4: What is TMS therapy, and is it effective?

Question 5A: Is the previous caller asking about the TMS alternative approach (often associated with Dr. Sarno)? It works on the mind–body connection, and it was very helpful for me.Question 5B: I would like to share that while I strongly believe in the mind–body connection, I also chose to go on medication, and it has been very helpful. I want people to know that medication can be used alongside alternative modalities. 

Question 1 I have a 20-year-old son who frequently yells at me and tells me that I am not doing a good job as a parent. He often takes on a parental role, speaks to me disrespectfully, and crosses appropriate boundaries. I need this behavior to stop. Is it appropriate to set firm limits, such as telling him that I will not drive him if he continues to act this way?

Question 2 I called in last week to Radio Kol Bramah on 1/19/25, Program 1 (Episode 1289), Question 5. I am the great-grandmother who asked about how to respond to people who are going through difficult times. The ripple effect from that program has been unbelievable—I received calls from many people who were deeply impacted. I would like to remind everyone that when someone is going through a hardship, it is important to reach out rather than shy away. 

Comment 1: Thank you to the MW radio support group for the support. I feel its one huge support family. 

Question 2: I’m in therapy, but feel my therapist doesn’t support my level of Yiddishkeit. What should I do?

Question 3: A grieving relative is isolating herself. Should the family encourage engagement or respect her space? We didn’t sit shiva together and still feel the loss.

Question 3B: My three-year-old became very clingy after hearing her cousin went up to Shamayim. How should I respond?

Feedback 4:In our family’s loss, a teen didn’t want shiva visitors and didn’t want to be seen as a nebach. Are we meant to give into her? 

Question 1:  I run a bookkeeping office and am happy with my employee’s work, but she avoids responsibility and speaks to me as an equal. How do I address this without harming the relationship?

Question 2: How does EMDR therapy work?

Question 3: People suggest my husband take in a child from an unstable home. What should we consider before committing, especially if I have limited energy?

Question 4: I’m a mother of young children. My husband works days and builds a business at night. I feel bored and lonely, yet guilty for feeling this way. How do I handle it?

Question 5: How can I manage myself and support my teenagers during mood swings at home? 

Question 1A: You often say parents should go to therapy instead of the children—why?

Point 1B: Progress matters more than perfection.

Point 1C: You can’t force someone into therapy, but your own change can shift the environment.

Question 1D: My 9-year-old son is very sensitive. His therapist validates him a lot, but when he gets hurt, he can lose control and hit others. He feels he can hurt others, but no one can hurt him. How should I handle this?

Question 2: I have a 14-year-old chavrusa that I support, but I don’t see results. How do I work with him more effectively?

Feedback 3: After listening to the first radio program on blushing, it became much easier for me to manage.

Feedback 4: Last week’s program was difficult, yet you stayed calm and responded clearly and thoughtfully.

Feedback 5: My husband has a friend who stopped therapy and medication. We set a boundary—remaining his friend but not supporting his mental-health struggles. Shortly after, he returned to therapy, resumed medication, and went back to work. 

Comment 1: I used to use the word “perfect” all the time. I’ve since replaced it with different language because it triggers my struggle with perfectionism.

Question 2: For older single bochurim, how can they stay strong and grounded when they feel stuck and unable to move forward in life?

Question 3: My sister is very down and spending most of her time in bed. We’ve tried to help her, but nothing seems to work. What can I do that’s actually helpful?

Feedback 4: Attachment to my therapist. I called into the 12/22/25 program (Program 2, #1281) about my shame in needing my therapist so badly. Since then I was able to have the session by phone. It felt easier to open up, and I shared everything. My therapist was accepting and inviting, and I felt so much relief afterward. It’s powerful to allow yourself to hear from another person that you are “okay.”

Question 5: Through therapy, I’ve become more aware of my past pain, but I don’t see how that has helped me. Why do therapists focus on the past if it only brings up pain—and the past can’t be changed? 

Feedback 1: I called a few weeks ago about a friend who was constantly complaining and presenting as a victim, possibly within a BPD dynamic. After I set a clear boundary, she turned to a mentor who is now helping her more appropriately, which felt like a healthy shift.

Question 2: I have a child with ADHD who is currently doing well. Does a child who is functioning well still need therapy, or is therapy only necessary when there are clear struggles?

Question 3: I have a coworker whose behavior really disturbs me, and I find myself carrying it home with me. How can I learn to mentally “shut down” work stress when I get home?

Feedback 4: Regarding the previous caller about a difficult coworker, they shared that in sales they learned people are more likely to change when they understand why a change benefits them and what they gain from it. Perhaps this approach could be helpful in her situation as well.

Feedback 5: This ties into the idea of winning friends—approaching others in a way that helps them feel understood rather than criticized.

Question 6: My daughter is currently in a PHP and will be transitioning to an IOP. I use a lot of chizuk with her, but how do I differentiate between offering healthy encouragement and slipping into a victim mindset myself?Question 7: My husband has health anxiety and wonders if “normal” people experience this as well. What is my role as a wife in supporting him without reinforcing the anxiety?