Mess Is More

Is Valentines Day feeling more stale than a box of candy hearts?

Are you tired of the expectations and pressure that go along with trying to fit all that love into one day?

Maybe you’re anti-Valentines day all together because screw consumerism.

We’ve been all three and after years of acting “too cool” for Cupid, we were in for a rude awakening when one of us skipped it during our first year of marriage.

Take back the holiday and make it your own because damn it, you deserve to celebrate the love you have for another person this year more than ever.

Want to learn more about the origin of St. Valentine's Day? Read this!

Check out this list of RomComs to watch (even if you don't like them), or if you're feeling extra anti-Valentine's this year, indulge in one of these dark and twisty films.

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After the amount of feedback from people who reached out about episode 7: Maybe Baby, Nate & Emily regroup after the holidays to revisit the topic of kids.

Will they or won't they? Should they or shouldn't they? Will their Mom's heads explode if they don't make up their minds already?

Listen in to hear the latest.

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There are plenty of jokes out there about the red flags of dating, but what about the Red Flags waving in your relationships?

This week, Emily and Nate, dive into a list Red Flags that therapists look out for when working with couples in therapy.

They analyze which ones seem insane, which ones are a little too close for comfort, and the ones they have certainly been guilty of from time to time or all the time.

Want to follow along with us? Check out this Buzzfeed Article of Instant Red Flags in Relationships.

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How on earth does Tae Kwan Do, or the Way of the Foot and the Fist, help make a marriage tough enough to break boards?

This week, Emily & Nate discuss how the practice of Tae Kwan Do has not only helped them survive the pandemic and create a sense of community, but also how it has helped them in their relationship.

In Tae Kwan Do, the practice that it takes to prepare for combat and and hone your skills requires a lot of trust and communication, and it turns out it prepares you for the "combat" of marriage too, by way of the 6 tenets that are recited after every class.

They dive into the six Tenets of Tae Kwan Do: Modesty, Perseverance, Self Control, Indomitable Spirit, Courtesy, and Integrity, and how they have helped them develop a deeper system of communication and a common framework that focuses on the internal first, so that they can be better partners both in and out of the Dojang.

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What do you think would happen if you took a 24 Hour Vow of Silence with your partner?

Well we did so you don't have to. After reading Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity,Emily & Nate spent 24 hours without talking, texting, writing, and only minimal wild gesticulating .

What they learned about their relationship without words was way more powerful than they anticipated. Hear how they tuned into each other's body language, expectations, awareness, spontaneity and spoiler alert....their sex life without a sound.

Turns out silence really is golden.

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Welcome to 2021, pod goblins! How’s it feel on the other side? If you’re like Em & Nate, you might not feel very different than you did in 2020. After all, we’re all still stuck in the COVID rut, a sort of limbo holding pattern purgatory filled with angst and uncertainty, anger and Enugu, and Netflix and carbs.

The good news is, we can see an end in sight. The bad news...? We’re not entirely sure how long it’ll be before the COVID hold loosens it’s grip, nor do we know what life looks like when it finally does.

Nate & Em break down a rut they’ve experienced in the past, how they handled it (spoiler, not always well) what they learned from it, and how it’s helped them handle this rut we all find ourselves in.

Watch "Soul" on Disney+ and "Psalm of Purgation" to get more Lost in Limbo goodness.

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Ahh 2020. What a year. In this episode Emily & Nate ring in the estinguishing of this dumpster fire by sharing two of their New Years traditions: The burning of the grievances, and the gratitude jar.

The silver linings of 2020 were in many ways surprising, and Emily & Nate find themselves feeling a lot more introspective than they thought they'd be.

Join us in celebrating 2021, the most anticipated New Year of our lifetime! What were your grievances and gratitudes this year? Email them to us at [email protected]

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...All around us.
....A bit problematic.
......Absolutely necessary.

In this week's episode, Nate and Emily break down the classic holiday film Love, Actually.

It is absolutely a guilty pleasure for them every single year, but it gets more and more dated with every passing season.

What aspects of love are ridiculous, absurd, or downright toxic? Which parts are delightful in all their Pointer Sister goodness?

With an all star cast, that delivers , despite its surface level portrayals of romantic love, we have to admit...we feel it in our fingers. We feel it in our toes. Christmas is all around us, come on and let it snow!

Hate watch with us this holiday season!

If you like us, do us a favor and share us with you're friends and family!

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Want to hear our radio play, A Child's Christmas In Wales? Visit the Arvada Center for the Arts & Humanities for tickets and info.

The Oxford Dictionary defines phubbing as, " the practice of ignoring one's companion or companions in order to pay attention to one's phone or other mobile device". Sound familiar? If you're like Emily and Nate and - let's face it - most people on the planet with a cell phone, this behavior is causing tons of tension in your relationship and is probably keeping you from connecting with each other in some very significant ways.

This week, Nate and Emily talk about all the ways their devices have become an addiction, and have caused them to miss out on authentic connection with each other. They discuss the traps of social media, and the brilliant but terrifying documentary, The Social Dilemma, as well as some options for keeping their phone addictions in check.

How do you combat phubbing in your relationship? Any and all tips are greatly appreciated!

Want to learn more? Check out this article from the Gottman Institute, How Your Smartphone Might Sabotage Your Relationship. And this one form the Association for Psychological Science, How Smartphones Are Affecting Our Relationships.

If you like us, do us a favor and share us with you're friends and family!

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Have a question or an idea for an episode? Email us at [email protected]

Want to hear our radio play, A Child's Christmas In Wales? Visit the Arvada Center for the Arts & Humanities for tickets and info.

"It was the best of times. It was the end of times." Do you find that tempers are running hot in your household? Like wild horses? Like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?! Fighting with your partner can feel like armageddon is imminent, especially when it seems like the world is falling apart around us.

In this episode Nate & Emily saddle up with the Four Horsemen of Fighting. These four behaviors are toxic to a relationship and are accurate predictors of divorce. They break down how Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling can become part of a vicious cycle in a relationship and admit which ones they struggle with most.

But don't worry, they also talk about what they've learned about managing conflict instead of resolving it, contending instead of winning, and the antidotes to send the Horsemen back to hell where they belong.

For more info on the Four Horsemen and the Gottman Institute, visit Gottman.com

If you like us, do us a favor and share us with you're friends and family!

Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and Youtube
Have a question or an idea for an episode? Email us at [email protected]

Want to hear our radio play, A Child's Christmas In Wales? Visit the Arvada Center for the Arts & Humanities for tickets and info.